Thursday, December 31, 2009

Final Moments

All you're gonna get are some random pictures of me and the gang at work cos I'm in a mad rush to go home before the roads jam up. =p


2009: Yours Truly, Baby K and Duh Roads.


iACT interns, The Bet and Single Ladies.


The last day of the year was their last day with MCKL! How apt!


Botak and I sharing a '2', Sausage Boi and Beyonce
giving us a double '0', and Duh Roads showing off a '9'
to wrap up the year with a big, loud bang. =D


And that's 2009 for ya, folks! Have a good New Year's everybody! Thanks for putting up with my nonsense the last 365 days. Haha. Catch ya next year! (Only one day of the year I get to say that. Shall relish the moment. =p) Mwah mwah!

A Mother's Prayer

...brings blessings for the New Year.


----------------
Psalm 16:5-6
----------------

5 LORD, you have assigned me
my portion and my cup;
you have made my lot secure.

6 The boundary lines
have fallen for me in pleasant places;
surely I have a delightful inheritance.

– New International Version (NIV)
Copyright © 1982 by Thomas Nelson, Inc.


-----------

"2010 will be a blessed and fruitful year for you.
I just know."

– Mee, 31 December 2009

-----------


Thank you, Mee. And amen to that.

Mr Lomantik Strikes Again!

Click here to view from source.


Haha. Awww, thanks, lomantik! So sweet of you. Now that I've gotten my NYE gift in cyber form from you, can I have a real one? Huh? Huh? Preddy please? =p


p/s: I'mma gonna do what every lazy blogger does – rip off the ending to his post and put it here to end mine. =p "The first post which led to 'best-buddish-bonds' is here." Haha. And here's the link to the second Aston.

Tuesday, December 29, 2009

Too Old To Be An Aunty

I just returned from Christmas cum New Year dinner with my folks and the entire Song cousin clan from my generation and the generation after. Ladies and gentlemen, meet the crew.


My folks, 4 cousins, their spouses, 2 nephews, a niece and I.


I know lah, I know. My family not as big as some other families but... kira ok lah kan? This isn't the whole family wat. Only my immediate family and my cousins from another uncle. Don't judge. >(


But... that's not why I'm posting. I'm writing because I finally got to see my almost-grown-up nephews today! Excited giler! I haven't seen much of them since they were babies cos I'm usually in KL during our family meets. (Yes, I'm an aunty. And YESSS, I no longer have to be the kuchi rat in the family who calls EVERYBODY at the table to makan but doesn't get called to makan by anybody in return! Double woot!) Without much further ado, here they are...


Everybody, meet Jonathan!




The boy with smooth, fair skin and the most gorgeous sandy hair. He is super the cakap banyak and is the older one of my two nephews. A very jolly kid who sure knows his nursery rhymes well. He pinches cheeks and freely gives kisses. I got one right smack on the lips tonight. Haha. Took me by surprise but by the time my brain regrouped, my heart turned to jelly already. HAHA. And that kiss you saw in the picture, *points above* well, it lasted for a really LOOOONG time. =p (That's your cue to go, "Awww," by the way.) So much so that my mom got to sneak in a few pictures before his lips left my cheek. Haha. Nice!


Now, meet Nathaniel!




The boy with the most bee-ooo-tee-fool eyes. So big and his double eyelids are to die for. He doesn't say, "Yes." And his standard answer is, "O-kay." Haha. He's younger than Jonathan by just 4 months but he's crazy squirmy. Always on the go, always running; never still, never walking. Plus, he's pretty heavy for his age, too! I think my bye-bye arms all no more already after tonight. Or rather, I should have just said bye-bye to my arms tonight when I agreed to carry him. HAHA. The fella's weight is equivalent to 3 bags of rice, okayyy! No joke. I need an arm massage badly. T_T


You know, it's really too bad both boys aren't growing up in the same place. Jonathan's in KL while Nathaniel will be in the UK. I can imagine that it'd be so cool growing up with a cousin of the same age. Can both khau lui together-gether. Double trouble heart-breakers in action with full-on Song gene charm. Haha. Okay, I think I should stop. This is making me sound like a terrible aunt.


And finally, the Princess of the next generation, Anthea!


Please excuse the face. I was sweaty, red and flushed
from carrying
and running after the two boys. So tired can die.
Exercise quota of the year met and exceeded, thank you very much.



I remember the days when I used to carry her at reunion dinners while her parents ate. Oh, how I loved my drool-soaked shoulders then. Haha. That was when she was just a couple of months old. Well, she's all grown up now, as you can see. =) Thank goodness I had her around tonight. She's my trusty sidekick who helps me make sure the other two stay off the streets. Haha. I'm too old to run. Plus, I was wearing 4-inch heels. Bad nanny. =p


Anyhoo, I think I had so much exercise tonight that I wiped out my energy reserves. Gotta crash and recharge now. Early morning tomorrow. Aunty needs to keep herself looking young and eligible by going for a 10:30AM facial. (*groan* Why the heck did I set such an early appointment?! But, oh oh! Did I forget to mention? I'M STILL ON LEAVE TOMORROW! Wakakaka. =p) Anyways, gotta return what MCKL takes away so... facial at 10:30AM it is!


Goodnight, guys! Catch ya tomorrow. =)


p/s: Edwin Koko and Grace Soh... Tick tock tick tock. Don't forget – you got 2010 deadline. =p

Monday, December 28, 2009

Single Santa Seeks Mrs. Claus

ASTRO is da bomb, I tell you! Can't believe I've lived without it in KL for so long. (I only had ASTRO while I was taking my Degree. Before and after tak ada. Boo hoo.)


It really is the perfect thing to vegetate to while on holiday lah. Haha. Can channel surf until reindeer fly and brain turn to porridge also won't be bored.


This morning, I dug myself out of bed in time to watch the ending half of Single Santa Seeks Mrs. Claus. A feel-good Christmas movie that's just perfect for this Christmas time of year. =)




Characters are Nick, Santa's Assistant, Beth and Jake. Nick is the next Santa. He likes Beth but only has a week to win her over. Beth is Jake's mom. She's jaded. But she's falling for Nick. Jake likes Nick so he's all for the relationship. And Santa's Assistant is Nick's wingman.


Got it? Good. Moving on.


Here are some quotes I liked. But I've gotta warn you though, these may not be accurate word for word cos I had to type while watching. Dun have ASTRO MAX so cannot pause, play, rewind and forward. =( Anyhoo, back to the quotes.


Enjoy!


Santa's Assistant to Nick: If you don't go into the kitchen, you won't get burnt. But you will go hungry.

Sometimes, we're so afraid of the possibility of a negative outcome that we don't do what we want to do and go after what we really want for fear of failure and of getting hurt.


--------------


Beth to Nick: You know what I miss the most about loving someone? You are everything to him. And he is...
Beth & Nick: ...the other half of your heart.

It's not enough to just be someone's special someone. You'll know you're really special when you become his/her everything.


--------------


Nick to Beth: You only get one chance at a first kiss. And I want it to be perfect.

Haha. I remember mine. Funny story. Am not sharing.


--------------


Nick to Beth: I'm going to steal all the stars in the sky and give you one each time you smile. Because seeing you happy is the greatest thing in the world.

He's talking about stars. Need I say more? Haha. But yes, seeing the one you love happy is the greatest feeling on Earth. "When you're happy, I'm happy." In more Malaysian terms, that's, "I like, you like."


--------------


Beth to Nick: We were meant to be happy. You make me happy, Nick.

Finding happiness in a person. Daunting task. Not impossible though. I remember a time when the highs and lows of my day were made by just one person. Haha. So, yeah. Not impossible.


--------------


Nick to Beth: Think about what I said with your heart. Not your head. Cos your heart is so much wiser.

My personality tests always tell me that I'm a thinker by nature. Brain-led. Thought-driven. But somehow, after my brain narrows it down to the best options, my heart always gets final say. The democracy ends and at the end of the day, Heart vetoes.


--------------


Jake: If you don't believe in him, you get nothing, right?
Beth: Right.
Jake: So if you do believe in him, you've got nothing to lose.

Wise words from kid script writer. It's true though. It's terrible failing but it's even worse not having tried at all to begin with because of that crippling fear of failure. Reminds me of that quote from Lord Alfred Tennyson – "'Tis better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all."

Sunday, December 27, 2009

New Zealand Book Council: Going West

Crazy. Execution.

Nuff said. Go watch.




Produced by Colenso BBDO • Animated by Andersen M Studio

For Good

Artists: Idina Menzel [Elphaba] & Kristin Chenoweth [Glinda]
Song Title: For Good (Soundtrack from the Broadway Musical, "Wicked." Click here for Wicked The Musical's official site.)


[Elphaba]
I'm limited
Just look at me, I'm limited
And just look at you, you can do all I couldn't do, Glinda
So now it's up to you
For both of us, now it's up to you

[Glinda]
I've heard it said that people come into our lives
For a reason – bringing something we must learn
And we are led to those who help us most to grow
If we let them and we help them in return
Well, I don't know if I believe that's true
But I know I'm who I am today because I knew you

Like a comet pulled from orbit as it passes a sun
Like a stream that meets a boulder halfway through the wood
Who can say if I've been changed for the better?
Because I knew you, I have been changed for good

[Elphaba]
It well may be that we will never meet again
In this lifetime, so let me say before we part
So much of me is made of what I learned from you
You'll be with me like a hand print on my heart
And now whatever way our stories end
I know you have re-written mine by being my friend

Like a ship blown from its mooring by a wind off the sea
Like a seed dropped by a skybird in a distant wood
Who can say if I've been changed for the better?
But because I knew you

[Glinda]
Because I knew you

[Glinda & Elphaba]
I have been changed for good

[Elphaba]
And just to clear the air, I ask forgiveness
For the things I've done you blame me for

[Glinda]
But then, I guess we know there's blame to share

[Glinda & Elphaba]
And none of it seems to matter anymore

[Glinda] (Elphaba)
Like a comet pulled from orbit (Like a ship blown off its mooring)
As it passes a sun (By a wind off the sea)
Like a stream that meets a boulder (Like a seed dropped by)
Half-way through the wood (A bird in the wood)

[Glinda & Elphaba]
Who can say if I've been changed for the better?
I do believe I have been changed for the better

[Glinda]
And because I knew you

[Elphaba]
Because I knew you

[Glinda & Elphaba]
Because I knew you, I have been changed for good






"I've heard it said that people come into our lives
For a reason – bringing something we must learn
And we are led to those who help us most to grow
If we let them and we help them in return
Well, I don't know if I believe that's true
But I know I'm who I am today because I knew you"


So much of the person I am today is the by-product of my having met you. Of having spent time with you. Of having been with you. Of having shared almost a third of my life with you. And I know that because of you and the time we'd been blessed with, I've learned, I've grown, and I've matured.


"Who can say if I've been changed for the better?
I do believe I have been changed for the better
And because I knew you, because I knew you
Because I knew you, I have been changed for good"


Our many years together and all that we've been through in the time that we've been given, has changed me for good. And I choose to believe that because I knew you, that change has been for the better.


"So much of me is made of what I learned from you
You'll be with me like a hand print on my heart"


It's no exaggeration when I say that I am who I am today because of you. Your imprint on my life, I see so clearly in so many aspects. So, yes, it's true. You'll always be with me like a hand print on my heart.


Thank you. For coming into my life. For staying as long as you did. And for giving it your all like you did. Because of that, today, I can genuinely say that of all the 6.9 billion people on the planet I could have fallen for when I was 17, I'm glad it was you.

First Light Of Day

Today's sunrise was beautiful.




The dawn of a new day,
the promise of a new beginning.

Saturday, December 26, 2009

A Beautiful World




Artist: Tim Myers
Song Title: A Beautiful World


The children outside all are laughing under perfect skies
The shapes and patterns in this season make me feel alive
I wanna shout it from the roof top and tell the world
That, “I was blind but now I see what’s right in front of me.”

[CHORUS]
It’s a beautiful world I see
Everything looks differently
It’s a beautiful world I see
These moments are changing me
When I look at the sky
I see the reason why I know, oh oh

When I look out from the window
The moon and stars shine all their lights down from the heavens
A choir of angels strike a chord and lift their voices
And then we sing out “I’ve been lost."
"But now I’ve found what’s right in front of me.”

[CHORUS]
It’s a beautiful world I see
Everything looks differently
It’s a beautiful world I see
These moments are changing me
When I look at the sky
I see the reason why I know, oh oh

[CHORUS]
It’s a beautiful world I see
Everything looks differently
It’s a beautiful world I see
These moments are changing me
When I look at the sky
I see the reason why I know, oh oh

[CHORUS]
It’s a beautiful world I see
Everything looks differently
It’s a beautiful world I see
These moments are changing me
When I look at the sky
I see the reason why I know, oh oh
Oh oh, oh mmm...




Captured this beauty in the sky on my drive back to KL during my last trip back to Penang. Turns out there is beauty in everything around me. I've just got to be looking for it at the right places.


Seeing the beauty in life
– it's all about perspective.


Gotta get that right and everything'll look differently. Can't let sorry moments change me for the worst. Gotta keep the good and throw out the bad, and just keep doing that. Just keep doing that, and it'll soon be a beautiful world I see.


This Is Why God Made Girlfriends

To remind you that you're actually not
as terrible as you feel on the inside.


Message edited (more like censored) for relevance.


I want to start seeing me through her eyes. I need to. For my own good. I just don't know how to right now. Cos the girl looking back at me from the mirror, well, she's still not a pretty sight. ='(

Year-End Holidays

...make me blue.


I guess it's all that extra time I've got on my hands. I'm not used to it. My brain's obstinately refusing to idle and is looking for things to digest and dissect. And it sucks that, of all things, it's chosen to start gnawing at the pathetic state of my personal life. Or rather, my lack of a personal life to begin with.


Sigh.

Maybe I shouldn't have taken leave at all.


I mean, I know I fought hard for all four days of it so I'd get 10 work-free days. But now, I'm actually semi-glad I only got 2 working days off. (Sorry, Mee and Dee, it's not you, it's me.) Am actually kinda looking forward to going back to work. At least it'll help take my mind off this crap.


Or maybe it's not the work and it's just cos KL moves at a faster pace than Penang does. And although that's a bad thing most of the time (hell knows I complain about it a lot), maybe it's what's best for me at this point in my life. I mean, it's not like I've got anyone or anything to spend all that extra time on anyways. Might as well put it to good use where I'm wanted and needed. Might as well work my days (and nights) away.


But ahh, I dunno. Maybe I'm wrong about all that, too. Maybe I'm already burnt out and what I really need is a change of environment. Something that'll turn things around and make me feel less blah about life. Maybe Penang is the place for me. Hmmm...


But – scary thought – what if it isn't?


I mean, I can totally see myself happily raising a family of my own on this island I grew up in but... to work? I can't say I'm sure that I'll be happier here than I am in KL. What if I move and I find myself worse off cos I can't get used to the pace or the working environment?


And what about the friendships
I've discovered, built and cultivated in KL?


I've pretty much lost touch with most friends in Penang save for a few stray ones I kept since highschool. The others are already down in KL or are happily pursuing their careers in every other part of the world. So the potential problem that could arrive would be this: What if I come back and discover that I miss my social support group in KL?


But as much as I say that I'll miss the people I've grown to love and cherish in KL, a big part of me just wants to up and run away. Far, far away. To be on the go, in search of fresh prospects. For a clean start. A brand new beginning. Not having to deal with the things, thoughts and people who pull me down, rip my self-esteem to shreds and try to suffocate me emotionally.


Ugh.

As you can probably tell by now,
my head's messed up big time.


It just feels like growing up has taken its toll on me. I feel jaded. And burnt out. On so many levels. I need to find my center. Rediscover my zest for life. Learn to love again. I don't know what it is that I want exactly. All I know is that, at the end of the day, it's gotta spell H-A-P-P-I-N-E-S-S or else, it's just not good enough. Cos cuilin is right. I deserve the best.


Sigh. I look back at 2009 and I can't say that I'm ecstatic over what I see. So, I look toward 2010. But even then, it looks bleak cos all I see is a long, lonely road ahead. Blah. Can't wait for that journey to begin. -_-

The Morning After Blessings From The North

Courtesy of cuilin.


Indeed, we will be together... one day. With a bond like ours, I'm sure of it. And till that day comes, I'll be missing the both of you dearly. ♥

Forgive & Forget

They say that somehow, it's easier to forgive another than to forgive yourself. In the same way, I think it's easier getting over your disappointment with others, than it is for you to get over the disappointment you feel with yourself – disappointment birthed from being less than who you should be.


Sigh.

I'm disappointed. At myself.

And I can't seem to forget,
much less forgive myself for it.

Friday, December 25, 2009

Philippians 4:6-7

I believe in the Power of His Word
and I believe that His Word is true.


---------------------
Philippians 4:6-7
---------------------

"6 Be anxious for nothing,
but in everything by prayer and supplication,
with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God;
7 and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding,
will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus."

– New King James Version (NKJV)
Copyright © 1982 by Thomas Nelson, Inc.


3 years down the line and still so powerful.


God gave me this verse back in December 2006. Since that moment, I've not lived a day without looking at it (I put it on my mobile phone wallpaper) and reminding myself that no matter what, all things will work out for good. And if they don't, I'll be okay. Even if I don't understand the whys and hows of whatever ends up coming my way.

Grossness Is Good For Overworked Soul

Was at rushing some work last week when I got offered kick-ass seats to Avatar in 3D. (Or was it Sherlock Holmes? Hmmm... Can't remember no more. I was invited for both.) Couldn't go no thanks to sucky deadlines so... put Frustrated Pam + Tired Pam together with Work-Until-Siao-Liao Pam, and you get this:




Funny but I felt a whole lot better after that. =)

This Is It

Perfectionist. Always pushing the boundaries. An eye (and an ear) for detail. Perfect pitch. Raw talent meets hard work. Small in size, bigger-than-life in voice. Intense. Unparalleled stage presence. Musical genius. Amazing dancer. Brilliant performer. Natural-born entertainer. Truly, the King of Pop.


Just some things that came to mind
as I watched the late Michael Jackson
do what he did better than anybody else,
dead or alive. No one else comes close.

But that's just his professional side.


Fun-loving. Childlike at times. Purity of soul. Sweet spirit. Righteous anger. Gracious. Gentle. Kind. Uplifting. Inspirational.


Just some other things I thought
are synonymous with the legend as cameras rolled
and showed me glimpses of the man
behind the sunnies, gloves and glittery jackets.

I was drawn into his world. Totally.


The man looks at the world through such innocent eyes. When I hear him speak of Earth, it's like he actually pains for our planet and hears her cry of desperation. That's why I have to say that a part of me is thankful I didn't watch this at the cinema while it was showing. Otherwise, I wouldn't have had the opportunity to really catch and absorb what he said before and after Earth Song, much less jot it down and share it with you.


Here's why I believe there will never
be another artist like Michael Jackson:

"I respect the secrets and magic of nature. That's what makes me so angry when I see these things that are happening in our world. That every second I hear the size of a football field is torn down in the Amazon. That kinda stuff really bothers me.

That's why I write these kinds of songs. You know, give some sense of awareness and awakening and hope to people. I love, I love the planet. I love trees. I have this things for trees. And the colours and the changing of leaves. I love it. And I respect those kinds of things.

I really feel that nature is trying so hard to compensate for man's mismanagement of the planet. Cos the planet is sick. Like a fever. If we don't fix is now... This is the point of no return. This is our last chance to fix this problem that we have. It's like a runaway train. When the time is come, this is it.

People are always saying, "Oh," they think, "They'll take care of it." "The Government'll do..." "Done with that..." "They'll..." They who?? It starts with us. It's US! Or it'll never be done."

– Michael Jackson



Michael Jackson's final curtain call
– "It's all about love."

Christmas Is The Perfect Time To Get Depressed

Was talking to a friend over drinks yesterday (it was past midnight so that makes it Christmas Day) when I realised that... shit, most of my close girlfriends from school and college are either married with kids, recently married, engaged to be married, or have been dating the same guy for years and are now waiting to be proposed to.


@_@

When did I fall so far behind
my peers in the Love Department?

Or when did Life and Love decide to
up, elope and leave me behind?


It's scary just realising that some of the girls I grew up with are now mothers who worry about school fees, diapers and skinned knees. The second group now come in buy-1-free-1 packages with their new husbands, enjoy PDA, and are desperate to grow their bellies into the size of watermelons. (Puan Cauliboo, don't make me wait too long. Consider this your last warning.)


The third happily spend their time obsessing over banquet halls, theme colours, bridal showers and floral arrangements. The fourth worry constantly about partners taking them for granted, missed periods, and the nagging feeling that they won't be making their way down the aisle for "I DO" before they start to wrinkle.


Me? I wonder if I'll ever find my Happily Ever After. Such a petty thing when put in comparison to all that other stuff I mentioned in both paragraphs before. But I guess that's the thing about being left behind in Lower Primary when everybody's made it into the morning class. While others worry about multiplication (x) and division (÷), you're still trying to figure out the pluses (+) and the minuses (-).


-_-

Not. Cool. Langsung.

I know I don't usually use this acronym
but right now really calls for it – FML*.


* If you have a way to halal-fy-ing this saying while keeping the emotion intended, let me know. I tried solo-brainstorming but came up blank. Thanks!

Lost With A Capital L

Where I am is so far from where I want to be.

But dammit, how do I get there?
And where the hell is there in the first place??

Sigh.


Got me some thinking to do. Can't go on burning fuel with no destination in mind. Can't let every journey be a wasted mile travelled on minutes unaccounted for.


You gotta get get, gurl. Cummon! What you doin' sitting in a heap of wasted time and effort? Better get up and get moving before dawn turns to dusk. Or you'll find yourself sitting in the dark again with nobody but yourself for company. (I actually wanted to say 'nobody but your shadow for company' then I realised... in the dark, apa shadow also tak ada lah. Damn kau depressing, the thought. -_-)


Fine. I'll get up. But but... then what? Where do I go from here? You offer me so many paths to choose from but I'm given no direction. So many possible roads to take but I'm at Zero when it comes to orientation. Lend me a map. Show me a road sign. More importantly, tell me where you want me to go, dammit. I don't want to eventually come to the realisation that I've gotten off my arse for Nothing and Nowhere. Again.


Sigh. I know there's so much more that I want. So much that I'm looking for. So much I desire. But if I really, really had to, I'm not sure I could tell you what 'so much' actually is. Could it be that that just means I don't really know what I want to begin with then? Sigh. This is bad. Like, I'm-heading-nowhere-but-my-car-is-spinning-out-of-control-and-I-can't-find-my-brake-pedal kind of bad.


Ugh.

You know what?

Forget the journey; forget the destination.

I'm just going to pull over, get out of the car
...and wait for a ride to come along.

Easy Solution

Was talking to Mee on the way back from Penang International Airport (nama saja grand; actually very small – haha), heading toward home, when the regular mother-daughter BGR conversation ensued. A very highly emotion-charged one, I might add. Haha. But all's well ends well. We both laughed at our identical concluding line to my rant. Here's your inside pass to the joke.


Pam Song: Blah blah blah... So difficult to understand meh? Blah blah blah... And sometimes ah... Blah blah blah... Really too much lor, don't you think? Blah blah blah... To me, it's like... Blah blah blah... (I really can't remember what I said already. Getting old. =p)

Mee: Blah blah blah... (I forgot what she said in response, too. Haha.)

Pam Song: I mean, sorry to hurt your ego and burst your bubble lah. But I'm just not that kind of girl, you know? If you want someone with an IQ of 40, who thinks you can do no wrong, is always begging for your attention, and totally worships the ground you walk on no matter what kind of crap you give her...

Pam Song & Mee: *in unison* ...go get a dog. *look at each other in surprise then proceed to burst into uncontrollable laughter*


Great minds think alike. =p

Thursday, December 24, 2009

Perfect Example

This is how agencies should be celebrating Christmas:


Click on image to jump to site.

Wednesday, December 23, 2009

I'm Definitely Working In The Wrong Agency

I follow Welcome To Optimism (W+K London's blog) on RSS cos it serves as a daily reminder to me that working in an agency can (and should be) be fun all day, every day. The good, healthy kind of fun, that is. Am not really one for the sexed-up, alcohol-driven, ANL-party-led, dirty, dark stuff agency people often go for. =p


*cough cough*


Getting the inside scoop and following their merry attempts at meshing work and play together never fails to bring me back to that wonderful place that looks toward agency life as all that it's said to be in glossy-papered ad magazines. Makes me wish I could see my time at work through more optimistic eyes, too... and not what it is for most (if not all) of the agencies in Malaysia present it to be.


So, after a looong day at work doing lots of nonsense for people I don't want to do things for, I logged online and flipped my reader to W+K London's blog, expecting to feel better after a good read. Well, look what I found staring back at me:


Click here to view from source.


OMG, now, I feel worse than everrr! They get off days from tomorrow afternoon till the 4th of January 2010?! WHAT IS WRONG WITH MEKL WEI??? How come we don't get days off?? Kill me now lah, really. So depressed can jump off Penang Bridge, kns.


T_T

Something's Wrong

It doesn't feel like Christmas. =(




Guess it just isn't the same without snow.
(These white bits falling across your screen don't count.)


Urm... Not like I've seen snow, of course. -_- But that's a negligible fact. I've got real good imagination so it's almost half as good as having been there and seeing the real thing. =/

Kiss & Tell

The most beautiful part of a wedding is that which is usually not talked about or seen in pictures after, but felt deeply and only by the couple being wed. In the case of Aaron and Cherise Hurlburt, it was the simple fact that there would be no more goodbyes for the couple who built and nurtured their relationship over 5 years and great distances.


----------------


SHE SAID: “When the doors to the church opened on our wedding day, all I could see was Aaron waiting to take my hand at the end of the aisle, ready to embark on our journey together as husband and wife. Our five year relationship was a series of hellos and goodbyes, as I lived in New Orleans for two years and Los Angeles for three years of our courtship and Aaron lived in Las Vegas. Most of the kisses we shared have been at an airport or through the travels we experienced together around the world. However, the most memorable kiss we have ever shared was after we were pronounced husband and wife, knowing we would never have to say goodbye and our kiss was symbolic of a new life as one. I would forever be with the love of my life, my biggest supporter and my best friend for an eternity.”

– Cherise Angelle Hurlburt


---------------


HE SAID: “Our courtship lasted five years and earned us approximately fifty thousand frequent flier miles. Cherise was based in New Orleans for the first two years of our relationship and Los Angeles for the remaining thirty-six months. As much as I wanted to be elsewhere, I was in Las Vegas. If you had asked previous to our wedding day, “what was your most memorable kiss?” , we would have had great difficulty naming a specific place or date. Our minds flashback to the many undistinguishable airport terminals because it forever seemed we were constantly coming or going from one another. As cliche as it may sound, we both agree that there was only one kiss, the kiss that ended the distance and our elite frequent flier programs, the kiss we shared at our wedding. I was standing on the alter with my best man when the doors at the front of the church swung open and I saw a silhouette encompassed by a brilliant white light. It was the last time Cherise would ever have to come to me. I cannot but help to think of the metaphor of the church being like a terminal. However, in this instance, when we kissed, a kiss we had practiced on many prior occasions, we were departing not on planes, but from our individual persons. We were one. Never again would we be saying good-bye.”

– Aaron Hurlburt


----------------


MY SAY: Firstly, wow. I'm totally blown away by all that's been said. Secondly, it's funny but somehow... I feel overjoyed for this couple I don't even know. Haha. Odd but true. And lastly, trust me when I say: If there's anybody who understands how much it takes to keep a long-distance relationship going, I'm her.

I've had my fair share of teary-eyed goodbyes at terminals. I've spent thousands and flown for hours just for a handful of days that always seemed too short a time to spend together. I've posted letters. Sent SMSes. Made calls. Video-talked. Basically just been there, done it all, and lived to tell the tale.

Sigh. It's just beyond tough when two people who want to be together have to be apart. Tougher still when it's enforced long stretches of absence over seemingly endless time. 5 years is no joke. Sure, I've been through longer but... really, 5 years is no joke so Mr & Mrs Hurlburt deserve no less than your utter respect. I've done the time. I know.




Congratulations, you two! =)

I'm glad that after 5 years, you finally got your kiss that ended the distance. There – one well-lived chapter's over and done with. Time for Chapter 2. And I can tell already that it's gonna be a better read than the first. =)

XOXO,
Pam Song

Monday, December 21, 2009

O, Christmas Tree! O, Christmas Tree!

Ok, so I’ve been busy as a bee in Spring these last couple of days. Sorry lah, guys. It’s just crazy how things are at work these couple of weeks. Sigh. No time to hang out, no time for a life, no time to blog… heck, no time to pee and poo even. -_-'''


But it’s not just work
that’s been keeping me busy.

*shifty eyes*

Urm, I’ve been busy on something else, too.

*blink blink*

BUT I CAN’T HELP IT WAN!!!
IT’S TOO ADDICTIVEEEE!!!

Haha.

Check out my 2009 Christmas obsession:




It’s a pretty cool FB Application. (And trust me, when I say it’s cool, it’s really pretty darn cool cos my FB is dead and I don’t really mess with FB Apps.) So, let me explain to you you why it’s so cool first. Cos…


YOU GET TO USE
YOUR FRIENDS AND
NOT GET FLACK
FOR DOING IT!!!


Hahaha.
(Eh, at least I’m honest. Cummon,
you gotta give me points for that. =p)


Ok, you probably don’t know head or tail about what I’m talking about now so let me take you through the Carlsberg Christmas Tree creation process. (Che–wah, cakap macam ni benda Sains. Haha.) All it takes are 3 simple steps:


>>> STEP 1: CREATE YOUR OWN CARLSBERG CHRISTMAS TREE.


Log on to www.carlsbergchristmastree.com and allow the app access to your info. You’ll be led to your very own Carlsberg Christmas Tree page.




>>> STEP 2: USE YOUR FRIENDS!!! FILL UP YOUR TREE WITH TRINKETS.


Pick a poor unfortunate soul friend…




…select a picture,…




…select a trinket for your friend’s face,…




…adjust the size and angle
of their faces to fit the trinket frame,…


Beef Jerky doesn’t know I’m using her face
for this so… KEEP IT HUSH HUSH!!!


>>> STEP 3: DECORATE YOUR TREE WITH FRIENDS!


All you’ve gotta do is pick up your trinket…




…drag it to any of the allocated spots…




…drop it like it’s hot and click confirm.




Tadaaaa!




And there you have it! Your very own Carlsberg Christmas Tree trinket made of your very own friend. Haha. Way. Too. Easy. Thing is, the more friends you add onto your tree, the bigger it gets. Look!


1 trinket; 3ft tree.


2 trinkets; 6ft tree.


But why put friends on a virtual tree
or bother making the tree big, you ask?


Well, only cos you get to come on down and party it up with the girls of FHM 2010 Girl Next Door in reality! (Guys, close your mouths, stop drooling, and keep those hormones in check, ok? =p) Best part is, you’re the host to that sponsored par-tayyy!!!




So what you waiting for summore? If you want to even stand a chance to win, you better get get soon by using all your friends! (Now I regret not adding all them strangers who added me. T_T)


Anyhoo, here’s the link to the app:
http://apps.facebook.com/carlsbergxmastree/

Go make your tree big big! =)

Oh, and be a fan of the Nice One on
Facebook, too, while you’re at it. =p




See??? I intro you good stuff, boys.
Got picture of hot chicks wan. =p


Ok dun disturb me already. I need to go trinket-fy my tree now. KIASSUUUU!!! Must win! *grin* If you’re on my Facebook, maybe you’ll see your face on my tree. Nyeh heh heh. =p


p/s: I can’t believe I was spoon-feeding you guys with instructions thoughout this post, man. -_-' Heck, if you’re old enough to consume alcohol, you’re old enough to read instructions or figure this app out on your own lah! Sheesh! Wanna host your own party, wanna see girls, but dun wanna do the homework. Tsk tsk tsk. =p


[ADVERTORIAL]

Designer Cakap Tak Cukup Glam

Remember how I got all dressed up for the Glam Goth annual office party last Thursday night? (OMG, CAN YOU BELIEVE THAT I HAVEN'T BLOGGED SINCE LAST THURSDAY!?! *faints!*) I looked like this *points below* at last post right?


Me at 8:02PM. Click here to jump to original post.


Well, I had Duh Roads with me at the time (she followed me home to play dress-up and make-up together-gether) and she kinda killed my party spirit by saying that I looked too Plain Jane for a dress-up, themed party. T_T So... I had to do pull a last minute revamp on my hair to turn the night around.


Me with curls and a hair accessory at 8:19PM.


Ok lah kan? Last minute work can just close one eye lah. Plus, it's a night event with dim lighting and a free-flow booze so it's not like anybody's gonna notice if work's shoddy. Haha.


And, that's it!

We're finally good to go. At 8:30PM. HAHA.
(Party started at 7PM, remember? =p)


Duh Roads and I.


And since you can't do Glam Goth justice if you've got a smile on, Duh Roads and I tried pulling off a sexy-serious one for kicks before we left the house. Just to get into the mood of things. =p




Urm... I personally think we quite fail. Haha.
The two of us just weren't born to do sexy lah.


p/s: Pictures of the night when I get them. I didn't bring a camera and I dunno where to start looking for the pics also. Haha. But you'll only be seeing the non-incriminating ones lah, of course. (That means you'll probably only see the 1 or 2 halal ones I'll find. HAHA.)

Thursday, December 17, 2009

Glam Goth

Themed Company Dinner tonight.
Starts at 7PM. It's now 8:02PM.

Heh heh.

Biasalah kan? Pam Song ni. =p




Ok, so I'm not really in theme. Haha. Whatever. With the week I had, this is all I can muster. Sorry. Anyways, this pic is proof that I'm still alive. Thanks for worrying, guys. (You know who you are. All three of you. =p)

Tuesday, December 15, 2009

Gotta Be More To Life

...than writing smart headlines and encapsulating a ground-breaking idea in a sentence of less than 12 words. There's gotta be more...

5:55AM

Am finally home. Time to mandi kerbau and hit the sack. Hopefully I'll be able to manage that before the sun starts peeking behind the Eastern horizon lah. Haha. (But knowing me and my hamban ways... haih, probably cannot make it. Sun will win.)


At the moment, Brain's pretty alert and Body's doing ok; but I'm sure they're both going to pay for tonight tomorrow. -_- Nevermind, I've got the necessary ganja to make it through the day tomorrow, even with my lack of rest. =)


Me at 5:55AM. Haha. Plus my Strepsils Vitamin C-100
and Redoxon Double Action with Vitamin C + Zinc.



Thank you. I think I'm gonna need them. =)

Monday, December 14, 2009

>(

URGH! I am beyond pissed right now!!!
I so have an ass for a boss.

Christmas Wish In A Header

My eyes are gonna take a backseat while Christmas
takes centre stage from now till the 25th.




Gotta have something nice to
go with the falling snow, right? =p


p/s: This header may not be the last you'll see of Christmas. It's a tad demure and understated so it's got me feelin' a slight itch to work on another one in a cheerier Christmas colour. (Read: Red and/or green. ) See how lah, ok? Gotta check on the workload this week before I make any promises. =)

Sunday, December 13, 2009

45 Realisations

Started working on this one last Tuesday night (more like Wednesday morning) but was too tired from work to complete it without worrying that I'd be waking up a few hours later with keyboard marks on my forehead and drool between the keys. Heh.


Anyways, the year's coming to an end and (An end and?! WHOA!! Beyond cool!) with work being as crazy as it was, I got to thinking about the things that matter, the things I've learned and the things I've come to realise in recent months. Here are 45 of them.


1. I've come to realise that... working is just a means to an end – I’ve gotta eat to stay alive.

2. I've come to realise that... my job is still JUST A JOB – it doesn't define me or my life.

3. I've come to realise that... I could totally give up my job if the carrot enticed me enough – someone to love, kids to care for, a house to look after and a garden to tend to. (Uhh, wait… forget I said anything about that garden.)

4. I've come to realise that... staying in one place won’t get me anywhere.

5. I've come to realise that... moving is as good as any excuse to de-clutter.

6. I've come to realise that... I like moving in; I don't like moving out.

7. I've come to realise that... slow drives clear messed-up heads.

8. I've come to realise that... the people I can see myself entrusting my car to, they’re the ones I really trust.

9. I've come to realise that... those who’ll reach out to catch you when you fall, they’re the ones you can depend and rely on.

10. I've come to realise that... letting go and falling is impossible without faith, trust and a sense of security.

11. I've come to realise that... family are the only ones you can really count on.

12. I've come to realise that... some friends are worth keeping, some friends are not.

13. I've come to realise that... those who are able to love and accept you without understanding or reason, they're the one's who really care.

14. I've come to realise that... being the exact same person you were before and not losing yourself to Work, Life and Time, could be a good thing.

15. I've come to realise that... being on Facebook is pretty necessary if you wanna stay in the loop of things.

16. I've come to realise that... my blog's been pretty deprived of my attention of late – bad blogger.

17. I've come to realise that... I'm so comfortable with Gtalk I may not go back to MSN at all.

18. I've come to realise that... I’ve started not to take plastic bags if I don’t really need one.

19. I've come to realise that... I now wear more dresses and skirts than I used to.

20. I've come to realise that... putting in the effort to dress up makes a difference.

21. I've come to realise that... 2009 is slipping through my fingers and I'm not sure if I'm ready to let go.

22. I've come to realise that... you can buy Time but Time doesn’t bring eventual success or guarantee change.

23. I've come to realise that... wasting time doing things and being with people who don't make you happy, is a waste of Life.

24. I've come to realise that... growing old is bad, but growing up is good.

25. I've come to realise that... you can't say that you've grown up if you haven't matured or wised up.

26. I've come to realise that... I'm just like a baby. I get grumpy for no apparent reason if I don't get enough sleep or am facing hunger pangs.

27. I’ve come to realise that… I need someone who’ll baby me, but never treat me like a kid.

28. I've come to realise that... you don't really know someone until you've seen them at their worst.

29. I've come to realise that... if you’re with someone but aren’t even interested in seeing the worst, you’re worse off with them.

30. I've come to realise that... reality checks are necessary sometimes.

31. I've come to realise that... I miss predictability, comfortability and routine.

32. I've come to realise that... Contentment is paramount but hard to come by.

33. I've come to realise that... Expectation is evil.

34. I've come to realise that... things don't always turn out the way you want them to; and that's not necessarily a bad thing.

35. I've come to realise that... small differences could turn out to be big problems.

36. I've come to realise that... Love always puts the other first. If it doesn't, it isn't love.

37. I've come to realise that... it isn't enough that someone makes you smile. They've gotta be able to make you laugh out loud like a hyena, too.

38. I've come to realise that... nothing lasts forever... unless you want it to.

39. I've come to realise that... if you want Forever, you've gotta start walking towards it.

40. I've come to realise that... Chemistry and Attraction cannot be nurtured – they're either there or they're not.

41. I've come to realise that... clicking's the reason for sticking.

42. I've come to realise that... I need somebody who just "gets" me – no explanations required.

43. I've come to realise that... I'm don't want the perfect guy; I just need the perfect guy for me.

44. I’ve come to realise that… some relationships seem to ‘happen’ naturally while others require double (or triple, or even quadruple) the amount of work.

45. I've come to realise that... love isn't easy. But when it's right, the pay-off is awesome.

Ok, Jasmine. You Got Me Convinced. Screwing Tradition's The Way To Go.

When my turn comes around, I'm going to want my wedding photographer to capture that special, one-time-only, shared-by-no-one-else, personal, intimate first look, too. I think it's a beautiful idea. Read the testimonial of grooms who did it here ---> The First Look: Groom's Perspective.


Yesterday's A Brand New Day

Good morning, Sunday people! Today's already tomorrow's yesterday for you guys (and girls) but for me, today's still the yesterday before tomorrow. -_-' But whatever, it's a brand new day, nonetheless. =) Catch ya when daylight hits my ass. Till then, goodnight!

Saturday, December 12, 2009

Dun Dun Dun Duuuunnnnnn...

Big plans for tonight. Bigger than I'd like to admit. Ugh, am so feeling the urge to swim in the opposite direction right now. But I gotta keep it real. Decision's made; can't stop now. Head above water. Head above water. Head above water. Tough, no doubt, when the current's pullin' me down. But I'm outta strength; can't tread no more. Guess that makes it time to kick up them feet, look skywards and float. See ya on the other side. If I get there.

Friday, December 11, 2009

Space Invasion

NOTE FROM THE AUTHOR: Before you claim to have been deceived by the title of this post, let me first say that it isn't about aliens, UFOs or gay astronauts. Quite the contrary, actually. If you think that outer space is the great unknown... Heh. Wait till you tread on lands I'm walking on these days. Feels just like rocket science. Totally makes understanding the workings of outer space seem like a piece of cake.


---------------

“At the end of the day, when it comes down to it, all we really want is to be close to somebody. So this thing, where we all keep our distance and pretend not to care about each other, is usually a load of bull. So we pick and choose who we want to remain close to, and once we’ve chosen those people, we tend to stick close by. No matter how much we hurt them, the people that are still with you at the end of the day - those are the ones worth keeping. And sure, sometimes close can be too close. But sometimes, that invasion of personal space, it can be exactly what you need.”

– Meredith Grey, Grey’s Anatomy
(via
Theresa Tumbles)

---------------


It's funny how I speak of things and they happen. I mean, I'm not saying that I've got powers that bring me floating cans of Coke or have PB&J sandwiches magically appear when I'm hungry. But more like how a careless mention to Duh Roads over lunch, forgotten by mid-afternoon, suddenly breaks into reality by nightfall.


Can a single frustration-laced gripe of the present
bring forth a sudden turn of events that affects the future?

Hmmm, I don't know.


Looks like I don't know a lot of things these days. Cos I'm swimming in questions. And the answers in my head... They're more than subjective; they're evasive. Tell me...
When is close too close for comfort? When is close just not nearly as close enough? And how can you tell the difference between the two?

Two Words: Look. Up.

Whatever you're doing, drop it.
The stars are out to play. =)

Thursday, December 10, 2009

Open Heavens

Saw the most amazing sight while working out on the balcony today. (I don't take advantage of that area often enough, actually. Should do it more often.) Couldn't resist capturing what I saw on JPG to keep. Am sharing it with you because everybody needs a little bit of sunshine through the clouds sometimes.


Original picture.


Away with the greys!


Doctored to look surreal and less gloomy.


With the amazing rainbow I captured the other day still fresh in mind, I added some colour to the clouds for kicks in that last version. Only because as much as people need open skies, we all could do with a little bit of colour in our lives, too. =)


If you're working in Selangor, have a good 3-day weekend, guys. If you're in Wilayah, don't worry. You're only one day from the weekend. Have a good one! =)

Blogging From The Omnia 2 – FAIL!

Left the office without my trusty MBP yesterday cos it was already late and I kinda knew that bringing it home would either (1) be pointless cos I'd be hitting the sack in minutes, or (2) make me want to stay up and do nonsense online then face sleep deprivation today.


I should have just followed my heart
and not listened to my logic.

Why?

Cos I ended up blogging anyways.
From the Omnia 2.

(I'm sorry, Sleep. I. Have. Zero. Self. Control. -_-)



So I made it home safely, washed off the day's stress in the shower, then suddenly felt the urge to bid you guys goodnight. (See? You're always on my mind. Say, "Awww.") Crawled into bed, got the Omnia 2 connected via WiFi and started to write. Bad move. That was the beginning of pain lah, I tell you.


Three times, my post went missing. Not once, not twice, but THREE FRIGGIN' TIMES!!! Wth!? It ain't easy publishing from a teeny-tiny touchscreen QWERTY, okay! Especially not when you're lying down in bed feeling half dead from a punishing day. RAWR!


Anyways, here's the result I discovered this morning
after all the effort I put myself through before bed last night:


Click here to jump to post (more like post title). -_-'


Kanasai, just kill me lah.
Got title but still no post?!

T_T

Waste my time.

Your "Good Morning", My "Goodnight"

4:39AM

I feel like just spending the night at the office. Not bother to drive home. Kick it and sleep on that 2-seater couch we've got by the entrance. That's how tired I am. -_-'


Wednesday, December 09, 2009

Headless Chicken Alert!

Headless chicken?
That's me right now.

Sigh.


I've got so many things to do by tonight I don't know where to start already. Too bad the deadlines aren't being very understanding. (Neither are my clients, for that matter.) Can I just sit down and cry? T_T

Ridiculousnesssss...

Ok, I have a confession to make.
I can't stop admiring my blog!!!

Hahaha.




I love the falling snow too much to stop looking. =p

It's Snowing =)

Ho ho ho boys and girls,


Christmas – my most favourite-est season of the year – is near! Oh, I'mma feeling the jingle-bell buzz already. =) My iTunes has been playing happy, jazzy Christmas tunes all morning and as of 3 minutes ago, the craze officially hit Tinki Talks. (See: Falling flakes of white.) I hope you like the snow. Cos I do. A lot a lot. =D Time to be merry, people! Sadness is for Yesterday cos Christmas time is here! Wheee!


Badly in need
of a Christmas break,
Pam Song


p/s: Many thanks to CincauHangus for helping out with the codes. He's a whiz with these things. Very the rock. =)

An Evening At The Balcony

That's You + Me + Tea + Talk.

Tuesday, December 08, 2009

[Drawing / Crossing] The Lines

"At some point, you have to make a decision. Boundaries don't keep other people out. They fence you in. Life is messy. That's how we're made. So, you can waste your lives drawing lines. Or you can live your life crossing them."

– Meredith Grey, Grey's Anatomy


------------


When pencil kisses paper and bleeds lead, magic happens; beauty flows; art is created. Even a simple line – be it crooked, bent or straight – tells a story. It carries with it meaning, perhaps only to be understood by few, but still, it's meaning nonetheless. But misunderstand me not, because understanding isn't the ultimate purpose of art. It's form over function. What's important is for every stroke to be appreciated for what it is... and not necessarily understood for what it's there for.


So I used to draw quite a bit when I was younger. Not so much paint, but draw. With a mechanical pencil sometimes. (I'm not really a pencil person.) And with black markers, back when I was in college. But for the most part of my grown-up years, I used pens – ballpoint pens. Usually blue-inked ones so they actually looked unmistakably like the ink they were, never to be confused for mere pencil markings on paper.


You see, I liked the permanence ink offered and lead didn't. I liked its smudge-proof-ness. And I also kinda liked the fact that there was really no room for error. That every 'oops' opened doors of inspiration for improvisation. That every mistake then be incorporated into the final work under the guise of a purposed stroke. Else... a starting-from-scratch is required.


But ahh, those days are gone now. Today, I ink corners of JRs with scribblings of due dates. I pick up pens to drop signatures on FAs. At most, I pen down headlines on briefs that I know will hit the bottom of my bin 3 months after. No more do I pen for beauty. No more do I draw for kicks. Not often, at least. And definitely not as often as I'd like to.


*blink blink*

Waaaait a minute.
Hmmm. I've digressed.

This post wasn't supposed to go this way.
Cos I know I had a story in mind when I began.

Let's start over, shall we?

*deep breath*


So, like any artist, I started off with an empty piece of paper. A blank canvas. White, pure and unadulterated by the stain of lead or ink. Clean, shameless and blameless from every side no matter how many times you flip it over.


Then, life happened.


I met people and saw things that made me want to pick up a pencil and start drawing. At first, it was awkward. I mean, with an empty canvas, where do you start? But ahh, when there's a need, you meet it. And I needed to draw. So, draw I did. First one line, then another, then another and another. After awhile, it just got easier.


I guess that's how it is with many things in life.
Practice makes perfect. And in perfecting my art,
I started hiding the real me between the lines I drew.


Each line brought me further and further away from the surface – further from the realities I should have faced at the time. Not because it was the right thing to do. But because it was the easier option to pick. And before I knew it, it became a habit. One I found difficult to break.


I told myself that it was okay.


A habit – so what? What could be wrong with drawing? It's not like I'm messing up someone elses canvas. It's just drawing anyways. Plus, I'm doing it on mine! That makes me totally innocent. So I excused myself for sticking with the pencil every time things got tough. It was my escape. My way out from my troubles. My quick fix to any problem. Life was good with lines.


But one day, I got distracted and stopped.


And in stopping, I realised... hey, I don't miss drawing all that much! To my surprise, life didn't end when drawing did. The world didn't stop spinning. The sky didn't fall. Things were actually... okay. And it actually felt good to put down the pencil and peel my eyes away from the canvas.


Right up till the point when
someone drew a big, ugly line
on my favourite pencil sketch
when I wasn't looking.

In ink.


Argh, how I cried, raved and ranted. I was hurt, frustrated and annoyed at myself. If I'd been drawing at the time, no way could that person have the ability to touch my canvas, much less leave a mark on it. How could I have been so careless to leave it unattended?


In an effort to right all wrongs, I picked up an eraser and tried erasing that horrid line. But all I succeeded in doing was to mess up my own pencil drawings more and more. The line stayed. Got more obvious from the lack of lead next to it, in fact. I took a step back to take in the sight and from that moment on, I swore I'd draw in ink, too.


So I picked up a pen, started to draw.

And didn't stop since.


I soon found an odd form of comfort in the constant sketching I was doing. I guess it's because it was my hand upon it. It was always a risk. But hey, risk or not, at least it was my hand at work and not someone elses. That way, I've got nobody else to blame but myself for any eventual screw-ups. I was the one in control.


And being in control is easier
than letting go and allowing someone else
a chance at the reins sometimes.


So, I kept drawing my way out of the messes in my head. I got so familiar with it that I knew where each line touched without opening my eyes. I knew exactly where they were. I knew where each stroke met the other. I felt the distance. And that distance felt good. You see, the lines, they made things simple. They boxed the parts I liked in and partitioned the parts I didn't out.


But that doesn't happen all the time. Sometimes, the lines made my sketch better – they gave an indication of space or room, and they added dimension to my drawing. Other times, they just messed up the work-in-progress I had before me – doing nothing but add clutter to the piece I was in the midst of producing.


The worst part is, you never
really know which it's going to be
till you start going at it with the pen.


But... oh well. All part and parcel of life, right? Girl's gotta do what a girl's gotta do to stay sane around here. So... I chucked the thought, kept the blinders on and focused on drawing. I didn't know how or when to stop. I even think a part of me enjoyed doing it. It was something I did in my world. A world I was safe in. A place I felt protected. A place I felt more alone than ever in, too.


That's the problem with drawing.

It's not a team sport.
It's something you do alone.

And Alone isn't always
the best of places to be all the time.


Thing is... How do I put down that blasted pen now that I've held on to it for so long? And how do even begin erasing the ink lines I've drawn? I don't know how to do it. I don't even know if I really want to. Because to be honest, the thought of changing the way I am and all that I'm used to scares me like few other things do.


Fear's back. And like hell, it's real.


-------------


Confused? Read Part 1 of the Saga: "Decide, Woman, for I'm Afraid of the Ice" (Thursday, October 19, 2006) and Part 2 of the Saga: "Guys Go Into Caves, Pam Song Builds Walls" (Saturday, June 07, 2008).