1. I don't believe in relationships that start at clubs, bars, or beer-drenched meet-and-greet parties. Any form of intoxication had towards the opposite sex that requires the default composition of suffocatingly smoky atmosphere, flashing lights, heart-thumping beats, skimpy clothes and a whole lot of alcohol is NOT my idea of 'true love'. And don't get me started on the possibility of love at first sight lah, okay. Not under those lighting conditions (you don't see anything but a mesh of messy bodies on the dance floor lah), and definitely not when you can't even count the number of fingers placed before you.
2. I don't believe in relationships that start over short durations without the necessary foundation of friendship, which I believe is essential to couples, prior to dating. It's like building castles in the sand lah, friend. Castles in the sand. Such relationships, I akin to rainbows – pretty when they're there but gone the instance the sun shifts its position. Falling in love is a sham lah, okay. The whole idea of it sounds nice, but STAYING in love is what matters. And if there's nothing to gel two people together in a way that goes beyond mere childish infatuation, then there's nothing really there for the couple to have started the relationship in the first place.
3. I don't believe in relationships that start with one party (or both) cheating one's partner (or on their respective partners), be it PHYSICALLY or EMOTIONALLY. Both forms of cheating equally disgust and repulse me. No person who commits, or chooses to be involved in such a despicable act deserves my respect, nor will that person get any. Any relationship that begins with SIN can lead to nothing good nor anything substantial. Why? Cos your whole so-called relationship is built on a foundation of sin, lies and deceit. That's why. Look into the mirror. You people should be ashamed of yourselves.
And finally, 4. I don't believe in 'talk'. Actions speak louder than words lah, okay. If you have the guts to say it, DO IT and PROVE IT. Don't promise the world UNLESS you actually possess the power to, and are in a position whereby you are able to give up the world. Anything otherwise is NATO (No Action, Talk Only) to me. And don't kid yourselves or your partners because SAYING it without including the words, "I promise..." is also considered saying it. Heck, if you didn't mean it you shouldn't have said it, right??? So if you said it, you SHOULD have meant it. Correct???
I know I sound so jaded but I don't care cos, right now, I'm just pissed at the way some people are able to deceive themselves into believing certain things – things I clearly don't believe in. *points above* I've already had a rough and tough day. Never thought I'd be piss-powered enough to write a whole picture-less post but... looks like the heart controls the mind when it comes to certain things, eh? I so need to sleep this off. I hope the feelings go away by morning.
2. I don't believe in relationships that start over short durations without the necessary foundation of friendship, which I believe is essential to couples, prior to dating. It's like building castles in the sand lah, friend. Castles in the sand. Such relationships, I akin to rainbows – pretty when they're there but gone the instance the sun shifts its position. Falling in love is a sham lah, okay. The whole idea of it sounds nice, but STAYING in love is what matters. And if there's nothing to gel two people together in a way that goes beyond mere childish infatuation, then there's nothing really there for the couple to have started the relationship in the first place.
3. I don't believe in relationships that start with one party (or both) cheating one's partner (or on their respective partners), be it PHYSICALLY or EMOTIONALLY. Both forms of cheating equally disgust and repulse me. No person who commits, or chooses to be involved in such a despicable act deserves my respect, nor will that person get any. Any relationship that begins with SIN can lead to nothing good nor anything substantial. Why? Cos your whole so-called relationship is built on a foundation of sin, lies and deceit. That's why. Look into the mirror. You people should be ashamed of yourselves.
And finally, 4. I don't believe in 'talk'. Actions speak louder than words lah, okay. If you have the guts to say it, DO IT and PROVE IT. Don't promise the world UNLESS you actually possess the power to, and are in a position whereby you are able to give up the world. Anything otherwise is NATO (No Action, Talk Only) to me. And don't kid yourselves or your partners because SAYING it without including the words, "I promise..." is also considered saying it. Heck, if you didn't mean it you shouldn't have said it, right??? So if you said it, you SHOULD have meant it. Correct???
I know I sound so jaded but I don't care cos, right now, I'm just pissed at the way some people are able to deceive themselves into believing certain things – things I clearly don't believe in. *points above* I've already had a rough and tough day. Never thought I'd be piss-powered enough to write a whole picture-less post but... looks like the heart controls the mind when it comes to certain things, eh? I so need to sleep this off. I hope the feelings go away by morning.
29 comments :
gosh anger management much :P i agree with all four. but maybe the first one.. depends.
ATTN: Aronil
– Yeah, I know. -_- Can't help it. I feel strongly about certain things and I am practicing my right at free speech.
First one, well, maybe it's cos I'm not a clubber so... I just don't believe in meeting the 'right kind of people' in such environments loh. But then again, if the person is there, sort of can understand what KIND of person it is already also lah. So maybe same same degenerates so maybe can ngam. Dunno lah. But personally, I don't think there's enough substance to that kind of relationship.
Ouch!! THat kinda hurt! Haha... Pretty intense post. Personally though, I think there are always exceptions for things, there are no right and wrong answers. Who knows..! =)
i sooo agree with you post!!!
ATTN: -Princess Shin-
- Haha. Why? Did you fall into any of those categories? If you did, sorry lah. But it's really what I feel.
And sure. I'll agree with you that there are no right or wrong answers. But there are wrong starts. Like I forgot one last night so let's make this No.5...
"I don't believe in relationships that begin in the bedroom."
=)
ATTN: Esther Chin
- Thanks. =) It's just what I think about the whole matter.
Ohh.. Point number four.. Totally agree on that.. You know babe.. I was listening to Fly FM the other day, "Fix It" Programme.. Guys say the typical thing ever.
1) Let's not talk about it.
(followed by)
2) My friends are single, I want
to know what it's like to
single again. (followed by)
3) I'm so sorry.. I actually met
someone new. (followed by)
4) I'm sure you will meet another
guy better than me.
Point number two followed by point number three is just so contradicting. This is so typical. Relationships.. ARRGGGHH..
ATTN: SarahMeiAnn
- Eeyer. So typical. Makes me sick just thinking about it lah. You know, it's like they went to some sort of School of Break-up or something. Graduates from the School of Break-up. Ugh. *stab stab stab*
No.1 is not being responsible to his partner. How can you ask for a break-up without being answerable to the person you want to leave? The guy isn't being fair to the girl.
No.2 is just lame lah. So what if your friends are single? They jump you jump ah? They get married you get married ah? LAME.
No.3 is honest but, oh-so-hurtful. Gotta give it to them for the honesty part, though. I respect that.
No.4 is a cover-up. Definitely the truth but... a cover-up. How will they even know what the future brings. It's the kind of thing you say to make people feel better only. Just a good-sounding line.
ARGH.
ATTN: SarahMeiAnn
- Oh, but when it comes to No.3, I don't respect the fact that he didn't break-up BEFORE finding the other girl.
Wanna know the honest truth? That wan, I'd call him an idiot for it. You'd only fall for a person if you've ALREADY emotionally dumped the person you are with.
Hmmm. I should probably blog this. I'm already writing a post here already. Haha.
Sounds like someone just got harassed.
ATTN: 3POINT8
– Harrassed? Who and by whom?
Bollocks. We should fall till we fall in love with someone we want to stay with. My first two relationships were none of these things - look where they are now.
You say as if you can control yourself from falling in love xD. If love grabs me by the balls in a booze-fest in the form of a deceitful person I'm not friends with, I'd follow.
Then again, if anything got me by the balls and want me to go whichever way, I damn well will follow wherever it wants to take me. I like my balls and the rest of me to stay together please.
Clubbers aren't necessary degenerates. Two of the best persons I've ever met loves clubbing!
Oh, I don't club by the way.
ATTN: k0k s3n w4i
– *GASP!*
I didn't say that any OTHER relationships types will DEFINITELY succeed. You jumped the gun there.
And yes. I believe that love is a choice. As is staying in love. Perhaps I'm just not into the whole falling and losing control kinda thing. Not everything is about FEEEEELING. You've gotta THINK about whether this person will complement you and your lifestyle. Whether or not this person will be the one you want to spend the rest of your life with. Whether you can see this person being the mother or father of your child. So many things to consider okay. Things that DON'T involve 'falling' in love.
And fine. Not all clubbers are degenerates. But you have to admit that most of them aren't living the best of lifestyles.
Ah, YOU jumped the gun :P
My point is this; regardless of how a relationship starts, there's never certainty that it'd work out.
Something which started cleanly on the best foot may flop.
Something which started in the waste disposal unit can become something beautiful too.
And to your reply to my comment;
What's the point of being with someone who complements your lifestyle, is awesome for spending the rest of your life with and makes a good dad for your kids - when you don't have FEELINGS for him? FEELINGS isn't everything. But it's foremost.
So long as I feel for someone, I'm willing to overlook some of her shortcomings. Isn't that's what being in love is about? To love someone and to love the things about your lover you didn't love before.
I'm not being confrontational, btw. You sounded so taken back xD
But I gotta say this; Aren't you taking too much of the romance bit out of love? It's the losing control part that makes falling in love so much fun to do. And I guess you've probably dated enough guys to realise that someone who initially appears like the perfect spouse (note that I did not say "lover") can turn out to be pretty shitty after all. We all wear our best faces at the start, no? :)
At any rate, I always give #2 as an advice to some of my gal friends who are just that prone to hooking up with crappy gents.
ATTN: k0k s3n w4i
– Well of course it doesn't matter how a relationships starts when it comes to certainties in terms of the relationships working out. But you have to admit that some relationships are more prone to head towards DOOMSville than others.
Which, brings me back to YOU jumping the gun, boy.
It's rare that stuff that comes from trash will lead to something beautiful. Not that there's ZERO possibility. Just that it's less possible. AND IT TAKES A WHOLE LOT OF UNNECESSARY EFFORT.
Why not let it all start beautifully rather than in the dumps? Is it so hard to ask for? A REAL substantial friendship or period of courting? Too difficult?
And when you're young and impulsive, feelings play a big part. But as you grow up, it starts taking a backseat. You said that you're still in the honeymoon period of your relationship. Perhaps that's why you feel the way you do about this. Feelings still rock the boat and turn it upside down in a good way. But what if you lack the spark after 10 or 20 years? Then what?
And then I flip the question for you... What's the point of you falling head over heels for a person who will never be able to understand your take on life, or be with you in your toughest times, or cradle your kids and love them as you love them AND RAISE THEM AS YOU WOULD LIKE THEM TO BE RAISED, or see things eye to eye with you.
Feelings start everything. I admit. But after that, something more substantial has to be there.
I'm not talking about not overlooking the person's faults and all that. Of course when you love somebody, you'd do that. But... You can't be blind to ALL their faults. Pressing the toothpaste from top or bottom, you can ignore and close on eye. Cheating spouses with lying habits, not so hot. You getting me?
And no, I'm not taken aback. Just feel that your point of view on love is somewhat too... open? Naive? I don't know. There's more to love than just feelings. There are days when you'll be pissed at each other. Days when you want to strangle each other. Do you think that your feelings will let you think of your partner in the same lovey dovey way? I think not. The concept of CHOICE when it comes to love also has to come in lah, fren.
And okay, I may be taking the romance out of love a little. But there IS more to love than just romance and flying cupids.
u lor..
its as thought someone did the 5 sins onto you...
ATTN: 3POINT8
– Ya lor. I also feel like I sound like it. Haha.
I'm saying we should take the opportunities as they come. Sure it might come along a bit unpolished, rough... not the best of starts but sometimes, that might just be the only sign we get. I'm not the sort that would go "hmm, this didn't start quite the way I picture it" and go "next!" the minute after.
And it's not too much to ask for a period of substantial friendship or courting. I think I said as much, "At any rate, I always give #2 as an advice to some of my gal friends who are just that prone to hooking up with crappy gents."
I took two whole years to get to know a girl before we got together. We were totally honest with one another. And we definitely did not meet in a club. She never had a girlfriend before and I had one which I've ended quite cleanly. It bombed spectacularly.
What I disagree is that something that comes from the trash has less chance of having a happy ending. I don't believe that someone who cheated on her boyfriend to be with another guy, or some girl who loves alcohol and clubbing don't go into a relationship looking for it to succeed too.
All those stuff you listed, I used to think that way as well. I honestly did. If i'm really being naive, it seems like I'm doing it the wrong way round :)
And then I flip the question for you... What's the point of you falling head over heels for a person who will never be able to understand your take on life, or be with you in your toughest times, or cradle your kids and love them as you love them AND RAISE THEM AS YOU WOULD LIKE THEM TO BE RAISED, or see things eye to eye with you.
The beauty of falling head over heels is that you don't care :P
Okay, okay... a more serious answer; I never said all those is unimportant. What I said is that I won't mind if one or two of those things aren't there if I truly love someone. Anyhow, how does this relate to how a relationship starts? Like I already said, you can't see these things for sure at the start. People may go into life with plan of how to make things work, how to raise their kids and stuff... but the fact is, we spend more than half the time ad libbing anyway. We don't know what it's like to do all that till we do it. We compromise. We make things up along the way.
Take for example this aspect - raising a child. How do you know that your method of doing that is best for your kid? Maybe your spouse who have different ideas got his point too. The point of differences in relationships is for them to be complementary. We are not infallible. We cannot always have things our way all the time. Differences can be as equally good as it can be bad. Again, we go right back to how there is no certainty in every aspect of it.
No matter how you plan it. No matter how much you prepare for it, you have to agree it's still a gamble.
There is choices. Some make it based on feelings. Some based on a list of requirements. But the fact is, both has equal chances to succeed or to fail la, fren
Days when you want to strangle each other. Do you think that your feelings will let you think of your partner in the same lovey dovey way?
How is this applicable as an argument against my beliefs? You think the fact that your husband agrees that your kids need to be spanked to be brought up properly, and thinks that your lifestyle rocks is going to stop just because you're everything he wanted in a wife?
Don't get me wrong. My stance is the uncertainty of love - not the flipside of your credo.
There is more to love than just romance and flying cupid. But they are what make love worthwhile to have.
Uh, i mean that she never had a boyfriend before. What an interesting Freudian slip :P
Oh, I'm going to bed by the way. Will check for replies tomorrow. It's always great commenting here. Bring me back to my old computer game forum days xD
I'd probably agree on the surface of the points mentioned.
But KSW raised a very good argument on the uncertainty element.
The quote "The beauty of falling head over heels is that you don't care " is really interesting indeed..
Hahaha...Relaxs la guys....
I think KSW is trying to say that strike the iron when it is hot (grab the opportunity when you still can) but Pam is saying; get to know the iron first before striking it...
KSW way is very direct and if the lady doesnt mind....then should be OK lor. Its a matter of acceptance. But the risk is higher and success rate is lower lor....What could we expect; cos the lady does not really know us mah.
However if the guy doesnt mind to try out oftenly, then no issue lor. Just be willing to take charge of the actions and enjoy the ride if there is.
Pam's way is more conventional and secure. Its like studying whether a gemstone is really a gemstone...and that is not enough; need to determine the chemical composition summore....more like a scientist leading to a lover. Mwahahaha =P
Cheers everybody...=)))Haha
well said, miss song ! claps claps*
in fact, i would to go as far as to cut and paste (some of )your words right smack into someone's msn. you pull it right out of my mind when it seems like I can't find the right words to say.
***
by the way, what has happened to the "ghost"? should i forsee you being too busy? well, in any case, do tell . I won't ask another till I hear your reply.
ATTN: k0k s3n w4i
– Firstly, sorry. Was away for the weekend, hence my lack of replies. YOU, on the other hand, just wrote a full-fledged post. Haha. Bravo.
Okay, where were we?
Oh yes. Falling head over heels. Well, I'm not saying you don't go for a relationship just cos they don't start the way you want them to. Salah channel again! All I'm saying is that if I were to meet a guy at a club, I'd definitely think twice about dating him. UNLESS he asks me out on REAL dates and we hang and become friends. After that, maybe. But still... it's damn scary lah. Maybe it's less scary for guys. I don't know. As a girl, I'd be worried about hooking up with a guy whom I met at a club, who started hitting on me since then. But that's just me.
Haha. Sometimes relationships that start well don't always end well. But you have to admit that they tend to work out better than those that don't. At least the foundation is a good one mah.
I think that everybody goes into a relationship with hopes of it being successful. But the success rate for different types of relationships are different. Why do women with abusive fathers tend to look for love at the wrong places? If you can see that these women's past and their lifestyles affect their love lives too, then why can't you see the same with clubbers and alcoholics?
Well, sure. I agree that the beauty of falling head over heels is that you don't care but... you WILL end up caring. Eventually.
And of course. If one or two things are lacking, it's fine cos the people we love make up for those things in so many other ways. But if they are MAJOR things that matter to us, then a bit hard loh. And you ask, "How do we see all this from the start?" Well, we can't. Hence, you DON'T date people you just meet at clubs! You get to know them beforehand.
In terms of raising a child, if my partner wanted to feed him junkfood all the time, I'd FIGHT HIM TO THE DEATH because it'd be for the betterment of my child. But if it's in terms of fish vs chicken for dinner, then sure. We compromise. You see, it's about how great the impact would be in the long run and how much it affect our lives and the lives of the people we care.
And yes, love is a gamble. But you want to have better odds before you put down your money, right?
I'm saying that choices need to be made with feelings MEETING requirements. Not either or. It's like looking for a job. When interest meets ability, magic happens. Or else, you struggle all the way. You may make a living but you don't love your job, or you may love your job but only be able to make ends meet. See?
p/s: Interesting how you compare commenting here to computer game forums. Haha.
ATTN: Freethinker
– I agree. I like that quote too. Haha. The fella seems to have a knack for 'em. =p
ATTN: adrian
– Good observation. You're right. I AM WAAAAYYY more conventional and old-school when it comes to the whole dating game.
I guess I'm a lot more cautious with relationships after some experiences in the past. I don't like unpleasant surprises when I'm IN a relationship. They usually bring a lot of pain, hurt and sorrow.
Cheers!
ATTN: a girl who could be a Jessica
– Haha. Thank you, thank you. I responded to your 'ghost' thingy already. I need answers leh. Haha. Swimming in dark waters at the mo.
Honestly nobody will like unplesant surprises (Pain- Hurt -Sorrow) in relationship, unless the person is not really serious in it.
It OK to be cautious but let the past be the past lor.....Cos nobody could perform the best when he/she keeps looking back and retards himself/herself from moving on...And it usually takes times to fully recover. Some took years....
Well, life goes ON and there are plenty of other meaningful things to explore......like travelling, career building, further studies la....=)
ATTN: adrian
– Yeah, I agree that the past sometimes stops us from enjoying the present. Because of fears. Because of previous hurts. But forgiving and forgetting are two very different things. I'll blog about this and you'll see.
And yes. When it is difficult to trust the people around us, we dive into other things we have more control on. Thing we KNOW cannot ever hurt us emotionally. Like chasing our career dreams or traveling the world to see and experience new things. You are right.
and you said... "And fine. Not all clubbers are degenerates. But you have to admit that most of them aren't living the best of lifestyles."
hmmm.........
hmmmmmmmmmm...................
hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm................
:( u cakap macam tu :(
ATTN: Esther Chin
– Haha. True ma. They smoke, drink and party like there's no tomorrow. Hence, the chances of them falling into wrong company is higher. A bit unhealthy, don'cha think?
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