It's the ability to endure through hardship, trials and tribulation. To take rejection, survive it, and to then decide to allow its hurts and negativity to fuel positivity that will only spur you on and drive you closer to your goal. And you keep at what you do by pressing on, hammering away, staying on course, going the distance and not settling on no for an answer.
---------------
When the world says, "Give up,"
Hope whispers, "Try it one more time."
– Author Unknown
. . .
Success seems to be largely a matter of
hanging on after others have let go.
– William Feather
. . .
With ordinary talent
and extraordinary perseverance,
all things are attainable.
– Thomas Foxwell Buxton
. . .
You can't go through life quitting everything.
If you're going to achieve anything,
you've got to stick with something.
– From the television show Family Matters
---------------
Hmmm.
But does Perseverance
really apply to all things?
When the world says, "Give up,"
Hope whispers, "Try it one more time."
– Author Unknown
. . .
Success seems to be largely a matter of
hanging on after others have let go.
– William Feather
. . .
With ordinary talent
and extraordinary perseverance,
all things are attainable.
– Thomas Foxwell Buxton
. . .
You can't go through life quitting everything.
If you're going to achieve anything,
you've got to stick with something.
– From the television show Family Matters
---------------
Hmmm.
Perhaps Perseverance does work in the favour of the persevere-e when it comes to life in general, career and some of the other things we pursue and hope to attain in time to come.
But does Perseverance
really apply to all things?
Cos when it specifically comes down to a man's pursuit of a woman, how much is too much effort to put into The Chase? How much is too much to give? And how long is too long to wait? A month? A couple of months? Half a year? A whole year? Two? Three or more? (I'm not exaggerating. People do wait this long. Take my word for it. I know.) But come on... is there even a deadline to The Pursuit if you're sure she's the one for you?
I don't know.
But what I do know is this: I consider myself extremely blessed to have experienced what it's like being on the receiving end of this steady persistence. Cos, to be really honest with you, it's a nice feeling. Being pursued relentlessly and being in the know about it – it's nice. And if anything, to me, it's an honour knowing that someone (still) considers you a worthy "investment" (of their time, effort, money, etc...) over extended seasons (though faced with "drought" and "famine" of sorts at times). A great one.
But then it got me thinking:
So what's the real deal with this BGR,
Man-On-The-Hunt, Boy-Wants-Girl issue now?
Man-On-The-Hunt, Boy-Wants-Girl issue now?
Does the guy with GUT, GULL, PLUCK and COURAGE end up with the girl? Or does the one with PERSISTENCE, TENACITY, ENDURANCE,
You tell me.
Cos I've heard it said a million times over that those who dare, win. But is being daring all there is to snagging the girl of your dreams? I'm not so sure of it anymore. Cos I found that Persius put it pretty eloquently, too. He says, "He conquers who endures." And maybe – just maybe – the man could be right.
Speak up, ok? I'd like to hear
your thoughts on the matter.
your thoughts on the matter.
19 comments :
Waaaa, blogging so late...
I think exceptional does happen, i have heard ppl that do get the chance of getting the girl of their dreams, however whether they ended up a happy ending(marriage) or not, i dint get the answer..
There are not only guys like that, there are girls too :p
I know a guy who pursue a girl for 5 years, and they never got together, because the girl said he was too short.
Of course there are happy cases, a guy who pursued the girl for like 1-2years, and the girl got used to him, and they got together.. :)
A friend of mine used to like this guy for like 2-3years, i did not know how they started, but they are in a relationship for 8 years now, and they are engaged :)
Heee, feeling of being pursue memang nice la, knowing that you mean something to someone :p
i was wondering if you are having the feeling of being touched and thinking he might be the one and worth the try?
Die le.. i spend half an hour thinking how to reply you, and i still havent get an answer, too much thoughts..
hahaha.. going back to thesis.. :)
Wish you the best of luck~~ Sometimes you can just close your eyes and follow your heart...
wtf so long @.@ >.<
ATTN: Jan
– Ya lor. Blogging at that hour cos brain still refuse to go to sleep ma. -_-'
And hahaha. You so obedient. I like! Hahahaha. Thanks for taking that half hour to think of your answer. =)
So I guess what you're saying is that there's The Exception, and there's The Rule. (SEE! Who says we don't learn from watching movies???) So now the question is whether or not we be positive and continue believing we're The Exception, or we face reality, take the bitter pill, and say, "Hey, I guess I'm just like the majority – The Rule."
Personally, I know a guy who just knew the girl of his dreams was the one for him. At the time he knew her, she was dating. He waited. At the sidelines. Played the friend. With no ill intentions, I might add. And he prayed while he waited. And mana tau, she broke up with her bf on her own terms!
By the time they broke up, she and him were already quite good friends. But the girl decided not to date for awhile lah. So... he never pressure her lor. But told her he will wait bla bla bla.
And after a year and a half, she herself decided to give him a chance. That was a year and a half a go. They just got married on May 1st this year. =)
But wait... was he just The Exception? Will all other men be The Rule?
Heee, feeling of being pursue memang nice la, knowing that you mean something to someone :pIndeed the feeling is nice. Cos you know that there's always someone waiting for you to fall into their arms.
i was wondering if you are having the feeling of being touched and thinking he might be the one and worth the try?But no, please don't over analyse my purpose for this post. Hahaha. Cos there's a sequel to this one if the answers actually come. Kalau kalau ada orang lain yang bother to answer me. Haha.
Wish you the best of luck~~ Sometimes you can just close your eyes and follow your heart...That's good advice. But somehow, my Left Brain won't allow it. Hahaha.
ATTN: Jan
– WTH. Even longer. -_-'''
Haha, i just reach college and use coll library to see if you reply take lol..
Memang really longer xD
Then open your eyes and follow your feelings :p
Then you can look and see whether you can follow your feelings.. And if they are right :p
My friend used to say i always jump to conclusions and it is better to be careful and look around more before making a decision xD
After all they guy already been waiting there for sometime, i think he wont mind waiting awhile more for you to make up your mind, while you can still take the time to see what you want.. after all you never gave him an answer :)
Kanbatte neh~~
Just to be careful with what i said, I meant you dint give him an answer in the sense you dint call him to wait for you :)
longest reply EVAH!
sorry, I just wanna disturb a bit..:D
just passing my and dropping few words. i would say each case is different. can you generalise? i'm not sure.
Guts i would say is important for a guy and even the girl. I've seen guys who just sit and watch the girl the like from far, just doesn't have the guts to approach. Or probably take them too much time to make a move. They might lose out anytime. As for the girl i would say they should have the courage to face the truth. Some girls just avoiding and avoiding. Just give an answer yes or no to the poor guy.
But having guts doesn't always wins. I'm not sure if this is an exceptional case. I've known guys who are very courageous. He really expresses himself but a NO is still a NO. i think he got rejected 2 or 3 times.
Perserverance is a good thing, esp in long realationship. But girls making a guy to keep waiting for too long a time to get their reply i think is bad for both the guy and girl. They might overlook better opportunities because of this. If were to wait for 2 years why not just give it a try. I think being attached together doesn't mean living together forever. It's just to get to know each other better and to see how each other suits.
erm... that's all for know. sorry for spamming. =)
Interesting thoughts. I've got this cousin of mine who's got many guys chasing after her and we usually talk about it when we catch up. I told her that the one who's worth it would be the one who perseveres. Bring him to the brink of despair and then toss him a lifeline. Wahaha.. cruel? Well then that tells you a little about how you feel about the guy if you can't do it.
Then again of course, there're compatibility issues. I suppose girls have expectations and when these are not met, no amount of perseverence from the guy will work. Dude's just gotta take a hint then..
ATTN: Jan
– Hahahaha. You also beh tahan wanna know what people have to say leh. =p
Me too.
Anyways, this post wasn't about a situation I'm in. Not really, at least. It's just on a good-to-know-so-I'll-have-a-better-plan-in-the-future basis. HAHA. Kinda sorta.
And yeah, at least this way, I won't jump to conclusions cos I know what men (and other women) think of the matter, too!
But no, I doubt women ever ASK men to wait for them. They either expect the men to, or the men just do it though it's not expected of them. Haha. Funny how we are when it comes to love, eh?
ATTN: choco
– HAHA. Melampau. Give some constructive feedback can??? Roar!
ATTN: JiHouh
– Hmmm. No, I don't think that generalising is possible. Cos we're all different. And each situation's different, too. But I'm sure that there must be some kind of rule of thumb we can follow as a guide, no?
And yes, girls need guts, too. Guts try give what (or who) she wants but daren't have, a go. Can't be false bravado, though. That's bad. Cos then it's guts at the expense of both people getting hurt cos a bad decision was made in haste. Bad bad bad.
I think wanna be daring also have to be smart a bit la hor? And yeah. some girls just refuse to let the guy off the hook when they know they don't feel the same way. BUT... if they guy doesn't ask, he won't get an answer. So there's gotta be communication in order for the girl to be able to say "no" also, kan?
But yes. Sometimes, the guy has to understand that perseverance has to die when "no" just means "no". No point waiting and turning a blind eye to the other girls out there. Same goes for girls. Just cos they have their sights on one man who's not after them, they end up rejecting and ignoring good men who're into them.
Thanks for spamming. =)
ATTN: Mel0dramatic
– I personally think that knowingly or unknowingly, a woman does test the dude out before jumping into a relationship. She may not realise she's doing it lah. But after the "test" is over and done with, she'll realise, "Hey! He responded quite well to that situation though it was tough." Or... "My gawd, I can't believe he did that. That's it lah."
Kind of like how a girl doesn't set out to see if a man is protective but... if he dumps her outside the house and drives off without waiting for her to get inside, then... thoughts will definitely run through her head. Or if they walk and he walks on the inside while she's on the outside of the road, then... naturally, she'll think wan lor.
Haha. Sounds like everything's a test then hor? But that's just the way it is lah. We can't help it. Much like how a guy assesses a woman by the way she carries herself, talks, behaves, etc...
Looks like your cousin's a good catch, huh. Lucky her. =)
I told her that the one who's worth it would be the one who perseveres.Compatibility issues aside (though we can't really separate the two), you really believe that?
But back to compatibility, sometimes there's compatibility but no chemistry. That wan susah also.
I keep it short the *Hokkein version*
"AI EIA AI PIA"
PS:I wonder the same time applied to u?
Ps: wah , u really a night creature blogging this late?
"Does the guy with GUT, GULL, PLUCK and COURAGE end up with the girl? Or does the one with PERSISTENCE, TENACITY, ENDURANCE, PATIENCE STICK-TO-IT-IVENESS be the one?"
Neither. It actually mostly depends on luck and circumstances.
Is both the boy and girl single when they meet? Did they have the benefit of serendipity to accidentally meet for a few times under favorable circumstances to enable them to take things further? Which guy was around when the girl got into the mood to settle down?
You can wait forever by the sidelines, but if you happen to be posted to Timbuktu for work for a couple of months when the girl suddenly gets the idea to marry, be prepared to come back to find her... well, married...
Of course you need some guts and patience in order to capitalize on any good luck that comes your way.
But the fact is, contrary to common perception, love isn't really so 'destined' and there's no such thing as a soul mate decided for u in heaven.
Like everything else in this joke called life, "love" is just random chance.
The real love that is great is the type borne after years of being together.
The type associated with doing all sorts of stunts to get the girl is not love. It's lust, the thrill of the hunt, the pride of not wanting to fail at what one has started.
Whoa.. what have I been missing out here? :P
Hmmm.. good topic. :) Just like why I don't like blondies. Muahahaha. oppps.
Interesting lah reading all the comments... :P
Here's my take. I think it has to be mixture of both guts and perseverance. Perseverance may win but then if that guy persevere and don't have guts, fail also.
And I will touch on this yet again, "The answer always falls to the hand of the woman in a relationship". They are the judge in an overall relationship. No matter how much the guy persevere the woman says no, no lor. You can't force into it.
But then again, time may tell. It could for certain people and it might not too. So the question of, is it too early to ask or am I too late to ask is also a hard one to answer.
So, you're asking, perseverance may win the heart of his desired woman? 80% yes. With perseverance comes sincerity. You don't want to marry a man just because he likes you. He needs to be there for you! Even tho you are not his woman.
A man may like you within 3 days. Another man may like you still for 90 days now. They are both equal in the whole ideal man package. Which man would you choose? :P
*whoa longest ever comment on TinkiTalks by YapThomas -_-*
Well, there's no one ultimate rule. I think i was just egging her on to torture the poor boys.. lol.. and I guess I was also assuming everything else checks out with her suitors.
I agree with you Mel. See how I add question to her question? :P hahaha
Persistence pays sometimes but persistence should not and cannot beat serendipity. That's the idealist in me speaking. However, persistence ignited by serendipity - the realisation that she's worth all the pain, and therefore the need to make known and share with her the realisation - may be a good thing.
Placing friendship with her on top of everything else makes more sense to me as a test of his sincerity (and persistence?), rather than petulant persistence which can be rather annoying. But waiting, persistently caring & loving without expecting anything in return, now that's persistence which should warm the heart.
I also do not believe in the concept of 'the chase'. If it's meant to be, it's meant to be. Chase/target objectifies the girl/woman.
Many a times, the brave and bold 'wins' but is a girl who is easily convinced by bravado a girl you want to be with? Many boys (and men) feel frustrated by such situations. It could be because they aren't confident enough, the girl can't see him for who he is, the shock & awe 'strategy' is too overwhelming, or the girl has truly fallen in love with the other man/boy.
But without courage (and conviction), how does one convey his true feelings for her? How can she be sure he will stand up for her and stand by her? There has to be some form of courage/bravery but not because you want to possess her, but because you want to come clean, to be truthful and honest with the girl you know is your best friend.
Love is a choice at the end of the day. If one is not sure - regardless of persistence or serendipity or best friend-ism (I believe in the last 2)- it could be your heart telling you something (or mind). Time will usually tell. =)
I personally believe in having a firm friendship before anything else, even with overwhelming chemistry (which is a great thing if sustainable!) and attraction initially.
long perseverance = stalker
When ur a fren of the one in the receiving end, u'll say u understand and its ok to let the pursuer wait. Even if its 2-3 years or 10 years, when the person in the receiving end already have a bf/gf. Even when the person in the receiving end make use of the pursuer, u'll still say it's ok. It's all bcos its ur fren at the receiving end.
If u have a fren at the pursuing end, if the person in the receiving end did all the above mentioned including making use of ur fren, u call him/her a bastard/bi**h. That's reality.
I say it's always a balance. Don't take more u can handle. I strongly believe in relationship karma, and I've seen many suffered the very same wrath they inflicted on others in a relationship. :P
It's an art, and not 1+1=2.
hmm..i would say its the one who is daring .. i guess this is the kind of guy the girl wants to be with?
FROM ANONYMOUS, SENT VIA EMAIL:
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Totally agree with you on "perseverance" doing it's bit when its life in general BUT not so when it comes to "The Chase".
Learn that thru the hard way after putting in more than 8 years in pursuit of whom I think, was the one and only. I was naive in thinking that by being always there, eventually things will work out like in the movies.
Unfortunately it does not work that way in the real world, hence painful as it is, there needs to be a deadline. I mean... how many 8 years does a person has in his/her life right? So, the next one that came along, I spent only 3 years. Result's the same tho..
My friends has told me that it only take weeks, and looking back at my past, I have to agree with them although old habits die hard. I've always thought my patience/perseverance is a virtue but it really works against me in this case.
HOWEVER, there are always exceptions! - just not for me.
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