Advise For My Growing Boys

Was inspired by an Instagram reel I watched while putting the boys to bed. Wise words from an elderly lady whose boys had already grown up. It got me thinking, so I decided to write a list of my own and sent it to the family chat late last night. Keeping it here for posterity and future reference.

Boys, as you grow up, here are a few things 

I want you to know and remember: 

1. Don’t confuse attention with respect. 

Anyone can laugh, cheer you on, and think you’re cool… even when you're doing stupid things. That doesn’t mean they respect you. Real respect comes from your character, your choices, and how you treat people, especially when nobody is watching.

2. Choose your friends wisely. 

The people you spend the most time with will shape who you become, whether you realise it or not. Choose friends who bring out the best in you. Not people who make you feel small, pressure you to be someone you’re not, or make bad choices seem normal.

3. Always have each other’s back. 

You’re brothers. God gave you to each other. So prioritise your relationship. Keep your friendship. Look out for each other, stand up for each other, and be there for each other. That doesn’t mean just blindly taking each other’s side, especially when one of you is wrong. Sometimes having your brother’s back means telling him the truth in love, too. But whatever happens, never let the world come between you.

4. You never have to prove that you’re tough. 

You don’t have to fight because someone challenged you. You don’t have to do something dangerous because someone dared you. And you don’t have to stay in a bad situation just to save face. Walking away isn’t weakness. Very often, it means you were the smartest person in the room.

5. Remember that the internet has a very long memory. 

The joke. The comment. The photo. The message. The thing you post because it’s funny or because everyone else is doing it. One day, a future employer, mentor, partner, or even your own children may see it. Don’t put something online that the future version of you will wish you hadn’t. 

6. If you’re ever in trouble, call us. 

Even if you’re embarrassed. Even if you think you messed up. Even if it’s 3am. Call us. Nobody’s perfect, and you will make mistakes growing up. Everybody does. What matters is that you learn from them. Learn to make better decisions, know when to walk away, know who deserves your friendship, and most importantly, know when to ask for help. 

Never feel like you have to figure everything out alone. 

Papa and Mommy will always be there for you. Always.

When My Boys Were All Mine

I remember a time when the boys were all mine, 

When morning to dusk, it was just they and I. 

Every moment was ours – just my two boys and me, 

A mom and her sons, running wild and free.

We’d laugh, we’d play, we’d sing through the day,
At home, in the car – all along the way.

To school and to classes, we'd dash to and fro,

From home to Alice, Chiltern or Publika, we'd go, go, go!

Car rides begin with, "What are we listening to today?"
Then a loud Disney singalong, all the way.

A quick park, a mad dash and a crazy run, 
We'd race along the corridors to class – it was fun!

Every two hours, a quick change of venue,

Every night, we'd rush home just to meet curfew.

A shower then dinner, then bedtime at seven, 

Caden hugging my legs, Ethan in my arms – it was heaven.

Whether early or late, whatever the wait,
Always together, no matter the date.
Through every detour, every little delay,
I cherished the moments, every step of the way.

I was their world, just as they were all mine, 

That fleeting season, that sacred moment in time. 

Now echoes remain where chaos once played,

Still deep in my heart, those memories will stay.

JZ & JJ's 1st Communion

We hadn’t planned it in advance, but today, JZ and JJ ended up receiving their first communion during the Easter Weekend Service at Penang Christian Centre. A spontaneous milestone on a special weekend – unplanned, but no less meaningful. Definitely a moment worth dusting off Tinki Talks to jot down, so we never forget.

JZ's 1st Communion

JJ's 1st Communion

 

For JZ and JJ to have their first communion whilst sitting between The Husband and I during Easter weekend? It's gotta be divine timing, if you ask me. 😇


I’ve yet to ask JZ what he thought or felt about it. But JJ, who was sitting next to me, turned to me right after prayer, scrunched up his face and whispered, “The drink was bitter.” 🍷 Haha.


Okayyyy... 😅 Wait till you try real wine, kid. But it's all good. It's good if you don't like "wine," cos alcohol is bad for you. Mommy hates wine, too! I also think it’s bitter. 😆 #likemotherlikeson

Year 5 Done And Dusted!

Thursday, 6 July 2023 – what a day!

The boys' school was celebrating its Year-6 Graduation & Speech Day today and someway, somehow, my Year-5-er managed to make me exceptionally proud. 

Although he is in Year 5, we were notified beforehand that he was going to receive a Math award at the Year 6 Graduation and were invited to show up. 

Caden after receiving the Mathematics Award.

However, to our surprise, Caden was honoured with not one,

but two 🏆🏆 (!!) awards this school year! 😱 

He received the ✨Mathematics Class Award✨ for demonstrating diligence and passion for learning in all aspects of Math 🔢, as well as the ✨PE Spirit Award✨ that is awarded to a student whose attitude and enthusiasm for PE and sports had made them a role model to others. 🥰 

Caden who was somewhat in shock at receiving the PE Spirit Award. LOL.

I’m happy he won the Math Award cos, well, he’s always been really good with logic, space, mental calculation and just numbers in general so I'm glad his Mathematical prowess is being recognised and at least we now know that we not just syok sendiri bangga diri. The school actually agrees with us. 😂 

Having said that, as a mom, I’m extra proud of the PE Spirit Award he received because it tells me that this FOBISIA T-Ball Captain and School Council Member is growing up to be a good person, who’s a good role model to those around him. 

---------

My dear firstborn – Caden, 

Guess today we learned that you’re not all brawn and no brains, and hey, you’re not all brains with two left feet, either! You’ve got the best of both worlds and Mommy is so proud of what you’ve achieved throughout the school year and of the person you are growing up to be. You did well and aced Year 5! 💪 

Your leadership, diligence and hard work has paid off for you this 2022/2023 and I couldn't be prouder and happier for you. 1 more year left in Primary. One last lap. Keep it up! Mommy is cheering you on! 🥳🎉 

Caden and his two certificates from the awards he received.

Hand Squeezes Always,

Mommy

My Boys Are Growing Up

It just dawned upon me that JJ will be 9 come September and JZ is turning 11 in November. 😳 How did that happen?? Where did my babies go?! Gosh. This year has really been a year of growing up for my boys. 

JJ just returned from his first residential last week and spent one night away from home. I made the effort to walk him to class that morning during drop-off but he didn't even hug my goodbye before we parted ways. 💔 Fella just hopped into class and started playing with friends the morning I dropped him off. 😤 #melampaubetulbudakini #bochaiwa #koayhoon #nomorehugandakiss 😢 

JZ, on the other hand, flew to BKK with the school team for FOBISIA for 4 days and 3 nights in early May – his first local-international-go-anywhere trip without us. ✈️ Came back safe and sound and even thoughtfully bought gifts for all of us! A pack of gummies for Didi, a fridge magnet for Mommy and a toothbrush for Papa. 😂 He also somehow also miraculously managed to come home with more money than he left with, in spite of doing that bit of shopping for souvenirs. 😳😅 #whatsorceryisthis #moneymagic #businessminded #gotitfromhisdad 

I feel like over the years, my children's independence has somehow become intertwined with mine. Or more like my independence has grown to become dependent on theirs. The more capable they are at caring for themselves, the more time I have to care for myself. Once, I was a carer; today, I am a supporter standing on the sidelines cheering them on while they spread their wings, claim their place in the world and shine all on their own. 

 Yes, my role has shifted.

But I'm not complaining. 😆

I do enjoy momsing... but I also find myself genuinely looking forward to this change in pace and responsibility. I'm ready! To embrace my newfound freedom from the daily demands of parenting, to rediscover the joy of personal growth, and to find fulfilment in this next chapter of my life. It’s time to get back to hanging out with friends, exploring my interests, rediscovering my identity beyond parenthood, and investing in my well-being! (Read: Facials! Manicures! Massages! Hair spas! Hooray!) 

 Here's to their independence... and mine! 🥂🥳

Quick Life Update

It's been awhile since I've been consistently active here 

on TinkiTalks but so much has happened nonetheless. 

The kids are growing up (JJ is turning 9 come September and JZ is turning 11 in November!), I've gone back to full-time work (it's been 2 months of WFH!), the in-laws have moved in (temporarily while their home reno is ongoing)... yup! Lots happening on this end.

I feel saddened by the fact that 

my memories are not being logged and that

the good times are just passing me by.

But the busyness of life is so all-consuming and blogging isn't as convenient as it used to be. Unlike the days of past when I was physically at the office, whenever I don't have to attend to work now, I have to be away from the comp catching up on GiftAGift.my stuff and getting everything else done around the home.

I keep telling myself that I still have pictures to remind me of the little moments that bring me joy so that when I actually do find the time to blog, I'll still be able to play catch-up with my posts. But... life always get in the way and my memory is sh*t so the plan hardly ever works. 😩

So how, I ask you??

Move my life to Instagram? 🤔

Yerrr...

#bloggerforlife 😂

Quit Playin' Games With My Heart

The boys have been begging us for a pet for a long while now. And not like a guppy or a terrapin that you contain in a glass box and feed once a day. No, no. They want a cat. 😺 Or a dog. 🐶 Like, wth? I blame all those playdates at friends' houses. One of JZ's friends has 7 pets of various kinds. Another has a new British Shorthair kitten. Craziest story is this: One of JJ's buddies has *drumroll please* 28 cats in his condo. 😵😵‍💫 #siaoliao


While The Husband (who's never really had a pet) is leaning towards ok-ing idea, I, on the other hand am not. Pets are A LOT of work! Living with two sporty pre-teens without a live-in helper is enough work as it is. I am not at all motivated to add more things to my to-do, to-wash and to-clean list, thank you. These people don't clear, wash and clean so they don't understand the amount of work that already comes with running a household of 2 adults and 2 kids. 😤 

Now, you wanna make it

4 adults and 2 kids PLUS 1 pet??

Aiya, mai laaaaa...

Don't trouble Trouble if Trouble 

hasn't trouble you la, come on! 😩

We visited CTY in Penang once with the intention of getting a pup for the boys. But after seeing the dogs step all over their poop, The Husband quickly made a mental U-turn and changed his mind. But today, while heading towards DPULZE Shopping Mall, Cyberjaya (that also has a big pet store), this conversation ensued:

The Husband: Ok la, boys! Let’s go get a dog! 

 JZ & JJ: Yayyyy!!! 

 The Husband: We buy from DPULZE! 

 JZ & JJ: Yayyyy!!!

 The Husband: Just kidding. 

 JZ & JJ: Booooo… 

JZ: Papa, if you want to say anything, and it’s a lie, don’t say it. Because you make us excited. Then you break our hearts. 

 JJ: Words of wisdom, Kor Kor. 

 The Husband: Haha. Okay. Sorry. 

 JJ: Yes. Then you make us want to cry and die.

😅😅😅

Needless to say, we left DPULZE without a pet.

You know, it's too bad my boys 

aren't familiar with the Backstreet Boys.

Otherwise, they'd be singing this tune right about now:

"Quit playin' games with my heart 

Before you tear us apart (my heart) 

Quit playin' games with my heart 

I should've known from the start 

You know you got to stop (from my heart) 

You're tearing us apart (my heart) 

Quit playin' games with my heart:

– Quit Playing Games (With My Heart)

by Backstreet Boys

Me, I'm definitely more of a dog person than a cat person.

And I do secretly love the idea of having a puppy at home. 🤫

But I've been there and done that with Princess. 🥲 I now understand that although having a pet has its fun and emotional upsides, the cleaning up after each poo and pee... the weekly baths... the nail-cutting and toothbrushing... the daily feeding and water filling... the inconvenience when going on holidays... and not to mention the heartbreak and emotional trauma that follows in the days after their deaths because, well, we'll definitely outlive our pets at this point... it's just not worth it. 

I would be perfectly happy to go through life

without having to go through all this again.

That's not to say my kids should never get pets. They can get their own pets when they have their own homes. Then I'll go over for some doggy playtime. 😎

Food Rationing

It's not easy managing the kids when they're so competitive all the time. Maybe it's a boy thing. Or maybe it's just a sibling thing I wouldn't know about. 😅 #singlechild


Somehow, there's always that tendency for one-upmanship – no matter what! Smarter! Better! Quicker! More! Thing is, when it comes to food, both always fight for LESS. Why? Because with less food on their plates, they can finish faster. 🙄 (Still with the one-upmanship, duncha think? #neverendingstory)

Pam Song: JJ, hurry up and finish your food.

JJ: But you gave me MORE than Kor Kor!

Pam Song: Nonsense! I gave you the SAME. 😠

JZ: Ya laaaa... (Adding fuel to fire. 🔥) Mummy gave ME more at the start ok! *smug face*

Pam Song: Wait. What?? NONSENSE!! I am FAIR!!! 😡

Does this stop when they're older?

Or will it always be like this? 😅

Whatever the case, it's true though.

Mommy's always fair. 😁

Best Friends Come & Best Friends Go

JZ made a best friend in school when he was in Year 2. A nice Taiwanese boy with a smiley disposition. During the two years that they spent together as classmates, the boys were thick as thieves. They played really well together and enjoyed each others' company a lot, in and out of school. His mom and I were friends so we were comfortable setting up playdates for the children over the weekends and during the holidays, too.

They both stayed best of friends all the way till the end of Year 3 when, very unfortunately, this friend moved to another school across the state. When his mom first broke the news to me, I was stunned and overwhelmed with emotions. I didn't know how JZ would take it! Later in the week, this friend made sure to let JZ be the first to know that he was leaving the school. It was a sad day that was heartbreaking for both to say the least. 💔

I was so desperate to help ease JZ's pain of losing yet another best friend 😩 that I reached out to two old friends to help me offer him some words of comfort and prove to him that friendships do last when both parties put in the effort to keep in touch no matter how many years have passed or how many state lines and immigration counters stood between us. 

Two of my oldest friends in the world (we've known each other since nursery!) came to the rescue with kind words of encouragement for JZ 🥰 on the 6th of May 2021 – the day he heard the news. At the time, this boy and his family had plans to return to Taiwan. Thankfully, that plan was shelved. 😅 #smallmercies

In hindsight, it was really unfortunate that the boys had to spend so many precious months apart due to the nationwide lockdown and COVID-19 school closures all through 2020 and 2021. Even when school eventually reopened for in-face studies, the boys were intentionally kept apart in class by their teachers because, well, best friends tend to chat when they sit side by side so... yeah. 😅 Only once did they get a week to sit together in the entire school year seating rotation. 😢

But of course, Time heals all wounds. ❤️‍🩹 The boys do still play well together whenever they have the chance to meet, which is rare nowadays with everybody's busy and clashing schedules. Having said that, I should really put in the effort to plan another playdate for him someday soon but am so unmotivated due to COVID risk, a lack of a live-in helper to help clean up after, and just general laziness and unsociability on my part. 😩 

In the mean time, JZ has come to accept this shift in his relationship with his once-best friend. He has yet to find a new best friend but is also not short of friends in school so... I guess it's alright. It'll be alright. He will be alright. Because no matter who comes and goes, he will always have JJ, Papa and me. 👨‍👩‍👦‍👦 #wearefamily

Living In A World Where You Can Buy RM2,000 Cars You Can't Gift-Wrap 🎁

Ethan's turning 7 next month. This boy never wastes an opportunity to ask for a gift so, as per his usual pre-birthday MO, Ethan put on his biggest, brightest, most-charming smile and asked:


Ethan: Papa. what are you getting me for my birthday? 😁

The Husband: What you want?

Ethan: A car!

The Husband: What kind of car?

Ethan: This car!! *points to The Husband’s car*

Caden: Are you crazy??

Pam Song: 🤨 You can’t even drive yet.

Caden: Yeah!! Plus, it costs like, RM2,000 or something!! (LOL. If only. 😅)

Ethan: Oh ya... Plus, they can’t wrap it. 🎁

😂😂😂

#kidlogic #8yowisdom

I Smell Weird

I was all stuffed into my bed for a cosy, cuddly, snuggly bedtime with the boys. JJ had his head propped on my right shoulder while JZ had his arms and legs wrapped around my left hand. Suddenly, JZ said...

JZ: *sniffs my shoulder* Mommy, you smell weird. 

Pam Song: *incredulously* WHAT?! No way! 

JZ: Yes! It’s weird. 

JJ: *protectively* No!! Mommy doesn’t smell weird!! Mommy always smells nice! Right, Mommy?

Pam Song: Of course! 😤

JZ: *insisting* Nooooo... It’s weird!!

Pam Song: Fine! Then I smell like what??

JZ: Like... like... honey and flowers. 🍯💐 

Pam Song: 😳

So, dear future daughter-in-law, if ever my son tells you that you smell weird, it's okay. Don't take his comment as criticism. You probably just smell like honey and flowers. 😅😆

Oh Where Oh Where Have My Babies Gone?

#throwback to #29December2014

Oh, how I miss those cuddly baby days. 👶🏻🤱🏻

Bedtime Messenger Calls With The Boys

Having some FB Messenger fun with the boys

before they head off to bed. #thankGodfortechnology

Ugly faces galore! Wheeee!!!

8.30am Zoom Class

No need to shower, no need to brush teeth.

Just wake up, log on and Zoom! 😁

Smiles all around cos it's only time

it's ok to be "in school" in pajamas. 🤗

Home Learning – It. Begins. AGAIN.

Yup. And so it begins AGAIN. JJ's jumping for joy. JZ, on the other hand, is upset that he won't be able to go to school and meet his friends face-to-face. Well, dear firstborn... I feel you. Mommy is sad, too!!! LOL! #notfunny *cries* 😭

Check out my appointments

and alerts for November 2020. 📆

Can you tell at a glance when

school online learning begins???

😩🥴😓

Looks like it's going to be a crazy closing to an equally crazy year. #madnessoverload Sigh. Year 2020, you really horrible la, you! 😠 #cantcatchabreak

New Hair, New Look, New Beginning

I initially planned on scarfing my way through chemo. But after telling the kids about my then-impending hair-loss one night, JZ cried buckets and begged me not to lose my hair. 😢 (JJ took it well. #bochup)

I gave it some thought and decided that this was one thing I couldn't be selfish about. Because he was a new kid in a new school, in a different state, at an impressionable age. I didn't want him to enter school with the stigma of being that kid – the one whose Mommy has no hair. 😔 It would shake his confidence and affect his friendships. I couldn't do that to him.

But wigs are crazy expensive.

And so is chemo + immuno. 😩💸

So when Mee offered to bless me with a good wig – yes, there are many types – I gratefully accepted. 🙏 I must admit that it's been the best investment so far. No regrets. Because, in hindsight, having a good wig really helped me integrate myself seamlessly in the kids' school as "Pam" instead of "that cancer mom with no hair", you know? #letsberealistic #thetruthhurts

I initially planned on wigging until my natural hair length either (1) was long enough for me to tie, or (2) matched my wig so the change in length would be unnoticeable during the switch – as it was when I started wigging. But... with my upcoming surgery and hospitalisation, I thought – heck it la. Let's just ripoff the bandaid and go natural since I won't be able to wig there anyways.

So... hi, guys! This is me with my new hair. 💁‍♀️ 

It's gonna be my first day out without a cap or wig

so... wish me and my frail confidence luck! 😬

The Hunt For A Double Scooter

A little over a week ago, the boys went to their friend's house for a playdate. There, one tried skateboarding for the first time, while the other tried double-scootering. After that one afternoon, there was nothing else I heard about for days. Skateboard-scooter fever was ON!

Decathlon was the suggested place for us to get a good quality skateboard. Unfortunately, it's sold out online and there ain't no Decathlon brick-and-mortar store on the island. 😩 #smalltownwoes So, it looks like JZ's gotta wait till Ah Ma and Ah Kong head down to KL. 

So, all I needed to get was a double scooter. And I have to get it ASAP cos I've got surgery coming! How to go scooter-hunting if I'm all bandaged up, right?? 🤕  Plus, I want the boys to be happily and adequately occupied while I'm in the hospital so they don't feel my absence. 😔 

The first place we went to had some double scooters but they were really old, faded and dusty. I wasn't going to spend a good hundred ringgit on that. The shop lady also said she didn't want to sell those scooters to us cos she said that they were old stock. 😅😂  #tautakpe

The second stop... BINGO!

*choir of angels sing*

Trying out the double scooter to decide if he wanted it.

After a few rounds of butt-shaking in-store,

JJ finally made his decision – "I want!"

After discount less than RM100. Not bad la. Can tekan brake summore. Plus, it was totally worth it after I saw how happy and excited he was. 😍 #happysonhappymom

It fit in the boot so I put it there.

But all the way home,

he occupied himself by playing

with the handles and brakes quietly.

 

And then, it got quieter...

I turned around to check on him and discovered that he had fallen asleep! 😴 Guess the excitement of the day wore him out. But even in sleep, he hung on to his new toy all the way home.

Star(s) of the Week

I'm the Star of the Week!

Aww... JZ got one, too!

Both certificates and angpows, courtesy of JJ. ❤️

(We received some KidZania currencies. 🤣)

What It Means To Be A Brother

The boys don't always go poopy at the same time but if and when they do, they always, always, always talk to each other while they poop. 🙄🤭 (More like shout at each other from different bathrooms across the corridor. 🙉) I suppose it helps them feel like they're together so they're less afraid about being in the bathroom alone. 🤷‍♀️ 

But even when they don't poop together, it's become quite the norm that one patiently waits for the other in the room. Today, was such a day. Nothing surprising there. But then suddenly, I overheard this conversation between the brothers that made my heart swell with pride and joy. 

JZ: *from inside the bathroom* Di? Are you there? (Checking to make sure that he's not alone.)

JJ: *without hesitance* I'm always with you. Because you're my brother what.

JZ: Thank you, Di.

I snuck into the stinky room to capture

this shot of JJ waiting for JZ.

It takes a real brother to selflessly stand outside your open toilet door while you poop with the fan off and all the windows closed. And an even better brother reassures you that he'll always be there... even when it stinks. 🙊💩 If this isn't the true meaning of #brotherlylove, I don't know what is. 

Kids These Days

Some days, it feels like JZ is seven going on 18. The things he says these days frequently makes me go 🤨 and his response sometimes causes me to go 🤯 Like, who is this kid?! Seriously.

Today, I realised that it's not just him.

It's a whole generation of kids who are maturing much more quickly than kids my day did. Teenage primary-schoolers. 🤯 Kids infinitely more worldly than we ever were at seven. I mean, look what JZ brought home from school today!! 👀

Mystery love letters?? 💌 You gotta be kidding me.

Dude and his classmates are SEVEN ok!!
What are they teaching these kids in school!?