Time For The Next Service

Some friends come and go.
Pain and heartache hits, then leaves.
In due time, all is forgotten.

But some friendships don't do that.

Sure, the frequency of meet-ups may dwindle as time passes. Time spent sharing thoughts, hopes, wishes, dreams, regrets and pains may diminish greatly. Calls exchanged almost but vanish. But the depth and intimacy remains... though, sadly, hidden under false pretenses.

What pretenses?

The pretense of not caring anymore. The pretense of not being interested in the other and the other's person's life altogether. The pretense of not wanting to bother. The pretense of not having any measure of concern. Just a step away from total disregard, really. So much so that it becomes shameful to look the other in the eye.

But it isn't true.

Why?

Because it's all pretense.

But why is it so difficult to live beyond
the parameters of that said pretense?

It's difficult only because it demands that you be vulnerable. It leaves you bare to the storms that may (or may not) hit the shores of your friendship. It strips you bare of your shields. It pulls you out from the shadows and leaves you standing on the outside of the walls you've worked so hard at putting up. It forces you to face the cold, hard truth – that you cannot go it alone no matter how strong you pretend to be and that you are, in fact, dependent on the love and support of another.

Alone, you are weak. Nobody goes into battle alone. And let's face it... Every day is a battle. Is it not? Tell me it isn't and I'll point you out a liar or a poor soul in denial.

I don't want to fight alone.
I won't make it out alive.
I will fall. I will fail.

But friendship takes effort. It requires maintenance. It carries with it certain demands – demands that are not to be taken for granted. It doesn't come easy. Or rather, it comes rather easily but doesn't remain unchanging as easily. After all, the only thing constant is change, right? If I am to even attempt to oppose the very nature of things, I need to put in some effort. And deviating change requires effort – effort to nurture and upkeep whatever that has already been put in my possession.

I know what I must do.

I will put in effort. I will work at the friendships that matter to me – and believe you me, they matter greatly. I will labour and I know it will not be in vain. I will invest without fear of loss.

Sigh.

The very thought scares me.

But I will. It is time and I will, I will.