Sunday, September 16, 2018

Nothing Compares 2U

Artist: SinΓ©ad O'Connor
Song Title: Nothing Compares 2U





It's been seven hours and fifteen days
Since you took your love away
I go out every night and sleep all day
Since you took your love away

Since you been gone I can do whatever I want
I can see whomever I choose
I can eat my dinner in a fancy restaurant
But nothing
I said nothing can take away these blues
'Cause nothing compares
Nothing compares to you

It's been so lonely without you here
Like a bird without a song
Nothing can stop these lonely tears from falling
Tell me, baby, where did I go wrong

I could put my arms around every boy I see
But they'd only remind me of you
I went to the doctor and guess what he told me?
Guess what he told me?
He said girl you better try to have fun
No matter what you do, but he's a fool
'Cause nothing compares
Nothing compares to you

All the flowers that you planted, Mama
In the back yard
All died when you went away
I know that living with you, baby, was sometimes hard
But I'm willing to give it another try
'Cause nothing compares
Nothing compares to you

Nothing compares
Nothing compares to you
Nothing compares
Nothing compares to you


Heard this song on the radio and suddenly felt reminiscent of my late nights in advertising. I smiled and my heart warmed at the memory. Just the handful of us... working in the dead of the night... having quiet discussions... typing and clicking frantically on our keyboards, mouses and laptops... and that one colleague who would always play this song whenever Emo Hour hit. Haha. Oh, the feels! I remember it like it was yesterday – the good old days of good times past. ☺️


"How apt," I think now, when I bumped into an ex-colleague while waiting for the lift at SIBKL today. I didn't even know we were in the same church! We weren't all that close before but today, I felt oddly excited to see her after such a long while. I felt a connection. A bond that didn't stem from sisterhood or friendship. No, it was passion – a passion for writing. Suddenly, it dawned upon me and I realised...


...that prayer moves the hands of God
and miracles happen when you least expect it. 


I started working on a freelance copywriting job last week. And in hindsight, I realise now that how it happened could only have been possible through God's divine intervention. You see, I had shared with a couple of ladies in my cell prayer group the following message on 12 August 2018 – "...for me to find joy in being a housewife because I find that I miss working a lot lately. I miss my independence and the satisfaction of having a career and a paycheck."


Here's a timeline of everything
that happened thereafter.

12 AUGUST 2018 – Prayer request sent to Faithful Friends' Ladies Club Prayer Group.
13 AUGUST 2018 – Prayed for via WhatsApp.
24 AUGUST 2018 – Ex-partner at MCKL shoots me a text asking if I still do freelance work (I haven't heard from him in YEARS) and we set an appointment for a briefing.
6 SEPTEMBER 2018 – Briefing done and dusted. And so, work begins. 

And with that, my prayer
was sent and answered in 25 days.


It's been 10 days since the day and I feel motivated. Driven. Purposeful. Thankful. Prior to this, I had begun to feel like the days were just beginning to blend into each other. The humdrum of Mommy life is as boring to me as it is tiring. Having said that, I enjoy the time I get to spend with the boys and I like it when we enjoy each others' company. But I don't enjoy the teaching and lecturing and intense eyeballing and threatening in order for anything to get done. πŸ˜…


I perpetually feel swamped and overwhelmed as a mom. But I also feel purposeless. Like my life has lost its meaning. This incongruity between what I want to do, and what I am doing is slowly causing me more and more cognitive dissonance, which then, ultimately results in a growing measure of unhappiness and dissatisfaction within me. And we all know the two rules of having a happy family, right? 😏


RULE #1: Happy wife, happy life.
RULE #2: Happy mom, happy kids.

#truestory #taktipu


Some people feel happiest when they're travelling. ✈️ Or shopping. πŸ’Έ Or gossiping. 😳 Me? I feel happiest when I'm writing. And I've come to realise that when I don't write, I'm less happy. Less satisfied. Less contented. Perhaps it's because I lack an outlet for release. K-dramas can only do so much. πŸ˜†πŸ˜…πŸ˜‚


Anyhoo... enough blogging. Time to kut lat cho kang and get back to my freelance work. πŸ“ God-willing, may this be the beginning of my return to writing / advertising / freelancing / working life. Because nothing compares to it!

Thursday, September 13, 2018

Mommy Blues

Unfulfilled. That’s what I feel now.
Ungrateful. That’s what I feel thereafter.


I love my kids – don’t get me wrong. But some days, I find myself missing the life I lived before they came around and turned my world upside down. I miss my kids when there not around, too – in case you were wondering. Some days more than others. But after that, I slap myself and go, “Hoi! Shaddap and enjoy your fleeting moments of freedom and independence la!” #torn


I used to be independent. In control. In charge. Self-reliant. Self-assured. Self-sufficient. I felt confident. And competent. Filled with charisma and bubbling over with excitement for Life and all its adventures. Positive. Passionate. Psyched to be alive and enjoying every moment of it. And I thought that because I was that kind of a person, I would be that kind of a mother, too.


But now? I think... not so much so.


My life today is a showreel of perpetual chaos. A never-ending movie with no trailers, drinks, or popcorn to make a bad show better. I watch myself play the struggling, stumbling protagonist in a B-grade movie where no one listens, nothing gets done, and even if it does – someway, somehow by some miracle – nothing quite gets done right. Yesterday, today and every day.


And it’s all on me.

My fault.
My problem to solve.
My heartache to get over.


I sometimes wonder if this is what motherhood is supposed to be like. I’m never on my own – never alone. But the journey sure feels discouragingly lonely at times. Are my struggles like those of every other mom? Or am I the only unlucky one? Orrr... could it be that things just seem so sucky and unlucky for me because I’m actually just a lousy mom?


I’m plagued by insecurities that stem from my many inadequacies. I’m drowning in judgement piled on by others. I’m overwhelmed by the responsibilities that lay before me because of an unpaid and unappreciated role I’ve somehow come to undertake called “Mommy” – a name I’m called more often than my own now.


Mommy.


I have a love-hate relationship with this word. Is Mommy the only thing I am these days? Is this all my identity is wrapped around? Is this merely a role I play for a time in my life? Or has it become me? What happened to Pam? Where has that girl gone? Are we still the same person? Is she still me? Just somewhere I can no longer see? Hiding in the depths of me?


Some days, I can tell very clearly where Mommy ends and where Pam begins. Some days, I can’t. Most days, these days. And as the days of motherhood drone on and on, forever long, I realise that I see and feel the distinction between the two less now than I did before. The lines are blurring, and it makes me miss knowing who I am. Mostly, it makes me miss the me I was before.

Monday, May 21, 2018

Celebration In Order!!!

Before I begin, let me first say that Caden is currently 5y6mo and Ethan is 3y8mo. That's 5 years and 6 months since The Husband and I have had a night in bed without mini-hims snuggled up in bed with us. πŸ˜‘πŸ˜’πŸ˜“


Well, I'm happy to announce and proud to say that for the FIRST time ever, in the history of parenting in this household, that spans over half a decade...


THE KIDS SLEPT TOGETHER
IN THEIR OWN BED (in our room πŸ™„)
THE WHOLE NIGHT THROUGH,
RIGHT UP TILL I WOKE THEM
UP FOR SCHOOL IN THE MORNING!


Woohoo! #milestoneachieved #achievementunlocked
At long last, there's light at the end of the tunnel! πŸŽ‰πŸŽ‰πŸŽ‰

Sunday, February 25, 2018

Pitsssss...

I don’t understand why any woman in her right mind would prepare for, create, upload, and subsequently publish a video of herself teaching a hairstyle tutorial in sleeveless clothing. Sleeveless! Of all things to wear! Because, like... all the pits, yo!! My gosh! Argh!! Why la, why?!? 😭


It just doesn’t... I just can’t... ugh... just don’t la, ok? Please don’t. Especially not if your pits are black, dark or hairy la aiyo. Really cannot take it. *shiver* But seriously la, I think no matter how pretty your pits also, I wouldn’t wanna have it in my face for the whole 5 minutes it takes for you to teach me a sexy up-do. Cos it ain’t sexy. Kthxbai.

Friday, December 29, 2017

Mommy Pam

Unlike JZ who willingly accepts his day-is-done-game-over fate at bedtime, JJ doesn't go down easily unless he's really tired. He's like a little tornado, rolling around the bed, creating a ruckus. He also talks a lot while doing so. Tonight was one such night...


JJ: Mommy?

Pam Song: *ignores him*

JJ: *patiently* Mommy?

Pam Song: *continues to ignore him*

JJ: Mommy, Mommy, Mommy?

Pam Song: *silence*

JJ: Mommy Pam.

Pam Song: 😳 What did you say?

JJ: *matter of fact-ly* We always call you "Mommy" but big humans always call you "Pam". 

Pam Song: Haha. That’s right!

JJ: Ya. *nods to self* Mommy Pam.


Haha. JJ always cracks me up
whenever he calls adults "big humans".

Sigh.

I know it's things like these that
I'll miss once the kids grow up. 

Wednesday, December 06, 2017

Wise Young One

Garden Crispy Seaweed Snack (Original). Comes in a pack of 3.


The kids and I have been totally addicted to these little packets of Korean seaweed. So much so that I started buying straight from the local importer at distributor price cos... hey, when can save money, save lah! In stores, they're sold for RM5.90 each. I get about a ringgit and a half off a pack of three when I buy them in cartons πŸ“¦πŸ“¦ so... WIN! πŸ’ͺπŸ’ͺπŸ’ͺ


I gorge on it quite a bit myself but I try to refrain from letting the kids eat too much of it. #doublestandards #doasIsaynotasIdo So this happened today:


JZ: Mama, can we have seaweed? (Yeah, he started calling me Mama a few months back when his Mandarin started picking up. πŸ˜…)

Pam Song: Can. But I only have two packets and there are three of us in the car. How?

JZ: Then we share lo, Mama. We share.

At this point, I was pretty impressed
with his maturity and thought process.
But Mommy's smarter πŸ˜ŽπŸ’ƒπŸ»πŸ’πŸ» so... 

Pam Song: Okayyy. Here's what we'll do. I'll give you one box, and give Didi one box... *continues in a sad voice* ...and then... *sighs* ...I'll just take half from you and half from him lah. *cue sad face* #momconinaction #mommytricks #parentingtricks 😏

JZ: *without skipping a beat* NO!

Pam Song: *feigns innocence* What??! Why???

JZ: Then you'll have more than us!


😳😡😱

He said "NO" so quickly ok! What is this??
WHEN DID MY SON WISE UP TO MY TRICKS???
5 years old and he's not to be outsmarted already.
Die la, die. I fear the day he turns 16. πŸ˜πŸ˜…πŸ˜‚

p/s: A little scared but actually secretly so proud la. Hahahaha.

Tuesday, December 05, 2017

JJ Is Teachering Me The England: Ones



JJ: I like this candy cane. *while eating a Disney Sour Apple Candy Cane*

Pam Song: You prefer this one? *points to Disney's Candy Canes* Or the other one? *points to BRACH'S Fruity Candy Canes*

JJ: This one, and that one.

Pam Song: But which one?

JJ: Alllllll... *exaggerates with hand gestures* ...the ones.


And then he walks away. End of discussion.




Think this boy ah, cannot ask him
to choose food wan. All also good. πŸ˜…

#thamciak

Tuesday, November 07, 2017

Fire-Fighting

It's not enough to know how to put out fires; not enough to have a fireman on speed dial. What's more important, is to hunt down the idiots who started the fire and stop them from ever playing with matches again!! 😑😑😑πŸ”₯πŸ”₯πŸ”₯πŸ‘ŠπŸ‘ŠπŸ‘Š