Why I Blog And What I Miss About "Real" Blogging

NOTE: This post was written last Sunday. A day before I re-opened Tinki Talks to a select group of readers who wanted in. 

I think the true reason behind
why I blog just dawned upon me.

You see – or rather, I see, since nobody else will get to see this anyway -_-' – I've been feeling very blue, moody and down lately. Sometimes I feel so sad it feels like my heart is silently breaking on the inside. Sometimes I feel lonely even when I'm in the physical presence of a good many others. And sometimes, I just feel ugly, unwanted and unloved no matter what I do. =(


And I have come to realise that it isn't because I haven't had my blog play its part as my usual outlet to share my deepest thoughts and rant away any ill feelings I may have harboured. Because I do! This blog still exists! I've still been writing! But it all just feels... different somehow. Now, blogging feels unsatisfactory. Inadequate. FAKE. And it's not because of a lack of a personal outlet. It is because this same outlet now goes nowhere and doesn't get received by anybody.

How is what I'm doing considered blogging?

No, this is nothing more than pathetic

self-talk stuck in Cyberspace. -_-'''

I want to be heard, read and responded to. And with blogging, no matter when I talk or what I talk about, there is always someone out there who will "listen". 24 hours in a day, 7 days a week, 52 weeks a year! My blog stats tell me so. Faceless "listeners" who read without getting bored of what I say, without getting distracted by the telly, and without rudely putting my story on pause to grab a glass of water like regular people always seem to do.

Now, which partner, friend or family member can ever commit to offering me that kind of unconditional and undivided attention 24 hours in a day? Realistically speaking? No one. No ONE person can offer me all that all the time. And I don't expect anyone to either. But collectively? My readers can. And they do did! Come rain, come shine, come hell or high water. They are a-l-w-a-y-s there. Even at 4 in the morning when the world I know is fast asleep. 

With Tinki Talks and its healthy readership, I've never had to feel alone. I never got bored. And I was never without a friend. I always had thousands of friends who listened to me thousands of times a week, every week! And all of them were never more than a Publish Button, Blog Stat Chart or Comment Box away. The fully accessible Tinki Talks I had last week ensured that I would always feel accepted, understood and loved... even when there was nobody physically by my side to accept, understand and love me. And that is what I miss most dearly. ='(