A Full Life & A Free Wax

Catheter out yesterday. Peeing came naturally – thank God. (I've had previous experiences where peeing is hard work after being catheterised. 😅) Went to the bathroom a few times but didn't bother looking at myself. Finally looked at my face in the mirror today. Almost fainted.

Thank you medical professionals for saving my life...

...and for waxing 10% of my eyebrow off. 🤨

Bo mor, bo pian la. Teng mia tu ho. 😅
(That's Hokkien for "No hair, nothing you can do la. A long life is enough.")

Cuti-Cuti Malaysia

Sort of. 🤣

Patient toiletries plus the latest in hospital fashion. 💃

And so my hotel stay begins. 🙆‍♀️

This is gonna home for the next 7 days

at the very least. Might as well get comfy.

My bedside drawer stuffed with all my kachang.

Didn't bother packing a fully-equipped toiletry bag cos I probably won't use anything other than my toothbrush and toothpaste anyway. Was informed that I'm to take a antimicrobial bath later today. Then I doubt I'll be doing any showering post-op. So... yeah. No need toiletry bag la. #packinglight Also, I doubt I'll have any visitors anyway. #sadbuttrue Hence, look like crap also nevermind la! Hahaha. 

8.30am Zoom Class

No need to shower, no need to brush teeth.

Just wake up, log on and Zoom! 😁

Smiles all around cos it's only time

it's ok to be "in school" in pajamas. 🤗

New Hair, New Look, New Beginning

I initially planned on scarfing my way through chemo. But after telling the kids about my then-impending hair-loss one night, JZ cried buckets and begged me not to lose my hair. 😢 (JJ took it well. #bochup)

I gave it some thought and decided that this was one thing I couldn't be selfish about. Because he was a new kid in a new school, in a different state, at an impressionable age. I didn't want him to enter school with the stigma of being that kid – the one whose Mommy has no hair. 😔 It would shake his confidence and affect his friendships. I couldn't do that to him.

But wigs are crazy expensive.

And so is chemo + immuno. 😩💸

So when Mee offered to bless me with a good wig – yes, there are many types – I gratefully accepted. 🙏 I must admit that it's been the best investment so far. No regrets. Because, in hindsight, having a good wig really helped me integrate myself seamlessly in the kids' school as "Pam" instead of "that cancer mom with no hair", you know? #letsberealistic #thetruthhurts

I initially planned on wigging until my natural hair length either (1) was long enough for me to tie, or (2) matched my wig so the change in length would be unnoticeable during the switch – as it was when I started wigging. But... with my upcoming surgery and hospitalisation, I thought – heck it la. Let's just ripoff the bandaid and go natural since I won't be able to wig there anyways.

So... hi, guys! This is me with my new hair. 💁‍♀️ 

It's gonna be my first day out without a cap or wig

so... wish me and my frail confidence luck! 😬

A lululemon Surprise

Got me a delivery today. And it wasn't sent to my home, but to KRPG. 🤔 I wondered why since I'd not bought anything and sent them to the office in a long, long time – not since the first round of MCO. More surprisingly though, the delivery was from Hong Kong! #curiouserandcuriouser

Turned it over to check out the receiver information

and the name was really mine. How strange!

And then I saw it...

😱😱😱

l-l-l-lululemon?! No way!

But heck! I was holding the parcel in my hands! That would make any sane woman doubt herself. And so, I did. Like, waiiiitttt... 🤔 Takkan my chemo brain so bad until I shop online from 5-star celebrity sportswear store without even remembering anything at all??? 😬 #chemobrainisreal

Ripped it open when I got home and discovered that,

although I was the receiver, the sender was Irene!

Aww, this sweetheart!!!

I sent her a small care package to motivate her

to chase and achieve her dreams at the end of October.

Mana tau, this woman go and gift me balik in good measure,

pressed down, shaken together and running over. 🥰 (Luke 6:38)

This next part is just for my own memory's sake so please feel free to just scroll on by while two crazy 30-something-year-old aunties talk nonsense. 🙈🙉🙊 

Yup, will try it on and let her know how it goes

when I pop my lululemon cherry! 🍋🍒 #girltalk

I’ve been hearing fantastic things about this brand of sportswear from my exercise-crazy friends in KL for years now. It seems to be all the rage for those who're really into the "fashionable" active lifestyle. (Read: Yoga, Flycycle, Pilates, etc.) I've even participated in gifting a set of their clothing to Kara for her birthday together with the other #ChilternMoms a few years ago. But me, myself? I balked at the price of a simple pair of yoga pants and never bothered finding out more or even visiting the store though it was just minutes from my home in KL. Haha. Now, I can’t wait to try it for myself now to see what the hype is all about!

Wheee! My first lululemon! 🍋🍋🍋

Skinnier Yet Fatter

I gained 2 kilos of weight fat during my 4 months of chemotherapy and then naturally lost it all again after chemo ended. I assume it's because I slept a lot more than usual during my chemo days because of the discomfort and lethargy. #thestruggleisreal 

Being awake for long periods of time during the first and second weeks of chemo was extremely taxing. It took so much effort because I couldn't eat properly, and just staying alive as the drugs killed everything else within me, had already zapped 90% of my energy. Boy, am I glad those days are over!

Anyhoo, weight-wise, I've been back to my normal weight of 45kg for a few months now. My clothes fit again, and in fact, some of my bottoms are a little looser than I'd like. So the only thing I don't understand is this:

WHY IS MY RING FINGER STILL SO FAT

THAT MY RINGS NO LONGER FIT?? 🤔

New In RMCO Fashion

Put that mask on 😷 and play up whatever else

people can see – i.e. eyes 👁️ and ears👂!

Me in my super comfortable

NORWEX face mask in Pink Opal.

Damn semangat with the eyeliner today so must take picture a bit. Also my first time putting on earrings again since goodness knows when. Haha. I bought this jewellery set the week after my 6th and last chemo. Decided to get something pink to celebrate surviving breast cancer and completing breast cancer chemo. Immunotherapy still ongoing until now but... ah, well. We'll celebrate that some way, some how, some day later, too. 🥳 Have a great Sunday!

There Are Two Types Of Women

The first type considers the Movement Control Order – more fondly known as MCO – as the perfect time to pamper themselves with face masks, body spas, DIY mani-pedis and self massages. These women will come out of this lockdown season looking like a million bucks, all rosy, radiant and rested.

And then there's the second type who thinks:

"Heck it la. Ain't goin' nowhere; ain't nobody seeing me now.

Why waste a good bottle of face cream on a whole month in??" 

I might have had a little bit of the spunk and spirit of the former back in my early to mid-20s to pamper myself and pretty up at home for just no reason at all... but no points for guessing which type of woman I am now. Oh how my 30s has changed me. Or is it motherhood? Hmmm. 🤔🤭

Styling Up For TOP's WoW "Secrets Of Style" Workshop By Elizabeth Hor

It's been a loooong time since I've dressed up. Like, a SUUUUUUPER long time. In fact, I'm a hundred percent sure I haven't dressed up since we came back to Penang in mid-2019 and discovered the cancer. Before that, I think the last time I dressed up was for my farewell with either the #ChilternMoms or the #CHSuperMoms back in KL. I haven't worn heels since like, forever, too.


But today, no choice. Have to dress up. Haha. Instructed to pakai ons sikit and get with the "dress your best" theme for Women of Worth (WoW) Secrets of Style workshop. So since no more chemo (read: tiredness), no more Nivestim™ (read: acne), and no more hair-loss (read: eyelash loss) to worry about, ok la. I gather strength, awaken my inner diva, and layan a bit. Put on a wee little bit of eyeliner and smudge on some lipgloss. Hahahaha.

Wah, I really like the lighting in my new wardrobe. Perfect for selfies!

Mee and I, all dressed up, and on the way to church to serve!

Driving also can smile and pose. LOL.

Next few photos, courtesy of Jo.

Mee in action.

Worship team in action with a thorn amongst the roses.

Give me an award cos I'm in heels! 👠

All the not-so-single ladies. 💃💃💃

Style guru, Elizabeth Hor.

"You can't be who you are if you

can't see who God meant you to be.

Are you being who you are meant to be?"

– Elizabeth Hor, Founder and CEO

of Elizabeth Image Branding

She has an amazing testimony of how God's Word helped her see herself in a different light in spite of the past she was dealt with during her formative years. Learned a lot from her today and also confirmed that I am a small pear. 🍐 LOL. No points for guessing who's Big Pear. 🤪

Pearing up.

"I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;

your works are wonderful I know that full well."

– Psalm 139:14 –

TOP 2019 Watchnite Service Testimony Mini Series – Part 5: God Provides

NOTE: This testimony is the 5th of 6 instalments. Click on the links below to read the others that came before it.

• Part 1: God's Timing
• Part 2: Trust Him
• Part 3: He Answers Prayers
• Part 4: God Uses People

Which brings me to my next testimony...


PART 5: GOD PROVIDES

Chemo wasn’t easy on the body but I tried taking it in stride. Before my second round of chemo, my mom and I were talking over dinner about what I would need to bring along with me to make my many hours undergoing treatment, more comfortable.

We talked about two things in specific – bringing a Thermos along so I have a hot drink on hand, and keeping warm with something to put on. (The treatment room is pretty chilly and it feels colder still when the cold IV fluid runs through my veins.)

All my Thermoses and hot water bottles were still in KL. And we couldn’t decide between a jacket and a shawl because a jacket is warmer but I would be stuck wearing it all the time cos of the line in my hand. A pashmina, on the other hand, isn’t quite warm enough.

Well, little did we know that while we were discussing this, God had already provided me with a poncho – the perfect chemotherapy outfit that’s warm without sleeves to get in the way of the IV line. A friend of mine from KL had sent me a care package and it was sitting in my mom’s car as we spoke. I just hadn’t opened the parcel yet.

And as for the Thermos, another friend visited a few days later and gifted me one! So by the time I went in for round 2 of chemo, I was all set. Coincidence? I think not. The Bible tells us in Philippians 4:19 that our God shall supply all our needs according to His riches in glory by Christ Jesus.

Let me also read Matthew 6:26-32 to you.

26 Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? 27 Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life[e]? 28 “And why do you worry about clothes? See how the flowers of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. 29 Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. 30 If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you—you of little faith? 31 So do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ 32 For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them.

So, yes. I am so grateful for friends who act when the Holy Spirit prompts them. And through them, I know that my God is taking care of me. He knows what I need before I even know it myself! So, why should I worry when the God of the universe is watching out for me?

Cool Dude Alert

Been busy moving stuff over to the new house lately cos – YES! Our home is ready! Finally! 🏡🎉🌈 Been trying to appease Mama by removing our clutter-load of boxes from her guest room whenever I manage to muster up some strength to do so. Slowly, slowly la. A few bags 🛍 and boxes 📦 – one car-load at a time. 🚙💪 

Today was no different. Loaded up the car with a bunch of old seaweed boxes, got into the front passenger seat, turned around to check that JJ wouldn't accidentally get squished by them if we took a corner, and was greeted by this sight: 

LOL. Tiba-tiba only got sunnies on, this fella. 😎

#macammacampunada Haha.

Cool, man, you. Very cool.

Hanging In There

I was never one of those girls with luscious, thick hair. I've always sported thin ponytails, which require 3-4 turns on the rubber band in order to keep it in place. Heck, even during my wedding, my hairstylist had to stuff one side of my hair with tissue and douse it with volumising powder in order to puff it up nice and good. 🤣 #confessiontime #thetruthisout Yup, all my life I wished I had more hair. More so now than ever. 

Chemotherapy hair-loss is no joke. After seeing the amount of hair I lose daily, it really is no surprise that patients get warned about it beforehand, more so than they get warned about all the other side-effects. Because seriously, there's no way a normal person would be unaffected by the sheer amount of hair that comes off. It's actually pretty scary. Me, I guess I'm just grateful that I made it to my second chemo without going bald and that the majority of my hair is still hanging in there. Quite literally.  😅😂

Me at the dining table, trying to down a bowl of soup,

with whatever hair I have left. Picture courtesy of The Husband.

Ready For Chemotherapy + Immunotherapy Round 2

It's Tuesday and yes, I'm back at the hospital for Chemotherapy + Immunotherapy Round 2. 😩 Started the day off with a basic blood test to ensure that I'm ok to proceed with treatment. (Standard procedure cos you need to be kinda-sorta-almost healthy in order to undergo chemotherapy... or the chemo would kill you. 🤪 Harhar. #notfunny)

Blood test kar chang.

Line in.

Waited forever, eventually saw the Oncologist, and was finally given the OK to proceed with treatment. Today, I made sure I came prepared. That means I came ready to camp out for days in the onco treatment unit like it was the end of days and zombies were roaming the grounds outside. 🧟‍♂️ LOL!

Warm poncho courtesy of EJ on!

Hot water bottle courtesy of Irene ready!

iPhone in hand, MacBook on my lap, iPad Mini beside me,

portable charger in a sleeve and some EARPHONES.

Lots of water, drinks and snacks to last me throughout the day.

Snagged a BED!! 🛏 Very, very, VERY important.

I'm starting treatment at about the same time again today – 2pm – but I really hope it won't take as long as it did the first time around. Theoretically, everything will be sped up a little today because it's my second time so... fingers-crossed, let's hope I finish up before the zombies come out to play! 😝

Chemotherapy Dos & Don'ts

Wah, the most ridiculous thing just happened. It's chemo day again today and The Nurse Manager just sat down with me to take my medical history, give me a chemo briefing, and tell me the dos and don'ts during and after chemotherapy. 😳 Just before my second round of chemo. Like, WTH!? 🤯 3 weeks too late lor...


Shouldn't this have been done PRIOR to me getting my IVs done?? How is this considered safe patient care? And when I asked, she replied: "Haha. Kadang kadang banyak patient first time so tak de masa lah." 😲 Urm... then at least give us a printout we can read la. This is just dangerously negligent.


SO... for the sake of anyone who's going to undergo chemotherapy, here's a list of Dos & Don'ts you should know BEFORE you start treatment. 🙄


-------------------------------------
CHEMOTHERAPY DOs & DON'Ts
-------------------------------------

1. When it comes to food, no need to pantang. The chemo handles everything and kills all the baddies anyway so just eat whatever you can. Just make sure you eat!

2. Steer clear of raw food. This includes salads and green juices, which people generally assume to be good and healthy for you. They could make you really sick! Raw fruits are the only exception.

3. Don't consume any Chinese herbal food or drinks. They somehow interact with the chemotherapy drugs. I was given this example: A man drank a lot of leng teh (Hokkien for "cooling herbal tea") because he felt heaty after chemotherapy. Problem is, it caused the drugs to not leave his system. By his next chemo, he OD-ed on the chemo because he still had some toxins leftover from his previous round. 😱 Dangerous sial.

4. Make sure you drink a lot, a lot, a lot of fluids – 2L to 2.5L daily. This includes soups and any other liquids you can consume. You'll need it to flush out the toxins.

5. Don't hold your pee. Your bladder is going to be holding on to a lot of toxic chemicals if you do so. So cut it some slack, give it a break and go pee whenever you feel like you have pee. Please ah... mai kek jiou!

6. Constipation is a common problem after chemo so if you find that you can't poop, get help. Ask the  hospital to prescribe you some poopy pills to kick off some pass-motion action down-under. Don't keep it in! 💩

7. You'll be tired but make sure you still shower and keep yourself clean. A dirty body leads to other problems and complications. Duh!

8. You need to be super careful during the next 24 hours after chemo. Everything that exits your body contains toxins – pee, poop, saliva, etc. So use a separate toilet if you can.

9. Physically, you'll feel your worst during the first week post-chemo. Take your nausea / vomiting / indigestion meds and don't miss your immunity booster shots. Because once that super bad week is up, a new problem arises...

10. Your immunity drops between days 7-14. So be super vigilant about cleanliness and your health during that second week. Don't hero it out.

11. You'll feel your best during your 3rd week so, do whatever you need to do then... before it all goes back to square one again. 😩

Now, tell me... shouldn't I have known
all this BEFORE my first session? 🤔

The only thing bright side to that conversation was when she asked, "Eh? You second time today, kan? Tak jatuh rambut ka?" Haha. When I told her I started dropping hair just a few days back, she said, "Wah. Strong ah, your hair!" 💪💪💪

Dunno will last how long la but... 

I'll take whatever compliment I can get 

and keep whatever hair I can keep! 😆
#syoksendiri

Fake It Till You Make It

Applies to all things fashion/food/lifestyle-related...

...as well as to chemo hair loss. 🤣

All you need is some basic hairstyling skills,
a good comb, and a sparkly hairband. LOL.


----------

Hello hello! Turns out last Sunday's syok sendiri dress up party wasn't my last weekend to do up my hair cos, hey, it's Sunday again and I still have hair to mess around with! Wheee!!! *cartwheels all around* 🤸‍♀️ Grab all the hairbands, hair clips and scrunchies and let's have a partaayyyyy!! 💃🕺


Bet you can't really tell I've lost hair if I didn't say upfront that I did. But I'm super grateful that my hair has held on for so long. Am really not looking forward to the bother of scarfing and wigging through my days, and was secretly praying that my hair wouldn't drop though I actually glass-half-empty expected to be a botak head by Week 2 post chemo. (O Faith, wherefore art thou? 😅 #smallasamustardseed)


Thing is, earlier when I spilled the beans and told The Husband about my secret prayer, he went, "Eh please la. Don't pray something impossible la. You know it's going to happen wat." But, but, but... why not?? My God is a God who can do a-n-y-t-h-i-n-g. And with Him, n-o-t-h-i-n-g is impossible! Aaaanddd... even if God eventually tells me, "No," and I end up losing my hair, it doesn't hurt to ASK. 🙋‍♀️ (Matthew 7:7; Philippians 4:6-7)


Well, here we are, 2 days shy of my next chemo session – with my hair still intact 🎉 – so... don't you agree that God is good and he answers even the most impossible of prayers?? Even prayers from superficial women who want to keep their hair for cosmetic, beauty and convenience purposes?? 😅😂 #truth

🎶 "My God is so big, so strong and so mighty

there's nothing my God cannot do... for you!" 🎶

...and for me!

I have hair!

Post-Chemo Hair Loss: The Morning After

About 20 strands of hair dropped off

while I slept last night. Hmmm.... 🤔 

But when you really think about it, 20 per night is not too bad wat!! 😆😆😆 Thought would be like ratus-ratus or something. Hahaha. Cos everybody I met told me that once its starts dropping, it comes off in CHUNKS. And that the hair-loss would be in ugly patches all over the head. 😮 Sure la, it came off in a big chunk when I bumped my head yesterday. But if it's like this when there's no trauma, it's not too bad la. I can live with this! 💪💁‍♀️🤗

A Bump On The Head Leaves A Bunch Of Hair Dead

Dressed up for JJ’s 5th birthday today cos we’ve got some party plans later. And, if you didn’t know, a Song party means lots of pics so... OF COURSE must pasang kuat a bit la. 🙆‍♀️ (This is #momlevel pasang kuat. Don’t judge.) And since I’ve still got a head full of hair, OF COURSE must take lots of pics! 😎

Had to run over to TESCO to get some last minute stuff for the party and to pick up JJ’s 2nd rainbow cake this birthday prior to that. 🌈🎂 All was going well, I was happy, the kids were having a good time, I did some shopping, and then... on my way back into the car, I bumped my head. 🤕😲😱

No biggie, right? Hah! Wrong!! ❌❌❌

Not when you’re on Taxotere chemotherapy. 

I immediately touched the bump site to check on things, and my heart dropped when I felt a bunch of hair that was out of place. Worse, it felt like loose hair. Read: Hair that’s NOT stuck to my head. 😳 I lightly picked at the hair and, to my horror, it came off. Like, about 10 strands of hair just CAME OFF!!! 😱 *faints*


Got home, rushed up the stairs, got into my bedroom and closed the door behind me. Made sure to lock it, too, lest I freak out the kids. Then, I carefully took off my rubber band. Jialat. Saw another bunch of hair stuck to it. Finally, I ran a comb through my hair, and faced reality – okay, today is the day alright. 😢

That’s (almost) all the hair I lost

from just one bump on the head. 🤕

And it wasn’t even a painful bump to begin with. 😒

So what did I do next?

I retied my hair and got on with my day. 💁‍♀️

Uh Oh

😱 I don't like what I'm seeing.

Could today be the day? 😰

Pui Pui

It's been ages since I've had short-ish hair

so I thought I'd FB my new look. 

In my mind, I thought looked dressed up and put together. But apparently bluff myself only lor. 😅 Cos you have no idea how many people texted to tell me I've put on weight or ask me if I'm preggy. 🤰 Haha.

No la, no. Not preggy, just fatty. 😆😅

Testimony: Room Decor & Poncho Delivery, Straight From Heaven

I've kinda moved into a separate room in the house with its own ensuite bathroom for the duration of my chemo treatment for the safety of the kids and everyone else at home. (Apparently, the toxins leach from my body in various ways through body fluids, especially during the first 24-48 hours after.) 

The first few nights were lonely, I must admit. Quite natural considering I've not had a single night alone since the kids came along, I suppose. (I birthed cuddle monsters. 👩‍👦‍👦) But after awhile, I started to appreciate the quiet. I could blog in peace... Leave the lights on... Make as much noise as I wanted... Not have to use earphones... It wasn't all bad. 🙂

Still, a mom's a mom. When it came to the actual bedtime, I always felt like something was missing. No tiny, warm body with its limbs wrapped around me – something's wrong with this picture! So a day or two into this new sleeping arrangement, I put up some framed photos of me and the kids in an effort to feel less like an empty nester. That was all the decor there was. 

Until EJ's care-pack arrived last night.

Now my temporary room has decor! Wheee!

Now, about that poncho...

Every time I my eyes fall upon it, my heart warms, for I am reminded of just how much God cares for me, and how He's taking care of me. Here's why:

Over dinner, Melsong and I were just talking about what to wear during my next chemo session that's coming up. You see, it's pretty cold in the chemo department. And you kinda get colder when the treatment starts cos cold liquid is going through your veins. So, the last time I was there, she lent me her pashmina that happened to be with her. 

This time around, she thought I should wear a jacket siap siap before I start, to keep warm. Me, I thought I'd go with a pashmina again cos a jacket means I'll have to wear the jacket ALL THE TIME – even if it gets hot – because I'd have an IV line in my hand and I won't be able to remove my hand through my sleeve. 

Well, little did we know that while we were intensely discussing chemotherapy outfit options 💃 #priorities 😂, God had already provided me a poncho – the perfect keep-me-warm piece for one with an unusable hand – and it was right there sitting in a delivery box in the car, just waiting for me to open it up!! Coincidence?? I think not! 

So yes, every time I see that poncho, I am reminded:

------------------
Philippians 4:19
------------------
19 And my God shall supply all your need
according to His riches in glory by Christ Jesus.

--------------------
Matthew 6:26-32
--------------------
26 Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? 27 Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life[e]?
28 “And why do you worry about clothes? See how the flowers of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. 29 Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. 30 If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you—you of little faith? 31 So do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ 32 For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them.

I went to bed feeling happy and grateful for friends and for a God who supplies all my needs and knows what I want and need before I even ask it or know it myself. Then this morning, I realised...

The decor even matches the room!

Trivial? Not to me. #fussypot Another coincidence? No way. And if you were wondering, EJ wouldn't have known either. She's never seen this room. Heck, even I didn't realise the room was this white and lilac until now that I'm paying attention. 😅

So, if something as simple as a warm poncho and some matching furniture, my God has already taken care of for me... would He not then take care of me? 🙆‍♀️