Sepuluh Kali Muar-malat

There's just something about small towns and its people.

Everybody talks to everybody. That's probably because everybody knows everybody else, of course. But if you're not apart of that "everybody", they know it, too. And they ask you about it. After that, they make it known to the world that you're the alien in the population, whilst keeping their cheery disposition.


Anyhew, that's not what I'm writing about. I paid Muar a visit and I learned some things about Muar-ians. So here I am, preparing myself to share my discoveries with you lot. Don't worry, I am a teacher who strongly believes in using visual aids so there'll be lots of pictures for you to feast your eyes on. Aside from making things more interesting for you, dear reader, it also speeds up the learning process and aids memory recall. Should you ever find yourself needing to talk about Muar, you can do so and even pretend you've been there before. The day will come and you'll thank me for it. Don't worry, I'll wait.

So here we go.

1. They don't need doors. It's all there for aesthetic purposes. For show only. Nobody keeps their doors locked and everybody invites everybody (friend and stranger alike) into their houses for free drinks and a look-see. It feels just like Canada. Only it's a hundred times hotter, the people aren't as fair, and a whole lot of Teochew gets thrown around.





2. They've got bookstores ala the 1900s. The books are ancient, I tell you. Makes me wonder if the pages are made from papyrus. No kidding. They're practically prehistoric. Written by dinosaurs that roamed the Earth during the days of old. Buy some if you're ever in town and head over to your local flea market and sell them to those coke bottle/stamp/first day cover collectors. You'll be rich in no time. These bookstores are cash cows waiting to be milked. They've even got stickers for sale – the kind of stickers you don't see anymore. If you can't get their parents to buy your old books, con the kids. They've seen less of the world. You'd earn a fortune!







3. All blocks are colour-coded to perfection. Yellow, green, blue, pink – you name the colour, they've got it. I can't decide if it's cool or just plain weird. Borderline psychotic, maybe. Check out that bookstore pic above. That's the blue row. =p


4. They've got the best Mee Pok on the planet! I'm not even sure if there's Mee Pok anywhere else on the planet but that's besides the point. My point is that it's absolutely fab. It reminds me of Wan Ton Mee... except without the wanton, of course. And the meat's in a slightly different form lah. But who cares, right? Anyway, I didn't manage to capture the seaweed-fishball soup that comes with it but that's superb, too.




5. They have the smallest fishballs in the world. It comes with the Mee Pok. It's bite-sized with a diameter less than that of a 10 sen coin. Who says Walls Mini Poppers and KFC Chicken Poppers are revolutionary or special in any way? They've got Fish Ball Poppers in Muar, man! And I'll bet these tiny things came out long before any commercialized popper. Talk about copycatting, yo.




6. They've still got old school cakes and biscuits for sale. And they've got a whole array, too! Endless choices of colourful munchies to whet your post-meal appetite and feed your mouth-itch. Probably very unhealthy but tasty, nonetheless.






7. They still have aiskrim potong. It's pretty disgusting when you think about it cos the guy's got dirty hands and filthy nails but it's not like we all care if it's a hot day, right? And for me, it was a hot day. (WARNING: Choking hazard. Please remove paper wrapping before consuming your aiskrim potong.)






8. Shoes are dirt cheap. Like D.I.R.T cheap. I kid you not. RM10 for a pair of canvas shoes? Mana boleh cari ini mia bargain?! It's like Lelong Corner except that them lelong prices are not in any corners. They're everywhere!



9. Somehow, everything looks quaint. It's odd but everything just looks unusually old-fashioned. I can't decide if it's picturesque or just old-world. I mean, if I were a tourist from a land far far away, I think I'd probably be more excited about everything being old. But since I'm just a 2-drive from the town, I think I'd prefer it if somethings eventually became a little more modernized.





10. Buddha works the shift. Apparently, he's only on duty between 7 in the morning to 12 midnight. Therefore, please call during his working hours or your three wishes* (* Terms and conditions apply.) will never ever be granted. Be considerate and you will be greatly rewarded for not disrupting his busy wish-granting schedule. See? Every industry's got its troubles and pitfalls so don't complain about your boring 9 to 5 job. It ain't even easy being Buddha these days. Hmmm. I also wonder how much he gets paid for manning the parking lot. =p

Muar rocks.