[little REMINDER TO SELF: No. Metaphors. During. 7-Day. Policy. Change. Period.]
You know, I sometimes wonder if I'll ever be the person I want to be. I mean, I want to be a good Christian who lives rightly. I want to be a good daughter to Mee and Dee. I want to be a good girlfriend to Ky-Shen. I want to be a good employee to McCann. I want to be a good colleague to the folks who spend every waking hour at McCann. I want to be a good friend to those who're willing to give me their time of day. And eventually, when the time comes, I want to be a good wife and mother to the members of my own family.
But I feel like such a failure in some of these areas. Most, if I'm honest with myself. I fall short in so many ways. Not only am I not 'good' enough, I'm nowhere even near being 'average'. I'm failing at what I do. And I'm failing miserably. It's a painful admission but... it's true. Cos that's the way it feels to me. Right now, and for the past two weeks especially. I just don't measure up. I don't. And no matter how much I try, it just seems like I'm putting myself up for another screw up. And the knowledge of that securely keeps this one thought at the back of my mind...
When will I screw up next?
Countdown: 7 days
31 comments :
We wear many masks in life, we're someone's child, lover, employee... etc. Sometimes we don't have time to change the mask and other wonder what happened to us, why have we changed. We're still there, we just look different.
We only have a finite time on this earth to spend. Prioritize it.
Go do a confession.
"Father forgive me cause I have a sin...."
ATTN: luxen
– Hmmm. Good observation. Maybe the changing of roles becomes difficult for me. You know? Where I'm supposed to be bold and speak out at work, then supposed to be some kind of door mat when I'm outside of it. Sigh. Dunno lah. All I know is that it's overwhelming.
ATTN: Simon Seow
– Haha. This is so not confession time. This was thinking time.
take it easy now young lady.....
fall is painful.......but thats how we learned to walk.....as walking is described as a series of controlled-falls.... :)
dont be so hard on yourself.
mccann, truth well said.... :) (i thought its in jln sultan ismail?)
Its not about how many time you fell, but how many times you are able to get up and TAKE CHARGE!
All things are possible through Christ who strengthens us! ...the might and the zeal to move on despite of the rough challenges ......Get on the horse and ride...Yee Haa! =))
it's better to fall now better than the later days rite?
it's like you dont want to see the beautiful site now and only notice the ugly site in ur later life..
you are doing good girl, it;s good dat at least we notice the goods and bads, we just need to learn to how to deal with it or face it better.
=p
When you fall now, you pick up the pieces and take charge of what you screwed up the last time.. It worked for me.. :)
My my... why la babes! Are you ok? Why so full of dismay, things can't be that bad. Have faith, you are a good person at heart and you know it. Keep your heart filled with God's will and you know it's a phase that He means for you to learn something, especially in troubled times. HUgs yeah
ATTN: sheon
– Controlled falls. I like the sound of that. Thanks, man. =)
Ooo. You know my company? How come? It's not at Jln Sultan Ismail no more. Changed di. We shifted.
p/s: And it's TRUTH WELL TOLD!!! You said the wrong line!!! -_-
ATTN: adrian
– Hmmm. But if you keep falling and falling, you wonder if there will come a day when you bust your knee and you never get up again. Taking charge is easier to say than to do. Especially when it comes to females.
ATTN: ming
– Yeah, I agree babe. I shall see the beauty in this life I lead. Thanks for your words of encouragement. I wish you were here. Hearts. =)
ATTN: SarahMeiAnn
– Haha. Bravo. Spoken like a true believer. Picking up the pieces is the hard part. But once we're done with that, everything should get better, right?
ATTN: Aronil
– Learn something? Yeah, I guess. But the learning process is just so painful. And tiring. I feel so helpless already. Like, I dunno what to do anymore. Sigh. Thanks though. You niceness. Hugs!
Hahaha....I went through that lol! Its never easy… its like the Malay says “jatuh ditimpa tangga”. Dunno how many bruises....Uh! I still remember that! Woohoo! My BM still pass!
But eh eh, still survives wat...cos I got better muscles to run a more challenging race.
Hehe...Pam so easily get defeated wan meh?!
But if the fears are overwhelming....it will be wise to pause a while and think thoroughly in a more relaxing mood. Humans usually cannot make wise decision in hasty condition. That’s why la Christians are encouraged to seek the Lord in quiet time...=)
Why isn’t it easy for females to take charge? I tot men and women are made to be equal?
Hmmm...maybe I will say that too if I have no control or frustrated over myself... Patience la =)
ATTN: adrian
– Ya lor. Jatuh kau kau, man. But it's tiring having to clean up bruises and cuts all the time lah, you know?
And no lah, not get defeated. Just... the thoughts running through my mind. Like, it's a cycle that never ends. A vicious cycle.
And it's not easy for women to take charge NOT because we can't. It's cos MEN don't want us to take charge. They want to lead. At home, among friends, and at the workplace. So strong willed women always face this struggle. Where they are expected to behave weakly.
Hahaha...you just sounded like a married woman with handful of kids!
I tell you what....woman can still take charge la in a more diplomatic way....just that dont let your man knows (means not to obviousla). Hokkien says " Hor Bin la"...Wkakaka =P
i kinda know kareen gan. we had dinner once....a mutual friend was leaving for work overseas. :)
ATTN: adrian
– Huh? How did that come off motherly?! You a bit off today issit? Like tangent tak betul liddat. Haha.
Of course hor bin is one thing. BUt perfect obedience is another. And what a lot of men want now is perfect obedience.
ATTN: sheon
– Oh! She left before I came in. Penang girl also, right? Servicing wan. Different department. I'm in Creative. But we work together lah.
yeah...she was as a brand exec. well, i dunno her that well lah.. only a dinner, and that was like...almost 1 year ago. :)
well, its apparent that you are very creative.....no surprise you are in 'creative'
Hahaha....Perhaps I need more sleep lol.....will gauge more tonite.....
eh...eh.....Obedience is better than sacrifices lar....not I say wan, but I think you know the source.....Mwahahaha =P
But personally, I will want an obedience wife but also an outspoken woman; someone who dares to rebuke & correct wisely. Cos I dun have to 2nd guess what the other person mind is thinking.....its tiring you know....
So who says a lot of men want a perfect obedience wife.......Salah theory liao! Haha! =)))
ATTN: sheon
– Haha. One year ago? That should be just before she left or right after she left di lo.
And haha. Yeah. Creative rawks. Less PR-ing to do also. Very tiring wan if everyday have to smile and act nice. HAHA.
ATTN: adrian
– I know obedience is better but that's where the clash of personality comes in. We're supposed to have a brain, be smart, think... and then, when we feel decisions are not made wisely or made with us in mind, we are expected to follow blindly. It's not as simple as you think.
Even you. You see, you say, "I will want an obedience wife but also an outspoken woman; someone who dares to rebuke & correct wisely." BUT if she rebuke your ideas and your plans for the future, you think you want meh? You will demand perfect obedience also. And that's tiring for her. Not to mention a little unfair.
My theory so betul. You're in denial.
If she rebukes.....the most important question is "Why dear? You have better ideas?" liddatla......this one also beh hiao?!
If her reasons are reasonable and wise then I follow, but if not gotta convince her to follow me la (diplomatic approach mah; dont tell me that liddat also cannot discuss while she can say that she loves me).....
If very hard to even communicate, then I need to consider is this is the woman that I ever want in my life.....=P Honestly, many failed this test...
So susah meh to be diplomatic in the constructive manner?
And nope.....you gotta understand the heart of man lol! Of course I dream that my woman will be obedience but I dont demand perfect obedience lol! A helper is what I need not a slave.
Hahaha....=)) Relaxs lol Tinki...Haha
ATTN: Adrian
– Ya, but if in her head her ideas are good, of course she'd want to convince you to take the right path also wat! And 'it's cos she LOVES you'. See, it works both ways wat. What makes your way better than hers just cos you THINK your way is the right way?
Okay...she is free to convince me with her ideas and I am willing to LISTEN.
But if the idea is not so convincing, then I will explain my perspective and ask her opinions in return.
See...Two- ways traffic is all I ask...Not a super duper skill lor.
If both could not come out with a common decision....then plan out 2 plans la (plan A and Plan B).......
If plan A doesnt work out than plan B la......."hey! Organization management skills work in relationship too heh!" Haha...this is getting interesting! =))
P/S: Anyhew, if my way is not 'better' than her ways then she would not even choose me as bf right?! Hahaha....ok..ok..joke only this one.....=)
ATTN: Adrian
- "P/S: Anyhew, if my way is not 'better' than her ways then she would not even choose me as bf right?! Hahaha....ok..ok..joke only this one.....=)"
Men like you deserve to be castrated.
Haha.....Im waiting! Ngek Ngek Ngek......
If she wanna castrate, I will be standing there and say this " You wan babies or not" .... You cut = no babies, No cut = many babies....Steadylar!.......Mwaahahahaha ! =))))))) *laughing non stop*
ATTN: adrian
– *rolls eyes* Sometimes, I wonder how you pass off as a guy your age.
Haha....age doesnt stop us from joking lar.. you take it too serius liao...Hahaha =)
ATTN: adrian
– You don't blog, right? You should have been at the pajama party. All the crazy-slash-kiasugila ones are the non-bloggers.
Okie..Okie...You WIN...Super give face liao! Hahahaha....
And nope, me no kiasu but kiasi....Hahaha =P
BTW, how did the heck those non bloggers manage to get there? Tot the party is for bloggers?
ATTN: adrian
– Non bloggers get to go if they have blogger friends who use Innit. These glitterati members get to bring guests lor. So ma their non blogger friends get to go lor.
I managed to read out the event from other bloggers...overall, Ok! Ok! only la....Im not quite into this kind of party....Prefer something like beach party...had a good one last year and a Jazz music party 2mths ago....these are real fun....=)
Looking forward for another one "dinner and dance" event in July....cant wait for it....=)
ATTN: adrian
– Hmmm. You into the high class stuff. Haha. The kind that costs money. =p We go free ticket wan. HAHA.
Haha...I only paid for the Jazz party cos that was a personal event and the others are FREE lah! My US boss paid for it....=)
ATTN: adrian
– Wah! So good wan your boss!
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