Thursday, March 20, 2008

Blithering Idiot

Tell me why I keep putting myself out there. Tell me why I just keep putting myself in a position to get hurt over and over and over again. Stupid or what??? Go ahead lah. Tell me! Cos I sure as hell don't know, and it sure seems to me like I'm never ever going to figure it out before I kill myself with my lousy, no-good, self-imposed, sendiri-cari-mari emotional suffering and female angst.


AARRRGGGHHHH!!!

I'm such an idiot!

Never again lah, I tell you. NEVER AGAIN. Next time,
I'm doing it all for ME. I'll be doing everything for ME.

27 comments :

Anonymous said...

My wish for you... is that this life becomes all that you want it to. your dream stays your worry stays small, you never need to hold whatever you can't hold... and when you're out there getting where you're getting to, i hope you know somebody loves you and wants the same things too... yeah this is my wish.

-foth

pamsong said...

ATTN: foth
– Hey, we have the same wish! =p

Thanks for making my day.

chingy said...

I believe your header will make your mood better! XD

Anyway, I was browsing through your blog in class, and Justin (Tham) suddenly said,

"Eh! You know her?"

"Not really, but I read her blog"

What a small world eh? XD

pamsong said...

ATTN: chingy
– Haha. Oh yeah! I have a cute bunny on my Easter header! Haha. Will use it as desktop picture now. =p

Justin Tham is in your class!? What happened to his high-flying Mr Cool Guy life?! Haha. Tell him I said 'hi'.

Small world indeed, wei. Scary sometimes. Haha.

luxen said...

you do it because you're a nice girl and you assume people are nice too.

pamsong said...

ATTN: luxen
– Pain. =(

chingy said...

Haha; wokie! Will tell him when I see him on Monday. XD
Hahha, he said that he want to at least get a cert. XD

sheon said...

:) pam.......nice things, nice people, nice food, nice easter bunnies, nice movies, ...and happily ever afters still exist in this world. there's enough good for us to hope for, doesnt it?

pamsong said...

ATTN: chingy
– Okay! Never thought he'd really give up the life. Good for him. =p

YOU HAVE HOLIDAY TODAY??? I WANT HOLIDAYYYYY!!! ROAR!


ATTN: sheon
– I'm starting to doubt the existence of all that. Really. Every time hope also in the end have crushed hope only.

sheon said...

i absolutely understand how it feels like, really.

*gives you a virtual pat on your back* everything is going to be just fine.......nice things happen to nice people, give yourself some time to 'heal' and regain the confidence that you once had. no need to rush.

pamsong said...

ATTN: sheon
– Thanks for the pep talk. =)

adrian said...

aiyoo....why said thyself until liddat? So demeaning....You're no idiot, but just made a mistake. And that is not a big deal, cos I made a lot too....some very paiseh wan @_@

On a serious note:-
As long as there is a space to hope, there is always a reason to LIVE! Live Well, Live to the Fullest! =)

pamsong said...

ATTN: adrian
– When you keep making the same mistakes, you qualify as an idiot.

adrian said...

Hmmm.... by throwing frustration over yourself will not help at all Pam; in fact it will be very tiring....more emo-draining =/

Take it as a learning curve lor so that you could become a wiser woman in the days to come....

Hokkien says this:
"Chiak ka lau, Ook ka Cheh" =)

pamsong said...

ATTN: adrian
– Yeah, I guess. But I need to let it out lor. Pent up frustration is even worse! Eat me from the inside out.

adrian said...

Dont hold it back....let it out! As much as it wants to come out...If its eating you from inside out,then try to use something to divert the inside-> out effects.

Perhaps these might help:
1. Treat your meal like your enemy and bite it to bits...
2. Go workpout at a gym..or spa
3. Play any music instrument passionately...as loud as you want in a sealed area...
4. Sing aloud like never b4 in your car while driving.

For me I will usually drop by at my company's break area for a mad drumming session at night if Im really stress out....I will close my eyes, shake my head and play crazily....some peoples call me "tiau Tang" ...wkakaka.. after that, Im relief and I can go home smilling...=)

pamsong said...

ATTN: adrian
– Haha. I prefer online escapism somewhat. Not so much physical rampages. You play the drums for PFAOG?

adrian said...

Yup...I serve as one of the drummers in the church's music ministry.

Kinda enjoy it when comes to playin the worship part. Its not so much about the skills but about experincing the presence and annointing of the Holy Spirit especially during high praise. Sometimes, you will tremble and feel so encouraged when you play instruments for God......=) the heavenly tunes are so encouraging......

Wanna try music ministry? How about piano? worship leading?

pamsong said...

ATTN: adrian
– Haha. I was in the worship team in my home church. =p Before I left for KL.

adrian said...

Wah! Not bad huh Tinki! You play wat instrument?

Continue to serve the Lord lor in your current church...You will be blessed! =)

pamsong said...

ATTN: adrian
– Haha. Mostly I sing. But when they need help, I play the keyboards. A handful of times, the drums. But I stink at them. Haha.

adrian said...

Aiseh! The woman plays drums also wan lor....Hmmm...me got more 'kaki' liao....Haha =P

pamsong said...

ATTN: adrian
– Like long long long time ago lor. No more lah. Probably can keep time now only. Haha. With the triangle. Ky-Shen's younger brother plays the drums and has a drumset. Haha. But I think Ky-Shen plays drums a little better. Oh, and my cousin is a drummer. Like hardcore drummer. A lot of drummers around lah.

adrian said...

Hahaha...the triangle? Must be hit-hat lar. And I know your hardcore male cousin (my ex Form1 classmate)...HCC guy...=)

if acoustic drumset at home, neighbours bising lor......me looking for electronic drumset (Roland Vdrum is on the chart); but dont really like the feel......

pamsong said...

ATTN: adrian
– Haha. Not the high-hat lah. I'm talking about the real metal triangle that you hit with a metal stick then it go 'ting-ting' wan.

Ooo! Ya hor? Edwin also play drums. No lah. Wasn't referring to him though. I've another cousin who's a drummer. Like he has a band and all that wan. Finish drums Grade 8 already wan.

adrian said...

Ooohh.....the triangle that I used to bring it close to my friends ears and knock hard.......

Wah! your another cousin so KENG wan......me no grade but pakai hentam only......if beats & timing sound right, jadilah....Hahaha =P

pamsong said...

ATTN: adrian
– Yeah. He quite geng. And only 20. =p

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