I Pay Or You Pay?

I wrote a post, which has nothing to do with what I'm going to write about. But there was this comment that sparked me off in another direction – one I'm about to head towards.

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Sigh.

Money can sometimes be a taboo to talk about
so just do me a favour and keep your minds open, okay?

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When couples get together, who pays for what? What's fairly his financial territory and what's considered yours? Who decides who takes which territory? What marks the territory in the first place? It's not like we piss all over our dollar bills to leave our scents, right?

So the question is this:

When you're faced with a purchase, who pays?

Well, I think it differs with the couple. We're all different aren't we? So as couples we tend to approach things differently, too. Different couples have different practices when it comes to spending patterns. Some believe in the guy paying all the time. Some believe in the girl shouldering some of the financial burden by paying some of the time. Some go dutch all the time (which I think is really lame and not to mention overly calculative), no matter where they go, and no matter what they do. Well, ultimately, it's the couple's choice. If it works for them, then why not?


Hmmm. I feel that discussing this in the context of married couples is somewhat easier. I can keep it as simple as this:

When a girl gets married,
she should always remember
that she is marrying the man…

…not his money.

See? No complications. When it comes to marriage, it's OUR money and we both dig out of the same account for both our needs. No problem. Things are simple. But somehow or another, when couples tread on Dating Ground, it makes things a little more complicated. More so if both of them aren't working and are still being fed by Mummy and Daddy.

Why?

Because no matter how much we refuse to admit it,
it's still spending MY money versus spending YOUR money.

So here's where things get messy.

There are what I refer to as the "You&I purchases" and what I call "JustMe purchases". "You&I purchases" are couple buys. One where both parties want whatever it is they want and that one purchase satisfies a need within both parties. Say, a steamboat dinner. Both of us are hungry. And it's not like we're given different steamboat pots to eat from, right? So it makes perfect sense for us to share the steamboat. But do we share the bill? Usually, we don't.

Why?

Cos it makes things so much more difficult
when you divide, multiply, add and subtract.

But then, we do take turns, don't we? We're reasonable people who play fair. Even when it comes to money. It's not always one person who foots the bill, right? Although, I have to admit, it's usually the guy who takes it on himself to do the I'm-a-macho-man-who's-financially-stable thing. I'll admit. It's nice when my guy buys me a nice meal. Heck, even when it's roti canai, it's nice. Maybe it's because of conventional social norms. I don't know. Plus, I've been told that it makes the guy feel good to pamper his girl, too. Almost like he's doing his part as a provider, maybe? But whatever it is, I shouldn't expect it, right? So I don't. That way, I never get disappointed and I'm always pleasantly surprised.


Now, let's move on to "JustMe purchases". Uh oh. Sensitive territory here. Haha. Who pays for her make-up? Who pays for his sports shirts? Who pays for her undergarment shopping sprees? Who pays for his SonyPlaystation® Portable? Hello?! Who pays for what?!

I'll tell you who.

YOU.

You pay for your own stuff. If you can't afford it yourself, you can just forget about owning it. Do your partner a favour and not impose your financially impossible wants and whims on him or her, okay? That's being really selfish. And remember, should there come a time that they CHOOSE to get you whatever you wanted, remember that it's only because they love you and they want to do all they can to make you the happiest person alive.

The bottom line is this:

It's HIS choice to pay for your stuff, girls.
Likewise, it's HER choice to pay for yours, guys.


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p/s: This post was written in reference to dating couples.
Come marriage, rules of the game may change.



=)