You know how they say that when two people fall in love, life gets that much sweeter? That when two people get together, Life somehow starts feeding them smaller, bite-sized irritants rather than the usual chomp of full-fledged Trouble they always get. Tiny, negligible hiccups as opposed to what they should have found on their plate... you know?
Well, I blame The Feeling.
You know? That feeling.
The feeling that makes us dance hand in hand, with our bums showing... just like pre-school kids do. The feeling that makes us sing like Cameron in My Best Friend's Wedding and not care that the people around us have started cringing. The feeling that keeps us cheering our better half on with goofy smiles although you know they're nowhere near the Finish line.
That feeling. And we all love that feeling, don't we? Cos it's what makes the grass seem greener and the sky seem bluer. It's what we
think causes the birds to start chirping and the rainbows to start appearing.
At least that's what we want to believe... but
that doesn't always happen all the time, now, does it?
Not here, not anywhere else,
and definitely not all the time.
It's just what we say to pretend
that things are easier than they are.
So I guess that kinda means that I blame the fact that we're all great pretenders, too. Pretenders – that, we are. We
pretend that we're happy with things we're not happy with. We
pretend that we're fine though we're nowhere near Fine at all. We
pretend that we're okay with things although, on the inside, we're really not. But is pretending really all that bad? I don't know. Maybe. Okay, I guess it is. But we do it anyways. And we'd do it all over again if we had a chance to do it all over again... wouldn't we?
And they lie, you know? Those pretend feelings I was talking about... they lie. Technically, they're from us... but they also lie to us. They tell us that things will get better... in time. That we'll be happier... eventually. That things will get easier... as they days go by.
Except that they don't.
And we say that we won't believe in those feelings anymore, after we realise that everything's nothing more than a sham. Nothing more than a ploy to keep us smiling and moving in sync with everybody else. But then we turn our backs against what we say on the inside and continue to place our trusts in what those feelings say anyway. Today and every other day. Do we really enjoy that pain? The pain of knowing what we believe to be true isn't real? I don't. But I do it anyways... although things
don't get easier, they
don't get better, and they
don't get any less complicated.
Sigh. I'm rambling. And I really think that since I've got an unbelievably long and stressful day all planned out for tomorrow, I should just stop going at it in my head and just go to bed.
But I can't stop. I don't want to stop.
I'm too tired to stop. I'm too tired to stop thinking.
Sigh. I'm too tired. I'm just too tired.