Tuesday, March 05, 2013

The Clashing Of Two Worlds



I decided pretty early on – way before my baby was born – that I would work from home as I mother. I thought it meant that I'd get the best of both worlds – self-fulfilment from keeping my career going and earning a living to supplement my self-esteem, as well as getting to play the perfect got-it-together mom and take care of my son myself. But now that my son is born and "freelance + motherhood" is actually a reality... well, I must admit that it's not really going the way I planned it to. :-/


For one, I'm always tired. Like, a-l-w-a-y-s. My brain is fried and the accumulated lack of sleep is really beginning to take its toll so getting into the right head space for work, is difficult. Plus, whenever the baby feeds, that's exactly when an important email comes in and needs to be answered immediately. Whenever I'm on a Skype conference call, that's exactly when my baby cries. Whenever I'm out grocery shopping with the baby on hand, that's exactly when the information I've been waiting for all morning finally comes in and work needs to commence chop chop. 


Sigh.


The two worlds I've taken on are clashing horribly and sometimes, I just feel I made the wrong decision to try to be Superwoman and do both. At this point in time, knowing what I know now, I say choose one or the other. Don't be greedy. Either work full time then come home and enjoy the baby, or be a stay at home mom with no regrets. Cos doing both, as I've come to know now, is just madness.

9 comments :

reddaisie said...

Maybe only start work after 4 months?

reddaisie said...

Err...issit 4 months yet?

pamsong said...

ATTN: reddaisie
- Not yet! 3 months and a week now. And I don't see things sorting themselves out after another 3 weeks. :( Maybe 6 months. You know, after the baby starts taking solids and has set breakfast, lunch and dinner meals. I don't know. It's all theoretical. :-/ A year would probably be best in my opinion. After baby is well out of the puréed food territory and breast feeding is reduced to a minimal, i.e. only upon waking up and before bedtime. But again... Just a theory. -_-

Esther Lau said...

My son is turning one and is on solid since 5mths+.And the night feeding days r not over. I used to think thatt I could get the best of both worlds but at this age, he barely naps anymore. I bring him to the office but most of the time, he will be banging my keyboard and messing up my numbers on the calculator or make my comp go nuts. I'm looking forward to ship him to nursery but my hopes on a brighter world is not very high :/ enjoying motherhood is my goal now.

pamsong said...

ATTN: Esther Lau
– @_@ Die la. Different stage, different problems, eh? Boo hoo. I'm not too buggered about the night feeds actually. I just need to have time out to do work if I plan to keep working. So, daytime is my real problem. :-/

Zhen Ying said...

I guess once you've got the routine set, you'll be fine??

pamsong said...

ATTN: Zhen Ying
– We've got the baby schedule worked out already. Long time ago. But the clients don't follow that baby schedule. HAHA. Duh. So in the end still kelam-kabut cos they send emails and call during my feeding times etc... Susahhhh! It's been a month of this juggling (baby turned 3 months a week or two ago) and still I haven't found balance. Sigh.

Esther Lau said...

Been there and still there :) can't get best of both worlds like what we see on tv. Trust me a baby that needs feeding and cleaning, it's easier than a mobile baby that crawls and learning to walk. Maybe u can try feeding in a sling carrier. Used to do that and work at home

pamsong said...

ATTN: Esther Lau
– Ya man. TV is showing me liesssss!!! T_T How do you feed in a sling? Now I sometimes rest his head on a pillow on my lap and work with the iPad while I nurse. It's not great but it helps. :-/

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