Balance: A Desirable Point Between Two Or More Opposite Forces

I have a confession to make:
I'm a little karat when it comes to dating.

I think I'm pretty sound theoretically. But when it comes to real life, hands-on execution, I gabra. Haha. When does tarik harga-ing get tiring for the other party? When does pro-activeness border on bossiness? How do you know for sure if the other person feels the same way? Who gets in touch with who first? How friendly is too friendly? Look before you leap? Or jump first and think later?

I honestly don't know. Haha.

All I know is I'm banging on Balance to get me through the confusion. You can't quite go wrong if you're working with Equilibrium – the condition of a system in which competing influences are balanced [source] – in mind, right? (Haha. Totally brought me back to my days in College/Uni when Economics class ran at 8AM. =p) Just gotta find that middle ground that doesn't sit too close to the edge of Too Bad or Too Good.


I guess an example of how this works is this: It's kinda like how they always say men tend to go for good girls with a little bit of kinky in them or like how women always fall for bad boys with a gentlemanly streak. Guess what that says is that too much of a good thing becomes a bad thing for both sexes. That, and that we all think it's nice to be unexpectedly surprised (so redundant cos a surprise is unexpected -_-) every once in awhile.

Problem is, we're all such complicated beings.
So confused yet so certain about the things we want.

Take going out in groups, for instance. We rarely ever position ourselves right next to the people we're interested in (although we'd like to) for fear of being too forward. Too available. Too easy. And because of that, we'd rather be thrillingly close to and sickeningly far from our objects of desire at the same time. Self-inflicted frustration attributed to fear and/or pride. Haha. Sick.

Over the long weekend, I shared a conversation that
gave me insight to what the problem could possibly be.

Maybe what we need are obvious signs.

That, and a clearly defined status
of the relationship between the two parties.

1. OBVIOUS SIGNS

Hmmm. Okayyy, I think I can do that. I'm pretty direct a person by nature anyways. But... how obvious is too obvious? If one becomes too forward and forthright, it gets scary, doesn't it? What if it freaks the other person out? Or what if I get freaked out cos the other person is moving faster than I'd like him to? Hmmm. Tough. But at least the signs are obvious so there's no unnecessary (and dangerous) guessing games to be played, right? So, that's good. It's healthy.

When it comes to the difference in speed of dating, however, I guess that's where pacing comes in. But what's deemed a comfortable pace varies with the individual. Some take months upon months to warm up to others while some others just take minutes. If the difference becomes to jarring, one person needs to speed up, the other needs to slow down... or both parties may just as well forget about getting together at all cos the relationship will definitely topple over.


2. A CLEARLY DEFINED STATUS

This would definitely clear up a lot of the confusion associated with dating. If you're friends, you're friends. If you're seeing each other, you're just seeing each other to get to know each other better. No strings attached, no obligation. If you're exclusive, you're exclusive with one another and nobody else. There are no Maybes about it. It already sucks to occasionally wonder if you'll both last the distance. It'd suck even more if you have to even wonder if you're together in the first place.


Argh, but having said all that, I admit that it's never easy putting yourself on the line by giving out obvious signs. It isn't easy stepping into the commitment zone with "Hi, I like you. Would you like to date me exclusively?" either so, I guess we're back at square one:

Confused and looking for perfect balance
in the give-and-take, and show-and-tell of dating.

-_-

Hmmm...

You know, this just came to mind: I think this whole balance thing is a lot like playing dress up before a date. Layer on too much cloth and you're a prude. Too little and you're a skank. It's gotta be just right. Gotta show a little bit of skin and leave the rest to the imagination. And oh, trust me, achieving that balance is tough sometimes. Equilibrium sounds easy but it really isn't.


So... if something as trivial as dressing up can be tough, can you imagine how much more difficult it gets when it comes to love and relationships? It could drive a person to insanity just thinking about it. Because the effects of a wrong move is far more detrimental than a petty little fashion faux pas.