Past Tense

I dance. Or rather, I dance-D.

-_-

It's just something I used to do. Something I used to enjoy doing. Something I would probably still enjoy doing if I had the time or the chance to. It's something I haven't done in over... a year, maybe? Wow. Has it really been more than a year already? Funny how time flies when you stop counting the days. When you stop caring about things that matter.


Every time I'm at events with dance performances, my hands and feet start twitching. But my body stays still as ever. Because my heart is aching. It aches so badly when I see their smiling faces looking down at me from the stage before me. And even when they slip up, I wish it was me up there slipping up. Messing up. And ruining the show. That's how much I want it to be me.

But that's impossible.

Because slip up or no slip up,
it's not me up there.

It's not me dancing up there.

I've painfully learnt to put my dancing days behind me. But I have to admit... I really miss those days. Days when my muscles ached from 12-hour practices. When two hands with ten fingers couldn't finish counting the bruises I come home with. Times when I underwent physiotherapy for back, knee and ankle injuries thanks to the many falls my body was put through. It sucked then but I loved the way it sucked. Because it only sucked cos the aches, bruises and injuries only meant less dance-hours and less performances. Not because I didn't love the sport. (Yes, dancing is a sport.) And I miss it. I miss it all. Cos it's been so long. It's been too long.


I wonder if I can still remember how my body should move to the music. They say it comes naturally. Like learning to ride a bike. I wonder if I still pick up steps as easily as I used to. I wonder if being able to touch my toes still means that I'll able to perform splits and lifts. -_- I'm not willing to bet on it. I feel like I've aged 10 years in the last 12 months. Ugh.


I've let my hours at work steal so much from me. Time with my friends. Time with my loved ones. Time with my family. Time with the people who matter to me. And time doing things that I want to do. Like watching movies, hanging out, listening to music, shopping, relaxing by myself, reading and... well, dancing.

I want to dance again.

But... how!? Sigh.