Wake Up To Catch Up With JD

Woke up extra early this Saturday morning to enjoy a kid-free catch up with super angpow collector, fellow K-drama addict, best-yet-affordable-Japanese-restaurant-in-town recommender, sashimi-eating kaki, lower-high-school bestie, ex-Spice-Girl-wannabe friend of 23 years – Jocelyn – who's back in town for the holidays to help us all jam up Penang roads. 😏

Didn't wanna brave the jam down town in spite of the early scheduling so we opted for western breakfast at Gusto Cafe instead. (She bought me breakfast cos said owe me for birthday wor! 🙈) Of course, cannot fight VCR Telawi but... kira ok la for Penang standard. Bacon was a winner as usual, though the scrambled eggs were a bit the fail today. Too many people kua. Chef khi siao. 😅

No pics of the food cos plating not pretty anyway 🤭

and too busy talking and crying and catching up with life

until we forgot to take any selfies during breakfast. 

Picked up her kids and drove her back to her car and only remembered about pictures then. So, quickly took out my phone to take some pictures la. And wah, I tell you... Phone come out only ah, her daughter – who was also in JJ's classmate at LS back in KL – immediately rushed over to wefie with us. 😆 #selfieantennaON #theforceisstrongwiththisone

And this, ladies and gentlemen, is why you have daughters. 💁‍♀️ Because her son pula, she had to convince to come over to take pics. Haha. #typicalboy

Can't wait to catch up over good salmon sashimi again soon, babe. 🍣 See you if I visit KL and don't forget to holler if you come up to Penang again! 😘

Random Finds Along King Street & Church Street

Public payphone with coin AND prepaid card slot.

Spotted this while walking back to the car after our Tong Christmas cum Birthday Lunch @ Reve and just HAD to take a picture. My kids have never seen a payphone before! Sure, it's missing the most important thing that would indicate that it's a phone in the first place but... hey, that's what Mommy is for. 

Ring ring! 📞

This foreboding staircase sat right opposite the payphone.

And diagonally across the street...

Melsong and I being touristy.

Although I'm a Penang Lang, I've never taken a picture with any of these decals before. They were only erected in recent years, after all. (I is old.) You know what... After I'm done with treatment, Imma take the kids on a stroll along the Penang Heritage Trail. How can Penangite no see and no know Penang, right??

Tong Christmas cum Birthday Lunch @ Reve

The extended Tong (maternal side) family gathering can get pretty big. (My great-grandmother had 3 sons and 2 daughters.) But the more immediate Tong side is pretty cosy because my only uncle remains single and both my cousins aren't yet married. This is all of us, minus my kids and my cousin brother who didn't come home for Christmas:

Before my uncle arrived, the group lagi kecik.

The Tong Song Tong Tan Gals + Dee – the only thorn

amongst the roses – with all our Christmas presents. 🎁

Selfie better.

Maximising the location decor. We all look fat, ugly and weird. 😂

Khai Ma and Jewel with their presents from yours truly!

After that, my uncle arrived, and so did the food.

To be honest, there aren't many food options here la. Less than one page in the menu is dedicated to main courses. But not an issue la cos so ngam we all came from heavy breakfasts. So we decided to just order a few items on the menu and share. #kongsiraya

Some kind of bacon and mushroom pasta. Not bad.

If I ever went back to Reve, I would order this again.

Lobster pasta – tasted ok but expensive and not really

worth the money considering the miserable portion.

Plus, the lobster smelled very fishy. And looked

suspiciously like prawn meat instead. 🤔

I have no idea what this dish was and I can't really tell from the pic.

All I know is it came with raw veggies so I couldn't eat it anyway.

After lunch, it was candles and birthday cake time!

Belated birthday celebration for me cos last month

was a crazy month chemo-wise. Kena 2 times! 😵

November and December babies!

Yes, Christmas is undoubtably the best time of the year, and every birthday is meant to be celebrated. More so now than ever considering what I've gone through this year. Life is too short to not celebrate each passing moment and enjoy some rainbow cake, right?? 🎉🎂🌈

Always lots of fun and laughter with this bunch!

Grateful

...to those who have helped us get through the last few months, and have made this difficult time a little more bearable for me and my family as we survive one of the roughest, toughest seasons of our lives.

----------

Happy Birthday, Maricar.

Thank you for taking care of us,

and may God bless you always. ❤️

Cool Dude Alert

Been busy moving stuff over to the new house lately cos – YES! Our home is ready! Finally! 🏡🎉🌈 Been trying to appease Mama by removing our clutter-load of boxes from her guest room whenever I manage to muster up some strength to do so. Slowly, slowly la. A few bags 🛍 and boxes 📦 – one car-load at a time. 🚙💪 

Today was no different. Loaded up the car with a bunch of old seaweed boxes, got into the front passenger seat, turned around to check that JJ wouldn't accidentally get squished by them if we took a corner, and was greeted by this sight: 

LOL. Tiba-tiba only got sunnies on, this fella. 😎

#macammacampunada Haha.

Cool, man, you. Very cool.

Chemotherapy + Immunotherapy Round 6

1.57pm – Anti-allergy cocktail hour is about to begin!

2.01pm – Hello, Piriton! We meet again!

This drug makes me super loopy and drowsy. 🤪

The beginning of the end...

4.35pm – Having a healthy snack and warm drink in between.

8.01pm – 6 hours later, I'm finally done with all the IV meds.
Phew! Am really glad that the next 12 times will be quicker.
Theoretically la, since it's just Herceptin left.

Biggest, baddest needle in all the land. 💉

So darn painful and the site aches for days after.

So glad this is going to be my LAST Zoladex shot as well!

I can't believe we've finally come to the end of my chemo journey. Taxotere Carboplatin 4 + 2, done and dusted. Zoladex, too! Wheee! Sure, there are still a bunch of stuff that are yet to come (like radiotherapy) and that are ongoing (like immunotherapy) but... the end of chemotherapy is truly a moment to celebrate. I can't wait to say goodbye to nausea, indigestion and extreme lethargy. That deadly trio is possibly the most horrible part of chemo, if you ask me. That and the various stages of hair-loss. 💁‍♀️  Next up, radiotherapy 15 + 5! Woot woot! Bring it on!

THE END

Just finished my last chemo,
Now I feel like a true war hero.
Would live it up and throw a party,
But feeling so tired like an aunty.

Guess I'll celebrate this milestone later,
After these tired post-chemo days blow over.
Just can't wait till I feel stronger,
And my days get better and better.

For today, I'll just lie down and pray,
And thank the Lord that He has stayed,
By my side through good and bad,
And for that, I shall be glad.

Bo Hua Hee

I’ve been feeling pretty down lately.

Just looowwwww in spirits and not quite "feeling it", you know? I guess the high of I-can-do-this is slowly giving way to when-will-this-ever-end? 😩😢 #Ihatechemo #chemosucks

Dumplings Vs. Dimples

JJ is highly motivated by stickers. Like, he super LOOOOVES stickers. He would do his homework, eat faster and sleep earlier just for stickers. Hahaha. #whenyoure5

He earned a sheet of reward stickers from me over the weekend for doing his homework and has been using it sparingly since then. One here, one there – very precious. Today, he picked a big one and showed it to me while we were in the car. 

After that, this conversation ensued...

JJ: Mommy, why does he have that pink dot on his face? *points to a rosy cheek* What’s that on the face?

Pam Song: Rosy cheeks. Like your face when you're hot.

JJ: Is it the same as the one that’s on your face also? Dumplings?

Pam Song: 😳 Urm... no. 😂 Those are DIMPLES!!! 😅

I Wish That...

1. Chemo didn't take quite so many moons to complete and that I was already done with treatment by now.

2. My cancer wasn't HER2+ so we didn't have to spend so much money and we would be done with treatment by Christmas instead of having it drag on till the 3rd quarter of 2020.

3. Renovating a home didn't take so long and wasn't this messy.

4. There were creative classes I could take here in Penang. Like calligraphy or oil painting or flower arrangement – something fun for me to indulge my creative side a little.

5. I had one of those vacuum mouths all those mukbangers seem to have. SLUUURRPPP!

What Adults Do When Kids Fall Asleep In The Car

😂😂😂

Yes, shopping with Mummy and Kong Kong is a tiring affair. And the trip back from Queensbay Mall is too long a way for a tired 5yo to bear.  😆

When Bad Days Strike

Chemo may render me weak.

But in my weakness, I must remember:

Children don’t need a perfect mom;

they need a present mom.

Chemotherapy + Immunotherapy Round 3

I really wanted to just quickly get things over with and go home early today. But considering how this morning's episode with the setting of the line went, I wasn't feeling too optimistic about it all by the time I was in the bed ready to be Herceptin-ed and chemo-ed up. But still... what needs to be done, needs to be done. So, just diam-diam and do it la!

My pre-chemo cocktail going in.

I knocked out for a little while after Piriton
cos that one's a real good sleeping drug. 🤣🤪

The day wore on after that. Nothing too eventful happened in between. (Thank God.) I listened to some music, blogged a little, stoned a lot, and before I knew it, the sun had gone down and I was done with my IVs. Only thing left was Zoladex, which is another crazy painful SC jab with a super BIG needle. 💉 So I asked for my usual Zoladex BFF:

Best. Numbing. Spray. Ever!

Of course, still sakit la. So big ma, the needle. Heck, I still have two big "moles" on my tummy from the last two Zoladex jabs cos that's just how big the skin punctures are. But Zoladex is the last thing I need to do before I bolt so I'm quite ready to just take the pain and say "goodbye". LOL.


At this point, I usually leave the hospital with just two puncture wounds on me – one on the back of my hand where the line was put, and one on my belly. But today, I've leave with double that amount – a grand total of four. 😭

No thanks to this. 👆

But what the hew. I can handle the pain. What matters is this: Chemotherapy + Immunotherapy Round 3 – KAUTIM! ✅ With this, I'm finally 50% done! Wheeee!!! #achievementunlocked #chemomilestoneachieved #letsbeatcancer

A Mother's Role

So, this is that blog post

I promised I would write.

Here goes...

I'm in my 30s – a time largely considered to be the prime of my life by many and most. That means that if I'm to hope to amount to anything great or achieve anything amazing at all in this lifetime, THE. TIME. IS. NOW. Right?? Wrong.

Problem is – a scattering of freelance jobs aside – 

all I was doing for the better part of this decade of my life...

...was mothering.

Every scroll through Facebook showed me that my peers in advertising were all doing envious things – moving up the corporate ladder, winning awards, starting agencies and making creative waves wherever they were at.

But me?

I was perpetually in gym clothes (most comfortable), rushing for school pick-ups (always late), packing snack boxes (school lunches are too expensive), cooking dinners (eating at home is healthier), cleaning cuts (birthed accident-prone kids), wiping drool (back then), and washing poop (every. single. day). 😞

I kept going through periods where I felt like I was going nowhere and doing nothing of consequence with my time here on Earth. I felt like my days were just blending into one another and my jam was Ecclesiastes 1:1 on repeat, day in and day out. I questioned my purpose and came up with no answer. I was just a glorified chef, maid and driver who worked day and night without pay. At least it felt that way to me for a long while.

Until I got cancer.

Spending time away from the kids and seeing them stumble where they once shone made me and The Husband realise that my role as a mother is so much more important than what we ever thought it was. I don't know about him but I always saw my roles as morning waker, breakfast maker, lunchbox packer, food feeder, car driver, bandage applier, poop cleaner, homework driller, toothpaste squeezer, and so on and so forth. Functional. Practical. Domestic.

But I was wrong.

I've discovered that though through my eyes I may function as all of the above... to my kids, my role and my identity as a mother is wrapped up in more than just what I'm doing; it's in my being. To them, I am comfort giver, heart healer, love sharer, joy bringer, worldview shaper, memory maker, and so much more. My role is to meet their needs emotionally. Psychologically. Mentally. 

When I bandage a cut after a fall, I show my boys that life can knock us down but love can build us up again. When I put them to bed, I'm not just a warm body for them to hug, my presence reminds them that no matter what happens during the day, they can always find rest, security and acceptance in Mommy's arms. When I pick them up, I don't just carry their bodies, I cradle their hearts.  ❤️

The Husband and Mama have been pitching in and I'm eternally grateful for their help during this time. The kids are being fed, they're being sent and picked up from school, their bums are being cleaned, their teeth are being brushed, they're being put to bed, and yet... both boys still know and feel like something's amiss when Mommy's not there.


So if you're a mom like me and you ever feel too tired to smile, remember this: You do more than feed, clean and fetch; you do what no one else can – you mother. And that's more than anything anyone else in the world can offer. 

If You Fail, Try And Try Again. Literally.

The good days are over and I'm back at the hospital

with my #gamefaceON to suck it up and kickstart the bad.

I was so ready today. Went in bright and early to get my blood-work done, feeling real confident about everything, but... unfortunately, the veins in my good hand didn't get the memo. 🤦‍♀️ Cos... tadaaa... FAIL!

Ouch.

I was given a comfort pack

thereafter to soothe my hand.

Top part look pretty and pink but the underside is quite jijik. 😬

I also think the nurse felt a bit bad for me la cos she looked like a young trainee in her white, regular-ward uniform. (I was told those in such uniforms were just standing in cos the unit is understaffed.) She called in one of the usual lady onco nurses after that – blue uniform. Well, guess what? FAIL AGAIN! 😩

Looks (and feels) to me like

Chemotherapy + Immunotherapy Round 3

is NOT off to a good start! 😠😤

That lady onco nurse then called in the pro – Fitri – a male onco nurse who seemingly never misses. When I saw him head over, I breathed a sigh of relief. And true enough... bingo. Success at last.

Third time's the charm.

Had my blood taken and sent off to the lab,

then sneaked out for a quick breakfast with Mee.

All ready and in place for IV-ing later.

The Last Of The Good Days

I’m desperately trying to get better quick from the flu I picked up last week so that my blood test tomorrow gets an A+ from my onco, resulting in me getting the go-ahead to proceed with chemo. (What a mouthful of a sentence!)


That means lots of rest, lots of water, and lots of YLEO oiling all day yesterday and today. Overall, the rest has been good but I must admit, I feel like I’m just “wasting” away my “good days” by staying at home and lying in bed doing nothing fun and/or productive. 😕


Also, I’ve been getting subtle waves of emotional lows on and off throughout the day at the thought of this being my last good day in at least a week from tomorrow. Like, already?!? Has 3 weeks gone by ALREADY??? No way!! Where did all the good days go?? And then I remember:

 Oh yeah, I squandered them away

by getting the flu. Bah! 😒

Post-Chemo Side Effect Log: Round 2

I thought that logging it the first time would be enough. But as it turns out, the meds and dosages administered were slightly different so the side effects seemed to differ a little, too. So, here's Round 2's log before I start it all again tomorrow.


24 SEPTEMBER 2019 (Tue): D-Day a.k.a Day 1 

• 280mg Herceptin IV + Taxotere IV (Chemo) + Carboplatin IV (Chemo) + Zoladex shot 💉 
• Tired by the time I was done but suffered horribly from insomnia and couldn't sleep till 5.30am. 😵
• Diarrhoea, noticeable hair-fall. 

25 SEPTEMBER 2019 (Wed): Day 2

• Started taking Motilum 10mg (nausea/vomiting) + Kytril (Granisetron) 1mg (nausea/vomiting) + Dexamethasone 4mg (vomiting/swelling) as prescribed, and will continue to do so for the next 2-3 days.
• Constipation, noticeable hair-fall, extreme tiredness, digestive discomfort, weird tastebuds. 

26-28 SEPTEMBER 2019 (Thu-Sat): Days 3-5

• Daily Nivestim immunity booster shots. 💉💉💉
• Wore a holter for 24 hours to monitor my heart rate as Herceptin tends to make it race. Heart gets the all-clear thereafter. YES!
• Constipation, severe bloating, increased hair-fall, extreme tiredness, digestive discomfort, weird tastebuds, body aches.

29-30 SEPTEMBER 2019 (Sun-Mon): Days 6-7

• Constipation, increased hair-fall, sudden onset of tiredness, digestive discomfort, weird tastebuds, body aches, major Kin Chi Bee Hoon craving.

1-2 OCTOBER 2019 (Tue-Wed): Days 8-9

• Diarrhoea, increased hair-fall, sudden tiredness, weird tastebuds.

3-7 OCTOBER 2019 (Thu-Mon): Days 10-14

• Good days. 🎉
• Increased hair-fall, unsustainable productivity (kinda like an old iPhone battery – it depletes very quickly even after a full charge). 🔋

8-9 OCTOBER 2019 (Tue-Wed): Days 15-16

• Good days. 🎉
• Reduced hair-fall, acne (due to Zoladex shot), unsustainable productivity. 

10-14 OCTOBER 2019 (Thu-Mon): Days 17-21

• Bad days 😪🤧😭 – technically not chemo related cos I caught the flu BUT... I also probably caught the flu cos chemo caused my immunity to drop. 😒
• Rate of hair-fall seems to have slowed down (only a few strands come off in the bath and in bed each time – WHOOPIE! 🤸‍♀️🎉🌈), acne, extreme tiredness, unsustainable productivity. 

And that's Round 2, y'all. One more time tomorrow and I'll officially be halfway through chemo. 50% and straight on to the finish line, bay-beh!! Let's do this! 💪

Talking About God Along A Graveyard

While we were driving along Mount Erskine

and passing the many graves along the way,

JJ suddenly struck up this conversation: 

JJ: Some people don’t believe in God, right? 

Por Por: Yes. Some people.

JJ: Like my friend in school. He says he doesn’t believe in God. 

Por Por: Then what did you say? 

JJ: I said, “God is real.” 

My heart swelled with pride at his reply,

while The Husband looked at me

and said, “Our job is done.”

#proudmom #proudpapa #proudparents

#Christians #Godisreal #notashamedofthegospel

------------------------
Deuteronomy‬ ‭6:6-9‬
------------------------
“These commandments that I give you today are to be on your hearts. Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up. Tie them as symbols on your hands and bind them on your foreheads. Write them on the doorframes of your houses and on your gates.”

It's Tough Being A 2019 Mommy

Growing up, we used to make origami lotus, balls, boats, hats and fishes in early to mid primary school. Dunno how to make? Just skip only – nobody there to teach and no YouTube videos to watch so just turn the page and get back to it when you're older/smarter/cleverer. 

It's only when you hit the double digits do you advance into cranes, frogs and dollar-bill hearts. If still loser, wait till you're in secondary school. Then maybe you'll be able to brain it by then. If still cannot, just give up la. It's ok. Ahh, I miss the simplicity of those days. 

Times have changed, though.

2019 origami is a different ballgame.

I bought a dinosaur origami set for the kids from Daiso. Thought can let them work on it while I rest. I'm proud to say that my kids are not bodoh la. My older boy takes instructions very well and my younger one is an origami fanatic. But guess what? Both stared at it blur blur, dunno what to do. 🤷‍♀️


At first I thought... how hard can it be la??? Just figure it out! Think! Follow the numbers! Follow the lines! Just do it! On your own! You shouldn't need my help! The pack doesn't have an age indication but it can't possibly be made for 12-year-olds, right?? You! Can! Do! It!

But, no. Turns out, even 35yo aunty 🙋‍♀️

have to process long long baru understand. 😅

Each dino uses two sheets of paper. And the paper got printing wan. And lines. And numbers. Not just blank sheets of coloured paper. But those lines and numbers aren't there to "help" per se, cos without them, it really isn't possible to make what you're intended to make. They're VITAL to the whole construction!


And it doesn't help that we didn't notice an instruction sheet before we started. 😂 It was only after numerous failed attempts at making the T-Rex that I went mental on the pack and subsequently found a thin sheet of white paper that contained building instructions. LOL. #fail

So since put in the effort already must show off. 

Tadaaaa!

Meet my T-Rex and my Pteranodon. 

Origami these days many complicates.

Many tireds now. Bye.

More Kin Chi Bee Hoon

The Husband went to tapau Kin Chi Bee Hoon for me again tonight from the Jalan C.Y. Choy stall. Double packet this time cos I'm ambitiously tham ciak like that.

Downed the two packets easy while I

watched [Dorothy]도로시 mukbang videos.

She whack, I also whack. LOL.

Khua Char Boh?

Is it just me or does The Husband's current iPhone lock screen wallpaper look like it's the outline of the face of a sexy girl with sexy hair (ala Jessica Rabbit from "Who Framed Roger Rabbit"), resting her sexy chin on her sexy knees? 😂😏

Same, right?? Yes? No? Maybe so?

I Is Sad So I Mukbang

I've been having a bit of emotional downtime this past few days, just fighting the blues. Dunno la. I think I'm just not a very happy person when I can't eat and enjoy my food because FOOD IS LIFE! Lol. #penangkia through and through. Even when I suddenly crave something and manage to somehow get it onto my plate, I don't end up enjoying it much. Haih. Waste time, waste money, waste effort. Sienz max. #chemosucks

The only food-related thing I find some joy in

is watching Korean mukbang videos

on YouTube and Facebook. 😅

Have you watched any???

OMG, so addictive! 🤩

My favourite YouTuber's channel for awesome mukbang videos is [Dorothy]도로시. Hers is the best of the best of the best. She just makan and review like a NORMAL person who cooks and enjoys food. Portioning also reasonable – doesn't make you think she's eating a lot for added shock factor. The only thing cray-cray about her is that she likes her food extra spicy! 🌶🌶🌶

The closest second to her is Eat with Boki. This girl is ok la. Her videos are well made and the sound is good (ASMR!) but I a bit jelak the way she tries to open her mouth damn big and make herself look sexy *rolls eyes* while eating TOO MUCH food. She eats like a BEAST okay! No normal human being eats like that on an everyday basis. And even if they do, it's impossible that they're healthy.

So yes, mukbang videos are what's offering me comfort

in times of sadness and satisfaction-less eating. 😩

What's your go-to happy to-do?

Kin Chi Bee Hoon @ Jalan C.Y. Choy

Turns out the Kin Chi Bee Hoon from last night was actually lousy. Everyone else at home who ate it also agreed that it was tasteless and just blah. So it wasn't just my tastebuds acting up! Haha. Memang lousy punya.


So, since I've got nothing but Kin Chi Bee Hoon on the brain, the Husband went off in search of Kin Chi Bee Hoon again for me tonight. Today, he went to Jalan C.Y. Choy to tapau on Papa's recommendation. Good call! Cos this totally hit the spot.

Soooooo yummy! 🤤

One packet not enough. 😅

2nd FT Date With EJ

Was exchanging rants with her midway when suddenly, I see her finger floating in front of the screen for no apparent reason at all. I stop and ask, "Eh. What you pointing at??" Then she goes, "Oh! Hahaha. I trying to take a picture!" LOL! 

So yes, we issa taking

screenshot pichas after that. 👯‍♀️

And then we went right back

to Rant.FM hahaha. #priorities

Seriously though, I felt so much better after our chat. Was feeling kinda down in the dumps earlier. This is why women need girlfriends in life la. Even The Husband noticed the difference later and said: "Eh, you look better today. Happier. Tell EJ she must call and talk to you every day. No excuses." 😂

The Old Days

During the drive home yesterday night, The Husband told me that I was right – that JJ was going through Mommy Withdrawal Syndrome. In that same conversation, he also told me about a sad conversation he had with JZ when he picked JZ up from school on Friday.


JZ: I miss the old days, Papa.

The Husband: What old days?

JZ: When it was you, and me, and Mommy and Didi together. Always.

The Husband: Oh. ☹️

😢 Well, I miss the old days, too, Baby. 😢

After that, The Husband and I had a heart to heart about how important a mother's role is. Then he said that I should blog about the conclusions we made tonight so I never forget, and so that I can also encourage other moms out there who need a morale boost – moms much like myself once, who feel drained and all tired out from loving and giving and caring for every one around them but themselves, every single day, with no gratitude to expect, and no end in sight. Yes, I shall blog that someday sooner than later. Stay tuned. 

Mommy Withdrawal Syndrome

JJ has been acting up recently. He's been extra naughty, extra whiny and extra difficult to handle. Especially when it's not me handling him most of the time. So much so that he ignited the wrath of The Husband yesterday during homework time and received four strikes in return for his misbehaviour. 😓 #ouch 💔


All I can say to that is that I know my son. And from what I can see and tell, it's Mommy Withdrawal Syndrome – plain and simple. #mommysintuition 🙆‍♀️ I tentatively suggested it to The Husband. But of course, it would be ridiculously pompous of me to just assume so and push my suspicion without basis, rhyme or reason at first glance, riiiiigghhhttttt???

Well, tonight, The Husband finally concured:

Yep, JJ's got Mommy Withdrawal Syndrome.

And he's got it baaaaddddd. So bad that he came up with the lamest excuse to not go over to his cousins' house to play the afternoon away – "they always make me run and sweat and I don't like to get sweaty" 😅 – and instead, just stayed at home to basically do n-o-t-h-i-n-g but chill out and chat with me on the sofa while I rested outside my isolation room. The only semi-fun thing we did was spend 5 minutes drawing tattoos. And even then, it was his idea; not mine. 😕


Can anyone say, "Awww???" I mean, this kid basically gave up a play-crazy afternoon of fun and games with his cousins... in order to spend quality time with boring, ol', tired-out Mommy!! 👩‍👦 How impossibly sweet and sacrificial is that when you're a gila-main, ball-of-energy 5yo, I ask you!? 🙁❤️

Haih. I feel so bad for JJ.

It's so unfortunate that at 5yo, he's had to deal with an absent mom. Especially since he's spent every single day with me and every night snuggling up to me, all his life up till now. And unlike JZ who kinda understands what's going on (I think 🤔) without knowing the specifics of my situation, I kinda feel like JJ is just going with the flow of things and taking each day at a time, innocently trusting us when we say, "It'll all be over soon," or, "Mommy will sleep with you again next week."


I mean, it started off well enough after my first round of chemo. He adjusted to my being the less present parent so very well that it actually took me by surprise. But then I guess the excitement of sleeping over with Ah Ma on a makeshift bed quickly wore off. And when I went back to sleeping in the same room and on the same bed with him on Week 3, he probably thought, "Oh! Mommy's back! Yay! Life goes back to normal now! Hurrah!" 🎉

But, nooOOooOooOoo...

It was short-lived.

Week 3 just flew by and we're now right back at Week 1 again so Mommy's gone back to being the absentee mom AGAIN. 😢💔 Problem is, what he's blissfully unaware of right now is that we'll have to rinse and repeat this nonsense FOUR more times after this. Sigh. Makes me feel like such a crap parent and a lousy mom. This truly is the part of cancer that really blows – the toll it takes on my relationship with the kids. 😔 #cancersucks

Big Crustacean, Little Satisfaction, Minor Inconvenience, Major Frustration

Suddenly felt like eating baked crab tonight so I quickly called upon my crab kaki – Mee and Dee – and before I knew it, we were standing in front of an extremely bubbly aquarium at Northam Beach Cafe, picking a big, fat mud crab for dinner. Haha. 🦀


I know, I know. The Chinese believe that shellfish are "tok" (Hokkien for "toxic" or "poisonous") and that one with cancer shouldn't eat "tok" food yada, yada, yada. 🙄 But heck it la, no doctor of mine has said that shellfish is off the menu; only red meat and processed foods. So if crab is what I want, crab is what I'll hunt! (Hey, another rhyme! ✌️)

And boy, did I get a big one!

Big, right??? Mind you, this bad boy wasn't the biggest mud crab in the aquarium. There were a few others that were significantly bigger! But bigger = more expensive. So, no thank you. We decided to stick to a reasonably-sized crab with a price tag we could swallow. LOL. 😅😂

BUT... I so, so sad in the end!

The crab somehow didn't taste like I expected it to. Damn these blasted chemo tastebuds!! 😡😩 I mean, it was ok la. But it wasn't great. And for the price we were paying, I was expecting greatness. Argh! I only managed to down it when I drowned it with the leftover sauce from the Sweet & Sour Fish we ordered earlier. (Wah, I am on a roll with the rhyming tonight! 🤪)

Halfway through the crab, I pula felt like I maybe kinda wanted to eat Kin Chi Bee Hoon. So after crabbing, The Husband and I went off in search of some good, old-fashioned Kin Chi Bee Hoon at Kimberly Street. Balik balik... guess what?

Tak sedap also. 🤦‍♀️

It was just bland and tasteless.

What the heck is going on!?

Mother-Son One-To-One Tattoo Bonding Time

JJ decided that this afternoon, we would draw each other dino tattoos with the new Muji colour pens he received from Ah Ma and Ah Kong. So, like the good, tired, chemo-shot-up mom that I am, I agreed. So, draw dino tattoos, we did! I drew his and he drew mine.

I gave him a T-Rex, which I very uncreatively and unimaginatively named REX. 😂 Bagi chan la. It's Day 6 and I'm still aching from my last Nivestim™ shot of Chemo Round 2. This mom is tired max la. Just close one eye and move on, ok? 😅

JJ gave me a velociraptor and named it Travis.

He spelt its name all by himself! #proudmom

All tattooed up and happy
from the quality time spent together.
Just my youngest boy and I. 🙂🙃