Monday, November 18, 2019

Dumplings Vs. Dimples

JJ is highly motivated by stickers. Like, he super LOOOOVES stickers. He would do his homework, eat faster and sleep earlier just for stickers. Hahaha. #whenyoure5

He earned a sheet of reward stickers from me over the weekend for doing his homework and has been using it sparingly since then. One here, one there – very precious. Today, he picked a big one and showed it to me while we were in the car. 

After that, this conversation ensued...

JJ: Mommy, why does he have that pink dot on his face? *points to a rosy cheek* What’s that on the face?

Pam Song: Rosy cheeks. Like your face when you're hot.

JJ: Is it the same as the one that’s on your face also? Dumplings?

Pam Song: 😳 Urm... no. 😂 Those are DIMPLES!!! 😅

Monday, November 11, 2019

I Wish That...

1. Chemo didn't take quite so many moons to complete and that I was already done with treatment by now.

2. My cancer wasn't HER2+ so we didn't have to spend so much money and we would be done with treatment by Christmas instead of having it drag on till the 3rd quarter of 2020.

3. Renovating a home didn't take so long and wasn't this messy.

4. There were creative classes I could take here in Penang. Like calligraphy or oil painting or flower arrangement – something fun for me to indulge my creative side a little.

5. I had one of those vacuum mouths all those mukbangers seem to have. SLUUURRPPP!

Saturday, October 19, 2019

What Adults Do When Kids Fall Asleep In The Car


Yes, shopping with Mummy and Kong Kong is a tiring affair. And the trip back from Queensbay Mall is too long a way for a tired 5yo to bear.  😆

Thursday, October 17, 2019

When Bad Days Strike

Chemo may render me weak.
But in my weakness, I must remember:

Children don’t need a perfect mom;
they need a present mom.

Tuesday, October 15, 2019

A Mother's Role

So, this is that blog post

I'm in my 30s – a time largely considered to be the prime of my life by many and most. That means that if I'm to hope to amount to anything great or achieve anything amazing at all in this lifetime, THE. TIME. IS. NOW. Right?? Wrong.

Problem is – a scattering of freelance jobs aside – 
all I was doing for the better part of this decade of my life...

...was mothering.

Every scroll through Facebook showed me that my peers in advertising were all doing envious things – moving up the corporate ladder, winning awards, starting agencies and making creative waves wherever they were at.

But me?

I was perpetually in gym clothes (most comfortable), rushing for school pick-ups (always late), packing snack boxes (school lunches are too expensive), cooking dinners (eating at home is healthier), cleaning cuts (birthed accident-prone kids), wiping drool (back then), and washing poop (every. single. day). 😞

I kept going through periods where I felt like I was going nowhere and doing nothing of consequence with my time here on Earth. I felt like my days were just blending into one another and my jam was Ecclesiastes 1:1 on repeat, day in and day out. I questioned my purpose and came up with no answer. I was just a glorified chef, maid and driver who worked day and night without pay. At least it felt that way to me for a long while.

Until I got cancer.

Spending time away from the kids and seeing them stumble where they once shone made me and The Husband realise that my role as a mother is so much more important than what we ever thought it was. I don't know about him but I always saw my roles as morning waker, breakfast maker, lunchbox packer, food feeder, car driver, bandage applier, poop cleaner, homework driller, toothpaste squeezer, and so on and so forth. Functional. Practical. Domestic.

But I was wrong.

I've discovered that though through my eyes I may function as all of the above... to my kids, my role and my identity as a mother is wrapped up in more than just what I'm doing; it's in my being. To them, I am comfort giver, heart healer, love sharer, joy bringer, worldview shaper, memory maker, and so much more. My role is to meet their needs emotionally. Psychologically. Mentally. 

When I bandage a cut after a fall, I show my boys that life can knock us down but love can build us up again. When I put them to bed, I'm not just a warm body for them to hug, my presence reminds them that no matter what happens during the day, they can always find rest, security and acceptance in Mommy's arms. When I pick them up, I don't just carry their bodies, I cradle their hearts.  ❤️

The Husband and Mama have been pitching in and I'm eternally grateful for their help during this time. The kids are being fed, they're being sent and picked up from school, their bums are being cleaned, their teeth are being brushed, they're being put to bed, and yet... both boys still know and feel like something's amiss when Mommy's not there.

So if you're a mom like me and you ever feel too tired to smile, remember this: You do more than feed, clean and fetch; you do what no one else can – you mother. And that's more than anything anyone else in the world can offer. 

Monday, October 14, 2019

The Last Of The Good Days

I’m desperately trying to get better quick from the flu I picked up last week so that my blood test tomorrow gets an A+ from my onco, resulting in me getting the go-ahead to proceed with chemo. (What a mouthful of a sentence!)

That means lots of rest, lots of water, and lots of YLEO oiling all day yesterday and today. Overall, the rest has been good but I must admit, I feel like I’m just “wasting” away my “good days” by staying at home and lying in bed doing nothing fun and/or productive. 😕

Also, I’ve been getting subtle waves of emotional lows on and off throughout the day at the thought of this being my last good day in at least a week from tomorrow. Like, already?!? Has 3 weeks gone by ALREADY??? No way!! Where did all the good days go?? And then I remember:

 Oh yeah, I squandered them away
by getting the flu. Bah! 😒

Post-Chemo Side Effect Log: Round 2

I thought that logging it the first time would be enough. But as it turns out, the meds and dosages administered were slightly different so the side effects seemed to differ a little, too. So, here's Round 2's log before I start it all again tomorrow.

24 SEPTEMBER 2019 (Tue): D-Day a.k.a Day 1 
  • 280mg Herceptin IV + Taxotere IV (Chemo) + Carboplatin IV (Chemo) + Zoladex shot 💉 
  • Tired by the time I was done but suffered horribly from insomnia and couldn't sleep till 5.30am. 😵
  • Diarrhoea, noticeable hair-fall. 

25 SEPTEMBER 2019 (Wed): Day 2
  • Started taking Motilum 10mg (nausea/vomiting) + Kytril (Granisetron) 1mg (nausea/vomiting) + Dexamethasone 4mg (vomiting/swelling) as prescribed, and will continue to do so for the next 2-3 days.
  • Constipation, noticeable hair-fall, extreme tiredness, digestive discomfort, weird tastebuds. 

26-28 SEPTEMBER 2019 (Thu-Sat): Days 3-5
  • Daily Nivestim immunity booster shots. 💉💉💉
  • Wore a holter for 24 hours to monitor my heart rate as Herceptin tends to make it race. Heart gets the all-clear thereafter. YES!
  • Constipation, severe bloating, increased hair-fall, extreme tiredness, digestive discomfort, weird tastebuds, body aches.

29-30 SEPTEMBER 2019 (Sun-Mon): Days 6-7
  • Constipation, increased hair-fall, sudden onset of tiredness, digestive discomfort, weird tastebuds, body aches, major Kin Chi Bee Hoon craving.

1-2 OCTOBER 2019 (Tue-Wed): Days 8-9
  • Diarrhoea, increased hair-fall, sudden tiredness, weird tastebuds.

3-7 OCTOBER 2019 (Thu-Mon): Days 10-14
  • Good days. 🎉
  • Increased hair-fall, unsustainable productivity (kinda like an old iPhone battery – it depletes very quickly even after a full charge). 🔋

8-9 OCTOBER 2019 (Tue-Wed): Days 15-16
  • Good days. 🎉
  • Reduced hair-fall, acne (due to Zoladex shot), unsustainable productivity. 

10-14 OCTOBER 2019 (Thu-Mon): Days 17-21
  • Bad days 😪🤧😭 – technically not chemo related cos I caught the flu BUT... I also probably caught the flu cos chemo caused my immunity to drop. 😒
  • Rate of hair-fall seems to have slowed down (only a few strands come off in the bath and in bed each time – WHOOPIE! 🤸‍♀️🎉🌈), acne, extreme tiredness, unsustainable productivity. 

And that's Round 2, y'all. One more time tomorrow and I'll officially be halfway through chemo. 50% and straight on to the finish line, bay-beh!! Let's do this! 💪

Saturday, October 12, 2019

Talking About God Along A Graveyard

While we were driving along Mount Erskine
and passing the many graves along the way,
JJ suddenly struck up this conversation: 

JJ: Some people don’t believe in God, right? 

Por Por: Yes. Some people.

JJ: Like my friend in school. He says he doesn’t believe in God. 

Por Por: Then what did you say? 

JJ: I said, “God is real.” 

My heart swelled with pride at his reply,
while The Husband looked at me
and said, “Our job is done.”

#proudmom #proudpapa #proudparents
#Christians #Godisreal #notashamedofthegospel

Deuteronomy‬ ‭6:6-9‬
“These commandments that I give you today are to be on your hearts. Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up. Tie them as symbols on your hands and bind them on your foreheads. Write them on the doorframes of your houses and on your gates.”

Tuesday, October 01, 2019

More Kin Chi Bee Hoon

The Husband went to tapau Kin Chi Bee Hoon for me again tonight from the Jalan C.Y. Choy stall. Double packet this time cos I'm ambitiously tham ciak like that.

Downed the two packets easy while I
She whack, I also whack. LOL.

Khua Char Boh?

Is it just me or does The Husband's current iPhone lock screen wallpaper look like it's the outline of the face of a sexy girl with sexy hair (ala Jessica Rabbit from "Who Framed Roger Rabbit"), resting her sexy chin on her sexy knees? 😂😏

Same, right?? Yes? No? Maybe so?