I have a confession to make: I haven't exactly been happy with life. I mean, it's not like life's bad or anything. Really, it's not. In fact, life's good-ish. But it always feels like something's... I dunno, missing? Well, I think I finally know what it is.
Last week, I was down in KL for 3 days and 2 nights. And in those few days, I was somehow invited back into the game – the pace, the lifestyle and the demands of advertising in Central Malaysia. Sure, it packs a mean punch. And sure, it's not like it's financially even worth the pain. But I think I'm addicted to it. @_@
You see, I get this... buzz whenever I'm in the environment. A kind of high I don't get with anything else. The mutual suffering, the shared pains, the underdog complaints, the nonsensical client requests, the ridiculous deadlines, the perpetual urgency and the fruitful partnership. (Haha, only one positive thing in the list.) (I know this'll make me sound like a sucker for pain; but hey, since I'm making confessions) I love every bit of it.
To tell you the truth, I used to think that it would be KL that I'd miss upon leaving. Maybe even MCKL. (That's a BIG maybe, by the way. Haha.) But now I realise that it's not the place nor the agency. It's the buzz. It's that feeling I get when I'm neck deep in work. Pumped up. Alive with adrenaline. Panicked and excited all at once. That's what I miss most. And that's what's missing in Penang.
When I made my way back up North on the later part of Thursday, I was fortunate enough (or a little more than crazy) to bring that KL buzz back to Penang with me. I left feeling purposed, needed, driven. A little indispensable even. And for the first time, I left without those overwhelming waves of self pity I'm so accustomed to feeling with each Goodbye-KL I put myself through.
Still, no matter how I feel about it, a freelancer is always dispensable. I look at the clock and I'm reminded that Friday's gone, Saturday's ending, and soon enough, the weekend will be over. I try not to think about it but I inside, I ache knowing that as suddenly and as quickly as the experience re-discovered its place in my life, it'll just as suddenly and quickly leave to purpose another writer's pen.
2 comments :
Hahaha, I guess it's safe to call you a masochist? =P
Well, probably it's just that you've been so used to the buzz that surrounded you over a somewhat long period, that when you've switch environments (losing most of the buzz) you began to "miss it". You just need to adapt again to the new surrounding =) Easy life don't come very often, many people in KL would want to take a break so often, they'd even think of early retirement. Hahaha, I'm just saying.
ATTN: Jeffro
– True lah true. It's taking me awhile to get used to though. Been 2 months already and still... am not quite THERE yet. -_-'''
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