Saturday, July 04, 2009

Need. More. Self. Control.

What started out as a beautiful Monday-feeling Friday went downhill faster than I could let out a stern, Malaysian-ised, "Oi!" to stop it from crashing and burning without my consent. Sigh. Too late. Terbabas juga akhirnya.


I was a terrible, terrible person today.


My patience ran out for an entire half hour sometime before evening and during the time that happened, I was snappy, pissy and impatient – all the things I didn't grow up wanting to ever be. I initially wanted to rant, to let it all out online, but I didn't have time to (lucky you, dear readers) so I seethed, and boiled on the inside instead.


Till ker-bah-boom happened.


You see, today, I was working on something I'd never worked on before. It was new. It seemed fun. And exciting. Up until the point when I realised that, hey, I've lots of work my plate... but no information to start working on anything!


CTBel – my go-to Suit – was managing some 8TV crisis on her part so she wasn't able to provide me the information I needed as and when I needed it. Not a big deal if there's Google but problem is... she happens to be my ONLY source of information. (I needed numbers not found on the Internet.)


The other girl who was working on the project pula upped and left the company without even a "goodbye" the day before or something. (Trend issit now? Or else... WHAT IS WRONG WITH THESE PEOPLE?!) And she happened to be the go-to woman for facts and figures. -_-' Even CTBel had no idea she was leaving so there was no hand-over or anything. (Communication fail in Ad Agency. How pathetic is that?)


Small Boss on the other hand, was just too distracted all day to care about really guiding me. (I think he actualy didn't know what to do either.) Ended up playing guessing games for the most part, which then resulted in me writing fiction... not fact. Very, very annoying. Tak jive with Ms Left Brain langsung.


This lack of fact, figure, direction and TIME was having the time of its life gnawing at my nerves so by the time evening came around, it all got too much to take and I just lost it. Two people eventually paid the price for my day of pain during my half hour of madness: CTBel – the person I needed to see but couldn't and the actual cause of my frustrations; and The Senior Writer – innocent bystander a.k.a victim of collateral damage.


Sigh.


I'm sorry, ladies. (Eee. Been apologising so much these days. Bad sign. -_-) This rarely ever happens. I'm sure you know it, too. I'll make it up to you. Chocolates on Monday?


After "indulging" in that said half hour of Snappy Pam, I gave up and accepted the fact that I'd be at work till 2 or 3AM on a Friday night. Resigned to my fate, I started taking strolls around the office and kidding around with Duh Roads. Hahaha. It's all in the mind, really. Guess that's what I've got to learn to control. Or rather, I've got to learn to recognise what I can control... and what I can't.


"God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference."

– The Serenity Prayer

4 comments :

Dillon said...

Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.

1 Peter 5:7

This has been my quiet time for week.

Dillon said...

whoops!!...sorry for my crappy engrish. later kena bantai.

its suppose to be *for the week*

Unknown said...

Just one of these days. Cheer up!

Pam Song said...

ATTN: Dillon
– Ahhh, awesome verse. I usually go with Philippians 4:6-7 though. =)

And I won't bantai people who don't bantai me first wan lah. Haha.


ATTN: Boon
– Haha. Yeah. Thanks, Boon!

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