Saturday, March 30, 2013

The Emo-ness Of It All

I miss my parents. I miss the careless abandon of being the baby of the family. A daughter and child to parents who love me selflessly. I miss living my days without the overshadowing responsibility of being the dutiful wife and doting mother to the respective members of the little family I have to call my own now.

I miss having a proper job. One that pays well enough to (almost) justify working me to the bone. I miss earning a living for myself. I miss having a paycheck to look forward to every month. I miss looking to my right or left and seeing an actual person working on a comp next to me instead of having to Skype or FaceTime. And I miss having colleagues I can talk to face to face and have lunch with.

I miss having friends. I miss spending time with them. I miss chill-out sessions and girly hangouts over cakes and cups of tea. Shopping and gossiping like we shouldn't, while laughing and creating memories like we totally should.

I miss shopping. Real shopping. Without a deadline or a budget. Without a shopping trolley alongside rows and rows of toilet paper, floor cleaner, cereal or organic vegetables, too. I miss shopping with both hands free to pick out clothes and try them on. I miss hitting the malls before lunch and going home after dinner.

I miss wearing clothes that fit and flatter. As opposed to always having to resort to loose tops that serve no purpose other than to keep me covered up well enough to also be able to uncover in a flash and breastfeed my son whenever he so demands.

I miss sleeping soundly through the night. To just relax my body and mind for more than a couple of hours' stretch at a time. To sleep without having to wake up at the slightest whimper, stir or cry. To be able to stretch out my arms and toss and turn and do somersaults in bed without worrying that I could unknowingly crush and flatten my sleeping 4-month-old lying next to me.

I miss waking up feeling refreshed and recharged to face a brand new day. Instead of feeling sluggish and fatigued like I usually wake up feeling so very often these days. I miss snuggling under the covers and snoozing just a couple of minutes, and yet a couple of minutes more, after I first open my eyes, to begin with.

I miss having time to blog. Whenever about whatever. I miss sharing my thoughts, telling random tales, and logging my days. I miss reading comments from my regulars and replying those comments as quickly as they come in. I miss the closeness of the online community I once enjoyed and was once a part of.


reddaisie said...

I can relate to some... :'( *hugs*

pamsong said...

ATTN: reddaisie
– T_T

Felicia Boo said...

It's a totally different lifestyle now. Yea I was in ur shoes before, super emo and wished I could turn back time. But this phase will soon pass Pammie. When you look at ur kid smiling back at you, it's gonna be worth it. Hang in there k...

infinitium said...

and we miss reading your regular entries.

pamsong said...

ATTN: Felicia Boo
– So tiredddd... The lack of sleep is killing me. T_T

ATTN: infinitium
– Boo hoo. In the words of Arnie, "I'LL BE BACK!!!" RAWR!!

Anonymous said...

I'm still going through almost all the phases u mentioned above. My son is turning one in 2 weeks and at times when I see a newborn baby making a fuss, I actually miss those moments though a part of me is grateful that I'm over and done with that. On the bright side, you are sacrificing your best for him. Most of all passing on the legacy and love once displayed by your parents to your very own precious one :)

zecount said...

WE WILL CRASH YOUR HOUSE !!! (only by invitation though) :p

pamsong said...

ATTN: Esther Lau
– The one part I can't imagine continuing is the hourly nightly wake-ups. That one's a real killer. The other stuff, I can deal. Haha.

ATTN: zecount
– HAHAHAHA. Talk only la you. Tracy also sama. Say wanna hang out but until now bayang pun tak nampak.

Lissa said...

*hugs* Cheer up. You're doing great. It'll pass soon enough and then you'll wish it lasted a little longer. ;) But in the end, your sacrifices are worth it!

pamsong said...

ATTN: Lissa
– Haha. You're right. I know you're right. My brain tells me you're right. But omg, I'm just so drained! Zzzz...

zecount said...

eh ... waiting for your invitation only leh


Hang in there babe! *hugs*

Deswyn Wan said...

what does the husband thinks? can ask him write a post about being a husband and a father ar? hahaha.

pamsong said...

ATTN: zecount
– Haha. One weekend la, ok? Maybe you guys pop by after church or something with Ming, Delv and Jacob. The old movie kaki.

– Hanginggggg!!! But every stage has its challenges. Now I'm on to new ones already! Haha.

ATTN: Deswyn Wan
– He ah. Still enjoy life lah. Hahaha. But I'll ask and see if he wants to write. Don't count on it though.

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