Two weekends ago, I dreamt I lost my mom.
Woke up and shot her an SMS. At like, 5 or 6 in the morning. Didn't get a reply. (That's not normal she usually replies no matter the time.) Shot my dad a panic SMS telling him I dreamt of her death and asking him if she was okay. He responded almost immediately. Said that she was okay. And that she was sleeping. (Smiley included in said SMS for good relax-that-worried-mind-my-child measure.) So I relaxed. And started sobbing uncontrollably into my pillow.
That whole episode got me thinking.
I'm an only child. And after my parents go, that's it. It'll just be me. Alone, perhaps. Lonely, for sure. And gauging from my response to my dream, I think I'd never stop crying if (when, actually – sigh) that day really came along.
What would I do? Who will I turn to? Who will I have by my side? Will there even be anybody at all to begin with? People who aren't church members, colleagues or acquaintances who're merely there for formalities. I'm talking about friends and loved ones – mine. Who will be there FOR ME when I lose the flesh and blood who gave me life?
Didn't help that the guy I used to see used to constantly drill it into my head that there's nobody out there who would vouch for me, look out for me and sacrifice all for me. No one but Mee, Dee... and him. (Yes, the painful things people say may have been forgiven but not always forgotten.) Well, now that he's out of the picture, all I've got is them and nobody else, right?
Wrong.
He was wrong.
And I'm glad that he was.
He was wrong.
And I'm glad that he was.
I look around, and I smile at this realisation: I'm not alone. Somehow, I've been fortunate enough to have people around me who genuinely care for me. People who want to see me happy. People who double my joys and share my tears. People whom I know will be there for me when emotional waves come crashing. No matter what. No matter how late the hour. No matter how weary the situation.
These friends and loved ones (parents not included in current equation) I have by my side today, have willingly (and I'm sure will continue to) brought me lunch when I was ill, held my hair up when I puked my teochew porridge out, made me laugh when I was down, called me when I was stressed, dissected my thoughts and feelings with me into the wee hours of the night when I was emotionally confused.
And in the L&R Department, I know I'll find love, security and happiness with a man who will care for me like I've never been cared for before. If not today, if not tomorrow, then at some point on some beautiful day. I'm sure of it. =) And aside from those aforementioned people standing next to me as I mourn the loss of the people who mean the world to me, I know he too, will be by my side, holding my hand and sharing my pain.
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http://www.dayswithmyfather.com/
7 comments :
And there are plenty of things that I would do for you but there's one thing that I will never stop doing with you - I will never stop sharing your tears, babe.
The world changes, seasons come and go but "our world" will never change. In "our world" you'll always have me loving you for exactly who you are and in "our world" you'll never have to wonder about things because "our world" is transparently true. What you see is exactly what you get.
So if you're ever weary with things or people in life, you just have to remember;
"The fight for you is all I`ve ever known, Ever known.
So come home."
I will always love you, Babe!
Tears......words that he heart cannot express;
But if it ever flows....Let it be the tears of JOYS! Cos in it we find freedoms and comforts that we are loved in scorching circumstances.....=)Cheers..
Ignore your ex. I would say I'm a relatively new reader to your blog, and this might not entitle me to comment just yet, but I want to offer a little thought.
From what I have read on your blog, you have a close group of friends. And it looks like they would do anything for you.
And if they should ever be unable to help you, I'm sure that you have some blog readers who would support you as well.
That said, I do hope that you do not have to experience the loss of either of your parents for a long time to come. For now, cherish every moment with them that you can and try to dream of happier times. And do find a boyfriend. :)
Hello I love you but I still want photos.
I know I've been away a while, what with the many things we've to grapple with of late.
Popping my head through the doorway of my silence to let you know that in me you'll always have someone who'll come running to your side to stand by and fight for you at the drop of a hat.
Distant we may be in far too many ways for our liking, I'm right here with you- whether you like it or not.
=)
Me being me,
benyong
ATTN: Whaley Bear
– I like "our world". A lot a lot. =) Sometimes it feels like the only sane place in this Madness.
ATTN: Adrian Lim
– Tears of joy. Haha. Had plenty of those of late, too. Thanks, Adrian. =)
ATTN: IMCurtain
– Walaueh. Emo post also you have to advertise ah? Kanasai.
ATTN: In-Jaul
– Hi there! Haha. There's no such thing as a time limit you need before you can leave me a response. =)
You're right. I have a few close buddies who really care for me. And it's true, my readers have become more than just a faceless crowd to me. Some have become friends in the flesh, while others, although virtual, have shared my journey through good and bad. It's comforting. =)
Thanks for your comment. I shall cherish the time I have with those who matter before they leave me for good. As for the boyfriend... hahaha. We'll see. *winks*
ATTN: estherlauderlyn
– Haha. Too much.
ATTN: BenYong
– Thanks, Benji. It's good knowing there's no Alone in all this. =)
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