Thursday, January 24, 2008

Tired Talk

You know how they say that when two people fall in love, life gets that much sweeter? That when two people get together, Life somehow starts feeding them smaller, bite-sized irritants rather than the usual chomp of full-fledged Trouble they always get. Tiny, negligible hiccups as opposed to what they should have found on their plate... you know?


Well, I blame The Feeling.
You know? That feeling.


The feeling that makes us dance hand in hand, with our bums showing... just like pre-school kids do. The feeling that makes us sing like Cameron in My Best Friend's Wedding and not care that the people around us have started cringing. The feeling that keeps us cheering our better half on with goofy smiles although you know they're nowhere near the Finish line. That feeling. And we all love that feeling, don't we? Cos it's what makes the grass seem greener and the sky seem bluer. It's what we think causes the birds to start chirping and the rainbows to start appearing.


At least that's what we want to believe... but
that doesn't always happen all the time, now, does it?

Not here, not anywhere else,
and definitely not all the time.

It's just what we say to pretend
that things are easier than they are.


So I guess that kinda means that I blame the fact that we're all great pretenders, too. Pretenders – that, we are. We pretend that we're happy with things we're not happy with. We pretend that we're fine though we're nowhere near Fine at all. We pretend that we're okay with things although, on the inside, we're really not. But is pretending really all that bad? I don't know. Maybe. Okay, I guess it is. But we do it anyways. And we'd do it all over again if we had a chance to do it all over again... wouldn't we?


And they lie, you know? Those pretend feelings I was talking about... they lie. Technically, they're from us... but they also lie to us. They tell us that things will get better... in time. That we'll be happier... eventually. That things will get easier... as they days go by.


Except that they don't.


And we say that we won't believe in those feelings anymore, after we realise that everything's nothing more than a sham. Nothing more than a ploy to keep us smiling and moving in sync with everybody else. But then we turn our backs against what we say on the inside and continue to place our trusts in what those feelings say anyway. Today and every other day. Do we really enjoy that pain? The pain of knowing what we believe to be true isn't real? I don't. But I do it anyways... although things don't get easier, they don't get better, and they don't get any less complicated.


Sigh. I'm rambling. And I really think that since I've got an unbelievably long and stressful day all planned out for tomorrow, I should just stop going at it in my head and just go to bed.


But I can't stop. I don't want to stop.
I'm too tired to stop. I'm too tired to stop thinking.
Sigh. I'm too tired. I'm just too tired.

16 comments :

ming said...

aren't we good pretenders? We just tend to hide these feelings so well. we keep it to ourselves and then we swallow it.

=(

Anonymous said...

Horrible feelings. I hate those feelings. I pretend that things are going well when in fact i'm feeling miserable inside. Feelings. BAH with that feeling..

Pam Song said...

Haha. So predictable that it's the women who can relate to what I felt. Sigh. Men. Always lost when it comes to understanding women's emotional ups and downs.


ATTN: ming
– Yeah, we swallow it all and then in the end, we get choked. Nobody else but us. =(


ATTN: SarahMeiAnn
– I hate them, too. But they just keep coming at us relentlessly, huh? You'd think they're tired with us by now... but they're not. BAH!

Anonymous said...

The fact is none of us will live life to the fullest if we are acting like imposters or think that we are such.........guard your mind fren.... the brain has the power to bless or to kill....
Well you think too much liao.....

Tell you what; when you know that you think too much, go to sleep....you will be allright by the next day. Hahaha......=)

Pam Song said...

ATTN: adrian
– Well, yeah. But sometimes, it's required of you. Plus, it makes like that much easier if you don't go head-on with the people around you.

And yeah. I know. I think too much. Haha.

Anonymous said...

let go and let live i say ;)

Linora 'Aronil' Low said...

You know i can't help feeling the way u feel sometimes...I think we need another chat session ahha... shall we all have those self help groups and circle one another and talk about how we hate those feelings and cry together...
:P

Pam Song said...

ATTN: k.lo
– Haha. Yes yes. That's what you always say.


ATTN: Aronil
– Yeah, man. Girlie time. Zen ourselves a little. It's been awhile. I blame the current seating arrangement.

Anonymous said...

Actually it depends la on the complexity of the situation...If it doesnt put me in a situation that makes me to sacrifice my integrity....then Im Ok! Otherwise sorryla....I rather choose to be unpopular with such people....=)

Relaxsla Tinki....maybe things just werent that serious...the more you think, the more hang up you will get...so why torture thyself....cheers =))

Pam Song said...

ATTN: adrian
– Sometimes, not everything is as simple as everything just boiling down to integrity. There are times when integrity doesn't even become a factor. Like say, what somebody wants you to do will not make you happy but you know they'll be happy cos you do it. Do you place your happiness above theirs or theirs above yours? Sometimes it's as simple as using a glass or a mug. Or even pressing the toothpaste tube from the top or from the bottom. It's not complex but compromising does mean less happiness on your part.

Anonymous said...

Give and take....=)

Pam Song said...

ATTN: adrian
– It gets tiring sometimes when you always see the toilet seat sprinkled with pee. Where's the give and take in that? Or if you're always the one refilling the toilet paper. You think and see. Tired or not?

Anonymous said...

hmmm,.....frustration is what I see here......

Stick up a notice for those folks lol (House rules)......some males needed to be reminded as they will never know you girls went through....

If really cannot tahan then look for bedroom with personal toilet.......Problem solved? Hahaha =)

Eh...getting upset over this; quite not worth it right? Come on.....relaxs a bit la... =))

Pam Song said...

ATTN: adrian
– Okay, you took it too literally. Haha. I have my own toilet. I don't have those problems. My problems are more severe than those lah. I'm just giving you simple examples.

Hmmm. But yeah. It's frustration that's killing me. It's frustrating going over the same things over and over and over again but never solving the issue or coming to an agreeable conclusion.

Anonymous said...

Haha...its easier to explain through the same examples.....see the hiding solutions? Hahaha...=)Sometimes its the way humans think that makes things complicated....

going over and over again = challenges (it spices huh! let see how stretchable you are in this area....I call it muscles building sessions)

Finding workable solution requires both way traffics; one deliver and the other accepts...& vice versa..

Not really diffcult but it requires lotsa of patience & determination....=)

Pam Song said...

ATTN: adrian
– No. I requires BOTH parties to be understanding. Both must be willing to work towards a situation that both can be happy with and not be selfish.

Post a Comment

Talk to me!