Tuesday, August 05, 2008

The Wonder Of Love Is This:



I've had some time over the last month or so to really ponder about the whole idea of love. About what loving, being in love and being loved means to me. And about what all three mean with me inside and outside the equation. And about what all three really mean when God is placed in the center of that equation. I thought about love and about my expectations of it. About my contribution to it. And about what it's like to really be committed to loving someone with all my heart, mind and strength... for an entire lifetime.


And then it got me thinking. When you say, "I love you," how much of it is said out of habit and how much of it is said because you really mean those three life-giving words that should come from the depths of your heart? It's a question we all must ask ourselves when we're cradling the tender hearts of the people who love us, in our hands. It's important that we check ourselves. And be honest with ourselves and the ones whom we care deeply about, should unexpected answers come our way.


Sometimes, it's not about not having loved enough or not having invested enough into a relationship. Instead, it's about not being able to give love the way it wants to be received. And about not being able to truly appreciate the love that is given no matter how much effort has been put into giving it. (Think: Gary Chapman’s best-selling book, The Five Love Languages.) The quote, "To love and be loved is to feel the sun from both sides," is incomplete. What could probably be more apt would be, "To love and be loved in ways and means that bode well with both parties is to feel the sun from both sides."


Love makes the world go round. But it also makes everything go topsy-turvy when the gears aren't kicked in right. Is love the one thing keeping your world spinning on its axis? Or is it what's causing your world to spin out of control? And when do you know for sure which kind of 'spinning' your love for another and another's love for you, is bringing you through?


I did a lot of thinking and soul-searching.
And I must say... I think I'm none the wiser.

(Okay, fine. I actually think I'm just a little bit wiser.)

17 comments :

joshuaongys said...

this is actually a life learning topic bah... its one of the most important teachings of GOD... be it friendship love, family love, and other types of love... we have to learn about it for how long we live... and yea you think u're a lil bit wiser, dat means u've been thru quite sucky stuffs/experience that is =) hehehehehe

MattiE said...

haha thanks for dropping a comment by my blog. neat one you have yourself here :)

Linora 'Aronil' Low said...

i hardly think anyone can even comprehend what love is. there is the agape love we have between each other, there is the unconditional love between us and Jesus and then there is the supposed 'relationship kinda of love'.... i don't understand it either.... and i am no wiser :P
your blog is looking all purple hehe

pamsong said...

ATTN: joshuaongys
– It's true. Every day is a learning process. And yes, I've been through enough for me to say that I am that little bit wiser.


ATTN: MattiE
– No worries. Thanks for dropping by. =)


ATTN: Linora 'Aronil' Low
– Haha. Not that easy to be wise in the things of love and the matters of the heart, huh? I wish I was. But I can't say that I am.

And yes. All purple and green. Nice! =p

sabrina said...

Nicely written!

I have often said that love is both the best and the worst thing that can happen to someone :p

Linora 'Aronil' Low said...

hahha it reminds me or crabtree and evelyn right now.

pamsong said...

ATTN: sabrina
– Aww, thanks! And yes. You're right. I can be the best or the worst thing to happen to someone... depending on the outcome.

pamsong said...

ATTN: Linora 'Aronil' Low
– HAHAHAHA. True true.

SJ said...

The equation of love is give not equal to receive, no 50:50.

Love this kind of thing is unsolvable or unpredictable and there always different answer cause love constantly changing.

You have to experience it to understand, but even so, you might cross paths with it and it would never be the same.

Shakespeare, 'Love sought is good, but given unsought is better.'

Andrew Chua said...

I think the love you are talking about is the boy-girl type of love, as opposed to family love or friendship or whatever...

Romantic love is the most tricky of all, because it has to be EXCLUSIVE. If you could only buy and use one car for the rest of your life, it would be a pretty huge decision... And if you find that what you bought wasn't what you thought it'd be, all hell breaks loose.

"Sometimes, it's not about not having loved enough or not having invested enough into a relationship. Instead, it's about not being able to give love the way it wants to be received. And about not being able to truly appreciate the love that is given no matter how much effort has been put into giving it."

This is, in a word, INCOMPATIBILITY. That's why Chinese parents put so much effort into matching 'pat chee' and all that before a wedding (the rationale behind the method is arguable though)...

Sometimes, to make love successful, we need less of it, not more... It is an over-gushed-with-love head that ignores practical difficulties.

And practical difficulties have a way of coming back to bite you in the butt.

It doesn't matter how much you love that Mini Cooper... If you are built like Yao Ming, there's just not gonna be any long-term love in this driver-car relationship.

"Love makes the world go round. But it also makes everything go topsy-turvy when the gears aren't kicked in right."

Romanitc Love is the single most powerful force on Earth. It had to be designed this way, otherwise no one would make the necessary sacrifices to start a family. And like any powerful force, it could be very disruptive when things turn out wrong...

Love. Haih... What the hell is Love...

neway, learnt a lot from this post... ;-)

pamsong said...

ATTN: SJ
– That's true. It's never equal. Because... what is equality in a relationship? A person who's truly in love does not keep count. They don't care about equality. Because when love is given, it's out one pocket and in the other pocket. That's love.

I don't think that love changes. But I think that our understanding of it changes as we grow and mature.


ATTN: Andrew Chua
– Yes, I'm referring to my understanding of romantic love. And yes, it IS the most tricky of all. Because there are no obligations. No ties. But a whole lot of emotional attachment.

It is a huge decision. But a decision many of us are eager to make. Because when the decision is secured and finalised, every other part of life falls into place. Everything else... flows. And you face it as not one, but two individuals with one spirit.

And yes. Compatibility in love languages matter. It matters a lot. People often underestimate it. That's why I feel that opposites don't quite attract. Perhaps the thrill is there for awhile. But when it comes down to the real issues in life, it's tough.

"Sometimes, to make love successful, we need less of it, not more..."

There is some truth in what you say. But I'm looking at it in terms of being tied to one person but still having the freedom to be one's self comfortably. We don't need love that suffocates and possesses. It kills the individual who's in the relationship. What's great about love is that you're bonded to one person... but willingly! You WANT to be tied to the person. Forever and ever. Through the good and the bad. No matter what.

That's love. And yes. It is powerful. And you said, "It had to be designed this way, otherwise no one would make the necessary sacrifices to start a family." I agree. Love takes sacrifice. But when love is true, every sacrifice becomes worth it. Any price paid is deemed worthy.

Glad this post spoke to you. =) Your comment spoke to me and opened my eyes to a lot of things, too. Thank you.

Andrew Chua said...

Shakespeare's quote sums it up... Don't go looking for it... Let it find you...

Imagine yourself very hungry... You search for food frantically... What are the chances you'd find a gourmet meal?

Next, imagine yourself not thinking about food, but just strolling around some night market... You buy food only if it appeals to you... Now, your chances of getting something you really like are much higher... Though it'd take longer...

Many people mix in a lot of hungry lust when claiming to look for 'love'... That's when we end up getting someone we'd like to make love to, but couldn't spend the rest of our lives with...

It is not very nice to say, but nonetheless true in many cases...

pamsong said...

ATTN: Andrew Chua
– That's true, actually. Shakespere's quote DOES say it well.

And I guess the food analogy is pretty accurately descriptive. Sad about the love and lust thingy though. There is no 'making love' if the relationship is only substantiated with lust of the flesh.

Andrew Chua said...

"There is no 'making love' if the relationship is only substantiated with lust of the flesh."

i think it is possible to make passionate love to someone whom you truly love at the moment, and truly WANT to love... but at the back of your head, you subconsciously know that it just won't work out in the long run due to some incompatibility somewhere... but we persevere, due not only to the lust of the flesh, but also becos of the lust for the rush of love...

sometimes love is like a drug that gives us a high we can't do without... we lust after the 'high'...

pamsong said...

ATTN: Andrew Chua
– You know... you make sense. In a far less righteous way but... it makes sense.

Sigh.

But that's sad. Very sad. To have the person you love only bed you for the rush and for the high. =(

Andrew Chua said...

"In a far less righteous way but... it makes sense."

Despite our best intentions, our world is just not a very righteous place la...

pamsong said...

ATTN: Andrew Chua
– Hmmm. True. But that's sad though.

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