That Feeling

You know how you sometimes naturally expect some people to react in certain ways to certain things you do or don't do? And you know how sometimes they just... well, don't react in the ways you thought they would?

Well, of late, it's been happening to me. A lot.

And it really sucks to be in this position and not be able to do anything about it or say anything so that the people involved can make it better. Because technically, nothing's 'wrong'. You know? But then again, just cos nothing's wrong doesn't mean that everything's right. Cos nothing's right either.

Sigh.

I know it all boils down to me having expectations. Having the wrong expectations, to be exact. And I really hate it when this happens. Cos at the end of the day, it's only me who gets disappointed. It's me who gets hurt. It's me who becomes increasingly jaded. And nobody knows it, but me.


I mean, it's not like the parties involved have let you down or anything cos... well, it's not like they promised to do what you thought they would do and then didn't. Right? But it still feels like a huge let down. In some odd, illogical, deranged way.


But I don't want to have expectations. And seriously, I think I'm one of those with very little expectations – of myself and of others. I'm not kidding. I'm the kind of person who'd like to be offered more than she's being offered but on the inside, she doesn't expect that it'll happen. (That's the jaded part of me talking.) I'm that way.

BUT, I still end up getting disappointed.

So does that mean that I'm still expecting too much although I'm not expecting much? Should I beat myself over everything that's happened (or has not happened)? Should I forgo my happiness and be even less contented than I want to be even without expecting much?

What now?