Tuesday, August 10, 2010

Dear John

Watching the movie Dear John today made me think about how far The Fiancé and I have come. Our love story shares some very similar themes to the movie. Only minus the war, the autism and the cancer. (Phew.) Having said that, I still ended up crying my eyes out at almost every chapter because something or another reminded me of a time in our many years together. T_T

Throughout our relationship, our time together was always tortured with ever-looming due dates. Every countdown just seemed to lead to yet another. And another and another. Excitement was always followed by dread. Short bursts of happy togetherness that always ended in one person or the other boarding a car, a bus or a plane in tears. Goodbyes for us were painful, and frequent.

And in the time in between, before the explosion of the Skype and GoogleTalk era, we would write letters to each other. Snail mail; old school style. I used to write him a letter a day. For years. Penning my way through the loneliness just so I could feel like he was right there with me and not a 5-hour plane ticket away. Funny how the mind does all it can to fool itself into believing what helps it make it through another day.

Our time apart gave us our own versions of John and Savannah's Randy and Tim. Like flies on an already rotting piece of meat, they eventually became big-picture insignificant. But at the time, they were insistent annoyances that wouldn't go away. Ignorance wasn't bliss; and neither was knowledge. But after putting in the time and effort it took to make things work, we survived the ordeal.

The light at the end of the tunnel was when the sun went down on our college and university days. That meant the end of our relationship as we knew it. No more letter writing, no more 'missing-yous', no more long distance. Best part was that that also meant the beginning of the kind of relationship we couldn't wait to experience. Endless hours, days, months and years together without having to watch the clock or mark calendars ever again. It was a time to look forward to. =)

But the wonder in that experience was short-lived. Decisions that affected two were made with one in mind and in the blink of an eye, the 'goodbyes' and plane rides began again. Misunderstanding, loneliness and neglect grew while anger, irritation and resentment to festered on the side. A salad bowl of negative emotions, really. And then when things got too much to swallow... well, we threw out the salad.

And just like that, Distance and Time Apart took their shots at our relationship when we were at our weakest and had our backs turned. They hit like two bullets through the back – totally unexpected, painful at the time, scarring us for awhile, but necessary all the same to give us enough time to heal, toughen up and teach us to fight for peace, instead of with one another. And looking back, I guess it worked.

It was during time apart that we both grew up and grew out of our high school selves. We learned to accept our tainted past, to not sweat the small stuff, to appreciate each other more (to express that appreciation, too!), to no longer expect perfection, and to give more than we take. Just two imperfect beings, working to make things as perfect as they possibly can for one another, in an imperfect world.

There were other little scenes that brought back memories – both good and bad – but I can't seem to remember them now. I related then; but now, I forget. Which is all well and good cos it's not memories and reminders of the past that make up the future anyway.

There are people who believe that no matter how far Life has taken us, some people never really forget their first loves. And this movie goes to great lengths to establish that as fact in fiction. As for me, I'd like to believe that The Fiancé and I are living proof of a fairytale come true. =)


choco said...


Pam Song said...

ATTN: choco
– *smile*

Josie said...

aiyo, i must say watching 'dear john' didn't make cry, but reading your post nearly did!


Pam Song said...

ATTN: Josie
- Hahaha. That emo meh? Haha. But thanks!! =)

cuilin said...

=,( i feel it all the way..
and so i'm so happy for you.

you both made it tru. =,)

Pam Song said...

ATTN: cuilin
– Thanks, babe. =)

Lissa said...

I'm happy for you. :) Not everyone gets a happy ending, but I'm glad you did. Because you, of all people, deserve it.

Pam Song said...

ATTN: Lissa
– You know, I'm happy for me, too. =) Thanks, Lissa.

Lissa said...

Don't mention it. ^.^

- nithya - said...

Aww Song. You just took me back to college. I remember you hurling your phone at nothing once. Scared the crap outta me. Hehe. I'm so happy where you're at now. Always been your prince charming hasn't he? ;)Fairytale come true indeed. *huggies*

Pam Song said...

ATTN: Lissa
– =)

ATTN: - nithya -
– Haha. Those were the days huh? Our hey days. When KFC was considered "special dinner". =p Gosh, I miss those times. The playground, the cheap meals, the back row. Man, have we come a long way since then.

And yeah. It's always been him. Hugs!

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