Update

So I guess I owe you guys an update

to make up for my MIA-ness this past week.

Whoa, hang on there. @_@ Has it really been 7 whole days since I last blogged!? Haha. Amazing how time flies, innit? Didn't quite notice it cos my days have just been a mess of busy days and sleepless nights. I don't really know how to begin so I guess I'll keep it short and sweet with a list. Those things usually do the job real quick with the least amount of explaining needed. =)

Ok. Here goes...

1. 3 months ago, I quit my job. Yes, it may come as a surprise to many but I finally said 'goodbye' to the agency that was once my first home. The same one that's been robbing me of much of my social life this past 3+ years I've been there. (But then again, that could just be me masochistically enjoying the self-prescribed torture I put myself through.)


2. 2 months ago, I stopped paying rental for my room in Damansara Perdana. (You'll get why later.) Thought it best to use my 2-month deposit for my final 2 months rather than continue paying rental and then waiting to get my deposit back. It made more sense to me that way and I'm thankful The Owner agreed to the plan.

Housemate meeting. And yes, we pray together before meals.

3. 1 month ago, I started feeling the pain of leaving. I can't say for sure but maybe SuperM! helped me realise how real 'goodbye' was about to get. So, I started to make sure I wouldn't leave without accumulating enough memories to last till we meet again. I made girly day out plans with Duh Roads. I also went up to Genting for a day with her and Lamé, just to spend time, be silly, take pictures and make memories together.

HAHA. This picture is EPIC. =p

4. 20 days ago, the countdown began for The Senior Writer and I. (By some miracle, her last day happened to fall on the same day as mine.) We took a picture together at the 2-week point and then more every other day we met at work till we reached our last day at MCKL. Even going to the extent of taking a GoogleTalk webcam screenshot when she was out of the office and at an Offline! Haha. Who'd have thought she had it in her! =) More pictures on that later...

The Senior Writer and I, 2 weeks before The End.

5. 10 days ago, I attended my first farewell lunch. The Senior Writer and I happened to work on the same team. So, since we were to leave on the same day (I swear it wasn't planned!) a joint-farewell was planned for us at Delicious, Bangsar. Surprise surprise, she and I even ended up ordering the same dish. =p Haha. Salmon Angel Hair Pasta – YUMS!



6. Later that night – still 10 days ago – I attended the 'Ass' Survivor Reunion. (More fondly known as the SSR to those of us who are in the know. =p) Had a wonderful time catching up with survivors – past and present – over roasted chicken wings and hot steamboat on a drizzly evening.

Look, guys! Ah Beng (dude on far left) and
The Male Ah Lian (dude on far right) were present, too! =)

7. 9 days ago, I cleared out my workspace. Should have figured that I would be working till 10PM right up till my last day. *rolls eyes* How silly of me to think that I'd have an early night off for a proper farewell. Ended up packing up all my stuff in under an hour then rushing off to meet the rest of the crew. You know, it's amazing how 3+ years fit so snugly into a single trolley bag. *shrug* Said my goodbyes to the wonderful people I spent most of my waking hours with, hugged the coffee machine (pictures later) and tagged out of MCKL for the very last time.



8. After packing – still 9 days ago – I sped off to meet the MCKL crew at Sid's for a final farewell. Everybody else had already arrived, including The Senior Writer who, by some miracle, had a pretty chilled out last week at work. Unlike unfortunate ol' me who had it brutal. -_-''' Duh Roads and I were pretty much all zapped out of energy by the time we were done with our Sandwiches and Bangers & Mash. So we stoned the rest of the time till we went home.

We never took a group picture so just know that this isn't all of us.
And if you think I've mastered the art of alcohol consumption,
do not be fooled by those beer glasses. Come back for the full story.

9. 7 days ago, I cleared out my room and packed my bags. It was terribly last minute (no thanks to the superbly crazy final-week schedule MCKL gifted me as my farewell present *rolls eyes*) so I'll have you know that I couldn't have done it without the help of my SuperMom™ and my Fairy Godmother (and friend). Thanks, guys!


10. 6 days ago, I left KL/Selangor – my home for the past 8.5 years. Put everything I owned (minus my furniture and electrical fittings – which reminds me... I WANT MY RICE COOKER BACK, THANK YOU!) into a van and Baby (my trusty Proton Satria) and made my way up North. I even left Little One behind so The Owner and The Housemate will have something to remember me by. =)

As you can see, she's grown considerably. =)
Here's how she looked like before ---> *click*

11. Made it safely back to Penang – still 6 days ago – and started unpacking. I remember sitting on my bed, late at night, just feeling so overwhelmed by everything that had happened in the last 7 days. How things are so different now. And how they'll never go back to being anywhere close to as comfortable as the way they were before.


12. 5 days ago, I was rushing around Penang Island like a headless chicken. I had so much to catch up on. So much to do in so little time – facial, routine dental appointment, visiting the new workspace, eye appointment, visiting friends, family and a 12-day-old newborn, a second eye appointment, time with the family – phew! At points, I just felt like giving up.


13. Made it home after running my errands – still 5 days ago – and started packing. Again. But how does one pack for a 3-month trip abroad? Didn't have the answer to that so I settled with 2 hand-carry-sized luggage bags that housed 2 jackets, 1 pair of gloves, 12 tops, 1 t-shirt, 4 pairs of jeans, 2 track pants, 2 sleeping pants, 4 pashminas, lotsa underwear, 2 tights, 3 pairs of socks, 1 pair of boots, 1 pair of flats, 1 pair of slippers and toiletries to last 3 months. I rock. End of story.


14. 4 days ago, I said 'goodbye' to family and left Malaysia. 10 hours, 2 flights and 1 boring transit later, I found myself making it past immigration, catching sight of a familiar face in the crowds, walking through the gates of the airport, and straight into the cool breeze of a Winter night. Before the night ended, I sighted another familiar face and entered an unfamiliar white BMW that drove me to where I'd call home for the next 3 months away from home.



15. 3 days ago, I awoke in an unfamiliar bed to unfamiliar sights and sounds outside my window. The sound of traffic, the crowing of terrible-sounding ravens, noon light when it was just minutes past 10 in the morning. Guess it'll take some time but I'm sure I'll get used to how things are where I am.

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The journey's just begun and so far,
it's been nothing short of surreal.
But hey... at least I'm loving it. =)

You'll be hearing more from me.


XOXO,
Pam Song

Happy News #1

First thing Sunday morning.

SFX: Beep beep! Beep beep! (Okay, not really cos I use a Samsung but you know what I mean.)

Cauliboo: Paammmm, I've got news for u...........

Pam Song: Pregnant??? (Yes, it's always on my mind.)

Cauliboo: Hahahahaaaaaaaa (Ish ish. Main suspen pula perempuan ni.)

Pam Song: *heart begins to race* Wat? Yes? No? Maybe?

Cauliboo: So excited aaa... Hehe yessssssss!!!!

So, yes. My babe is preggers!

SHE'S PREGGERS!!!

Yay!!! =D I mean, wow. @_@

But yaaayyyy, too!! Haha.

Ahh, this is news I've waited a long time to hear. And though her baby won't be the widdle Rabbit she so longed for, I'm sure a little Tiger would do more than fine. =) Been waiting on her to be the first of my group of close friends to sport a baby bump (expected her to be first anyways cos the rest of us still check that 'Single' box while filling forms -_-), and as always, Cauliboo never lets me down. =)

--------------

Congrats, to you and the hubs, babe!

Like I said, I'm so happy and excited for you. The weeks are so going to fly by and very soon, your 7 weeks are going to turn into 13 weeks, then 26, then 40, then before you know it, you'll be holding Mini You (or Mini Hubs) in your hands! January is going to be a good month. =)

Take lotsa pictures and be sure to send some my way. Don't forget the classic with your table tummy in action! =D And don't you dare let me hear you complain about not fitting into your Levi's like you did when we were in college. Rarr. Whatever happens, don't forget the 2-to-1 exchange you promised to make me next CNY. It is ON! =p

XOXO,
Pam Song

Not-So-New Pet At Home

Meet Little One.

It's good to go green. =)

I call her Little One because she really is quite tiny. She sits in a pot smaller than my palm. And trust me, that's really small for a potted plant cos I don't have big hands. Haha. Bought her while walking along the bazaar area of The Curve on the way to my facial last weekend. She cost me an affordable RM8.

Don't you think she's pretty?
And a pretty good steal for RM8, too?

I don't know exactly what it is about her but... she makes me smile when I look at her. Even after all long day at work. Haha. Just one of those things I'll never get about myself. But I'm not complaining. Simple pleasures in life, yeh?


Oh, and today, while watering her, I saw new baby leaves under the bigger greens! So that's really good news. =) Was beginning to wonder if she was all leaves and no root. Haha. You never know with these things. Maybe kena conned by bazaar uncle. =p


Anyways, I'll keep you guys up to date with her progress. I've never tended to plants before (flowers on stems without roots don't count) so this is really my first try at the green-finger thing. Wish me (and Little One) luck! May she live a long and healthy life. =)

Baby Steps

Every grand plan to change
begins with baby steps.

I've taken mine.

And I'm glad I did.

I feel better about myself. Like I'm doing something that's good for me. Good for the people around me. I feel emotionally and mentally healthier. Like I have a purpose. I found my purpose. In the same way that others chase awards, status and money, I'm on a chase to reach my purpose, too. And though my chase may bring to mind less thoughts of grandeur, it is no less worthy of my effort.

My purpose?

To be a good person. A good woman.
A good child of God whom He
can turn to and be proud of.

I'm not there yet. I'm not even close. But I believe that I'll get there someday. All it takes on my part are baby steps and lots of time with God, faith, hope, determination and discipline. Hundreds of thousands of baby steps, maybe. But still, when you think about it, they're just baby steps. And that, I can manage. =)

Trying Something New

I've been trying something new
these past three mornings.

I used to wake up just in time to get washed up, dressed up and headed for work. Whenever work requires that I present myself at its doorstep, that is. So if I'm to be at the recording studio by 10.30AM, I set my alarm to 9AM. If recording's at 11AM, the alarm rings at 9.30AM. (I don't take that long to get ready. I just like snoozing. =p) And it's been that way for as long as I can remember. If there's an appointment, the alarm is set. And until and unless it rings, I don't get up.


But I've been diving into The Word and Proverbs 31:15 jumped out at me – "She gets up while it is still dark; she provides food for her family and portions for her servant girls." I thought about it and... sure. It's not like I sleep excessively though I awaken after the dawn. But still, it's an area I'd like to work on. Nothing bad about wanting to be better, right?

So, I've been waking up at 7.45AM every morning since.
(The lack of blackouts in my current room helps. =p)

I find it really good, actually. I get more done in the morning, I'm in less of a rush, and I feel tired in time to hit the sack when normal people outside of Advertising do. Take this morning, for instance. I woke up, turned off the aircon, flung open the windows, took a deep breath of fresh morning air, turned on the TV, let the Saturday morning cartoons run in the background while I did my laundry, folded the previous load, cleared the cupboards and swept the floors. All in all, I did loads even before breakfast!


I guess what I'm trying to say here are two things:

1. His Word is an endless mine of golden nuggets for good, healthy, godly living. It's up to you to read up, find them and put them to good use.

2. Everybody's got changes they need to make in life. It's up to the individual to recognise it, want to be better than they are and to put in the effort to make the change a lifestyle habit.

Okay, enough blogging. I'm gonna go grab a bite now while I wait to put a second load of laundry to wash. Have a great Saturday ahead!

Happy Pappy Time!

I'm sorry this one was short-lived.

I'm still glad you liked it, Flux! =p

But hey, gotta make way for the good times, eh?

After all, how can I be upset when
I've got these things to be thankful for:

1. The Lauder One who called from Singapore to ask how I was doing cos she 'had a feeling', and for reminding me that I am precious and loved in a sweet SMS after. =)

2. A forwarded email from an ex-college mate that reminded me that in all things, God is in control. When I thanked her for it, she told me that she 'had a feeling' to 'just share that email'. (Whoa. Coincidence much?)

3. My transaction for a ticket out of here finally went through and has been confirmed – yay! Ahhh, a weekend away now sounds so blissful I wish I could speed up time so it'd come sooner. =D

4. News that an old, old friend will soon be where I'll be in time to come. And by the time I get there, I'll have her for company. =)

5. My family trip outta town's been confirmed so... double yay! Time with the folks in a familiar place is always a good-to-have. =)

6. God for leading me back to my life verse during my bedtime devotion yesterday night. (You wouldn't even believe the story if I told you how I ended up at that verse. It's so amazing that to attribute it to mere coincidence would be a crime.)

7. Friends who'd offer to deliver Häagen-Dazs Vanilla ice cream to my doorstep to help make me feel better about being stuck at home.

8. Concerned text messages, emails and comments from colleagues, ex-colleagues, church members, friends and blog readers from here and abroad.

9. JC who called all the way from Australia to check up on me and to bring me laughter by telling me that he's all human, part psycho. =p

10. Housemates who'd actually ditch work to stay home, watch CSI reruns, and eat salted egg porridge with me while I'm on MC.

11. Another girlfriend from down under (girls stick! =p) who cheered me up tonight and told me I should have a gratitude journal so I'll start logging the good life brings my way instead of messing up this space by documenting the bad.


See? With the truckload of good news, kind words and loving reminders I've been getting these past few days, it's impossible to be blue for long. It's happy pappy time now, guys! And I have all of you to thank for it. Wheee! =)

I Am From The Local. Never Bluff. Can Check IC.

Went for a facial last weekend and ended up having the most bizarre conversation with two of the service staff at the counter before leaving. While writing down my name and IC number, the facial girl suddenly turned to me and asked:

Facial Girl 1: Eh, are you from the local?

Pam Song: *confused* Hmmm?

Facial Girl 2: Like, are you from here? L-o-c-a-l. (Really spelling it out for me and talking like I'm stupid or slow. -_-')

Pam Song: Uh... If by 'local' you mean from KL, then no.

Facial Girl 1: Oh! Haha! Ya, ya. (At this point I really thought she was psycho already... until she said the next line.) I see also I know you not from the local wan.

Pam Song: *getting more confused* You can tell I'm not from here??

Facial Girl 1: So, you from where? (She ignored my question!)

Pam Song: Okayyy... *disbelief* I'm from Penang.

Facial Girl 1: *blink blink* Oh! *pause* HAHAHA. I thought you from Korea!

Pam Song: Wth?? -_-'''

Facial Girl 2: Ya, ya! Me also! Cos you dun speak our language and your colour very white!

Pam Song: @_@ *faints*

It's funny but this episode brought back memories of how I used to be called 'Korea' by my primary school teacher. Oh, and my secondary school kantin kopi uncle used to say I was lying to him for telling him I'm Chinese. Haha. Those were the days...

Anyways, there are still times when I'm confused for not being local – by random sales peeps and the like. Then last Friday, Sausage Boy even mentioned that he thought I didn't have the typical Cina face. (We were talking about Sungai Wang Lala Muis. =p)

But of all the times it's happened,

this time felt the most bizarre. Haha.

Walauuuu! I mean, how could she possibly think that I'm not local? She was holding my MALAYSIAN Identification Card! -_-' You know, I think I blame my Chinese name this time. Seriously. My guess is that if she hadn't taken down my name, she wouldn't have ended up asking me those questions.

p/s: Don't bother asking me what my Chinese name is. I won't give you an answer. Not even if you use AMA against me. Heh.

Reflections Of Me

You know, I thought things were bad before...




Well, bad just got worse.

Forwarded Mails With Obscure Titles Aren't Always Spam

Received at 1.49PM and read just 14 minutes after.

Sometimes, it's God telling you

something you need to hear through someone.

Had A Feeling

WHEN: Early morning.

WHAT: Phone rings.

WHERE: International.

WHO: A close friend who rarely ever rings from abroad for no reason, and never before in the morning, much less on a work day.

FIRST THOUGHT: ???

-------------

Me: *still groggy from sleep / confused / head terribly heavy from last night's events* Hello?

Her: Hey, how are you? Is everything okay?

Me: Urm... no, not really. *trying to get my brain to focus* Am on MC today.

Her: OMG, what happened??

Me: Well, I haven't been feeling very well for awhile. Then yesterday, my body finally gave up on me. I puked on my way home from work. Messed up my car and my shoes. Sigh.

Her: Which shoes?? (I just told her I'm not okay and she's asking me about ruined shoes. -_-')

Me: The ones I got from my last trip to Singapore. (And how is it that I wasn't surprised, nor offended at her question? Hmmm.) Hey, wait. How did you know I wasn't ok? (I haven't been blogging so nobody would have known anything except a handful of colleagues and my housemates.)

Her: I just had a feeling.

Me: *bursts into tears*

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I love it when friends call.

*blows stuffed nose*

But I love it even more

when what prompted the call

was nothing but a feeling.

*sniffle*

Of These Days Of Judgement

You lay low, hoping that The Evils will pass. But do they? No. Will they ever? You pray so. You reach out for a hug and you wait. But no embrace beckons no matter how many ticks you hear, no matter how much time passes.

Instead, the depressive claws of Rejection takes its chance and casts shadows on your sweat-soaked skin. As it closes its cold, hard grip on you, you hope against hope that, by some miracle, it will see it fit to release you – free you – from its painful grasp. If not always, at least this one time.

By chance, you look down and – sudden realisation – it's already let you go. When, you'll never know. Perhaps those claws never touched you in the first place. You can't be sure. But matter, it does not. Because still, you hurt. Like phantom pains from an already missing limb you never even knew you lost, you hurt.

In the same manner, I hurt.

Lost in the middle of nowhere. Caught in limbo.

Left between the spaces. Stuck in purgatory.

Of the worst of places to be, I'm there.

Even as my mind struggles to keep things together, my body's betrayed me. But that's another story for another day. For now, perhaps this betrayal is for the better. For I'm finally given time off to nurse the wounds I've accumulated. Time to (hopefully) heal a little. Time to put those agonising thoughts that haunt me to rest. Even if only for awhile.

To be honest, I doubt Better will come after cleaning up the sides of my soiled car and washing the vomit-stains off my shoes. But right now, I'm willing to give anything a try. Even if it means going into battle armed with only a torn-up cloth and a clean bucket of water.

p/s: I haven't stopped writing. I just haven't quite found it the right time to start publishing again. Perhaps someday you'll know my thoughts through these trying days. Maybe never. Only time will tell.

Emotional Leprosy

Pulse – CHECK.

Breath – CHECK.

Heartbeat – CHECK.

If I'm alive, why do I feel so dead on the inside?

180º

Funny how things change at the drop of a hat.

From Happy to Sad; from Just Fine to Bad.

Funny how there's nothing funny bout that.

Free Nougat, Courtesy Of Lamé!

Am in a mock tudung cos I don't wanna show you my hair
before the great reveal. =p Stay tuned. It's coming!

Totally made me miss Australia. =)

The Need To Meet That Cannot Be Met

It feels like time is running out sooner than I want it to. Like the sands of time are just slipping through my fingers. Slowly finding its way out of my grasp. Falling far and out of my reach.

There's so much I want to do. So many places I want to go to. And so many people to go there with. But I can't do any of it. Not with the day-to-day things that are vehemently eating into my Last Days.

The thought came to me: What if I end up finding myself without time enough to do all that I hope to do before I say my goodbyes? And let's be honest here. With the way the last couple of weeks have been going, I'd say it's a definite possibility.

8.5 years and it all comes down to this – 1 week.

3 years and this is all I'm gonna get – a week.

Sigh.

So I guess it's true what they say: When you start off, you begin with Time on your side. But you waste it all on the fleeting things in life. Like work, deadlines and award submissions. And silly little emotion-wasters. Like cold wars, fights and I-don't-friend-you-anymores.

Then, before you know it, The End has founds its way to your doorstep, and you don't got extra time to waste no more. Realisation smacks you on the forehead and you wake up to the same pretty sight of falling grains. Except that now, that sight comes without the company of the beautiful clinking sounds of sand bouncing off the bottom of the hourglass.

You're not done, but your time's running out.

And there's nothing you can do about it.

Just The Two Of Us

SFX: Her mouse clicking. My keyboard tapping. Fans buzzing above us. Soft music playing in the background.

She turned to me between clicks, took in a breath and said, "Tonight may just turn out to be our last night alone at the office together." I stopped my tapping, turned to her and told her that it wouldn't be. Not with our current workload, at least. She insisted that it was definitely a possibility. Then added a fake cry for good measure.

Sigh.

*heartbreak*

12 Things You Didn't Know About Me: The Stuff I Watch Edition

1. I follow Grey's Anatomy religiously but I actually can't stand Meredith Grey. She annoys the hell outta me.

2. I personally think that McDreamy should have chosen Addison instead.

3. I think Lexie Grey makes a real hot blond. Heck, she makes me wanna go all blondie, too!

4. I think that 24 is stupid. The idea behind the drama is cool. But the whole thing's just stupid. Especially Bauer's daughter. Stupid girl who does stupid things. Like live.

5. When I watch CSI, I like predicting who the murderer is. And I say it aloud. Haha.

6. CSI: Las Vegas is the one and only true CSI! Rawr rawr rawr! I beh tahan Horatio from CSI: Miami. So pan cool. CSI: New York can consider ok-ok lah. One of the characters quite leng chai but I don't follow it so I dunno his name. =p

7. I wish they didn't call off Lipstick Jungle. I'm dying to know what happened after The Proposal. Me wants watching wedding!

8. I loved The Land Before Time. My heart used to break each time Littlefoot's mummy died. And it felt like she died so often cos I just kept watching it. T_T

9. The underwater scene in Pinocchio used to freak me out big time. So did the drunken elephant scene in Dumbo, come to think of it.

10. I used to be so crazy over The Parent Trap when I was in secondary school. I watched it so much, I even memorised the script.

11. I think that Liar Liar was Jim Carrey's best movie. Having said that, I cannot tahan the man and his brand of OA-kau-kau, super-slapstick humour.

12. I fell asleep watching Avatar. @_@ Forgive me, for I have sinned.

12 Things You Didn't Know About Me: The Things That Go In And Out Edition

1. I always eat the same old thing from the same old stall at the same old place. Always.

2. I hate the sight and smell of beef jerky but every time I pop, I think that it's simply DELISH and I can't stop!

3. I prefer dry bak kut teh to wet bak kut teh but I only eat it at 2 places in Klang. Any place else, I'd rather have it wet.

4. I don't really eat pork. I think it smells. (Which brings me to my next point...)

5. People tell me I'm more halal than a lot of modern Melayus. Haha. I don't drink, I don't smoke, I don't gamble and I don't really eat pork.

6. I actually have a thing for Sweetcorn ice cream but since it's hardly to be found these days, I settle for Vanilla. (Häagen-Dazs' Vanilla ice cream makes me go weak in the knees.)

7. I secretly wish I could pee straight standing up, just like boys do. Without having to take off my pants, just like boys don't.

8. I think peeing during working hours is a pure waste of time. Unless I want to waste time, then it's not. =p

9. I rarely wake up in the middle of the night to pee.

10. I can't pee without toilet paper.

11. I get happy when my poop floats. It tells me that I'm healthy. =D

12. I wish I had better bowel movement.

Photo Update For A Worried Mom

Ang ang makes me look more zheng sin.

See? This is proof that I'm better now.
Thinner... (big boo-hoo) but better. Chill lah.

12 Things You Didn't Know About Me: The Med Stuff Edition

1. I had jaundice as a baby.

2. When I was a kid, I developed an ear infection cos a beetle crawled into my ear one night and scratched me in my sleep.

3. I usually visit GPs with a preconceived idea of what I may have. If they agree with me, I'm awessum and I so shouldn't have wasted money on going to them in the first place. If they disagree, I start doubting their capabilities. @_@ I'm unfair. I know.

4. I'm allergic to Erythromycin. I go down with cold sweat, get bad cramps, diarrhoea, see stars... and then I pass out. Don't mess.

5. I don't like taking syrups. I'd go for a million tablets over a tablespoon of that vile pink antibiotic any day. (Which brings me to my next point...)

6. I used to pour cough mixture and antibiotic down the drain cos I hated the taste. (Mee, dee, it's time to put the past behind us. Let bygones be bygones and so on and so on. Live and let live. Forgive and forget. =D)

7. I'm terribly irresponsible with my antibiotics. Timing always off wan cos my meals are pretty irregular. I know, I'm the worse patient on the planet to have. T_T

8. I can't donate blood. I don't have enough blood for myself, much less have extras on hand to pass around.

9. Only people from the blood bank seem to be able to draw my blood. Everybody else hit here hit there, cucuk here cucuk there until I turn black and blue. -_-'

10. I've got back problems. After-effects of having been carried, thrown AND DROPPED more times than I can remember. Dancing is hazardous!!

11. I've got a bad knee. The Owner – he's a Biology grad or something – thinks I may have a torn ligament and may need surgery if the problem persists but... I'm gonna pretend that I just have a very, very, very deep, very painful bruise. @_@

12. I have never gone under the knife. And I don't intend to anytime soon. Sket. What if they put me under and I don't wake up??