We Are Family. Father, Mother, Princess And Me.

Let me begin by saying that, I've lived through the passing of four grandparents, attended all four funerals, and even watched one out of the four pass away before my eyes. But I have to say – and mind you, I say this with much surprise even to myself – I'm taking Princess' death the worst of all the deaths.


If you think I'm crazy, don't. Cos it's not just me. I talked to Mee and she feels the same way although she's lived through the death of her grandparents, and both her parents. And if you think we're both crazy, also don't. Cos I ran a Google search and, as it turns out, we're normal.


People think that a pet is just an animal. Of lesser value and of less importance than humans. Therefore, naturally causing less pain, hurt and grief with their passing. Well, I can tell you this:

No, it's not true;

and yes, pets are family, too.

Those who think otherwise only think the way they do out of ignorance, cos they either (1) couldn't care less for having any pets, much less bother to care about their passing; (2) would want to care for pets but have never had pets of their own so they fail to understand the owner/pet bond; or (3) haven't had their own pets die on them so they have yet to find out how it feels. I confess that even I used to think the death of a pet was just the death of an animal. But now I know.

"Studies show that the emotions pet owners feel when their pets die are often overwhelming and that the grief response to pet loss is often on par with the grief response to a human loss.

In one study, researchers examined the grief responses of more than 200 middle-aged couples who reported the death of a pet within the past 3 years. Of 48 life events, including the death of a spouse, divorce, marriage, loss of children, an arrest, loss of a job, and the death of a pet, researchers found that the death of a pet was the most frequently reported trauma experienced by the couples participating in the study." [Source]

Still, I'm confused. Somehow, even the death of my very favourite grandfather – my Kong Kong – seems... pale in comparison to Princess' death. But why is that? I mean, it's not like I loved him any less than I loved her. So, in my effort to make sense of it all, I keep coming back to this:

Natural Progression.
Of life and death.

It is only expected that one would experience the death of a grandparent. Much like it will also be expected that I live through the deaths of both, Mee and Dee. But it is never "natural" for one to witness the death of someone of lesser age. Even if that someone happens to be a four-legged creature all covered in hair.


I've never had anything or anyone born after me pass away before me. Especially not someone I've personally nursed, fed, bathed, cleaned, showered and raised since childhood. (We brought her home when she was 2 weeks old.) And sure, I know and understand that a pet animal is not like a human child. Neither is its death like the death of a child. But I haven't had children of my own, so this is as close as it's going to get for me right now. And right now? It hurts. Bad.


I don't think anyone, not even my parents, knows this, but I refer to Princess as Baby Girl when we're alone. Not that I ever referred to myself as her Mummy while talking to her, of course. (I've always found that a little weird.) But in my head and in my heart, she was always that little pup with floppy ears that I paid RM340 to bring home. In fact, the last words I said to her just an hour or two before she passed were, "Goodnight, Baby Girl."

Sigh.

Unfortunately, unlike the compassion you get with the passing of a parent or grandparent, the passing of a pet is a pain that few understand. In the last 24 hours, I've had people joke about her death and my reluctance to spend time at the office while dealing with it. I've had people mock me for my expression of sadness through tears. And I've had others think I'm ridiculous for wanting... needing to grieve her passing.

I just wish they'd try to understand.

Or at least pretend to.

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"The death of a beloved animal, no matter the species, is a uniquely painful experience. Lose a family member or good friend and others rally around you. Lose an animal and you largely suffer alone. Nobody calls, nobody sends flowers, nobody brings in food, nobody drops by to share your tears."

– Jeff Mullin in On losing a beloved pet:

It’s just an animal? Never.