Killer-Thumb Therapy

I almost died today.

…under the hands of an Indonesian masseuse.


Stop. Laughing.

Super-kau-lat painful, okay!?

No joke.

The woman was a professional and highly skilled killer in disguise, I tell you. And heck, I was actually dumb enough to PAY her good money to kill me! That's RM40,000 worth of education down the drain. Hmmph! Who said higher education brought about smarter children?

RM40 for a 2-hour suicide run.
Pffft. Smart, my ass.


*blink blink*


Darn it.

I just realized that that RM40 spent just negated
the whole RM40,000 spent on my education.

Must. Not. Let. Parents. Read. Post.


*gulp*

But then again, in my defense, I didn't know that I was stupidly walking into the lion's den with a smile on my face, my hand in my pocket and my money in my hand, right? Sigh. I tell you, that place was an elaborate stage set to deceive the likes of good people looking for a time out and a good dose of much-needed pampering. Good people like me.

See la.




Trickling water and fake flowers to set the scene summore.
All bluff wan, I tell you. They're killers. KILLERS!

Sigh.

I sound super bitter, don't I? But then again, of course la! That's RM40 down the drain, you know. It ain't cheap to hurt no more.

Ooo. But tell you what. I started laughing while in the torture chamber. Haha. Let's just say that I had me a "Jesus experience". Jeng jeng jeng! The terror-ness of it all. Everybody say "waaa". Heh heh. Okay okay. Let me explain myself.


I was wrapped in a towel so I kinda felt like a wannabe baby in swaddling clothes. Uh, or alternatively, a dead body in a shroud. You choose. Heh. I was also lying on a 3cm-thick mattress in a cold, dark room and that then kinda made me feel like a dead body in a tomb. Now, here comes the funny part. After working on my hands, she proceeded to knead me in the palms. Aiyo! So sakit! It felt as though she was trying to dig a hole through my skin, muscle and bones!

And that was when I started laughing my head off.

Wrapped in a shroud (sort of) – CHECK!
In tomb (close) – CHECK!
Holes through palms (almost) – CHECK!


Heck, I suddenly felt like Jesus in the tomb, man!


*blink blink*


Okay, perhaps I lost it for a bit there.
But hey, gimmie a break.
I was under a lot of pressure, okay!
PHYSICAL pressure. Literally.


Sigh.

The massage has tired me out. I'm beat.
Plus, my whole body's aching.

I think I need me some retail therapy (preferably one that doesn't require any physical movement on my part) to neutralize the negative effects of my two hours worth of killer-thumb therapy.

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Somebody zombie-fy me, please.