Read Operasi Train Jantan: Part 1, Operasi Train Jantan: Part 2,
Operasi Train Jantan: Part 3, Operasi Train Jantan: Part 4,
Operasi Train Jantan: Part 5, Operasi Train Jantan: Part 6,
Operasi Train Jantan: Part 7, Operasi Train Jantan: Part 8,
and Operasi Train Jantan: Part 9 first if you haven't read them yet.
WARNING: Long long long loooooong post ahead.
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Operasi Train Jantan: Part 3, Operasi Train Jantan: Part 4,
Operasi Train Jantan: Part 5, Operasi Train Jantan: Part 6,
Operasi Train Jantan: Part 7, Operasi Train Jantan: Part 8,
and Operasi Train Jantan: Part 9 first if you haven't read them yet.
WARNING: Long long long loooooong post ahead.
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Har har har.
And after a short break, it's back again.
And after a short break, it's back again.
The topic of the day:
To be or not to be.
To be or not to be.
Okay, this is gonna be really difficult to differentiate. So perhaps I'll just go into scenarios first. Imagine this. Your girlfriend is on the phone. She's crying her eyes out. She's one step away from zapping herself stupid cos her salty tears are slowly flooding the electronics within her handphone casing. She tells you that she's upset. She says her friend has bullied her. Mistreated her. Wrongly accused her. Pulled her hair and put powdered acid into her make-up set. Whatever the case, what do you do?
Uh oh.
1. Who!? Did what!? When!? I KIIIILLLLL HEEEERRRRRR!Which of the following would you probably say?
2. Aiyo, again ah? This friend is not worth your time la. Stop talking to her. Stop mixing with her already.
3. Don't cry already, okay? I'll be home soon. I'll leave the office right now.
4. With people like this ah, you need to deal with them differently already, okay? Cannot put yourself in this kind of position to get hurt. Must be smart. Think a bit. Use your brain against them.
5. What'd she do? Then did she say anything? And then what did you do?
6. You sure ah? Don't so drama can or not.
7. HUH? What the hell happened?
8. Oh no! How could she do that to you? Sigh. Don't worry, okay? I'm here for you.
9. Eh, why you always got problem with people wan? What did you do to provoke her la?
10. So what are you going to do about it? What's your plan? Don't be stupid and just take it all. I teach you.
11. Relax ya. Everything's gonna be okay. It's all going to be alright.
12. Who did it? How could that happen? I'm so sorry to hear that.
13. Shit happens. Live with it.
14. Do you want me to talk to her about it? I really wouldn't mind. Would it help?
15. How bout you get dressed. I'll bring you out tonight, okay? We go for a nice dinner, catch a movie, maybe get ice cream – forget all your sorrows. How does that sound? Would that help you feel better?
16. See! I told you already. Nobody's as good as I am to you wan la. Nobody. I'm the best.
17. Oh, that happened to me before, too! Like that time ha, I went blah... blah... blah...
18. Aiyo, I’ve got no time for all of this, okay. Go call one of your girlfriends instead and get over it by the time I’m home.
19. Haih, stop crying la. Just smack the damn b*tch and you're even.
JENG. Haha. Yes yes, I know.
That's a lot of options to choose from.
That's a lot of options to choose from.
But then again, there are many different types of people. We all know that. So let me break it down for ya right now.
I've come up with 10 major headings for male-types based on the nature of responses they offer their women. The man who plays The Psycho, The Joker, The Problem-Solver, The Hounder, The Narcissist, The Blamer, The Indifferent, The Protector, The Sympathiser and The TLC-Giver. So now that we've established that, let's go into them one by one.
The Psycho: Okay, I know this kinda guy is rare among my friends but you have to admit that they do exist. Guys like these say, "Who!? Did what!? When!? I KIIIILLLLL HEEEERRRRRR!" ...and really do commit to the crime as promised. [Note to my girls: Never ever date guys like these. They'd do the same to you if it was you they were pissed at. *gulp*]
The Joker: This boyfriend does exactly the same and adds laughter at the end of his sentence. "Who!? Did what!? When!? I KIIIILLLLL HEEEERRRRRR! *pauses* HAHAHA. Laugh a bit laaa, hon." Not funny. Especially not when your girl's crying her eyes out on the other side of the line. Guys like these make good buddies on a good night out but they kinda suck at being good boyfriends cos they don't know when to joke and when to get serious.
The Problem-Solver: This is your typical guy. I believe that most men fall into this category. He's the guy you turn to when you need anything taken care of. He's the boyfriend who offers you every solution to any problem, sometimes even before you open your mouth to ask. He's the one you know you can turn to whenever anything crops up that's too much to handle. He's efficient. He's effective. No need to beat around the bush. No need to go into lengthy descriptions about your problem. Just give him the gist and he's off with a plan. This kinda guy is good to have around the day AFTER your tears. The following is a list of The Problem-Solver-boyfriend type answers: -
2. Aiyo, again ah? This friend is not worth your time la. Stop talking to her. Stop mixing with her already.
4. With people like this ah, you need to deal with them differently already, okay? Cannot put yourself in this kind of position to get hurt. Must be smart. Think a bit. Use your brain against them.
10. So what are you going to do about it? What's your plan? Don't be stupid and just take it all. I teach you.
14. Do you want me to talk to her about it? I really wouldn't mind. Would it help?
The Hounder: This boyfriend drives you to madness while you're in a rage yourself. Even while you're standing in your puddle of tears, he expects answers. He demands that all his questions be answered before you start crying. Guys like these say stuff like the following: -
5. What'd she do? Then did she say anything? And then what did you do?
7. HUH? What the hell happened?
10. So what are you going to do about it? What's your plan? Don't be stupid and just take it all. (Minus the "I teach you" statement.)
The Narcissist: This is the WORSE of all types. There's no getting a word in. Start on your rant and it eventually becomes his. Talk about your problem and he tells you how much you should appreciate him. The whole world revolves around him and your problems are there to prove and show you how great he is and how you should appreciate him for just being as great as he thinks he is. He only interested in himself and not in you or whatever it is you're going through.
16. See! I told you already. Nobody's as good as I am to you wan la.
17. Oh, that happened to me before, too! Like that time ha, I went blah... blah... blah...
The Blamer: This guy thinks that whenever something happens, SOMEONE must have done something wrong. And that someone is a BAD person. That's his conclusion. Nothing is an accident and nobody is blameless. Not even you.
2. Aiyo, again ah? This friend is not worth your time la. Stop talking to her. Stop mixing with her already.
9. Eh, why you always got problem with people wan? What did you do to provoke her la?
The Indifferent: Boyfriends like these break hearts. They show no interest in your problem, express no sympathy, offer no help, and remain uninvolved. They downplay your problems and sneer at your emotional outburst. They just don't care enough about you to care about your problem. If you've got such a guy, it's time to find another. If your problem isn't worth his time, he's not worth yours.
6. You sure ah? Don't so drama can or not.
13. Shit happens. Live with it.
18. Aiyo, I’ve got no time for all of this, okay. Go call one of your girlfriends instead and get over it by the time I’m home.
19. Haih, stop crying la. Just smack the damn b*tch and you're even.
The Protector: Women tend to appreciate protector men. This man wants to shield you from the rest of the world. He believes that the world is too good for such a woman as you. He wants to be by your side the moment bad times hit. He wants to be the one to tell you that he's got everything covered and that he can keep you safe from anything bad the world may bring your way. Such men make women feel like putty in their hands. Beware, though. Feeling like putty's fine if your man IS a protector and isn't just PLAYING protector. The Protector says things like: -
3. Don't cry already, okay? I'll be home soon. I'll leave the office right now.
8. Oh no! How could she do that to you? Sigh. Don't worry, okay? I'm here for you.
11. Relax ya. Everything's gonna be okay. It's all going to be alright.
14. Do you want me to talk to her about it? I really wouldn't mind. Would it help?
The Sympathiser: This kinda guy says the right things and probably even feels the right thing. He's expressive. He shows compassion. He puts himself into your shoes. He gives you a shoulder to cry on. Offers a listening ear. He just seems to understand what you're going through. And even if he thinks that what you're going through is unbelievably petty, he doesn't say it. Instead, he offers you all the emotional support you need from him.
8. Oh no! How could she do that to you? Sigh. Don't worry, okay? I'm here for you.
The TLC-Giver: Oh, every woman's favourite. This is the regular lady's man who goes all out to pamper his woman on a daily basis. He's into cuddles, romantic nights out, massages, flowers, light kisses, leaving sweet notes and the like. He knows what makes a woman melt and does it to HER advantage. Not his. He knows that the greatest gift he can ever give her is his attention, his affection, his acceptance, his adoration, his time, and his love. And that's exactly what he'll give her. You'd probably hear him say something like: -
3. Don't cry already, okay? I'll be home soon. I'll leave the office right now.
15. How bout you get dressed. I'll bring you out tonight, okay? We go for a nice dinner, catch a movie, maybe get ice cream – forget all your sorrows. How does that sound? Would that help you feel better?
Phew. Done.
So now let's go into the men women need
and the men they definitely could do without.
and the men they definitely could do without.
Yep. As you can see, 5 Men Types have been crossed out. They just don't make the cut. Simple as that. I know I shed very negative light on The Joker earlier but that was because of the scenario. On an every day basis, The Joker would actually be a good partner to have. He'd lighten days and make merry your nights. Everybody needs some laughter. What better way to get your daily dose than from your partner? Just hold the jokes when your woman is in need of some comfort, okay? It's time-relative. Know when to inject that wisecrack and when not to. Once you've got that down, you're safe.
As for The Problem-Solver, he's perfect except for one problem. Haha. His approach when his partner is distressed. You see, as much as women are said to be able to multi-task and all that, she doesn't exactly want to when she's being a baby. What you can do is tackle the emotional problem before you make a go at the situational problem. Get the order right or you'll always feel that you're doing all you can for her but she's being ungrateful. The only reason you feel that way is because she isn't ready for the solutions to her situational problem just yet. One at a time, okay? Help her with her emotions first.
And honestly, when women rant, all they want to do is... well, rant. It's really as simple as that! We're not looking for answers, we're not looking for ways to solve the problem, we're not looking for any of that... yet. That's Round 2. Right now, all we want is for you to listen. We go to you looking for empathy, sympathy, concern and support. Give us that and you'd have saved our world without even coming up with a single solution.
I'd rather have someone who'd hold my hand, sit by my side and share my heartaches through bad times than one who'd just offer me solutions to all my problems but isn't really there for me when I need him. I don't know how else to explain it. I just hope you get the idea.
The Protector is who women feel safest with. He's the one with whom she can get her guard down and just relax, knowing that he's there to look out for her. There's no need for her to watch her back when he's by her side. He'd watch her back for her... willingly. He makes her believe that the world isn't such a bad place to live in because of the environment he creates for her. He safeguards her world and would place a hedge around it if he could. If the one you love can't make you feel safe in this big bad world, who else can?
Women appreciate men like these. Unfortunately, they don't come by often enough in this narcissistic world where everyone's watching out for themselves and nobody else. However, it's not enough to protect your woman physically. You need to also protect and guard her heart. Of course this is a no-brainer when you're in a relationship. But I've said this to many of my male friends who've considered breaking up with their partners, too. Even when you want to call it quits, you HAVE to protect her heart as best as you can. Women who've had their hearts broken aren't ever really the same as they were. They don't fall in love easily. They risk very little. For there was once when they put it all out there... and lost all. Once bitten, twice shy. Fool her once, shame on you. Fool her twice, shame on her. And she knows it.
And now, in terms of The Sympathiser, he's the listening ear and the shoulder to cry on. Actually, what he does is the total opposite of what The Problem-Solver does. He emphatic but does nothing much else. He's good for the short run but it's gotta change when her head's cleared up. "It's okay" is never ever an OK if nothing is done about it. It counts for nothing when you SAY that you understand but don't SHOW us that you understand. Don't just SAY it. SHOW it. Also, any woman would rather have someone who tries his best to understand when he doesn't, than one who says he understands but actually doesn't and doesn't even know that he doesn't.
Finally, The TLC-Giver. This man is God-given. HAHA. He's the one who showers this lady with lady-ish stuff AND he does is D.I.Y! I'd describe him as a woman's ultimate feel-good guy. He romances her and pursues her every day of her life. His mission in life is to make his woman the happiest woman in the world.
Perhaps our Asian guys think that it's an angmor thing. They perceive the "real man" as macho, unfeeling and assertive, just like their father did, and their father's father did. Unfortunately for them, they may score with their fathers but they won't be winning chicks over anytime soon. Sigh. I think that The TLC-Giver is a rare find in our country. There seems to be a lack of such men out there. Of course, I know a few but my girlfriends never seem to find any to date. Bleh.
Of course, I totally understand that it's almost (but not quite) impossible to be like this every day but it sure would help when you're woman's going through a rough patch, having a bad day or is PMS-ing. In fact, if you did this, she'd probably be a lot happier and you'd have less of a problem on your hands. Heh.
So which Man Type are you
and which Man Type do you wanna be?
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and which Man Type do you wanna be?
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Well, that's it! I'm done.
Fiiinnnnaaaallllly.
I know, I know.
This was an unexceptionally long post about men.
See! Men are complicated creatures, too!
Till next time, ta!
Fiiinnnnaaaallllly.
I know, I know.
This was an unexceptionally long post about men.
See! Men are complicated creatures, too!
Till next time, ta!
48 comments :
pam you a pro lah. i damn scared to post OTJ 11 now.
hahaha ..my answers qualify me for the protector role hahaha ... hmmm but will move on to TLC *throwing net*
Wa..wa...wa...Pam is ranting?! Do you rant that long in front of your bf? Fuh! Tough time for him. Sakit telingala fren!=P
Wait..you know what, I found out that the best move for me to do when the lady rants is "Keep my Big mouth shut", just listen to her and speak nothing until the ranting is over. It works fine for me at all times...even at home. Hehe =) So which category I belongs to?
However Pam, I disagree only with this one:
"Even when you want to call it quits, you HAVE to protect her heart as best as you can."
Cannot wanla fren. How I know? By experience onela..
How can you still be able to protect her heart when the words go like this "??,I dont think we are compatible to be together. Why not we just be ordinary frens from now onwards?"
Whoa...you know what, all the ugly faces came out instantly...Sigh!
Also some men can be not just one but a few types / combination of em too, I believe. Tho I am not fond about categorizing ppl and their traits as I think ppl are too diverse to actually come up with caterogies, they can be a bit of this a bit of that, a blend of this and that, and a hint of this and that.
But hey, I like this OTJ Episode! HAHA!
i love this episode!! kept laughing while reading it.. haha..
nyway.. the TLC-Giver guy is.. well should it be put as "rare"? i say its less then tat.. and actually.. even if there are TLC guys out there.. to me they are jus player (coz they can do it in a short term of period only).. or else.. he'll be a TLC-Giver during the fresh relationship when everythin's still sweet and lovely..
the problem solver is mostly very the "tai lam yan" wan.. to me they alwaz tent to think tat women are troublesome and not wise.. like the statement u put in there "Think a bit. Use your brain against them." or "Don't be stupid and just take it all.".. those statement is soooo normal for them but i totally think tat it hurts feelin of a women.. coz it makes a woman feels stupid.. duh.. so real and so not sensitive lar.. :( obviously i came across this kinda guy a lot.. haha..
tell me i'm wrong.. i experienced em...
I must agree with Jo-No... this post is the best ever in the OTJ series.
It reveals all sides of men fairly, equally, instead of the usual feminist crap.
Pam, this is what I have been going hoarse shouting about. Good sides, bad sides. EQUALLY. Thank god.
By the way, those so called God-given TLC perfect men ? Trust me, those types are the worst. Fake, cheating and manipulating bastards. Take my word.
Still, a small insignificant detail compared to an utterly awesome post...
Love this one .. totally.
ATTN: supersara
– Haha. Say say liddat mana tau later you blow us all away with your observations and advice. Haha. Am waiting. Bring it on.
ATTN: zecount
– HAHA. You're Mr Protector?! Whoa whoa whoa! Hmmm. Yes meh? Ooo. But do get some of that TLC-Giver vibe. Women love it! But make sure it's not temporary wan la. Must be like Baby E's father. You know? You know? HAHA.
So... Throw net at who? =p
ATTN: adhojlim
– Huh? Uh... Uncle. This isn't a rant. Do you even know what the word means?
Eeyer, you're The Indifferent!
And OF COURSE you can protect the heart of the woman you once loved when you choose to leave her. Why not? Never learn how to communicate properly ah? There are so many ways to say things. Choose the way that would hurt her less. The path that would cause the least damage to her heart. Yuck. You're one of THOSE guys. Scary.
ATTN: jono
– Oh, most definitely. Many even fall in the grey areas between those categories, too. But these are major ones that are most clearly defined. It's understandable. Nobody is ONE extreme personality type.
Anyway, glad you like it! =)
ATTN: christy
– Haha. You like it, too? Yay!
In terms of the TLC-Giver, it HAS to be his CHARACTER. Not just a facade he puts on to kau lui. It has to be the real him la. And as you can see, my scenario was when it isn't easy for him to be nice. When his girlfriend is just being taken away by petty details. If during tough times he can be a TLC-Giver, he's a natural!
Oh my goodness, EXACTLY! When Problem-Solvers send certain statements our way, it hurts cos if makes us feel stupid. Like we're too dumb to consider those factors when in fact, it's just too early in the problem for us to go into that cos we're still emotionally driven by it. That's what make us think that they're totally insensitive to our feelings.
ATTN: Leon
– Haha. Goody goody! Leon likes this post, too!
See, you always think that I'm a feminist. I'm not. =)
And no la. I've met REAL LIFE TLC-Givers who practice that for a lifetime and their girls sure as hell love it. AND it hasn't died so it's not like they did it to woo the girl. Guys who use TLC for girl-wooing are the worst! Really. They cheat the girl into thinking that they're all that and then when they're really in the relationship, all forms of romance goes out the window. We do feel cheated, you know. No kiddin'. But here, I'm talking about TLC-Givers through and through. Those who do it for their lifetimes.
More to come, yah? =)
Wei...wei..wei...auntie Pam....how can I be indifferent? while woman is ranting, it is the best to allow the space for her to rant and rant and rant... Usually she doesnt wan any input until she is ready for it one. This speaks from experience one. After that, the consoling and offering comfort parts come inlor. Aint it easy? haha =)
I agree with Jono & Leon that most of us have blended roles while the women rant.
And Heck! If I to use all the soft languages to address seperation to her...She will also be hurt also wanla..... I prefer the one that is subtle but the message is CLEAR! BTW, its aint easy for a man to address separation, while he used to pursue the woman before. I mean good man la...dun cari pasal. Somehow, I found out that most pretty women are usually "lack of understanding" wan. why har? ego? tarik harga? Sigh.
ATTN: adhojlim
Oh. My. Goodness.
"while woman is ranting, it is the best to allow the space for her to rant and rant and rant... Usually she doesnt wan any input until she is ready for it one. This speaks from experience one. After that, the consoling and offering comfort parts come inlor. Aint it easy? haha =)"
You have the guts to say "Ain't it easy" when your methodology is WRONG!!! How embarrassing. Looks like your experience counts for nuts when it comes to other girls cos apparently, it only applies to that girl you once dated.
And I'm not referring to not hurting her la. Of course she will hurt. I'm saying be gentle with her heart. Let it down easily. Don't THROW it or DROP it. It's all about communication la. Who says you can't communicate kindly without being clear? There are always better ways to say things.
And you think it's easy for a woman to walk away from a man? It isn't easy for us either. Especially for us cos we'll have to make sure we don't hurt the man and his confidence. We don't want his ego to backfire on us.
And I'm not sure where you wanna go with this "lack of understanding" comment. Are you sure you wanna go down that road? What has that got to do with what we're discussing here?
i blame dad hahaha ... too much of an influence
No wor! It works on other girls at my workplace also.... but of coursela, there is a limit to the offering comfort part..cannot simply-simply offer one. The special one is for the special one onlyla...
Cheh...no matter how gentle also..cannot onela..the moment any man says that, the girl will surely 'mengila' wan... and to the extreme one, guess what...she will showers you with non-stop harshy words....aihh....sometimes you wouldnt know exactly the real attitude of the woman you are dealing with until you really get into her life. I manyak takut this kind of lady... nasib baik I cabut cepat, otherwise kena gelek rata-rata...hehe =)
So I guess lady is afraid of falling for an uncommited guy but guy is much fearful of falling into for a lady who is lack of understandingla. Perhaps, other men will have better insights in this.
ATTN: zecount
– Your dad is The Protector? Wow. Your mom must really appreciate him for always being there to make sure she's okay. Bravo.
ATTN: adhojlim
– Uh... No leh. How can you just keep quiet? Must console wat! If you keep quiet, you're the indifferent. People who don't respond to rants can just turn a deaf ear.
Pls. Not all girls menggila when the guy decides to call it quits. It depends on whether or not she knows her worth. If she knows for a fact that it's his loss, then so be it. She will cry, she may be down... but life goes on IF her heart isn't broken. Broken hearts have very lasting effects wan la. Hard.
And come on man. If the girl can fire you extreme words simply cos of a break-up, it shows you clearly what kind of girl she is. One who is NATURALLY that kind of person. It just means that all the while you were together and she was sweet and nice, it was cos she was guarding her actions.
In anger, you see the real person. If really she can go into all the flowery words and curse you no end, then THANK GOD YOU DECIDED TO LEAVE! Really. This kind of girl, no use keeping. People of REAL character don't break character when they're upset or distressed. They don't go against their principles. Especially in a break-up, all you have left to hold on to is your character.
Hmmm. I should write about anger someday.
WAH! WAH! WAH! Words of Wisdom from the Queen! TO HER MAJESTY, I BOW! Hahaha =)
Nola..usually I dun keep quiet wan. But most time it is nice to keep quiet so that she has more space to rant until the end. Then I come in when she is tired and I do all the miraclelo...time to be her's hero...good strategyler ....hahaha =P
Huh? Not yet!!!
You cannot swoop in and play hero right after she finishes ranting! You need to help her clear her head and untie the knots in her emotions first. Help her get over it without having to deal with it. Deal with HER first. Haiyo! Never pay attention! After that only you can help her with whatever strategy you have planned maaa.
"You need to help her clear her head and untie the knots in her emotions first" = the miracles I said onela....hehe =)
actually huh.. i hardly believe there is a real TLC-Giver kinda guy.. LOL..
must admit.. been searching all my life but it seems close to impossible lar.. or is it that i am unlucky?? haha.. i don't know..
actually huh.. i went to put the scenario on some of my guy friends lar.. and the result came out huh.. after they told me what answer they will give i found out that.. most of them fall in the mixture of problem-solver and protector.. NON of em fall in the TLC-Giver.. and they told me that the rest of the characters are assholes who didn't know how to care, love & support.. haha.. interesting.. (as if they are soooo good)... some even told me that they are protector which is among the best because there ain't "TLC-Giver" eh la.. those are pervert who has bad intention in return and when they get it they will dumb u lar.. haha.. guys.. impressive huh.. dunno jealous or what.. they just talk with so confident nia.. haha..
Eh eh... The joker and problem solver are so annoying. Sum more in ur explanation u hamtam them again. Why still choose em lar?? Hahahah!!
ATTN: adhojlim
– Cheh. Think so highly of yourself. As though what you say can suddenly make miracles. Quite the thick skin right?
ATTN: Christy
– As I said lor. The TLC-Giver is very rare. Unfortunately, that's the kind of guy that most of us want. Some of us get lucky, I guess.
Haha. You did your own survey huh. Yeah, me too. HAHA. But of course have to. Or else everything is by my personal prediction and none is based on researched fact. So now, it's confirmed la. And yes, my friends are The Problem-Solver types too. Some are The Indifferent. One was a Hounder, man! Haha. Can go crazy wan. And yeah, same like you, none of my colleagues are TLC-Givers.
Must guys refuse to admit that the TLC-Giver exists and they always say that those guys are only serial daters who woo girls and dump them. Haha. But... I personally know a number of TLC-Givers. Their partners are always very emotionally taken care of wan. Just like every daughter wants a dotting father, who doesn't want a dotting boyfriend?
ATTN: erin
– Yeah, sometimes they get annoying but I think you have to see that they mean well. And anyway, if done with the right timing, it's okay wan leh. It's just that sometimes, the timing a bit too soon. When the girl isn't ready to receive their form of therapy. You know? So they're necessary also.
its liddat one mah..if not thick skin...how to survive wor? Hahaha =P
Eeyer.
Hmm as it is i find myself part problem solver, part TLC giver.. maybe a little bit more of the other 3 so i can have a repertoire of hats to put on when a girl is down?
after all, you can't use a spade to scoop rice out of the ricepot!
i'd say just bare wit it lo no matter what kind of guy he is (for those who are in relationship).. of course la if they are too much then just quit lo.. but little problem like such sometimes.. they really won't be so alert and sensitive la.. most are not that (what we expected) type..
ATTN: BenjiYong
– Whoa. Didn't know you were a reader. Haha. How's it goin, man?
Ahh. You part TLC-Giver? Sure bo? Haha. Train that part up and you'd be a sure hit among the ladies. =p And sure! I don't see anything wrong with having a repertoire under your belt. As long as you know which hat to put on depending on the time la. Time-relative. Remember that. =p
ATTN: Christy
– Hmmm. Maybe it's cos they don't notice. But also, sometimes I feel it's cos men tend to shy away from emotional outbursts. It makes them uncomfortable. At least that's what I think la.
i know many guys who are far more emotional then girl la.. really!!! should confess that all guys are like that la.. like i said lo.. faith gua.. all guys in my past also not sensitive type want.. i wonder is that my problem ah... maybe i always ended up choosing them.. haha..
hmmm... christy maybe u are attracted to a guy becos of his insensitivity?? i mean insensitivity here means he is stable, rational head, clear head in crisis and kinda calculative as in he thinks ahead?
i mean for sum guys this is how they express their love .. they care for u by providing .. but the flaw is the he only provides via material .. a secure future financially .. house,car,money.. but in the emotional department..detach cos in the pursue of business he has to b emotionless
YES MEN ARE AFRAID OUT EMOTIONAL OUTBURSTS ! ur tears can practically make a man feel like a headless chicken !
i'm not sure for other guys but as for me (and do have a fair share of sisters crying) ..when i see a girl crying.. it's like i have to do sumthing but no idea wht to do hehee ... so last last will just be sitting there for her.. if she needs a shoulder then borrow loh .. tell her everything is alrite try to comfort her ... but most of the time will just stay quiet
and i think it depends on how close a guy is with a girl .. and how he was trained to solve this kind of problem
hehe...going into crying part...Pam's blog is winding...Okay! Here we go!
I realized that cry is the privillege of the lady when she is really really down... be it your sisterla, mumla, gf or wife.... So allowing space for her to cry (if she realy wants to) is a MUST even it is the least the man could ever hope to see. She will definately feels better after the outburst session. However, to be honest, the heart of the man (good one) will be shattered when he sees that. And assuredly, most men are lost in that sense. Wanted to help the lady badly but dunno what is the right move to embark on. So majority men will keep quiet and offer physical embracement (borrow shoulderla, hold her handsla, wipe of her tears for herla, get her some waterla, or offer himself as the 'sandbag' for her to release 'geram' to encourage and show love in the form of acts of service. If in car, lagi best...switch on the soothing music to sooth her upla and many more... if she is ready to talk, then we talk otherwise we keep quiet until she regains composure. hehe...part of spending quality time alsolor..;) hit 2 love languages at one go!
ATTN: Christy
– Hmmm. Honestly, I also know a number of guys who are more emo than girls.
Tell you a story.
I was at a mamak about a week back and we were throwing this surprise birthday thing for a friend of mine. We already planned to drench the poor fellow with tap water so we gathered cups of plain water as ammunition. We always go to that mamak so the uncle all know us wan la. When we asked if we can wet the place, the uncle said, "CAN! We can sing together with you also." Haha. So ma then plan can continue lor.
Mana tau, when we started splashing him, somebody in our group accidentally kena another customer. A Bangaladeshi guy. Uh oh. The guy started shouting and all that you know! Like so drama liddat la. We apologised la. Then he kept pointing to his hand then he asked, "WHAT SORRY!? WHAT SORRY!?!" But when we looked, nothing! Really. I'm not kidding you. His hand was DRY. Only got two drops of water. TWO. Serious. So we thought maybe he tak suka cos kena a bit of his food. (Actually didn't kena his food. Kena his table a bit. Tiny splashes.) So we said that we'd buy back for him lor. He said, "NO!"
And then he started crying.
JEEEENNNGGGGG!
Haha. We all also stunned. Haha. Shit, man! The man CRIED! Alamak. Then the mamak fellas also tell him they will replace for him and all that. Aiyo. Drama. So crazy la that night.
So as you can see, some guys are in fact MORE emo than us girls.
Hmmm. I think that I've met quite a number of sensitive men but they're very rare. And sometimes, I feel it's seasonal. SOMETIMES they're okay with being nice and sensitive, and sometimes they just knock you over the head when you're crying and say, "Stop it la."
*blink blink*
Men aren't easy to understand.
ATTN: zecount
– Hmmm. You know, I agree. Sometimes people get attracted to ONE human quality that's commendable but they don't realise that it's that very same quality that causes a "side effect" that's not so pleasing. Good observation. It's exactly like a guy who likes a girl who is loving and caring and will pamper him (very in tune to the emotional side) but that same plus-point is what makes her needy and clingy.
But that's human, right? Everybody comes with positives and negatives.
You know what. Men who just offer financial security and do not feed their women's emotional needs often lose their women to others who are willing to take care of their women's hearts. It depends on what's important to the woman la. Of course if you have a money-crazed gf, then she'll stick by you just cos you're providing for her. But if you've got a girl who's got a good head on her shoulders, she'll know that money can be earned. In fact, she can do it herself without a man by her side. What she desires in a partner is exactly that - A PARTNER. Not a banker.
And ya la. If you wanna reach out to a girl, must see how close lor. And of course, must see if she can misunderstand your intention lor. Sometimes girls can think that you like them wan leh. Or... they may like you cos you provide the necessary comfort in their time of need. JENG. I'm sure you don't wanna send the wrong signals, right?
ATTN: adhojlim
– Don't we always do this? Haha. It's natural di. Our discussions always grow into other areas.
And yes. You're right. You HAVE to allow us space to cry. It's just our way of letting go of all the tension within la. If the girl is of good intentions, I'm sure her tears are not to get you to do stuff or feel guilty. Those tears are for HER. And yes, she'll feel better after. And she'll feel tired enough to stop thinking about it and let it all go for now.
You know what, sometimes the best way to show that you love a person in distress is with a hug. No need for words, no need for anything fancy. Just a hug.
*blink blink*
Whoa. That was a long one. Heh.
Aiyoo..maybe the Bangla man experienced a really bad day on that day... and he is in vainleh....and furthermore he tot you gals bullied himler....kesian...give spacela.. =)
If hug is the answer...Whoa! I wantler...wishes she cries more often and I can hug more. Hahaha! =P... joking-joking wan..
i am so agree with your last statement.. "Men aren't easy to understand"... haha.. we can hardly know what they are thinking at times.. but in my point of view huh.. they don't really matter about the minor thingy.. like the case you took in your operasi train jantan.. they actually tell me.. "aiyaa.. why you girls like to matter these minor things le?".. haha.. see..!!
the Bangaladeshi guy ah.. i think he must have had a bad day on that day la.. so happen la.. errmmm let me imagine his situation ahh.. MAYBE..just MAYBE K.. =maybe he's been broken hearted by his lover.. his lover splash him with water and told him she wanna quit and then said sorry she just have to do so because she has no more feeling on him.. she fell in love with his brother..his brother then told him that he will pay him back in future for taking away what is belonging to him..=
JENGGGG!!!!
haha!! see see!! that's what i think courses him so emotional la.. so happen that your friend ter-splash him ma.. worst is you guys some more said the "s" word.. "sorry".. some more with the phrase "we will pay you back"... see see.. you think lo.. he cry or not?? hahahahahaha... see.. this la drama!!
i know i know... too imaginative.. but that's just MAYBE.. and MAYBE he really been through that in real also.. haha..
hahahaha .. that's why we read operasi train jantan ... to be more in tune with females and their needs hahaha
"Men who just offer financial security and do not feed their women's emotional needs often lose their women to others who are willing to take care of their women's hearts"
well sumtimes it's just the way they were brought up .. i mean the guys would rather shed blood than shed tears philosophy .. providing all these is an expression of love ..everyday going to the "battle" to earn money to provide food on the table
but u know what .. i'm reading a book rite now .. straight talk to guys.. he gave an advice to ladies .. DO NOT PUT 100% HOPE that ur guy will provide u emotionally every time .. HE WILL DISSAPOINT U EVENTUALLY ...material wise he is the best cos WE ARE PROGRAMED to provide ... emotionally .. most of us are just not wired that way .. but of course that doesn't give us an excuse to neglect it .. it's just that we are weak in this department (hence operation train jantan) ... so the solution...ur SISTAS! close friends, best friends any friend ... that's what friends are for anyway rite :)
no no no ..no wrong signals thank you .. but they do cos misunderstandings ..so for me i always add a siew mui mui or little girl or i'll say that's what a brother is for ... just so that they get the picture
ATTN: adhojlim
– Eeyer. Bad day also angry okay la. But CRY!? Please la. Even girls don't cry when they kena splashed water accidentally la.
ATTN: Christy
– Oh, FYI, if you're talking about him just breaking up with his lover, it's not true. His lover was right beside him. His MALE lover. *grin*
Uh, but I think your imagination a bit too wild di. HAHA. Control a bit la!
ATTN: zecount
– Haha. Woo hoo to the reason you read Operasi Train Jantan.
I know it's unfair that we want what you're not brought up to give. But it's also unfair that we never get what we were brought up to receive. It works both ways. What we can do is give and take lor. If you really love the person you're with la. The girl can try to be more understanding and the guy can try to express his love more lor. Cos honestly, if the girl always demand, the guy also get suffocated. But if the guy never give, the girl's love tank a bit hard to be filled so in the end, both people suffer wan. We just have to realise that we're very different and work towards making whatever situation better by compromising.
And yes, we realise that our "sistas" are there for us. But it's different. I mean, obviously the love you share for your friends and the love you share for your partner is different wat. And there are times when all you want is your "protector boyfriend" to protect you emotionally as well! See?
And really, would you feel good if your girlfriend had problems but just cos she knows you're not "the type", she terus bypass you and go to her friends for comfort. How would YOU feel then? Cannot also wat. So it's unfair to us if you want us to go to you first but insist that we go to others for emotional support.
Aiya, we know all about the wrong signals thingy la. Haha. You got the talk, I got the talk. Same same lah. =p And the brother sister talk doesn't help, I feel. HAHA. Usually I bring in other ppl of the opposite sex to show them that they're not special. Haha. Wonder if THAT works. But so far, I think it does la. No problems as yet. Not major ones, at least.
yea yea .. i agree ..especially the word "compromise" and of course not bypass the bf lah ... ur sistas are also there to help out lah
eh u intro other guys .. won't that eh kinda induce competition? heheheh
not major ones ??? hmmm ..that sounds interesting hehehe
oopppzz.. pai seh.. hahahaha..
ATTN: Zecount
– Well, compromising is easier said than done. It takes effort. And effort's not something everyone's willing to put in. Why? Cos it takes sacrifice.
And of course, it's natural for a girl to want to turn to her partner ma. Which girlfriend wouldn't? But if she feels that he's gonna turn a deaf ear anyways, it's not that great a feeling for her lor. And it isn't that cool when you just treat your sisters as "back-up" only. Not so nice la. I mean, of course they'll understand. But that's not the point.
Haha. No la. When you intro other guys, they'll know that they're not "special" to you di ma. No competition.
Eh eh, dun think so far. So far, so good. Haha. My strategy worked. Never got outta hand. Thing is... I have to say that to cover my back ma. Just in case you find some case to fire me. HAHA.
ATTN: Christy
– Haha. But mana tau, your imagination also not as POWER as the REAL STORY. JENG!
wa lau weh ... me fire u ?? most of the time YOU pick my bones leh kawan!!
somemore kena "stab" in later post
where got relationships no need effort one ... not possible to have easy-peasy lemon squezey relationship lah
In case la. Cover backside first ma. Haha.
And not that relationships no need effort. Is that people know it needs effort but don't put in the effort! THAT's the problem.
yea true true ... even operasi train jantan part 100 wouldn't work if the guy doesn't put in any effort in the relationship
Yeah, sigh. There's no way of MAKING people nicer, wiser or kinder wan la. There needs to be active involvement on their part as well or it all goes nowhere.
This has got to be the single most important manual for a guy.
Honestly, many guys DO want to deal with their ladies when they're down. Just that in that volatile state, any wrong statement will mean extended hours of dealing with's, a whole load of "why u like this one?!"s, "U DON'T LOVE ME!"s and "U DON'T CARE ABOUT ME!"s. *shudder*
Then u'll have to do extra work to atone for what u've said, THEN tackle the whole thing from square one. *SHUDDER!*
From my experience, when girls are down, they'll turn into total emotional monsters that will chomp on u if u take a wrong step. They'll treat u like dirt with the whole "eat shit u idiot! I'm sad and therefore I RULE" routine and the fact that they're down automatically justifies their behaviour. *blerghh...*
However, AFTER the whole episode, guys, if u play ur cards right, ur entitled to a whole lot of sayangs and she'll apologise for being such a monster back then. (in MY case at least. That's y I love her. XD)
For the girls, if ur wondering what goes on in a guys mind when ur having a emo meltdown, here's an idea:
Worst case senario:-
(picks up phone, girl sounds REALLY upset)
in guy's brain
*warning lights + alarms* "oh shit, oh shit... what to say? what to say? what's the correct answer? what're the keywords? how how how? OMFG! WHY NOW? This is SO not a good time. OMFG BETTER SAY SOMETHING QUICK! OMFG SHE'S GETTING MAD!" *GROANN!!*
Guy: err... *gibberish*...
Girl: WTF! I'M SAD.. blah blah blah
in brain
"OH SH*T. NOW you've done it. DAMN DAMN DAMN DAMN... WHY the hell is she getting mad at ME for?! She's damn irrational man!" *goes into defensive mode*"
Guy: I know u sad... but still no need to talk to me like that rightt... (wrong response no. 1)
Girl: ... !!! (refer to para. 2)
Guy: U know ar, u girls always like that. Too emo for ur own good (wrong response no. 2)
Girl:... KNN!! Blah blah blah... u don't care about me... blah blah... so insensitive blah blah blah... ... blah blah... better break up (sure don't mean it wanz)... *slams phone*
Guy: ...
in brain
"should I call back? *ego sets in* Hmm... on second thoughts, go die lah"
*girl wonders why he haven't called back*
*Guy wants to call back but feels like dignity at stake*
In the end, the girl's little didn't mean it became a reality. Aduhai...
Therefore, this is the single most important manual for guys. Good job Pam!
this is by far the best OTJ i've ever read! well i'm starting from 1 - 16... kekekekekeke
Great news for you is that TLC-Giver is rising among our midst! I know quite a few of them... but of course la.. they are all taken... but there are many more men out there realise that they shud be a TLC-Giver rather than some macho hound dogs!
ATTN: Kenny Chan
– Wow! You posted this comment like ages ago. Sorry, man. Didn't realise you did.
Anyway, it's nice to know you think so highly of this post. Appreciate your comments. Single most important manual for guys, eh? Fu-wah. *beams*
Hmmm. Okay, most of us girls turn into emotional wrecks when we're down and we feel like you're not on our side. I'll give you that. But not all of us.
And yes, if we go loony on you, we always make up for it. We're fair that way.
And dude, you just had an OTB right there in your comment. Kudos. Good job on ya, too! =)
ATTN: KenSan
– Haha. Thanks, man. Read on. You have lots more in store for you. =p
And yes. I see that the TLC-Giver's era dawns. That's great, actually. It makes life a lot more pleasant for the women out there. You can't go wrong with TLC lah. Put it that way. Everybody's day gets made. You love her, she feels loved, she show you back, you feel loved in return. Win-win situation. Sucks that many of them are taken, though. Haha. But then again, I know a lot of great guys who ARE TLC-Givers who are still single. Haha. The kind who'd write songs, sing to, cook for and pamper their girls. Any of your friends need intro? You need training? *grin*
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