Jaded

Growing up is an eye-opener.

Every day, there's something new to be discovered. Something new to be learned. Something new to be figured out. And sometimes, you get lucky... and Life throws you an easy hand. And then it's smooth sailing all the way.

But most times, it's just not.

And it's not.

But hey, I'm growing up. And that's all that really counts, right? So what if the good times never last? Who cares if the best of days usually end up being the ones that bring the most tears... the most pain... the most sadness... and the most sorrow?

Nobody. That's who.

But that doesn't matter, does it?

Honestly, I don't really know. Cos when I don't think, I know it does. Because it hurts. And that pain tells me that it matters deep down inside. But when I do think, I hear myself go, "No, not really, I guess."


So, yeah. Tough. But I guess it doesn't really matter when you put a little effort into looking at the whole scheme of things. You see, I've learnt the secret to killing the pain: just change what we can when we can; and when we can't, we change. I've just gotta zoom out a little and start focusing on the macro. Start thinking big-picture thoughts. That's all.


I'm waking up in the real world tomorrow. And I'm gonna be taking in big breaths of Reality. And then... I'm going to start getting used to the truth. You see, it's never going to be like the movies. They lie... as every fairy-tale lies. Make believe will always just be make believe – nothing more, but always a whole lot less.

Sigh.

I hate it when the sun goes down on me feeling the way I do. But that's just the way things are. And that's probably the way it's gonna be. I've just got to learn to accept that this will be one of the ways Life says its goodnight's to me. Nights like tonight will come again. And though little, taking it in stride eases the pain somewhat... or perhaps it just numbs it. I don't know. I really can't tell anymore.

But not being able to tell does tell me one thing:
It's time to grow up some more.


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"We don't always get what we want.
Wishes don't come true. And
there are no happily-ever-afters."
– pamsong, 30 November 2007