Saturday, March 22, 2008

Past Tense

I dance. Or rather, I dance-D.

-_-


It's just something I used to do. Something I used to enjoy doing. Something I would probably still enjoy doing if I had the time or the chance to. It's something I haven't done in over... a year, maybe? Wow. Has it really been more than a year already? Funny how time flies when you stop counting the days. When you stop caring about things that matter.


Every time I'm at events with dance performances, my hands and feet start twitching. But my body stays still as ever. Because my heart is aching. It aches so badly when I see their smiling faces looking down at me from the stage before me. And even when they slip up, I wish it was me up there slipping up. Messing up. And ruining the show. That's how much I want it to be me.


But that's impossible.

Because slip up or no slip up,
it's not me up there.

It's not me dancing up there.


I've painfully learnt to put my dancing days behind me. But I have to admit... I really miss those days. Days when my muscles ached from 12-hour practices. When two hands with ten fingers couldn't finish counting the bruises I come home with. Times when I underwent physiotherapy for back, knee and ankle injuries thanks to the many falls my body was put through. It sucked then but I loved the way it sucked. Because it only sucked cos the aches, bruises and injuries only meant less dance-hours and less performances. Not because I didn't love the sport. (Yes, dancing is a sport.) And I miss it. I miss it all. Cos it's been so long. It's been too long.


I wonder if I can still remember how my body should move to the music. They say it comes naturally. Like learning to ride a bike. I wonder if I still pick up steps as easily as I used to. I wonder if being able to touch my toes still means that I'll able to perform splits and lifts. -_- I'm not willing to bet on it. I feel like I've aged 10 years in the last 12 months. Ugh.


I've let my hours at work steal so much from me. Time with my friends. Time with my loved ones. Time with my family. Time with the people who matter to me. And time doing things that I want to do. Like watching movies, hanging out, listening to music, shopping, relaxing by myself, reading and... well, dancing.


I want to dance again.

But... how!? Sigh.

16 comments :

luxen said...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tbQNgOKzZh8

I think you'll appreciate the humor in this music video.

"What do we do? Dance it out!"
I wish I had their enthusiasm.

Anonymous said...

join in the church youth creative ministry la....sure have many dancing events... btw, what dance do you usually dance? Waltz? Tango?

amb3r1te said...

i used to dance too, but that was 2 years ago. nowadays i go to latin dance classes in college, but somehow its not the same. the intensity just isnt there.

JYJL said...

She do break dance~ She broke her back~ hahaha.

I'm honored to share same stage with u before~ Cheers~!

Anonymous said...

ooooooooo..itu macam..

Anonymous said...

Jacob: Wah! She can break dance wan?! Dun Play play lor....Wkakaka =P

Pam Song said...

ATTN: luxen
– Haha. Waiting for it to load.


ATTN: adrian
– Cannot lah. My timetable doesn't permit. =( What I dance? Haha. Not partner stuff lah. Not many guys dance. Not enough. Me? Modern/HipHop/R&B-ish stuff lah. Ballet and traditional no more lah. Those I left behind even longer than 1 year ago. -_-

And pls. Dun listen to JYJL. He talking in his own world di. Haha.


ATTN: amb3r1te
– Ya lor. Sigh. How come ah? Like tak sakit then tak syok liddat. Eh, you wanna take classes ah?


ATTN: JYJL
– Ish! Your this comment made my friend ask me how I broke my back. -_-


ATTN: Yatz
– Like what? Haha.

Pam Song said...

ATTN: luxen
– MY EYES!!! MY EYES!!!

-_-

So salah that video clip!

sheon said...

dance...no..not me! i wished i could, but nope...dancing is not my thing.

yeah..i think you can dance, just off the lights in your room, play some nice hip music...and let loose everything..... i'm sure its therapeutic...

sheon said...

i like this one better

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4ULVQOneeZE


haha...on a more serious note, look up for KABA MODERN on youtube, these people can really dance!

ming said...

dance?

hmm..

i know dancing has always been your passion.. but for now i guess it's more important for you to pick up your ice skating shoes, keep on practicing, no matter how many times you have fallen, never give up.

lol

joshuaongys said...

since u love dancing so much, take it up again lo haa =) when you reached a certain level, u can teach people already then you can earn money/enjoy ur job at the same time lo!!

Simon Seow said...

Wow, you were a dancer. What kind of dance?

Pam Song said...

ATTN: sheon
– Haha. I don't particularly like that kinda dancing. I mean, I do it for kicks when good songs come on radio but... not like purposely off lights and all lah. More like to perk me up while I get ready for work. Haha.

And I don't really dance to let loose. I listen to real snazzy, jazzy, lovey-dovey emo music for all that.

Will watch the YouTube one later. My connection's wonky right now. Cannot load.


ATTN: ming
– Ya lor. I think the last time I danced, you saw lor. That's how long it's been. -_-

I think I need to sharpen the blade on my ice-skating shoes. *winks*


ATTN: joshuaongys
– Haha. I need to find time in order to do that. It's been awhile lah. And dancing costs money so I've gotta think of that, too. =(

Honestly, I dun really like teaching dance. I've tried it for some performances but... I don't much enjoy it. I prefer mastering other ppl's steps than getting ppl to master mine. Weird but true. Haha.


ATTN: Simon Seow
– Ish! Never pay attention to other ppl's comments. Haha.

"Modern/HipHop/R&B-ish stuff lah. Ballet and traditional no more lah. Those I left behind even longer than 1 year ago. -_-"

amb3r1te said...

i do! but it depends on the time, availability of transport and cost :(

Pam Song said...

ATTN: amb3r1te
– Sad case lah we all. Passion where got depends depends wan hor? =(

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