Saturday, February 09, 2008

The Price Of I-Love-Yous

I prefer shopping at stores with clearly tagged goods. It helps me make my purchase decisions better. Once I know the price of things, every grey area goes away and Black and White resume their place as colours of the day. But not everything comes with tags. And not everything should come with tags.


Take Love, for instance. Love, once tagged changes form. It differs from what it used to be – pure, selfless, innocent, giving – and becomes something so foreign that those who know it in its earlier form, recognize it not.


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He: I love you.

She: I love you, too. *smiles*

He: You better.

And with that the special moment shared
between the two, is gone – ruined.

She: *smile falters* You can't say that. Why do you say that? There's no such thing as me having to love you back. This isn't barter trading. I don't have to love you if you love me. You don't deserve my love. I CHOSE to give you my love.


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You see, tagging puts a price to things. It doesn't give it value (the importance and preciousness of something), it gives is price (payment expected, required or given for something) – two very different concepts. And when there's a price, it means you need to give something up in order to get something back. In this case, Love demands that you pay up and make its investment worth its time before you get to receive and keep it.


But then, that's not Love... is it?
Because if it is, I don't recognize it.


Is it that difficult to understand that love is something you have within you to give... and not something for you to just look forward to receiving from, from somebody else? If all you want is to absorb, then where is the love in that? And if you need to receive in order to justify your giving, then doesn't that make what you have CONDITIONAL love then? Conditional love is NOT love. Because real love comes with no conditions.


Sigh. I'm very rarely at a loss for words.
But every time I come to this, words fail me.


Today, I finally read something from someone who seems to get what I'm feeling on the inside. Somebody finally put to words something I've always tried saying (or thinking) but also always somehow failing to come up with anything that sounds remotely eloquent enough for such a 'big deal' statement. So here it is. The winning statement that says it all (and very nicely, too).


"To love is a privilege for me,
it's never a gift from me."

– k0k s3n w4i, 23 January 2008.


This love-struck (yes, he's taken), doctor-in-the-making writes the kinda stuff I like reading in a way I like reading it. Go check out his blog. Ever since Innit, it's latched itself onto my short list of must-reads. It's good stuff. Oh, and he's a real funny one when it comes to Photoshop-play.

6 comments :

luxen said...

I don't see the link between the two points you wrote about. How is the "you better" and price tag related? Please elaborate your point.

B-

Pam Song said...

ATTN: luxen
– Well, to me, 'you better' tells me that the I Love You that was given was one that DEMANDED a similar response. But real love isn't like that. It asks for nothing in return. Hopes for all, of course... but demands nothing.

So it means that the price of receiving an I Love You from that person is an I Love You, Too. And if you don't pay up your I Love You, Too... you don't get the I Love You.

Hope I answered your question.

ming said...

its just wont work if one is keep on giving and another one is keep on receiving.

its just so unfair.

but again, there is no fair or unfair in a relationship. it;s just like there is no right or wrong in a relationship.

sometimes you know you are not being treated fairly in a relationship but you just cant tell your partner about it. because it will just sound like you are demanding something outta him, and loves that you want to receive shouldnt come from this way.

haih. love can be really simple and yet complicated at times.

Pam Song said...

ATTN: ming
– Of course it can't work that way. Your love tank is dry mah. It's not just unfair... it's tiring.

But yeah. There's no fair or unfair in love. I believe there's right and wrong. But no fair and unfair.

And it's true. Sometimes, there may be things we're not happy with but what we do is just keep quiet about it and hope that changes comes on its own. If it doesn't, we continue praying. Nothing much else we can do cos if we voice out, we may offend or hurt the people we love.

Love is always complicated lah babe. =(

k0k s3n w4i said...

OMG, you quoted my crap xD

I'm very, very curious how your boyfriend (if that dialogue is about u) reacted to;

"She: *smile falters* You can't say that. Why do you say that? There's no such thing as me having to love you back. This isn't barter trading. I don't have to love you if you love me. You don't deserve my love. I CHOSE to give you my love."

If that happened to me, I'd just keep saying "Sorry... sorry, I don't mean that" while thinking "PMSPMSPMSPMSPMSPMS..."

Love is as complicated as we make it to be. That's why some people say it's simple, while some disagrees. It's a choice. I myself try not to overthink things. I love my girlfriend and I try to show my love with my words and actions. And she does the same. Simple, no?

Pam Song said...

ATTN: k0k s3n w4i
– Haha. Yeah, I did. You're mini-famous now. (VERY mini. Me no haves no many many readers.) =p

Hmmm. He said it was a joke. -_- Maybe he WAS thinking, "PMSPMSPMSPMSPMSPMS..." Haha. I don't know. I didn't get to hear that part of the dialog.

I think that we'd all like love to be simple... but sometimes, it just isn't. I've tried not overthinking things and... sometimes it works. But then it comes back and bite me in the ass for being ignorant. Hmmm.

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