Shitty Conversations

The Husband and I have been married a little over 2 years. Before we officially tied the knot, we took our time and ding-dong dated each other for a good 10 years – since January 2002. And before that, I knew him and served in the same church as him since we were in lower primary – back in the early 1990s. Needless to say, we obviously know each other through and through and talk about anything and everything. No holds barred. No shit spared. Haha. And this *points below* was the shit that came up tonight.


SHIT CONVERSATION #1

While watching Masterchef US on ASTRO.

The Husband: *thoughtfully* I feel like shitting, man. 

Pam Song: *sighs* Me, too. 

The Husband: *nudge* Go shit now la! While he's sleeping. Go! *nudge nudge*

Pam Song: *frowns* *thinks hard* *shakes head* Lazy la. Can I just relax first ah?

The Husband: Ok. I also want to relax. 

*pause in conversation as we watch

Gordon Ramsay screw people over

on Masterchef US*

The Husband: *turns to me* Eh. Shitting is relaxing wat. 

Pam Song: No. 

The Husband: What you mean no?? Why not?!

Pam Song: I cannot even lean back!! I have to sit straight up the whole time! Haiya, mai la!

The Husband: @_@ WTH???

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SHIT CONVERSATION #2

During a commercial break.

The Husband: Ok la, I want to go shit now. *proceeds to walk to the common bathroom*

Pam Song: Eh!!

The Husband: *stops in his tracks* What??

Pam Song: I shit first. 

The Husband: You go and shit in the room la. I shit here. *points to the common bathroom*

Pam Song: I don't want to go into the room. Later he see me how?? No! I shit here. *points to common bathroom*

The Husband: Aiya ok la ok. *walks back toward the TV couch*

Pam Song: Awessum! *walks toward the common bathroom*

As we cross paths...

The Husband: Eh, wait. Why you must shit first? *a frown appears* You don't want to smell my shit issit???

Pam Song: Abo???

The Husband: Eh!!! I don't want to smell your shit also!!!

Pam Song: *snicker* Too late. *shuts common bathroom door behind me*

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SHIT CONVERSATION #3

After I poop, I come out of the common bathroom

and see The Husband still lazing on the couch.

The Husband: *sees me* *GAGS HYSTERICALLY* *fans self as if he's suffocating*

Pam Song: Haha. Idiot. *proceeds to blow the air from the bathroom toward The Husband*

The Husband: *uses cushion to cover nose and mouth*

Pam Song: Hahaha. Nonsense la you.

The Husband: *gets up to open the balcony door*

Pam Song: Please la. As if you can smell anything from here!

The Husband: The smell never reach only. It... *with conviction* WILL. COME. *opens the balcony door* See, I rather smell haze than smell your shit.

Pam Song: -______- Beh tong lu ah.

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And that, my friends, is how
romantic married life is after kids
come into the picture. Haha.

The end! =)