Reminder To Self That It Won't Always Be Like This

Came across this beautiful piece of motherly musings on Instagram today and it really resonated with me. Especially now that the kids are growing up and my babies are no longer babies. 

No longer do they gurgle and leave their spit all over my top. No longer do they waddle, slip and fall on their bums. No more do they mumble gibberish I don't understand but smile and respond to anyway. 

They're 7 and 9; going on 8 and 10. How quickly they grow up. How swiftly time flies. I know it's still a long way aways till the day they no longer need me more than I need them. But the day is fast approaching and I feel it in my heart already anyway. 😢

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It won’t always be like this. 

I remind myself of this often. 

To help me see through the hard days, but to also pull me into the now. 

Because it’s true. 

They won’t always be this small. 

And I won’t always be this tired. 

They won’t always need me in this way. 

And I won’t always feel this lost. 

They won’t always come to me first. 

And I won’t also feel like I come last. 

This is a season. 

We will move through it together. 

And it will pass before we know it. 

It won’t always be like this. 

And my heart aches as I think about what it may look like. 

The first school drop off. 

The last kiss goodnight. 

The nights up late waiting for a call that doesn’t come. 

Because life will be different one day. 

And it won’t always be this tiring, messy, or beautifully wholesome. 

It will be watching from afar from a clean house, longing for them to come home for a weekend. 

It will be loving them through phone lines, messenger, and the kilometres between us. 

It will be losing myself in something new, to busy my mind from what I’m missing. 

It won’t always be like this. 

Not the hard. 

Or the beautiful.

It will be a different hard and beautiful. 

We won’t always be like this either.

We will age. 

And our relationship will evolve. 

We will be a different type of “us”. 

But this is my one chance at now. 

I only get to love them, be there for them, and be needed in this exact way, once. 

I only get to know this stage of motherhood like the back of my hand, once. 

I only get this time as we are now, once. 

This is it. 

I only get one Motherhood. 

And they only get one childhood. 

This time is ours. 

So I’m breathing it in, in all of its shades, 

Because it just won’t always be like this. 

📖 Words (@wordsof_emmaheaphy), taken from the second book “Mother On” in her early motherhood collection.

Why Would Best Friends Fall Out?

Somehow or another, the topic of best friends coming and going came up again tonight before bedtime and I told the boys about my one-time best friend Ming, who was still a friend but no longer a "best" friend over the course of time passing. To which, JJ curiously asked:


JJ: Mommy, why isn’t she your best friend anymore?

Pam Song: No particular reason. We just drew apart.

JJ: 😳 Wait. YOU DREW HER BUTT??

😅😅😅

That would totally be a legit reason

for best friends to fall out, I guess. 😂😂😂

VIP Vs CPR

Ethan climbs onto me in bed (as he always likes to do)

and I proceed to pretend to struggle to breathe.

Pam Song: *gasp* *gasp* *gasp*

Ethan: Don’t worry, Mommy! I know VIP!! 😁

Pam Song: 🤨 Baby... It’s called CPR. 😂

VIP... CPR... Close, I guess? 😅

Acronyms Are Confusing

JJ climbs onto me in bed during bedtime and I dramatically pretend to struggle to breathe like the Oscar-winning actress I'm not. 

Pam Song: *gasp* *gasp* *gasp*

JJ: *calmly and reassuringly* Don’t worry, Mommy. I know VIP. 😏

Pam Song: 🤨 Uhhh... Baby, it’s called CPR. 😂

And Again, It Happens

The climb is hard but the fall is easy. Going it alone sounds difficult but together doesn’t seem any easier. So much to do; so little remembered. Always trying, yet always falling short. An hour or two, so short it feels; an hour or two, so long it seems. Funny how “I don’t believe you,” sounds just like, “You don’t trust me,” except with different words. Funny how it isn’t funny. And again, giving up sounds bad but could be for the better.

Best Friends Come & Best Friends Go

JZ made a best friend in school when he was in Year 2. A nice Taiwanese boy with a smiley disposition. During the two years that they spent together as classmates, the boys were thick as thieves. They played really well together and enjoyed each others' company a lot, in and out of school. His mom and I were friends so we were comfortable setting up playdates for the children over the weekends and during the holidays, too.

They both stayed best of friends all the way till the end of Year 3 when, very unfortunately, this friend moved to another school across the state. When his mom first broke the news to me, I was stunned and overwhelmed with emotions. I didn't know how JZ would take it! Later in the week, this friend made sure to let JZ be the first to know that he was leaving the school. It was a sad day that was heartbreaking for both to say the least. 💔

I was so desperate to help ease JZ's pain of losing yet another best friend 😩 that I reached out to two old friends to help me offer him some words of comfort and prove to him that friendships do last when both parties put in the effort to keep in touch no matter how many years have passed or how many state lines and immigration counters stood between us. 

Two of my oldest friends in the world (we've known each other since nursery!) came to the rescue with kind words of encouragement for JZ 🥰 on the 6th of May 2021 – the day he heard the news. At the time, this boy and his family had plans to return to Taiwan. Thankfully, that plan was shelved. 😅 #smallmercies

In hindsight, it was really unfortunate that the boys had to spend so many precious months apart due to the nationwide lockdown and COVID-19 school closures all through 2020 and 2021. Even when school eventually reopened for in-face studies, the boys were intentionally kept apart in class by their teachers because, well, best friends tend to chat when they sit side by side so... yeah. 😅 Only once did they get a week to sit together in the entire school year seating rotation. 😢

But of course, Time heals all wounds. ❤️‍🩹 The boys do still play well together whenever they have the chance to meet, which is rare nowadays with everybody's busy and clashing schedules. Having said that, I should really put in the effort to plan another playdate for him someday soon but am so unmotivated due to COVID risk, a lack of a live-in helper to help clean up after, and just general laziness and unsociability on my part. 😩 

In the mean time, JZ has come to accept this shift in his relationship with his once-best friend. He has yet to find a new best friend but is also not short of friends in school so... I guess it's alright. It'll be alright. He will be alright. Because no matter who comes and goes, he will always have JJ, Papa and me. 👨‍👩‍👦‍👦 #wearefamily

Living In A World Where You Can Buy RM2,000 Cars You Can't Gift-Wrap 🎁

Ethan's turning 7 next month. This boy never wastes an opportunity to ask for a gift so, as per his usual pre-birthday MO, Ethan put on his biggest, brightest, most-charming smile and asked:


Ethan: Papa. what are you getting me for my birthday? 😁

The Husband: What you want?

Ethan: A car!

The Husband: What kind of car?

Ethan: This car!! *points to The Husband’s car*

Caden: Are you crazy??

Pam Song: 🤨 You can’t even drive yet.

Caden: Yeah!! Plus, it costs like, RM2,000 or something!! (LOL. If only. 😅)

Ethan: Oh ya... Plus, they can’t wrap it. 🎁

😂😂😂

#kidlogic #8yowisdom

I Smell Weird

I was all stuffed into my bed for a cosy, cuddly, snuggly bedtime with the boys. JJ had his head propped on my right shoulder while JZ had his arms and legs wrapped around my left hand. Suddenly, JZ said...

JZ: *sniffs my shoulder* Mommy, you smell weird. 

Pam Song: *incredulously* WHAT?! No way! 

JZ: Yes! It’s weird. 

JJ: *protectively* No!! Mommy doesn’t smell weird!! Mommy always smells nice! Right, Mommy?

Pam Song: Of course! 😤

JZ: *insisting* Nooooo... It’s weird!!

Pam Song: Fine! Then I smell like what??

JZ: Like... like... honey and flowers. 🍯💐 

Pam Song: 😳

So, dear future daughter-in-law, if ever my son tells you that you smell weird, it's okay. Don't take his comment as criticism. You probably just smell like honey and flowers. 😅😆