The Princess & The Pea

I'm know that I'm no princess
so can I be the pea instead?
Please? Please, please, please?

Sigh.

No, I'm not deranged or mentally unstable. (Not most of the time, at least.) It's just that my life would be a whole lot less complicated if I were small, brainless, emotionless, squash-able, green and round. =(