Wedding Guest Etiquette

Planning my own wedding opened my eyes to a handful of etiquette-esque stuff I didn't quite appreciate about some less-than-fab friends of mine. Not cos they were sucky people or anything – no, not at all. But simply because some of them were just greatly lacking in the wedding etiquette front.


Needless to say, in the month of July, year 2011, and the many months leading up to my big day, I found that common sense was a lot less common, a good head doesn't always come with a bachelor's degree, and parents with kids sometimes behave like, well, kids.


BUT... to be fair, I wasn't quite aware of ALL there was to be etiquette-ed about when it came to weddings before I got married either. So, I'm sure I must have offended and pissed off my fair share of brides and grooms, too. Haha. But since I've been on the bride's end of things once before (read: once EVER), I know how little it takes for an inconsiderate guest to turn a good day into a bad one. :-/


So, since I know better now, here's a list of basic wedding guest dos and don'ts I'd like to share with you so you don't end up making the same old mistakes (possibly me and) some of my friends did. Read and learn, my friends! Read and learn. =)


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5 Wedding Guest DOs
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1. DO RSVP ASAP. There are decisions for the couple to make based on the number of guests they'll have. If you can make it, let them know so they can block off your seat. And if you have to cancel, also do so immediately and not at the very last minute. Worse, don't say you'll go then not show up in the end. But of course, if unexpected situations arise (like the Bersih demonstrations did during my wedding -_-'''), don't hold off the bad news or just pretend act dunno. Be sure to let the bride and groom know of your inability to make it ASAP.

2. DO remember to "Silent" your mobile during the wedding ceremony and throughout the dinner. If you need to answer an urgent call, leave the room. It sucks when the bride and groom goes through the pictures only to catch you yakking away on your cell during their speech or while yam seng-ing.

3. DO be considerate when taking pictures. Considering how every person with a trigger finger now owns a DSLR or at least a camera phone, that inevitably leads to lots of unofficial photographers making their rounds and taking pictures of the wedded couple. All's well and good but only if those personal photos are taken discreetly without getting in the way of the official photographer. That means no standing up, using flash or moving toward the front and getting in their way when taking your photographs of the day. Leave that to the photographer who gets paid to do the job.

4. DO give an angpow you can be proud of to say it came from you. Weddings cost a lot these days so if you have the means, you should try to meet the per-head cost of the wedding dinner. But never the matter if your budget doesn't allow for that kind of splurging. The standard minimum these days if the wedding banquet is hosted at a hotel, is RM100. Anything less is deeply frowned upon. And if you share a closer relationship to the bride and/or the groom, you should definitely be giving more than the minimum. Oh, even if you are unable to attend, it is customary to still give the wedding couple a small token in return for being invited. And if RSVP-ed to say you'd go but didn't end up making it due to unforeseen circumstances, give as if you went.

5. DO say goodbye at the end of the night. Even if your night has to end before theirs. Stopping by the main table between servings to offer a congratulatory hug or to say your goodbyes is perfectly acceptable if you do so quietly without drawing attention to yourself or making a hoo-ha that disrupts the ceremony.


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5 Wedding Guest DON'Ts
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1. DON'T ask for help with your travel and accommodation expenses. Even if you flew in from the other side of the world or took a train straight from Hogwarts, the couple isn't required to foot the bill. If they don't offer, you don't ask. It's as simple as that.


2. DON'T consider ditching the ROM/wedding ceremony. Only attending the wedding banquet/dinner if you're invited for both shows that the bridal couple didn't mean enough for you to show up and witness them exchange their wedding vows; you just wanted to eat. You were invited to see the happy couple get married; NOT just to watch them enjoy their ridiculously expensive 8-course dinner from 10 tables away.

3. DON'T assume you can invite a date, a friend or a family member (that includes children) along for the wedding unless your invitation comes with the words, "and Husband/Wife/Partner". Only those addressed on the invitation are invited. And in case you didn't know, your invitation isn't a ticket you can pass along to someone else if your invited partner is unable to make it either. If he or she is unable to make it, let the couple know and go alone. Remember: Wedding invitations are not movie tickets – THEY ARE NOT TRANSFERABLE!

4. DON'T wear white or black (unless those colours are in the themed dress code). White (off-white and ivory included) is reserved especially for the bride on her big day and black is just unacceptably sombre for a wedding. Wear white and upstage the bride, or wear black and curse the couple – please do neither.

5. DON'T let your child (or any child under your care) run amok (that includes screaming, wailing and crying aside from doing any actual, physical mad-dog-type running) around the church, stage or grand ballroom where the ceremony is held. Be the adult in charge and put a leash on it, or immediately remove the child from the room.


Naturally, there are a million and one other to-dos and not-to-dos to consider when attending a wedding but... in my opinion, these 10 are the more obvious ones that could affect the couple terribly and/or ruin their big day altogether. I've always believed that a little bit of considerate behaviour goes a long way so do your part in being the considerate guest and enjoy your next wedding! =)