Wednesday, March 12, 2008

Just A Thought

If girlfriends and boyfriends break up, fiancés call off engagements, and married men and women get divorced no matter how much they say they love each other or how long they've been together, then tell me... why do we all even bother about what we do with our love lives if it's already doomed from the start? Why do we even bother asking if the other person is interested in a date, in getting married, or in sharing a lifetime with us when every thing's pretty much a hopeless case already?


It just seems a little pointless to me.


Doesn't that make going into any relationship – be it a major step (i.e. marriage) or a slightly less major step (i.e. boyfriend-girlfriend) – extra scary? I mean, without even the possibility of us losing the ones we love one day, isn't it already terrifying as it is!? And although nothing's a guarantee, there has to come a point where we say, "This is it. No turning back. It's you and me for life." Right? Or else, why even bother with marriage if you're possibly going to walk away from your vows eventually? (Don't get me started on the vows before God, friends and family part, okayyy.)


Logically, this crazy endless cycle of unbinding commitment tells me that I should just throw caution to the wind, and proceed to selfishly love whoever I feel like loving at whatever time that suits me, then move on to the next – in the words of the great Addison Montgomery of Grey's Anatomy – man-whore who stupidly appears before me... rather than fight to maintain a relationship I'd typically classify as 'going steady' with all I have, until my very last breath.


Right?


Why stay and fight when 'goodbye' already lies at the back of the throat of the person we vulnerably lie next to at night. Cos let's face it. If we can even walk away from marriage, then it simply means that nothing's sacred anymore. Not even a lifetime commitment to another individual.


Just a thought.

29 comments :

Aronil said...

i agree with that thought. It's painful though, when you can't seem to see eye to eye when it comes to the marriage part. I honestly think its because people want the chase when they go through the dating process. It's something new, it's like some blasted hunt. Which is sickening in way... i've got to blog on this once.. been having a few thoughts in my head.. want your opinion on it too. Will keep ya posted :) Hugs

pamsong said...

ATTN: aronil
– I agree. It's painful. Which brings me to my next post. =p Keep an eye on this page.

That blasted chase thing is old school thinking already. Haih. But it's the 'easier' way. You know? Not to have to worry about ways to impress your partner or to drive them over the edge with ecstasy. It makes being together easier somewhat. But that's a comfort zone I never want to enter. Depressing sia. Especially for us girls.

Will wait for your post.

sabrina said...

I think humans, especially nowadays, are not built to be in long-term relationships.

I think it has a lot to do with the change in women's roles and power...we're more educated, successful and career-orientated that we are not gonna be complacent and submissive anymore and remain with a partner who walks all over us or has his/her head so far up their own asses that they can't realise a good thing when they see it

My point is..and i do have one...is that women depend on men less now and will choose to walk out of the relationship anytime...which is why i think there are more break-ups

David Cheong said...

LOL awesome!

Live by my philosophy - "Be single, live awesomely, and don't get married till you're 30! Better yet, never"

Nail the chick and dump her wakakakaka! FYI, I learned that from an awesome friend ;) LOL

pamsong said...

ATTN: sabrina
– I agree with you, you know. About how difficult it is for women nowadays to just let their men order them around and dominate them incessantly. Especially when we believe that our ideas are valid (and sometimes possibly better), too!

But... it's not the women who are walking out of relationships only now. It's everybody in general. I mean, what happened to the sanctity of marriage? What happened to you and you forevermore? It's all so fairytale. And that's wrong! It's real life, damn it!


ATTN: david cheong
– Eeyer. You're just the kind of guy I avoid.

3POINT8 said...

Why bother living another when I know i'm gonna die some day... That kind of thinking makes me feel like i want to die...

Hmmm..marriage and relationship. Deep stuff~~~
Its something i haven't understood

pamsong said...

ATTN: 3POINT8
– I want to die, too.

mushroom said...

To me, marriage is a sacred event between two people who value the sacredness of marriage. It's not about how other people view the sacredness of their marriage. To a person who value marriage, it has got a personal meaning and conviction attached to it.

So, even if people around you are divorcing, this doesn't mean that you will not be able to find the one who will love you and value the sacredness of your marriage. Sad to say, these people are no doubt, far and few.

pamsong said...

ATTN: mushroom
– I totally agree that marriage is sacred. It's now and forever, to the very end. And yes, when it comes to marriage, it's important that you find someone who values it as much as you do, and is as convicted about it as you are. Or else, heartbreak in the future, man.

And yeah, just cos other people do it it doesn't mean that you have to do it too. But do you realise that the society has begun to think that divorce is somewhat 'normal' already? It's sad. You're right when you said it lah, Mushroom. These people are far and few.

Geek @ Kedai.TV said...

Hey Girl

At times...having so many break ups, I changed my style.. SHOCK TACTIC, means, after a few times date..and you seem ok with it..ask for EXPRESS MARRIAGE. Shotgun whatever U call it, at least, if you Procreate, it ain't no unwanted accident..and when your love is not strong enough, it will grow far better than U BGR for a few yrs and after marriage, instead of blooming, it dies ..

Yes, it a gamble, but a sense of love and responsibility is there, and the likelihood of being faithful is there, since sex is there to bond you as a couple.... *(Yeah babies give you alot of mess) but then, you don't get anyone watching over your shoulder yakking at you of what time to come back home etc...

Pros and Cons.

pamsong said...

ATTN: Geek @ Kedai.TV
– Haha. Shock tactic doesn't really work lah. What if you end up not knowing that the girl you date is a psycho killer or something leh? Scary lah.

And yes. I agree that there's greater likelihood of faithfulness in marriage but... it's no longer a guarantee with the day and age we live in. =( I hate to say it but it's true. I know of married couples where one party cheats on the other. It's heartbreaking but they do it anyways. Insensitive, heartless, zero-conscience b*stards. It's got to be a PERSONAL CONVICTION. To know that marriage is for life (express or not) and that you're only going to be with that one person and only sleep with that one person.

eStee said...

despite the many failures, there still are those marriages that last (read: my parents are one example)..

Guess instead of starting with the negative mindset that a marriage is going to go awry, why not try to be on the other side of the fence where people actually stay together?

zecount said...

i think the real culprit of break-ups nowadays is just one thing - selfishness ... if u dun meet my needs .. my expectation then that's it

pamsong said...

ATTN: eStee
– I know that there are marriages that stay beautiful. But don't you see that that's the generation BEFORE us? My parents are still madly in love with one another. I wish I'll have a marriage like theirs but... think about it this way. Thing are changing, right? Last time, it was so common that 'I marry my first gf or bf.' Now, how many people actually manage that?? We're so lax when it comes to all these things. Complacent and actually OKAY with breaking up. It's the easy way out. The loser's way out. To give up and not fight for what you believe can be beautiful. And so many people take it.

p/s: I need a morale boost. Some positive thinking. =(


ATTN: zecount
– I agree with this one. We find that when our partners don't meet our needs, they're not the one for us already. Is it true that love isn't everything? That we have to love with our heads as well? But heads complicate love. So how?

Freethinker said...

wow

pamsong said...

See, Freethinker... I can think, too! =p

zecount said...

on the contrary i think LOVE is everything in a relationship .. the thing is, what is u and ur partners definition of love? ... to me it has and always be sacrifice and commitment.. in other words ..blood and sweat

and talking about "To give up and not fight for what you believe can be beautiful" i kinda agree with it ... we nowadays are so use to getting things with sumwhat minimal effort that when sumthing requires us to sacrifice... we fall back .. becos it requires too much effort

joycezhi said...

this is depressing to know..but its so true...sometimes it make me feel like the whole getting together and breaking up thingy comes in package...its hard to fall in love knowing that it will probably end up in heartbreaks..yes? no?

pamsong said...

ATTN: zecount
– You're right. Love IS everything in a relationship. And when both people's definition differ from the other, then that's where trouble brews. And then this whole talk brings us back to the 5 Love Languages.

Not many people are into sacrificing anymore. Seriously. I've seen the change. People stay together out of convenience. And THAT, is so wrong. Nobody stays long enough to see the beauty of the skies after the rain no more. They run indoors and then, they miss the stars.

Whoa. I liked those last two lines.


ATTN: joycezhi
– Hey, you're back! How nice. Haha. Eeyer. See, this is what I mean. We all see dating and breaking up as a package. Like the last part is inescapable. And that's wrong. But that's what the world wants us to believe. It's sad lah. Kaulat depressing.

And you're right. Every time we witness that and every time we go through that, it just makes it harder and harder to fall in love the next time. =(

zecount said...

hmmm i dun really think it's the 5 language thing .. i mean everyone is diff ... but i would say that although both have diff love languages.. are u willing to put in effort to make ur other half feel loved

pamsong said...

ATTN: zecount
– Well, yeah. But the 5 Love Languages still apply even when it comes to making your partner feel loved mah. They will feel loved when you express love in a language that they understand and receive.

zecount said...

of course it still applies ... i meant both have to work to make the relationship work ... like figuring the other love language ...see the point?

pamsong said...

ATTN: zecount
– Well, yeah both have to work in order for the relationship to work.. Thing is, nobody wants to work no more. That's where the shift in society has come in. It's easier to walk away. And people take that route.

zecount said...

ya loh ... that's the point ...after two posts comes back down to one thing ..selfishness

pamsong said...

ATTN: zecount
– Well, it could be selfishness, or laziness. Or even fear. Fear of investing into something that doesn't promise you great returns.

Marc said...

Pam, I happen to pass by this old post of yours and realise I also talked abt this topic rently: http://pseudo-marc.blogspot.com/2008/07/marriages-divorces.html

pamsong said...

ATTN: Marc
– Yeah, I remember that post. Read it when you innit-ed it. =)

Jeffro said...

Director Pam!
Woah! Nice nice.. read the storyline and watch the vid.. AWESOME!

pamsong said...

ATTN: Jeffro
– Hahaha. I'm not the director lah. Haha. I'm just the scriptwriter. And even then... not really also. Cos I just wrote the original piece. Nigel Sia was the one who did the directing. =p

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