Big. Fat. Freaking. Sigh.

"Hi, Pam! This is Dr. Something-Something-Something! I just received the results from your blood test this morning and it looks like... cos I see that... but then there's... I'm not sure why the... however, it would be better that... so please come in for another blood test next week and then we'll see how that goes, ok?"

-___________-'''

WHAT??? A-n-o-t-h-e-r blood test???

You've gotta be kidding me laaa.

T___________T

Shameless Gift To Self – NOT!

The Husband and I have been on the lookout for a nice bedside lamp for a long, long time. Sure, we bought a super cheap one from Batu Ferringhi (RM16 only!) right after the wedding to make do but it turned out to be more of a for-mood-lighting-only lamp that barely gave off enough light for us to see each other in the dark, much less read a book before bedtime. -_-'


Don't get me wrong. I liked the Batu Ferringhi lamp. Still do. But it really isn't as useful as I want it to be. :-/ So I kept looking. (I think my other half tak peduli already by this time. Haha. Men. Tsk tsk.) I eyed every lighting shop we passed and scoured online stores for something that would go with the decor in our room. And last week, I finally found one. =)

Via Reebonz.

I think it's stylish, simple, contemporary

and I super like the fact that it's a touch lamp. =D

Best part is, the team at Reebonz works fast! Like really, really quickly! I placed my order on Monday night (26 September) and my lamp arrived all decked up in a luxurious looking box on Thursday (29 September). That's just 3 days for shipping from their HQ in Singapore! I used to have to wait for weeks or even months whenever I bought anything from international sellers like on eBay so, needless to say, this was a very short wait in comparison. =)

 My new lamp in its decked up box, covered in protective plastic.

I was also pleasantly surprised that my precious lamp was in its original box, in a very hardy Reebonz box, wrapped up in gold ribbon, and covered with plastic, as seen in the picture above. It reassured me that the product I had purchased was well taken care of, even as it made its way to me. =)

 Shipping info.

 Invoice attached under the box.

 My order – so neat and... well, orderly. =)

 Good paperwork turns me on. =p

After going through the paperwork to check that everything was correct, I proceeded to unwrap the plastic cover that protected the big black box. All the while, smiling to myself like a goof-ball, of course.

 The box and its gold ribbon without the protective plastic on top.

I felt incredibly happy and insanely ridiculous at the same time! Like I had just bought myself a gift and had it gift-wrapped at the store just so I could rip it open later myself. (I swear that wasn't my intention!!) Haha.

*mad*

 The box without the ribbon.

And then... TADAAA!!

First sight of my new lamp!

Ok, so it's a little smaller than I expected but, hey! I'm not complaining. This little thing comes with TOUCH TECHNOLOGY, okayyy?! That's like having NASA technology in my very own bedroom! Haha. Anyway, maybe it only looks small cos it's packaged to be compact enough for easy shipping. Maybe it'll look bigger once I set it up. Whatever the case, I appreciate the paper pillows they placed all around the lamp. It's little things like that that differentiate a good online store from a great one. =)

 Product tag.

Original packaging from Paris.

I haven't opened it yet. No point cos I don't have a spare bulb at home anyway. Once I get one – goodness knows when that will be – and successfully set up this Incidence Small Touch Lamp I bought, I'll be sure to do another special on it. Maybe with a video to showcase the touch tech included. Haha. WAIT FOR IT!

 Me and my new lamp.

One final note before I go:

All hail online shopping!!

The perfect remedy to heal the sick. =p

p/s: Reebonz is a members-only site so if you wanna head on over to check out their stuff, click here. That's my personal invitation link. Be a member and you automatically get 50 Reebonz credits along with some purchase discounts. But what's in it for me, you ask? Well, I get credits upon that first purchase you make. Totally win-win! Wheee! =D

Phlebotomania

A result of my phlebotomy this morning. Just thought it would

look less sombre with my pretty flowers in the background. =p

Another week, another round of blood tests. Sigh. So, what else is new in my life, right? T_T Fingers crossed, this one goes well, the test results are good, and that this round of blood-taking will be my last. Pray with me, people. PRAY WITH ME.

Was There A Colour Board I Wasn't Informed About?

I think I've been spending too much time

staring at my flowers and their funky colours.

BUT... some good has come of it! =D

Cos the odd mix of happy-pappy colours suddenly reminded of a parting gift my cousin, Jewel, gave me a week or two ago – just a day before she returned to India for another year of student life abroad! I didn't blog about it then because I was still in the ugh-I-feel-like-crap-please-kill-me-now zone at the time. But now that I'm better (and feeling inspired to share), I think I shall finally give that gift the blog post it deserves. =)

 My two-tiered gift.

My my... Aren't the boxes so very pretty???
Stripes and polka dots in happy colours are so much fun!

 Pretty little boxes I'm totally going to reuse.

I think I'm as in love with them as I am

with what was given to me on the inside! =p

My gifts from Guangzhou!

Yes, those are Jewel's gifts to me. No, you may not ask me what those are. Yes, they're probably what you think they are. Yes, you may speculate and offer your suggestions. But no, I will not tell you if your guesses are accurate. So there. =p


---------------
Related Post
---------------

• With Love, From India [Wednesday, May 25, 2011]

A Little Bit Of Heaven

Pirated DVD of A Little Bit Of Heaven my SIL lent me.

I just finished laughing and crying through A Little Bit Of Heaven (starring Kate Hudson) and I must say... this movie has found its place amongst the best of feel-good-meets-sad-sob romcoms I've watched. (Take my word for it, that's a LOT of romcoms. =p) And although I never even heard of A Little Bit Of Heaven before this, I don't have a single regret watching it. In fact, I enjoyed every minute!


It is just as weepy and heartbreaking as A Walk To Remember though funnier in many ways. Very much up to par with The Notebook in terms of sap but thankfully, much less draggy, too. As hilarious as Life As We Know It but so much more worthy of the uncontrollable tear-shedding that may will undoubtedly arise.


A note of caution for the ladies though: Keep your expectations low when it comes to girly eye candy, ok? Cos surprisingly, there wasn't anybody worth checking out in this chick flick. Haha. But whatever. If you ask me, I'd say Kate Hudson's performance totally makes up for the lack of hot men. =p


Anyway, speaking about men... girlfriends, I'd suggest ditching your men and watching this with other like-minded, romcom-loving females. Cos seriously? Them boys just won't get the half-laugh half-cry mad-female routine you'll be doing throughout. Haha. So just grab your girls for a night in with the telly, keep a Kleenex (or two or three) close and give your waterworks a time to shine! =)

Back From Therapy

Retail therapy, of course.

(What other kind is there? =p)

 5 pieces of clothing.

Bought 2 tees for The Husband...

 (As seen above-left.)

 Stuff for me!

...and 1 Baby-T + 2 pairs of stay-at-home shorts for me. =)

My comfy stay-at-home shorts.

Ahh, that mindless time-out for a little bit of inexpensive shopping was really good for the soul. I think I'm starting to feel better already! A couple more doses like that and I'll soon be right as rain. Shopaholicsss... UNITE! =D

What Love Really Means

Artist: JJ Heller
Song Title: What Love Really Means

He cries in the corner where nobody sees
He's the kid with the story no one would believe
He prays every night, "Dear God, won’t you please...
Could you send someone here who will love me?"

[CHORUS]
Who will love me for me?
Not for what I have done or what I will become
Who will love me for me?
'Cause nobody has shown me what love
What love really means, what love really means

Her office is shrinking a little each day
She's the woman whose husband has run away
She'll go to the gym after working today
Maybe if she was thinner then he would've stayed
And she says…

[CHORUS]
Who'll love me for me?
Not for what I have done or what I will become
Who will love me for me?
‘Cause nobody has shown me what love
What love really means, what love really means

He's waiting to die as he sits all alone
He's a man in a cell who regrets what he's done
He utters a cry from the depths of his soul
"Oh Lord, forgive me. I wanna go home."

Then he heard a voice somewhere deep inside
And it said, "I know you've murdered and I know you've lied
And I have watched you suffer all of your life
And now that you'll listen I'll, I'll tell you that I..."

[CHORUS]
I will love you for you
Not for what you have done or what you will become
I will love you for you
I will give you the love, the love that you never knew

Love you for you
Not for what you have done or what you will become
I will love you for you
I will give you the love, the love that you never knew

This song reminds me that I'm not the only one out there who wonders if I am loved only because of what I've done (and what I'm going to do). Because, let's be honest. To be loved that way? Isn't at all cool. Nope, it's conditional and situational – conditional love that's offered in only the right situations. How sad.


What conditional love also means is that if I was to change the way I did things or if I was to start doing something different altogether, I could possibly end up being loved less! So, no, thank you. I don't ever want to find myself in that kind of pickle. I'd very much rather be loved for who I am, regardless of what I have done or what I will become. And that's what real love is, right?

Marriage Joke

Inspired by Go.Be.Love

Only funny BEFORE marriage, of course. -_-'

First Thing That Made Me Smile Today

As seen on Go.Be.Love

Oh, Bear... I knew I could always count on you. <3

Silence Isn't Golden

All through September, I've been in and out of the hospital enough times to last me a lifetime. I've been checked, poked and prodded more times than I can count. And all that checking, poking and prodding? It's starting to wear me down, tire me out, and tear at my resolve. 

I'm tired. I'm tired of this journey I've been on. Tired of pretending that everything's alright all the time. Tired of looking fine and acting tough. But most of all, I'm tired of going through all of this pain, heartache and suffering alone and on my own.

I've been told to keep the main reason for my hospitalisation a secret from a great majority of the people around me. Even you guys. Hence the inadvertent mystery surrounding the matter. If left to my own devices, I'd probably have cued you in on what was really going on from the start. But it's not just me anymore so I'm not the only one with a say on what gets said.

Thing is, receiving Duh Roads' bouquet yesterday made me realise just how important emotional support from friends truly is for the unwell. And I've been missing out on it all this time because of the secrecy surrounding this issue! Sigh. This really is the first time I've ever felt so alone in facing a problem of this magnitude. If only I could share; if only you knew.

Girls often find the need to talk their worries away. Unfortunately for me, save for a few good friends who were told the truth of the matter, many of my other friends are still kept out of the loop and in the dark. But whatever. To go back to the crux of the matter, it really isn't just about the talking and the ranting and the sharing to get things off my chest. Sure, that helps some; but it's not enough.

Personally, I think the real problem with keeping mum about surgeries, medical complications and hospitalisations, is that nobody really knows what's wrong with you or what you're going through. So nobody cares. Or rather, nobody gets to care. Because of that, the potential for emotional support dwindles. And without that, the healing process just naturally becomes a really lonely ride to be on. ='(

Beautiful For Me

Artist: Nichole Nordeman
Song Title: Beautiful For Me

Every girl young and old has to face her own reflection
Twirl around, stare it down, what’s the mirror gonna say
With some luck, you’ll measure up
But you might not hold a candle to the rest
“Is that your best?” says the mirror to the mess
But there’s a whisper in the noise
Can you hear a little voice
And he says

[CHORUS]
Has anybody told you you’re beautiful?
You might agree if you could see what I see, oh
‘Cuz everything about you is incredible
You should have seen me smile
The day that I made you beautiful for me

If it’s true beauty lies in the eye of the beholder
What my life and what’s inside to give him something to behold
I want a heart that’s captivating
I wanna hear my Father say-yeah-yeah

[CHORUS]
Has anybody told you you’re beautiful?
You might agree if you could see what I see, oh
‘Cuz everything about you is incredible
You should have seen me smile
The day that I made you beautiful for me

[BRIDGE]
Close your eyes, look inside
Let me see the you that you’ve been trying to hide
Long ago, I made you so very beautiful
So I ought to know you’re beautiful

[CHORUS]
Has anybody told you you’re beautiful?
You might agree if you could see what I see, yeah
‘Cuz everything about you is incredible
You should have seen me smile
The day that I made you beautiful for me
You’re so beautiful
Beautiful for me
So beautiful for me

Has anybody told you?


It's not easy to stay positive and upbeat when all your body does in its free time is to remind you that you're sick. You're unwell. And that you're just. not. right. yet.

"Close your eyes, look inside

Let me see the you that you’ve been trying to hide"

And the thing about being ill and feeling like crap every waking hour is it often makes you look like crap, too. Ahh, but then what those forever-positive slap-happy people will do is turn around and tell you, "Look on the inside instead! Because it's the inside that counts! Not the outside!" -_-'''


Hey dude, what if it's the inside that's not quite right right now? Huh? Then what? Cos all I've got now is whatever's outside, lousy as it may be. And at the end of the day, it's what keeps my insides inside and out of sight, and semi-protects it from all the judging and criticising I would otherwise have been put through.

"Has anybody told you you’re beautiful?

You might agree if you could see what I see

‘Cuz everything about you is incredible

You should have seen me smile

The day that I made you beautiful for me"

Sigh.

Tell me again how this is true.

Cos right now, I don't see it,

and I sure as hell don't feel it, too.

ING-ing

NOTE: This post was inspired by a post entitled 'ING' by Shaba.


HATING: My weekly visits to the hospital, needles, blood tests, scans... and LDR. I hate the fact that my so-called husband is never around. I hate that I'm married and still going to bed alone. Worse, I'm now sleeping alone in a big-ass bed that has room enough for five of me but there's no one else but me in it! I hate that all I get are 3-minute calls a day. And that's on good days. Most days, I just get ONE call that barely lasts two minutes. I hate that I'm pretty much still single although I'm supposed to be married. And I hate how LDR after marriage is so much more unhealthy than LDR while dating.


LIKING: Rain in the morning, casual dresses, touch lamps (SUPER LIKE!) and online shopping while being subjected to involuntary house arrest.


LOVING: ...what's there to love?


WISHING: I was happier and that life was simpler. I also wish that I didn't watch "Love Hurts" this week cos that stupid movie turned out to be a total waste of my time. That's an hour-and-a-half of precious time alive that I'll never get back.


HOPING: That my next blood test goes well and my test results are truly celebration-worthy. Please let this ordeal be over! PLEASE! *prays* *begs* *grovels* And if you didn't already read about it, I'm also hoping that somebody in the family will get married soon. Reeeal soon. =p


MISSING: Oh, lots of stuff! (Click here and here to know what they are.) But right now? At this very moment? The thing I miss most is the freedom I had when I was living the life I wanted in KL. And Princess.


WANTING: More in life. More happiness. More satisfaction. More contentment. Just... more. I've just been feeling very underachieved of late. I'm not exactly where I want to be; I'm not doing exactly what I want to do... heck, I don't even know what I want to do anymore! Sigh. All I know is that I want so much more than what I have and I want to go so much further than where I've been but I just don't know how to go about achieving it all considering the many obstacles that stand in my way and the numerous restrictions that have been laid before me.


NEEDING: Some "crowded Alone Time". Confused? Don't be. Cos in my books, that means going out solo to a place filled with strangers. Some place safe, of course. Like at a mall or a hypermart. Or even just sitting in my car amidst heavy traffic. Anything, anywhere. As long as I'm on my own but not alone so I can clear my head as I disappear into a crowd.

Two Years Too Long

You know, I was just thinking about it and... can you believe that the last time I received any flowers was – not one – but TWO WHOLE FREAKING YEARS ago??? @_@

*faints*

OMGGGG... Why don't people buy me flowers anymore? Why doesn't anybody love me these days? What's wrong with everybody? Heck, what's wrong with me??

T___________T

*heart breaks*

Pretty flowers from Duh Roads that smell really, really good!

Thank goodness I still have amazing girlfriends

like Duh Roads who will send me flowers. :-/

*blink blink*

 

I mean, who needs boys when you've got girlfriends, right??

*looks pointedly at The Husband*

*grunts*

I GOT FLOWERSSS!!!

The prettiest, bestest smelling ones

there ever was in all the land! LOOK!

Aren't they pretty??? =D

So ridiculously pretty, right?? =D

 

Well, I think they're pretty. =)

In fact, I think they're so incredibly pretty

I could hyperventilate just looking at them.

*happy sigh*

Pretty purple roses sprinkled with dew...

Gorgeous white lilies all covered in glitter...

...ahhh, I think I'm in love. <3

*googly-eyed*

And they don't just look nice up close,

 they look great as a whole package, too! 

Front view.

I absolutely love, love, love the funky mix of colours used in this bouquet. I mean, I'm all for playing matchy-matchy. But what you probably didn't know is that happy colours put together are totally my thing, too! (Remember my purple-meets-green choice in wedding theme colours??) I love the fact that the latte brown, lime green and turquoise paper wrapping and ribbons weren't colour coordinated with the purple, green and white flowers. LOVE. IT.

Better view of the ribbons.

But oh-oh, wait! We've gotta talk about the card! Cos if you really think about it, it's what's written in the card that brings meaning to the flowers. =)

A card tucked in the bouquet.

 On the cover.

 Message on the inside. This was obviously not written by the

sender herself. Duh Roads has waaay better handwriting than this. =p

Hahaha. So funny la this woman.

Background story:

As you can see, we were conversing via email sometime last week and during that conversation, she somehow promised me she'd buy me some junk food to make me feel better after all the crap that's happened to me this month. Haha. (See? My ex-partner really knows me through and through. =p) How sweet of her. =)


But now? In hindsight and after receiving this wonderful bouquet of flowers? I'm totally cool with her ditching the junk food plan. Forget junk food, man. I love receiving flowers so much more than I like eating junk! HAHA! =D

---------------

Dearest Duh Roads,

What a lovely surprise, babe! Good call with the flowers. This is waaay better than junk food. =D

But seriously though... thanks for being here for me during this time. I know it'd be sooo much easier if we were still at the same place in the same town doing the same thing but... hey, I'm glad that we're still able to be there for each other, even if it's just via emails, google talk conversations and SMSes. But I guess that beats having no contact at all and losing touch altogether, right? :-/

Anyway, I just wanted to say thanks for everything, partner. For your friendship and the flowers. You truly are the best.

Love,
Pam Song

p/s: I love how my room smells of lilies now. =)

Last Night's Supper

Nasi Kandar with Ayam Goreng, Telur Masin and Kuah Campur.

The best and most-sinful supper on the planet.

And I just had it two nights in a row. Wheee! =p

No Internet

...except via Maxis 3G on my 3Gs and still I can't sleep. Hmmm... So maybe it's not the Internet connectivity that's going to be the end of my wrinkle-free face after all. Drats. Oh well, looks like we're back to blaming insomnia then. :-/

You Think You're Special But We're All The Same

Some people can't sleep because they have insomnia.

I can't sleep because I have Internet connection.

– As seen on Go.Be.Love


---------------

When I'm 80, old and grey, Imma blame the Internet for them crows feet, eye bags and dark rings that live around my droopy eyes with saggy eyelids. It's all this stay-awake-for-surfing time that's going to be the cause of my premature ageing, I tell you. And for you, too, if you're still up and reading this at this hour. =p

Counting Down The Days... No, Months... Wait, Years?!? @_@

I know it's barely been a quarter of a year since The Husband and I walked down the aisle (I did the walking, he just waited at the end of the line – lazy bum! =p) toward a future together BUT... I so can't wait for another wedding in the family!!

*bounces up and down in excitement*

Not so much because of the wedding planning and all that stuff girls usually go head-over-crazy about when wedding bells ring, but mainly cos I CAN'T WAIT TO GO DRESS HUNTING AGAIN*! Wheee!!! So, dating cousins! And cousins-in-law! Or brother of The Husband! Somebody in the family! Anybody who's still single! Please get married sooooOOoOoOoonnn!

@_@

*cough cough*

Urm, that's all. Thank you.

* No, I'm not talking about wedding gown hunting here. More like... going on the hunt for dresses I'd love to own but wouldn't spend as much on if I didn't have the perfect excuse to splurge. And what better excuse is there than a wedding in the family, right?? So... CHOP CHOP, PEOPLE! =p

This Dude's Lost

I was google-talking to CincauHangus earlier about blogs (mine =p) and codes (also mine =p) and stuff (like apples and passports, wth @_@) when I started expressing how much I missed KL. That's when he suggested...

Haha. The dude's lost his mind. Or has he? Haha. What he says is true lah. I do miss KL food. (I just can't let him win. =p *Penang pride*) My Dry Bak Kut Teh, Kanna Curry House Banana Leaf Rice, La Bodega All-Day Breakfast, Deep Fried Baby Crabs with Chilli Powder, SS2's Porridge with Salted Fish and Salted Egg, PJ State Braised Duck Rice,... OMGGGGG... *dies from over-salivating*

Best Excuse To Shop EVERRR!

"I'm a spendaholic. I shop all the time; I buy clothes all the time. Ask any of my friends. I probably have a problem. It's an addiction. But I don't care. Because it's not crack. So it's not that bad."

– Christiana in Invest In Your Mind!

---------------


Bwahahahaha. True dat! Preach it, sista!

Gosh, how did I not know this girl exists??

*BIG FAT LIKE*

p/s: I know that's not what she was going on and on about in her video but... hey, that's the bit I liked best. You go take notes on the reading, listening, watching, acting and experimenting part if you like. =p

Girls And Haircuts

Via Go.Be.Love.

OMG, SO TRUE!!

Cos it, like, totally happened to me. -_-'''

More Hair Growth

At all the right places, of course.
(Just in case you thought otherwise.)

I mean, I knew my "short" hair was growing out real quickly but upon princess-styling my hair today, I was totally taken aback at just how quickly the re-growth has been this time around! I mean, LOOK!

Zoomed in for your benefit.

That's 3cm in just 3 months! @_@
So, looks like it is true what they say!

YouTube Videos You Should Watch

NOTE: These two YouTube videos were recommended to me by Duh Roads.

Melanie Amaro singing Listen by Beyoncé

I wouldn't say this version is better than my favourite live version of Beyoncé's Listen but... it's still pretty darn good for an 18-year-old undiscovered singer. Less convicted, less angry, less feisty and less controlled... but somehow, more meaningful. Hmmm. Maybe it's cos anybody who's on X Factor just wants people to "listen", they want their "dreams to be heard", so the lyrics end up just seeming more meaningful. Haha. Maybe.

Caitlin Koch singing Stop In The Name Of Love by The Supremes

I SUPER LIKE THIS VERSION OF THE SONG! WAY MORE THAN I LIKED THE ORIGINAL! If she releases an iTunes Single of this song, I'd buy it. Yes, I'd be willing to PAY.

*blink blink*

Whoa. Did I just say that?

Maybe I should start watching
The X Factor USA 2011
on TV from now on.

My Friend Is Very The Suck

My very favourite Deep Fried Baby Crabs

covered in chilli powder from SS15!

NoooOOOOooOoOO!!! You eeevil!!!! Talk about kicking a girl when she's down, yo. Eye hayte chu, YapThomas. Quit playin' games with my heart, my heart, my heart, I should have known from the start. BOO YOU!

*sniffs*

Jeffro, I Found It!!! =D

"I consider myself a feminist. So much so that I almost feel it goes without saying. Of course I breathe air! Obviously, I enjoy sunny days with a light breeze! Yes, I'm a feminist! Duh.

For me, being a feminist means that I should earn the same amount of money as a man in my field with comparable experience.  If I'm applying for an apartment/loan/job/school and I'm competing against my male doppelganger, I want to have exactly the same chances that he does. I want to be able to walk through my neighborhood without being followed or harassed.

I like to wear dresses and lip gloss. I'm not great at reading maps or doing complex math in my head. Sometimes I get verklempt when I watch videos about animal best friends. I'm also incredibly driven, direct and occasionally too assertive for my own good. I don't think these traits make me a better/worse woman or a better/worse feminist.

While I think I'm just as awesome as any dude out there, I don't think I'm the same.  I think that (most) men and women are wired differently – physically, psychologically, emotionally. I know that I, personally, am better at certain things than the guys in my life.  And that they're better at some things than I am. 

Equally awesome. Good at different stuff."

– Sarah Von from Yes And Yes

------------------

This has got to be my absolute favourite post on feminism yet. "Equally awesome. Good at different stuff." You said it, Sarah! I couldn't agree with you more.

10 MORE Ways To Make The World A Better Place

1. Think positive.
2. Be polite.
3. Respect others.
4. Play fair.
5. Exercise some.
6. Eat together.
7. Fart alone.
8. Stay healthy. 
9. Cure cancer.*
10. Catch rainbows.

* Go, Gannie, go-go-go! =D

Again And Again And Again

Results from my blood test today weren't good. That means yet another week of rest (read: MC) and then it's back to the hospital for more needles and tests. Sigh.

Really blood suckers man, these people. >(

*grumble grumble grumble*

Dying Is Something People Don't Talk About

...except here at Tinki Talks. =p

You know, being sick and being under involuntary house arrest for 3 weeks is no easy feat. Cos your body's half dead but your brain's still working as per usual. And because no energy is being burnt doing anything other than everything useless, your brain gets all of it. And overworks itself to madness in the process of trying its best to expand all that pent-up energy before it blows itself up. :-/

Too much for you?
Well, there's more to come. =D

The first week after leaving the hospital, I pretty much hated everything about anything I could hate. I hated the fridge. I hated the stairs. I hated the air-conditioning. I hated the movement of the wind caused by the swirling fan blades. I hated the mosquitoes in the room. I hated the bed. I hated getting in and out of the bed. I hated sleeping on my back all the time. I hated the back aches I had. I hated how tired I always was. I hated how terrible I felt. I hated bath time. I hated the temperature of the water. I hated the heavy shower head. I hated not being able to actually enjoy my bath. I hated everything!


And then Week 2 arrived and I slowly started feeling a little better on the outside. My body was healing gradually and that was good. But by then, I was also bored out of my mind from all the stuck-at-home time I was dished! I discovered that feeling less than sick but far from perfect actually feels like hell. Really! Cos I would feel energised and well enough to go out for a little bit of fun... until I was actually out. I'd be totally zapped out in an hour! And that sucked cos going out was supposed to be fun! T_T


Then... surprise-surprise, I just had to be unfortunate enough to need last weekend's killer jab right into my second butt cheek. Right after that, all hell broke loose. I went right back into my Week 1 Mode of hating everything. I even hated the food cos it started making me want to puke my guts out. All I really wanted to do was sleep... and never wake up. And even then, it was a problem for me whenever the pain kicked in. But that was until last night. And now, I'm finally seeing that little pinhole of light coming through the clouds. =)

But because of alllll... that – phew! –
I've also begun feeling well enough to think.

*cue end of Introduction*

About dying.

See, when I was put under GA, I totally blacked out. Didn't know what happened or what hit me. All I knew was that when I woke up, everything was done. And all that happened when I didn't even know a second passed! So I started wondering that maybe – just maybe – dying under the knife could possibly be a blessing to the deceased instead of a curse! @_@

You think I'm crazy, I know.

But seriously... think about it!

You won't feel a thing cos you're put under. Your friends, family and loved ones are all there to send you off for the op with all the love in the world. You exchange kind words and smiles, then say your goodbyes with light kisses to the forehead. And more often than not, there's a prayer tucked somewhere in between all that for good measure. Don't you think that's a great way to go???


Plus, on a more personal level, going in for an operation is a pretty scary thing! (True story. Take it from the first-timer. :-/) So... you'll probably find yourself automatically praying and asking God for His forgiveness over EVERY single thing you've ever done to displease him. Haha. You pretty much face death with a clean slate! You can go in, and be ready to die. Prepared to go to sleep and never wake up after that needle hits the back of your left hand.

Heck, I think it's a great way to die!

If that said operation takes place

when I'm ready to go, of course.

Cos let's be real about this. It's no fun dying, like, just 2.5 months after you get married, right? *uncomfortable laughter* And it's not at all cool to die before really experiencing life. Like going through the joys (and pains) of motherhood! And seeing my kid off to pre-school! Or seeing my grandkids piss their parents off! Or travelling the world! And going to Venice! And Greece! And Switzerland! And Barcelona! Maybe even Japan! Or owning my own home! And decorating it just the way I want it to look! With a walk-in wardrobe included! And a pretty cabinet just for bags and shoes! You know what I mean??? It's just not cool to go before ALL this comes into play for me.

So, yes. I probably wouldn't mind dying on the operating table, high on general anesthetic (if I've gotten my last will and testament sorted out and it's not some emergency op where I don't get to really mentally, emotionally and spiritually prepare myself for the possibility of not waking up @_@ *gulp*). I mean, I'd totally rather that happened than some gruesome accident that smashed my face in or anything that involves prolonged suffering and a lifetime of hospital visits, injections, and blood taking. :-/

But that's just me.

How would you want to die? =)

10 Ways To Make The World A Better Place

1. Help anybody.
2. Judge no one. 
3. Love harder. 
4. Smile wider.
5. Laugh louder.
6. Breathe deeper.
   
7. Dream bigger.
8. Pray daily.
9. Recycle everything.
10. Flush always.

First Time In A Long While

Today – well, more like about an hour or so ago only – I finally began to believe that deep down inside, I'm going to get better after this final *fingers crossed* week of poking, prodding and seemingly endless tests and consultations I've had to subject my body to over the last three weeks. Cos I'm actually starting to feel normal-ish right now! How cool is that?? =D

Light Bulb Moment

Be inspired to do something.

Create something. Change everything.

If Only I Was In KL

...I would so click "Buy Now" and get me

a couple (hundreds) of this super tat coupon!

An O'Briens Tripledecker Sandwich – the best sandwich everrrr! – for just RM7.60? SO CHEAP?? Sigh. Maybe I should just go ahead and buy a few anyway. T_T

Back To Basics

This afternoon, I killed a mosquito

the old-fashioned way – BY HAND.

Who's bad-ass and dangerous now, huh?? =p

The Vow

This movie, I have to watch.

And I'm going to make The Husband

sit down and watch it with me.

Just cos that's what couples in love do

– they watch romantic movies together.

Psycho Friends; Crazy Doctors

@_@

Saw this status update on my Facebook today

and decided to never EVER let any doctor

born of my generation treat me in the hospital.

These people psychotic wan wei! I sket! And mind you, this isn't an isolated incident. I've heard of other horror stories, too. (Not going to go into the details of that right now.) Doesn't help that I also know a number of my primary / highschool / college friends who graduated to become doctors. Cos some of those people? Well, they're totally addicted to smoking, drinking and partying like it's 1995!! No offence lah, doctor friends, but at least half of you people are crazy! And sadistic. No wonder I hate going to the hospital. T_T

The Difference Between Us

It sucks how guys never remember

the things girls never forget.

– Pam Song, 19 September 2011

Yesterday's Sunset

Yesterday, 7:27PM

And 1 minute later...

Yesterday, 7:28PM

I promise I didn't change my camera settings

or tweak the colours with Photoshop AT ALL.