"It’s not that non-animal people don’t care, they just don’t relate. Unless you have experienced the bond between animal and owner, you can’t fathom the depth of feeling involved. A pet never is 'just an animal,' to the human who loved it."
– Jeff Mullin in On losing a beloved pet:
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[Source]
And I've experienced its e-v-e-r-y symptom.
EMOTIONAL: "Sadness, anger, depression, guilt, anxiety, relief, loneliness, irritability, feelings of being overwhelmed or out of control, feelings of hopelessness and helplessness, feelings of victimization" – I kid you not when I say that I've felt them ALL. I'm not exaggerating one bit. Worse, I keep jumping from one feeling to another. From guilt to blame; sadness to anger. Sigh. I wish I could just stop feeling anything at all.
PHYSICAL: I've cried to the point that my eyes stopped tearing although my heart still aches and my body still sobs. I always have a lump in my throat and yesterday, I vomited. Whether open or close, it always feels like I've got fire burning behind my eyes. My head throbs and it feels like I haven't slept in days. I feel so unbelievably tired but when I try sleeping, I just can't.
INTELLECTUAL: A part of me can hardly believe that she's gone, so much so that I keep staring at the spot her cage used to be in. My thoughts keep running back to her and everything I think of or see reminds me of her. So, I keep wanting to talk about her and reminisce. As if I fear that I'll forget the details if I don't keep reminding myself of them. Fear that I'll forget her if I don't keep reminding myself of every bit of dog that made her my Baby Girl.
EMOTIONAL: "Sadness, anger, depression, guilt, anxiety, relief, loneliness, irritability, feelings of being overwhelmed or out of control, feelings of hopelessness and helplessness, feelings of victimization" – I kid you not when I say that I've felt them ALL. I'm not exaggerating one bit. Worse, I keep jumping from one feeling to another. From guilt to blame; sadness to anger. Sigh. I wish I could just stop feeling anything at all.
SOCIAL: I don't wanna meet people and I don't want to carry out empty conversations about things I don't care about with them. But I do find myself wanting to spend time with loved ones, and talking about Princess and the way I feel. I keep wishing I was at home when I'm not cos home makes me feel a little closer to what I've lost. But looking around the house also makes me sad cos I see subtle changes to the home that remind me that she's gone for good.
SPIRITUAL: Surprisingly, I experienced this one, too. You see, unlike human family members with the promise of an eternity up ahead where we'll meet again after death, I don't have that kind of certainty with Princess' passing. So I talked to Mee about her death. And about where animals go after death. And if I'll ever see her again. Cos I really want to. But the Bible says nothing about this. So... I guess I'll just have to wait and see.
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- Princess [Monday, January 31, 2011]
- A Little Longer Than Awhile, A Little Shorter Than Forever [Monday, January 31, 2011]
- We Are Family. Father, Mother, Princess And Me. [Tuesday, February 01, 2011]
4 comments :
I've lost a pet before, so I know the feeling. I only had him for two weeks. And when someone said, "A cat is a cat", I almost wanted to punch his lights out. >.< *hugs* You'll be ok. Take care of yourself, babe. Much love. <3
ATTN: Lissa
– It's amazing how quickly we get attached to our pets. Another colleague of mine also had a pup that had to be put to sleep after 2 weeks of ownership and she also confessed to crying endlessly over the episode. I'm sure it must have been incredibly difficult for you at the time, too.
And yes, I can't stand the way people dismiss the grief of pet loss. As if we're being ridiculous for crying over an animal. What they fail to realise is that these animals know more about being kind and humane to us when we're upset than they ever will.
I took a half day off from work on Monday to mourn and wallow in depression. And when I bumped into a friend, she joked, "Eh, so dog die also you no need to work ah? Go buy lots of fishes lah. Every day one die, you no need to work. Hahahahaha." -_-'''
WTH man... That's just so callous. >:[ A life is still a life, no matter what. God created dogs and cats and humans... Why should we treat them any differently? Geesh.
And I've always thought that animals were better than people because, well, they're more sincere. So in a sense, I'm of the opinion that humans are the lesser beings.
ATTN: Lissa
– Yeah! So insensitive, right?? Sigh.
And I totally agree with you about humans being the lesser beings. At least when I'm upset, Princess knew. And always tried to comfort me. But humans? These past week has shown me that they're a lot less humanly than Princess was.
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