I can't really describe how I feel this very moment. Can't pin-point the emotion. But I guess that this is as close as it's about to get:
And it sucks because I don't know why I feel this way. Not exactly, at least. Sure, I've got my guesses and hunches. But that's all that they are. Guesses and hunches. The jumble of emotional clues offer me nothing concrete. No certainty.
And trust me, it's ugly. The part I don't get is why it's there in the first place. There was no trigger for the sullen expression that has overtaken my face. No catalyst for the negativity in my gut. No reason for my emotions to rebel against me, my heart and my brain.
Like Life boxed me up and stuffed me in a corner. Don't see a way out. Can't escape. Just gotta sit down, hold on tight and ride out the waves. But this box I'm in, it wasn't made to take on the water I've been thrown in. It's crumbling. Dissolving.
I feel lost.
And it sucks because I don't know why I feel this way. Not exactly, at least. Sure, I've got my guesses and hunches. But that's all that they are. Guesses and hunches. The jumble of emotional clues offer me nothing concrete. No certainty.
I feel like I've got a dark cloud
hanging over my head.
hanging over my head.
And trust me, it's ugly. The part I don't get is why it's there in the first place. There was no trigger for the sullen expression that has overtaken my face. No catalyst for the negativity in my gut. No reason for my emotions to rebel against me, my heart and my brain.
I feel stuck.
Like Life boxed me up and stuffed me in a corner. Don't see a way out. Can't escape. Just gotta sit down, hold on tight and ride out the waves. But this box I'm in, it wasn't made to take on the water I've been thrown in. It's crumbling. Dissolving.
I feel exposed.
I need protection I know I can't get. I want to be rescued but I also know that nobody's coming. I look around. There's no one out to get me... but there's also nothing to keep me from clear view of the evils I run from. The issues I refuse to confront. The things I just can't bring myself to face.
I feel tired.
I'm tired of fighting the fall... but I'm also tired out by the thought of running from it. Lift not a finger, move not a muscle. But that just leaves me stagnant, stationary, sedentary. Exactly where I am – where I was to begin with. And that's not good either. Cos I'm getting nowhere.
The way out I see before me is a path I am forbidden to tread. Access denied. Exit closed. So near, yet so impossible to reach. I stretch myself across the divide. But the closer I get to my desire, the further my feet stray from solid ground. My position becomes precarious. My footing, uncertain.
I feel frustrated.
The way out I see before me is a path I am forbidden to tread. Access denied. Exit closed. So near, yet so impossible to reach. I stretch myself across the divide. But the closer I get to my desire, the further my feet stray from solid ground. My position becomes precarious. My footing, uncertain.
I feel weary from the fight.
My fight with the invisible enemy is draining me. I'm physically spent. Emotionally bankrupt. No more does the cell I'm in imprison. Instead, I'm beginning to grow fond of the by-protection it offers me. Keep me in, keep others out. I am safe within these walls I've built.
I know I'm just writing right now out of habit. Only because it's what I'm used to doing. The words that flow usually help pull the frustrations in my head and heart out onto screen so my brain forgets and my body relaxes. But tonight, it's not working. So, I'm stopping.
I feel like this is getting nowhere.
I know I'm just writing right now out of habit. Only because it's what I'm used to doing. The words that flow usually help pull the frustrations in my head and heart out onto screen so my brain forgets and my body relaxes. But tonight, it's not working. So, I'm stopping.