Friday, September 03, 2010

Long Distance

Here's my theory:

Some people/personalities are emotionally,
psychologically and mentally built to handle
long distance relationships better than others.

I can't really explain it (I knew I should have taken a second degree in Psychology -_-) but those people are just able to withstand the pains, take on the hardship it inevitably brings, and beat the odds better than others can. It's not a gift nor a talent those people posses. But it is reflected in their approach to their relationships like it is. Those who naturally "have it", will somehow find it easier to take on LDR, than those who don't. It takes a lot less out of them, it stresses them out less, and it doesn't haunt them as badly with bouts of loneliness.

But all's not lost for those who weren't born with the capacity to take on LDR. Out of the many who aren't "made" to withstand being "together but alone", some eventually do cultivate and develop the emotional, psychological and mental strength to survive its many tests, trials and tribulations. Sure, it's tougher on those folk. But (as corny as this sounds) perhaps they are able because love actually does empower people, and true love really does conquer all.


Lissa said...


Jeffro said...

As you've said, it's the approach... Well, I've to learn more and uncover what it is that keeps them going on, and having so much faith in that relationship... 'Cause to me, the longer a couple are apart, the more likely I (assuming I'm in a LDR) would adapt to being alone (doesn't take effort 'cause it's automatic), and then *poof* Singular-noun again...

Pam Song said...

ATTN: Lissa
– WE CAN DO IT! Hahahaha. But seriously... I think I've "got it". Do you?

ATTN: Jeffro
– Hmmm. For some people that rings true. But that's where commitment is lacking, I suppose. Cos there's no poofing to singular noun if you're already committed to another. Even if you don't get to see each other often or talk. =)

Anonymous said...

People have different temperaments and personality traits based on influences of genes and environment where they are brought up, and so this effect them. That is why some ppl can do LDR, some people can't. And for those who can, not everyone does it the same way. That's what makes us human :)

Anonymous said...

I totally understand what Jeffro commented. It is true that when you're too used to being alone for a long time(even if you're committed to a person), it may not necessarily work out when you are finally together. Thats why its never healthy to be apart for too long. The inconsistency makes living together hard and you know.. things just change. I've known a couple who's been together long distance for 4 yrs, and when they finally got jobs in the same continent they ended their relationship. because they realise that they just dont work as a couple 'together' anymore.

People change. And we couples in LDRs are not exempted of that. We may change and head towards different directions, or if we're lucky, towards the same direction. If we change towards a diff direction, our principles, goals and common goals will change and clash. If we grow towards more or less the same direction, I guess whatever your differences are, they can be resolved over time.

Physically being around each other cannot be treated the same as compensation by talking on the phone or skyping. I dont think life functions that way. Thats why a couple's a couple. Its not meant for 2 to be in a long term relationship far away from each other - I guess thats what makes LDR difficult. Knowing that it's only temporary.

Pam Song said...

- True dat. Guess you better make sure you get into a relationship with someone with the predisposition to do LDR before you start dating if you ever see even the slightest possibility of it happening, eh?

ATTN: estherlauderlyn
– I agree that it may not work out when you discover that you've changed over time. But I'm talking about just being in an LDR and not having the other person there.

Anyway, you brought up a good point. Yes, I think people change. I know I have. I'm not the same person I used to be. I don't want the same things I used to want. And I am now more unwilling than ever to accept what I don't think I deserve. Growing up's taken place. And yes, it's changed me and my approach to relationships.

That's why LDR sucks. But for some sorry people like ourselves, we deal. We try. We work at it. And I guess that's alright if you know it's only temporary. Maybe a year spent apart would strengthen the relationship. Maybe 2 would be tough but manageable. But 5 or 10 years... is that still considered "temporary"?

I dunno lah. In LDR, sometimes it's tough finding even the time where both can Skype without rush. And texts have a tendency to get less and less frequent. And without communication, that's when people grow apart. Naturally.

After wondering for awhile without the other party satiating your care and curiosity, you tend to grow used to not knowing, not caring... and soon, you just stop wondering altogether. And when you find yourself physically together again, surprise surprise – you're different, he/she's different, the relationship's different. That's when people part ways after even being together for 4 years and suffering the distance through that time.

Lissa said...

I've no idea if I've 'got it'. That's why this is gonna be a real test. :-S

Jeffro said...

Yeah, I guess what's important for a couple to stay together is what they share in common, or how great a support they are on each other. If one has great ambitions, the other would either have the same, or would act as the pillar of support for that person. It's no easy task especially when two are apart from each other, because either one wouldn't know when the other might just have a change of heart/direction...

Some couple might wanna take up the challenge, some have that much of confidence in their relationship, and some just have that commitment that others don't... Either one, I give my respects to those who can or who opt to try it out, it's definitely a good lesson to learn from =)

well I guess some times other commitments are prioritized first - a good example is:
Work > Relationship

Then, slowly the person would proceed further in pursue of greater success... And it'll depend on the other to be able to keep up with it (especially on LDR)

Like @Estherlauderlyn said earlier, physically being around and communicating via phone/online isn't the same...

Observer said...

I think more than 1 year is hard enough...

Pam Song said...

ATTN: Lissa
– Haha. All the best for your test then. May you pass with flying colours! =)

ATTN: Jeffro
– Sometimes it's not that the couple wants to "take up the challenge" to go LDR or have "that much confidence in their relationship." Sometimes, it's just that you love the other person so much that you'll brace the distance and face it just cos you have to.

But yes, you learn much about yourself and your partner when you're in LDR. Cos there's very little lovey dovey and lots of work. You guys make it sound as though LDR is a choice. It's NOT. It's what life throws at you.

No offence but, I think anybody who willingly prioritises work over their relationship is a selfish fart who shouldn't be in a relationship in the first place.

ATTN: Observer
– I agree. LDR sucks.

Jeffro said...

I guess you're right, it's not a choice to couples... If both are deeply and madly in love with each other, well it's something that will come naturally. Else, otherwise.

Hahaha, I guess I have my answer too. Currently I'm a selfish fart *since I've got not much of a choice, I'll stand proudly! xD*

Pam Song said...

ATTN: Jeffro
– It's the person that's most important. Not the situation. So if distance becomes necessary, then you deal. But if you can even consider it too much hassle to work at a relationship with the presence of distance, then perhaps that person isn't really the one for you.

I think when you're sure of who you want to be with, the distance becomes just a small factor. Something to be overcome and put to rest when marriage comes into the picture.

And no lah. If studies and all that comes into play, then no choice lah. Have to go LDR lor. But if both parties have the opportunity to be together but choose to be apart, then it's a different story lah.

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