Dumb Dump!

I wanted to take a dump last night.

(Yes, we girls have to shit, too.
Plus, since we're on this, FYI, our shit
doesn't exactly smell as heavenly as we do.
It probably smells a little like yours.
But just a little. I'm sure yours stinks better.)

Even cute little girls poo.

But, I couldn't.

Not because of constipation problems. Not because of the unavailability of a proper toilet for use. No no. Those are very valid reasons for not clearing my bowel system. I'd understand and I would definitely not have been as pissed as I was.

Heck, I was furious!
Slam all doors and leave me alone
while I stab and mangle my many pillows!

Why?

Because last night, I found that
both toilets in my house just wouldn't flush.

Stop thinking that I shat and left my shit to float around the bowl. I didn't. I'm not as gross as you would like to think I am. Hah! Perhaps it's what YOU would have done... but I'm not you. I'm civilized, yo. My story comes PRE-poo. Learn a bit.


So the story goes like this. I flushed Toilet #1 seven times in my attempt to clear the leftovers from whoever used the loo before I wanted to. SEVEN! Even then, nothing went down. So there I was with a pain in my tummy, all the whilst fighting the flush system with both hands and a hose. Why there were clumps of tissue floating in yellow water in there in the first place is beyond me. Heck, if there's something I cannot take in my home, it's a dirty bathroom. And if there's something else I just won't stand for, it's taking a dump in a toilet that hasn't been flushed clean. Have someone else's discharge float just inches away from me while I sit and proceed to do business?! I WILL NOT HAVE IT! Only SENDIRIAN BERHAD toilet water for me, thank you very much!

Sigh.

I finally gave up in frustration and stomped out of the Toilet #1. After expressing my immense anger to comforting ears across the miles, I proceeded to give Toilet #2 a shot at shit.


See, Toilet #2 is known as The Dog's Toilet. I don't fancy putting my butt where my dog does. Call me old-fashioned, call me conventional – I don't care. My shit pot is MY shit pot and I'm not about to share it with no dog. It's just gross.


But yesterday was different. Dire situations call for extreme measures. In desperation, I went all out in a Clean-My-Dog's-Toilet Campaign. I sprayed, I watered, I scrubbed and I wiped. I don't think I ever used as much toilet paper in my life. And by the end of all my hard work, guess what.

THE STUPID TOILET JUST WOULDN'T FLUSH!!!

Too much!

Worse was by then, I had my very own toilet paper Everest from my Clean-My-Dog's-Toilet Campaign floating around and around with glee! Hello!? The stupid toilet paper is enjoying a nice jacuzzi and I can't even take a dump!? What is the meaning of this!?

FED UP!

My house has friggin' lousy flush systems la!

L-O-U-S-Y.

Honestly though, I blame the maid. I have reason to believe that she's been stuffing newspaper down the toilet when we're not watching. I'm not prejudiced. I say it with a clear conscience.

Damn it, I really should skin that woman alive.

AARRRGGGHHH! FRUS!

What's the point of having toilet bowls in the house
when none of them freaking work!?

Bloody hell, I can't even take a dump in my own home.
How friggin' sad is that!?

Fed up.