The Days Are Long, The Years Are Short

Early this morning, just as sunlight was peeking out beneath the bedroom curtains, I woke to the sound of whispers and sobs. Groggy from sleep, I lifted my head, turned my ears to the sound and listened quietly. I heard Ethan sniffle as he asked The Husband, "Where is Mommy?"

The whisperings continued, and little while later, I felt my secondborn crawl his way past The Husband and stuff himself under the covers between us. Hugging me tightly, he gripped on to me like his life depended on it. I turned to The Husband. Confused. "Cho ni?" I asked, meaning, "What's the matter?" in Teochew. "He thought you died," The Husband explained in whisper. 

😳 Oh. 😔

So there we lay in the semi-darkness, JJ and I.
Him calling out to me every once in a while,
even though I was literally right there in his arms.

"Mommy?"

"Mmm..."

"Mommy."

"Yes?"

"Mommyyyy..."

"I'm here..."

He hugged and he snuggled, and he sniffled between sobs. He played with my hair, combing it over and over, somehow finding comfort in the feeling of the strands running through his fingers. He hadn't done that in a long while. But he used to... when he was little. 

And in that moment, it all came back to me. The memories.

Those long nights of feeling trapped under the weight of motherhood – motherhood dressed up as a little boy in a tiny body, curled up beside me or tiarap-ed on top of me, with tiny hands that brushed my hair, held my face, or pinched my tummy, and wouldn’t let go until sleep finally came for him.

How true the saying:

The days are long, but the years are short. 

In the thick of life with little ones, when the boys were young and needy, so very small and oh-so-clingy, I thought the days would never end. Bedtimes never came soon enough. And while we didn’t exactly rush through them, I must admit, that by nightfall, I was often so peopled out and touched out that the thought of clingy bedtimes often felt like... a lot.

It's funny how I now look back on

those difficult days with fondness. 

Oh, how perspective changes

with the passing of time. 

Yet now, even with new eyes,

it's impossible turning back the clock. 😔

So, back to the story at hand... We snuggled until morning came too soon, suspended in that quiet abyss between wake and sleep. I didn't want that moment to end. I hugged him, kissed his teary cheeks and breathed in his familiar scent, now tinged with the faint musk of pre-teen boyhood.

That one hour with him in my arms, sniffling on and off, brought me right back to the days when comforting a clingy child once felt like a chore. Only today, it felt like the greatest blessing of my life. How perception shifts when you lose what you once had. Now, I miss that closeness I had with my boys more than ever. And it feels a little sad that it took a bad dream for me to get a taste of it again. 😔

A Hug And A Kiss!

Although I was blessed with two boys, my mother–son routines and expressions of love with each of them are different.

Back when I was the only one doing morning runs, I would drop Ethan off at class, kneel down on one knee and spread my arms wide open, and he would run into my arms for one last big hug and a quick peck on the lips. (It started when he was 2y3m.) We would both chant in unison, “A huggg… and a kiss!” (The “hug” was long-drawn, but the “kiss” was staccato. Haha.) Every. Single. Schooling. Morning.

Sadly, Cancer and Covid stole this routine from me. 😞

They say as mothers, we remember all the firsts but never the lasts. But I remember this last. It was 3 September 2019 – the day I started chemo. That was the last time Ethan and I said goodbye our special way. ❤️‍🩹

Chemo lasted until 17 December 2019, but immunotherapy continued until 25 August 2020. By then, we were in the thick of MCO and the boys were at home doing Zoom school. No goodbyes necessary. And even after they went back to school, they had masks on. So, no kisses either.

Before we knew it, two years had passed. 

And somewhere in that time, Ethan grew up. 🥲

Hugs were still okay, still enjoyed… but pecks on the lips, no matter how quick, felt like too much. He also used to hold onto my cheeks and smoosh his face into mine, but after Covid, something shifted. Smooshing felt germy. And my baby wasn’t a baby anymore. Somehow, daytime smooshing was no longer a thing, and nighttime cuddles were rushed cos of school the next day.

But I'm not blogging sadness today; it's joy.

Because today, we had an interaction

 that took me by surprise. 

Ethan was playing Rivals online with his buddy from school when he asked me to make him Milo. I did, and after placing his mug next to him, I leaned forward to look at his screen. To my surprise, he gave me a peck on the cheek, flashed me the biggest smile, and then turned back to his screen to continue gaming. 

That small display of affection may have meant nothing to him. But it meant the world to me and my mommy heart skipped a thousand beats. I can't even remember the last time he did that!

I was instantly brought back to a beautiful past 

my mind had forgotten even existed,
but my heart hadn’t. 🩵

Sure, it wasn’t the same hug-and-kiss we used to chant. But didn’t need to be. It was quieter. More fleeting. Almost accidental, perhaps? But in that small, carefree peck on my cheek, I felt the same love. Just older, more contained, and somehow... the same, but evolved.

Yes, it's clear, my baby has grown. But I'll continue to appreciate and accept every expression of love he offers me, in whatever shape or form it appears, no matter how frequent or fleeting.

You Can Run But You Can't Hide 💦

So, Penang is bracing for water cuts, starting tomorrow. Taiping, on the other hand, is known as the wettest town in Malaysia – rains almost every day, cloudy skies, beautiful lake gardens – it’s practically a walking waterpark. So what does Taiping Meeku do? Zoom on home today, of course! Strategic escape plan engaged. Goodbye, Penang... 👋 Hello, Taiping! 

But guess what she discovers???

 NO. WATER. IN. TAIPING. 

LOLOLOLOL!

I mean... You cannot make this stuff up lah. 😅😂

You know what they say about running from your problems, right? Sometimes, you just run straight into them. 😅😅😅 With a suitcase full of towels and a dry tap. 🤭

Working On-Site

Today was KRPG's very first 

full-team in-person workday since... 

I dunno... Covid?! 😅

Been so long since we've worked at the office that I literally had to

wipe down this desk and do a quick clean before I could use it.

Yes, it's been a long time since. And whilst working from home is awesome, it also felt good to be back at the office today, working as a team in the actual, physical, breathing-the-same-musty-air kind of way. 😅 

There’s just something about creatives gathering in one space, you know? It's more inspiring... We're more productive... There's more unity... Work just flows better and gets done quicker when we’re together, than when we're physically apart and staring at our computers, far away from each other. 

Looking forward to the next one already!

The Problem With Moving

Source: "The problem with moving abroad" by @destination_savvy

Saw this on IG today and it just summed up how I felt

when I was in the thick of planning my move back to Penang. 

No, I never lived abroad. Never had the chance. I studied, began my career and started my family in my homeland 🇲🇾, except I was a 3.5-hour drive away from the city in which I was born. 

Moving to KL at 17, I didn't think anything would change. I didn't feel the difference nor expect the divide when I left. I didn't foresee any detachment. I mean, I was born and bred in Penang! NRIC 07! I would always be a Penangite! And a proud one at that! 🫡

But still, it happened. This happened. 👆

It was only when I was preparing for my move back to my hometown a good 18 years later when I was in my mid-thirties, that the distinction between the me then and the me now became obvious. I realised that I didn't know how to move back home,... because home didn't feel like home anymore. 🫤

I left a carefree teenage student at the cusp of life.

I returned, a wife and a mother, and later a survivor, 

with a business to run and a home and family to care for. 

I can't explain it any other way. It really, really felt like time stood still the whole time I was away, and I had outgrown this life that once was mine. To be honest, Penang was almost unrecognisable. I couldn't get to where I wanted to go without Waze. (I learned to drive in KL. 😅) And even old friends had turned into familiar strangers almost two decades later. 

Still, I had to try.

Refamiliarising myself with my little island took a while. In fact, it took longer than expected, no thanks to Covid and the lockdown. And although I still miss my life and friends in KL so many, many muchness, 4.5 years later, I can finally say that I'm starting to grow accustomed to life back in Penang. 🏝️

I've kinda settled on my favourite hawkers, haunts, and hangouts; places where the aunties, uncles, and service staff know me, my name and my order well enough for me to sit down and just have the food arrive. (Every day go same place, eat same-same. 😆) I've rekindled old friendships and made new ones. But yes, I still use Waze everywhere I go; at least now it's mainly to avoid traffic. (Penang also always jam.)

Is this home? Well, my house here feels like home. 🏡 But beyond these four walls, I still have a ways to go before I can honestly say that Penang is, without a doubt, where I feel most at home at as opposed to anywhere else in the world. In the mean time, I guess this is my truth:

Penang is my base, KL is my escape and Family is my home.

Working Class Citizen

Yup! Friend has gone back to full-time work. 😁

It's been a little over 2 months since I've returned to working full time – albeit in a mostly WFH setting – but I'm really quite enjoying this new-old phase of my life. 

Overall, it's been good! Working and having a life outside of mommy-hood is very psychologically and emotionally rewarding for me. I feel purposeful and empowered. I feel "useful" – for lack of a better word. Like I'm finally utilising my brain, talents and skills in a meaningful and contributive way. 

I know, I know. Raising humans is purposeful work that requires brain, talent and skill, as well. (Not to mention immense love, dedication and patience! 😆) Especially so if you want to raise good, godly human beings who will contribute positively to society in time to come. 

BUT BUT BUT... it's just not the same. FTWM projects are sprinkled with deadlines that come and go swiftly. Raising kids, on the other hand, is a lifelong process with no checklist in sight. #ilovemychecklist (Yes, even when they're 55 and retired, I'm sure there will still be some measure of mothering to be done. 🤭) 

The SAHM life is really not for me lah.

Even though I kept myself busy semi-freelancing, selling YLEO, undergoing chemo to save my life and running GiftAGift.my all through my years of SAHM-ness, I mostly still felt... lost. Purposeless. Stifled and suffocated. Like I'm always in a rut, living each day on my hamster wheel – running endlessly while getting nowhere. Just doing unseen things for others and not being recognised and rewarded for my efforts.

So, going back to work has

been welcomed change for me!

Of course, I initially worried about not being able to keep up after being away from the industry for so long. But now, after being back for awhile, I feel like I've found my stride and I'm doing alright la. HAHA. #shameless I wake up each morning with purpose, ready to face the day and start ticking off the to-dos on my list. #todolistsrock


Naturally, juggling work and family is no easy feat that's exceedingly demanding at times. There are days when I feel frazzled and stretched thin from meeting deadlines whilst still ensuring that dinner is on the table by 7pm. But I've come to realise that it's worth it. Because at the end of a busy day, I always feel tired... but accomplished. 💪

It's not about the paycheque (bluffing you la, of course earn money syok also la 🤭), it's not about seeking external validation (but also happy when proposals fly and jobs cepat-cepat get approved, too 🤣) but rather, it's about feeling valued and appreciated for what I bring to the table. #truth

And at the end of the day, I strongly believe that being a happy and fulfilled individual makes me a better person... and a better mom. Don't get me wrong. I have no regrets putting my career on hold to raise my children this past decade. But now that they're a little more grown up, and especially after having survived cancer (twice!) I think it's time I start investing a bit more in Me once again.

To the next chapter! 🥂

My Boys Are Growing Up

It just dawned upon me that JJ will be 9 come September and JZ is turning 11 in November. 😳 How did that happen?? Where did my babies go?! Gosh. This year has really been a year of growing up for my boys. 

JJ just returned from his first residential last week and spent one night away from home. I made the effort to walk him to class that morning during drop-off but he didn't even hug my goodbye before we parted ways. 💔 Fella just hopped into class and started playing with friends the morning I dropped him off. 😤 #melampaubetulbudakini #bochaiwa #koayhoon #nomorehugandakiss 😢 

JZ, on the other hand, flew to BKK with the school team for FOBISIA for 4 days and 3 nights in early May – his first local-international-go-anywhere trip without us. ✈️ Came back safe and sound and even thoughtfully bought gifts for all of us! A pack of gummies for Didi, a fridge magnet for Mommy and a toothbrush for Papa. 😂 He also somehow also miraculously managed to come home with more money than he left with, in spite of doing that bit of shopping for souvenirs. 😳😅 #whatsorceryisthis #moneymagic #businessminded #gotitfromhisdad 

I feel like over the years, my children's independence has somehow become intertwined with mine. Or more like my independence has grown to become dependent on theirs. The more capable they are at caring for themselves, the more time I have to care for myself. Once, I was a carer; today, I am a supporter standing on the sidelines cheering them on while they spread their wings, claim their place in the world and shine all on their own. 

 Yes, my role has shifted.

But I'm not complaining. 😆

I do enjoy momsing... but I also find myself genuinely looking forward to this change in pace and responsibility. I'm ready! To embrace my newfound freedom from the daily demands of parenting, to rediscover the joy of personal growth, and to find fulfilment in this next chapter of my life. It’s time to get back to hanging out with friends, exploring my interests, rediscovering my identity beyond parenthood, and investing in my well-being! (Read: Facials! Manicures! Massages! Hair spas! Hooray!) 

 Here's to their independence... and mine! 🥂🥳

Quit Playin' Games With My Heart

The boys have been begging us for a pet for a long while now. And not like a guppy or a terrapin that you contain in a glass box and feed once a day. No, no. They want a cat. 😺 Or a dog. 🐶 Like, wth? I blame all those playdates at friends' houses. One of JZ's friends has 7 pets of various kinds. Another has a new British Shorthair kitten. Craziest story is this: One of JJ's buddies has *drumroll please* 28 cats in his condo. 😵😵‍💫 #siaoliao


While The Husband (who's never really had a pet) is leaning towards ok-ing idea, I, on the other hand am not. Pets are A LOT of work! Living with two sporty pre-teens without a live-in helper is enough work as it is. I am not at all motivated to add more things to my to-do, to-wash and to-clean list, thank you. These people don't clear, wash and clean so they don't understand the amount of work that already comes with running a household of 2 adults and 2 kids. 😤 

Now, you wanna make it

4 adults and 2 kids PLUS 1 pet??

Aiya, mai laaaaa...

Don't trouble Trouble if Trouble 

hasn't trouble you la, come on! 😩

We visited CTY in Penang once with the intention of getting a pup for the boys. But after seeing the dogs step all over their poop, The Husband quickly made a mental U-turn and changed his mind. But today, while heading towards DPULZE Shopping Mall, Cyberjaya (that also has a big pet store), this conversation ensued:

The Husband: Ok la, boys! Let’s go get a dog! 

 JZ & JJ: Yayyyy!!! 

 The Husband: We buy from DPULZE! 

 JZ & JJ: Yayyyy!!!

 The Husband: Just kidding. 

 JZ & JJ: Booooo… 

JZ: Papa, if you want to say anything, and it’s a lie, don’t say it. Because you make us excited. Then you break our hearts. 

 JJ: Words of wisdom, Kor Kor. 

 The Husband: Haha. Okay. Sorry. 

 JJ: Yes. Then you make us want to cry and die.

😅😅😅

Needless to say, we left DPULZE without a pet.

You know, it's too bad my boys 

aren't familiar with the Backstreet Boys.

Otherwise, they'd be singing this tune right about now:

"Quit playin' games with my heart 

Before you tear us apart (my heart) 

Quit playin' games with my heart 

I should've known from the start 

You know you got to stop (from my heart) 

You're tearing us apart (my heart) 

Quit playin' games with my heart:

– Quit Playing Games (With My Heart)

by Backstreet Boys

Me, I'm definitely more of a dog person than a cat person.

And I do secretly love the idea of having a puppy at home. 🤫

But I've been there and done that with Princess. 🥲 I now understand that although having a pet has its fun and emotional upsides, the cleaning up after each poo and pee... the weekly baths... the nail-cutting and toothbrushing... the daily feeding and water filling... the inconvenience when going on holidays... and not to mention the heartbreak and emotional trauma that follows in the days after their deaths because, well, we'll definitely outlive our pets at this point... it's just not worth it. 

I would be perfectly happy to go through life

without having to go through all this again.

That's not to say my kids should never get pets. They can get their own pets when they have their own homes. Then I'll go over for some doggy playtime. 😎

And Again, It Happens

The climb is hard but the fall is easy. Going it alone sounds difficult but together doesn’t seem any easier. So much to do; so little remembered. Always trying, yet always falling short. An hour or two, so short it feels; an hour or two, so long it seems. Funny how “I don’t believe you,” sounds just like, “You don’t trust me,” except with different words. Funny how it isn’t funny. And again, giving up sounds bad but could be for the better.

Best Friends Come & Best Friends Go

JZ made a best friend in school when he was in Year 2. A nice Taiwanese boy with a smiley disposition. During the two years that they spent together as classmates, the boys were thick as thieves. They played really well together and enjoyed each others' company a lot, in and out of school. His mom and I were friends so we were comfortable setting up playdates for the children over the weekends and during the holidays, too.

They both stayed best of friends all the way till the end of Year 3 when, very unfortunately, this friend moved to another school across the state. When his mom first broke the news to me, I was stunned and overwhelmed with emotions. I didn't know how JZ would take it! Later in the week, this friend made sure to let JZ be the first to know that he was leaving the school. It was a sad day that was heartbreaking for both to say the least. 💔

I was so desperate to help ease JZ's pain of losing yet another best friend 😩 that I reached out to two old friends to help me offer him some words of comfort and prove to him that friendships do last when both parties put in the effort to keep in touch no matter how many years have passed or how many state lines and immigration counters stood between us. 

Two of my oldest friends in the world (we've known each other since nursery!) came to the rescue with kind words of encouragement for JZ 🥰 on the 6th of May 2021 – the day he heard the news. At the time, this boy and his family had plans to return to Taiwan. Thankfully, that plan was shelved. 😅 #smallmercies

In hindsight, it was really unfortunate that the boys had to spend so many precious months apart due to the nationwide lockdown and COVID-19 school closures all through 2020 and 2021. Even when school eventually reopened for in-face studies, the boys were intentionally kept apart in class by their teachers because, well, best friends tend to chat when they sit side by side so... yeah. 😅 Only once did they get a week to sit together in the entire school year seating rotation. 😢

But of course, Time heals all wounds. ❤️‍🩹 The boys do still play well together whenever they have the chance to meet, which is rare nowadays with everybody's busy and clashing schedules. Having said that, I should really put in the effort to plan another playdate for him someday soon but am so unmotivated due to COVID risk, a lack of a live-in helper to help clean up after, and just general laziness and unsociability on my part. 😩 

In the mean time, JZ has come to accept this shift in his relationship with his once-best friend. He has yet to find a new best friend but is also not short of friends in school so... I guess it's alright. It'll be alright. He will be alright. Because no matter who comes and goes, he will always have JJ, Papa and me. 👨‍👩‍👦‍👦 #wearefamily

Bedtime Messenger Calls With The Boys

Having some FB Messenger fun with the boys

before they head off to bed. #thankGodfortechnology

Ugly faces galore! Wheeee!!!

New Hair, New Look, New Beginning

I initially planned on scarfing my way through chemo. But after telling the kids about my then-impending hair-loss one night, JZ cried buckets and begged me not to lose my hair. 😢 (JJ took it well. #bochup)

I gave it some thought and decided that this was one thing I couldn't be selfish about. Because he was a new kid in a new school, in a different state, at an impressionable age. I didn't want him to enter school with the stigma of being that kid – the one whose Mommy has no hair. 😔 It would shake his confidence and affect his friendships. I couldn't do that to him.

But wigs are crazy expensive.

And so is chemo + immuno. 😩💸

So when Mee offered to bless me with a good wig – yes, there are many types – I gratefully accepted. 🙏 I must admit that it's been the best investment so far. No regrets. Because, in hindsight, having a good wig really helped me integrate myself seamlessly in the kids' school as "Pam" instead of "that cancer mom with no hair", you know? #letsberealistic #thetruthhurts

I initially planned on wigging until my natural hair length either (1) was long enough for me to tie, or (2) matched my wig so the change in length would be unnoticeable during the switch – as it was when I started wigging. But... with my upcoming surgery and hospitalisation, I thought – heck it la. Let's just ripoff the bandaid and go natural since I won't be able to wig there anyways.

So... hi, guys! This is me with my new hair. 💁‍♀️ 

It's gonna be my first day out without a cap or wig

so... wish me and my frail confidence luck! 😬

Hoping For Hope

It's been a difficult couple of days. I feel like I'm doing okay – all things considered – but not okay at the same time. I'm doing everything I need to do, saying everything I need to say, and smiling when I need to smile with everyone around me but, inside... my heart is heavy.

Why?

Because I find it hard to see my future now. I no longer believe without a doubt that I'll grow old with my husband. I worry I won't be alive long enough to see my kids grow up. I wonder if I'll go down the same path as those who fought the good fight and died anyway. 😢 

It was never like this before.

Even after Cancer marked me for the first time last August, I remember feeling positive about my outcome. I knew it was early-stage cancer. I knew the prognosis was good. I felt like it was a cold Winter that would eventually pass. I was going to beat the odds and come out of this stronger than before. 

But it's not the same this time around.

I feel down. Desolate. Depressed. Honestly, I feel less hopeful. 😔 It feels like I escaped Death once already. How many times can I escape it again and again as it claws at me? How many times can I outrun this disease? How many times will my life be spared? Will it ever let me go?

So many questions crowd my mind.

And none of the answers, I like.

Things That Matter More

If I were to hold up a piece of paper that had a single dot on it and asked you what you saw, you'd probably say – a dot. Why? Because our perspective is usually skewed towards noticing the bad and not the good. The blemish, stain and speck on the otherwise flawless environment it rests on. Because it's easier zooming in on a single, teeny-tiny, dark spot on a white piece of paper, instead of focusing on that entire white paper itself. Easier to bemoan the cloud than to appreciate the silver lining. Abhor a pimple than admire a pretty face.

Now, here's the reason to that analogy...

We've pretty much given up on live-in helpers. We've had them on and off ever since JZ came along but after a few crazies and a handful of bad apples, we've decided that enough is enough. 🙅‍♀️ Enough agency fees spent; enough frustrations endured. The kids are older... I was just two shots shy of being done with Herceptin (at the time)... It was time to go it alone. We were ready. All the best, good riddance, bye-bye. 👋

Well, I'm happy to say that in the past 2 months since we started playing house, our home is majorly neater but marginally dustier, the kids are doing more and grumbling less, I'm happy to not have to deal with any drama while The Husband is happy to not have to spend RM1960 a month, and I'm usually so tired by the end of the day that I sleep better now than ever before. LOL. All in all, it's been good. Really good. This step towards independence has worked out quite well for us, if you ask me.

But of course, there are days when things just. don't. work. out. the way they should. Those one-off black-dot kind of days when there's just too much laundry to be done, too many toys on the floor and too little time to do it all. On days such as those, I tend to internally groan and grouch the situation that has befallen me. BUT... there's always one thing that never fails to return a smile to my face:

When I see my boys quietly enjoying

each others' company and entertaining themselves

(as they steer clear of their monster mom).

My house may be messy, but my heart is full. ❤️ 

And if you ask me, I think the latter matters more.

Immunotherapy Round 18 – THE GRAND FINALE!

12.56pm – Cocktail lai liao. I'm really looking forward

to my 10mg of Piriton up my line today. #stim 😆 

1.05pm – Fitri's putting in my line – hurray!

He, Taki and Chong are the bestest best! #nomisses

Kautim!

Snagged myself a bed again today. WIN! Bed over armchair any day.

Brought along my mini hot water bottle, too, so I can stay warm.

Ahhh, comfy. Let's get this over quick!

I'm so not going to miss this view!

------------

I know I've been super slack when it comes to updating Tinki Talks my treatment progress but this is one milestone that cannot be missed no matter how lazy I get. Cos one super-duper, impossibly looooong year and three weeks later, I've finally completed e-v-e-r-y-t-h-i-n-g the doctor ordered.

Gosh, I almost can't believe that I'm done! That's right.

DONE!

Hurrah! 🎉🎉🎉

1 ❌ Lumpectomy – CHECK!

6 ❌ Taxotere Carboplatin Chemotherapy – CHECK!

15 + 5 ❌ Radiotherapy – CHECK!

...and of course...

18 ❌ Herceptin Immunotherapy – CHECK!

Of course, this isn't totally the end, in the sense that I still have a good +/- 5-10 years of Tamoxifen pills left to pop, plus a lifetime of check-ups laid out before me but... Hey! One little victory at a time, right? #ImASurvivor

Raising Our Children Near Their Grandparents

One of the major factors that spurred our move back to Penang was the fact that we would be raising the boys near their grandparents. To finally being close enough for them to see my parents and my in-laws often enough to be able to build healthy, strong familial relationships with them.

I think we've achieved that.

We moved out of my in-laws' place and into our own home on 4 January 2020. Even so, the boys still frequently ask for yummy dinners and cousin sleepovers at Ah Kong and Ah Ma's house. They also always ask to visit Kong Kong and Por Por's house to do random fun things like gardening, playing fireworks, or even discussing Pocket Frogs strategies.

16 February 2020 – JJ showing Ah Ma some love one random afternoon.

8 January 2020 – JJ tickling Kong Kong's ear on the way to lunch.

29 September 2019 – Exploring the Penang Botanical Garden with Por Por.

22 November 2019 – JJ and JZ chilling out with Ah Kong after dinner.

Looking back at these pictures while I organise my Google Photos into albums, I really think we did the right thing by coming home. #familymatters #familyfirst

Chemotherapy + Immunotherapy Round 6

1.57pm – Anti-allergy cocktail hour is about to begin!

2.01pm – Hello, Piriton! We meet again!

This drug makes me super loopy and drowsy. 🤪

The beginning of the end...

4.35pm – Having a healthy snack and warm drink in between.

8.01pm – 6 hours later, I'm finally done with all the IV meds.
Phew! Am really glad that the next 12 times will be quicker.
Theoretically la, since it's just Herceptin left.

Biggest, baddest needle in all the land. 💉

So darn painful and the site aches for days after.

So glad this is going to be my LAST Zoladex shot as well!

I can't believe we've finally come to the end of my chemo journey. Taxotere Carboplatin 4 + 2, done and dusted. Zoladex, too! Wheee! Sure, there are still a bunch of stuff that are yet to come (like radiotherapy) and that are ongoing (like immunotherapy) but... the end of chemotherapy is truly a moment to celebrate. I can't wait to say goodbye to nausea, indigestion and extreme lethargy. That deadly trio is possibly the most horrible part of chemo, if you ask me. That and the various stages of hair-loss. 💁‍♀️  Next up, radiotherapy 15 + 5! Woot woot! Bring it on!

THE END

Just finished my last chemo,
Now I feel like a true war hero.
Would live it up and throw a party,
But feeling so tired like an aunty.

Guess I'll celebrate this milestone later,
After these tired post-chemo days blow over.
Just can't wait till I feel stronger,
And my days get better and better.

For today, I'll just lie down and pray,
And thank the Lord that He has stayed,
By my side through good and bad,
And for that, I shall be glad.

Post-Chemo Hair Loss: The Morning After

About 20 strands of hair dropped off

while I slept last night. Hmmm.... 🤔 

But when you really think about it, 20 per night is not too bad wat!! 😆😆😆 Thought would be like ratus-ratus or something. Hahaha. Cos everybody I met told me that once its starts dropping, it comes off in CHUNKS. And that the hair-loss would be in ugly patches all over the head. 😮 Sure la, it came off in a big chunk when I bumped my head yesterday. But if it's like this when there's no trauma, it's not too bad la. I can live with this! 💪💁‍♀️🤗

A Bump On The Head Leaves A Bunch Of Hair Dead

Dressed up for JJ’s 5th birthday today cos we’ve got some party plans later. And, if you didn’t know, a Song party means lots of pics so... OF COURSE must pasang kuat a bit la. 🙆‍♀️ (This is #momlevel pasang kuat. Don’t judge.) And since I’ve still got a head full of hair, OF COURSE must take lots of pics! 😎

Had to run over to TESCO to get some last minute stuff for the party and to pick up JJ’s 2nd rainbow cake this birthday prior to that. 🌈🎂 All was going well, I was happy, the kids were having a good time, I did some shopping, and then... on my way back into the car, I bumped my head. 🤕😲😱

No biggie, right? Hah! Wrong!! ❌❌❌

Not when you’re on Taxotere chemotherapy. 

I immediately touched the bump site to check on things, and my heart dropped when I felt a bunch of hair that was out of place. Worse, it felt like loose hair. Read: Hair that’s NOT stuck to my head. 😳 I lightly picked at the hair and, to my horror, it came off. Like, about 10 strands of hair just CAME OFF!!! 😱 *faints*


Got home, rushed up the stairs, got into my bedroom and closed the door behind me. Made sure to lock it, too, lest I freak out the kids. Then, I carefully took off my rubber band. Jialat. Saw another bunch of hair stuck to it. Finally, I ran a comb through my hair, and faced reality – okay, today is the day alright. 😢

That’s (almost) all the hair I lost

from just one bump on the head. 🤕

And it wasn’t even a painful bump to begin with. 😒

So what did I do next?

I retied my hair and got on with my day. 💁‍♀️