Thursday, March 22, 2007

Dumb Dump!

I wanted to take a dump last night.

(Yes, we girls have to shit, too.

Plus, since we're on this, FYI, our shit
doesn't exactly smell
as heavenly as we do.
It probably smells a little like yours.
But just a little. I'm sure yours stinks better.)

Even cute little girls poo.




But, I couldn't.


Not because of constipation problems. Not because of the unavailability of a proper toilet for use. No no. Those are very valid reasons for not clearing my bowel system. I'd understand and I would definitely not have been as pissed as I was.


Heck, I was furious!
Slam all doors and leave me alone
while I stab and mangle my many pillows!

Why?

Because last night, I found that
both toilets in my house just wouldn't flush.




Stop thinking that I shat and left my shit to float around the bowl. I didn't. I'm not as gross as you would like to think I am. Hah! Perhaps it's what YOU would have done... but I'm not you. I'm civilized, yo. My story comes PRE-poo. Learn a bit.


So the story goes like this. I flushed Toilet #1 seven times in my attempt to clear the leftovers from whoever used the loo before I wanted to. SEVEN! Even then, nothing went down. So there I was with a pain in my tummy, all the whilst fighting the flush system with both hands and a hose. Why there were clumps of tissue floating in yellow water in there in the first place is beyond me. Heck, if there's something I cannot take in my home, it's a dirty bathroom. And if there's something else I just won't stand for, it's taking a dump in a toilet that hasn't been flushed clean. Have someone else's discharge float just inches away from me while I sit and proceed to do business?! I WILL NOT HAVE IT! Only SENDIRIAN BERHAD toilet water for me, thank you very much!


Sigh.


I finally gave up in frustration and stomped out of the Toilet #1. After expressing my immense anger to comforting ears across the miles, I proceeded to give Toilet #2 a shot at shit.


See, Toilet #2 is known as The Dog's Toilet. I don't fancy putting my butt where my dog does. Call me old-fashioned, call me conventional – I don't care. My shit pot is MY shit pot and I'm not about to share it with no dog. It's just gross.


But yesterday was different. Dire situations call for extreme measures. In desperation, I went all out in a Clean-My-Dog's-Toilet Campaign. I sprayed, I watered, I scrubbed and I wiped. I don't think I ever used as much toilet paper in my life. And by the end of all my hard work, guess what.


THE STUPID TOILET JUST WOULDN'T FLUSH!!!

Too much!


Worse was by then, I had my very own toilet paper Everest from my Clean-My-Dog's-Toilet Campaign floating around and around with glee! Hello!? The stupid toilet paper is enjoying a nice jacuzzi and I can't even take a dump!? What is the meaning of this!?


FED UP!


My house has friggin' lousy flush systems la!

L-O-U-S-Y.


Honestly though, I blame the maid. I have reason to believe that she's been stuffing newspaper down the toilet when we're not watching. I'm not prejudiced. I say it with a clear conscience.


Damn it, I really should skin that woman alive.


AARRRGGGHHH! FRUS!


What's the point of having toilet bowls in the house
when none of them freaking work!?

Bloody hell, I can't even take a dump in my own home.
How friggin' sad is that!?

Fed up.

28 comments :

zecount said...

sad...super sad...friggin' sad....but i just can't help laughing hahahah rofl

pamsong said...

Haha. Eh, that time not funny okay. Can die wan ah.

zecount said...

cause of death ... stuff to death with shit !!
WAHAHAHAAHA

pamsong said...

HAHA. I never kena stuffed also! It's more like... Cause of Death: Affected with Extreme Forced Constipation.

zecount said...

hmmm..wonder if u force it will it reverse back up ke hahaha

pamsong said...

EEYER! Push up and out through the mouth? Damn. You're a sick one.

zecount said...

HAHAHAHA actuallyreally got wo ...i think u haven't watch enough House M.D. hahahaha

pamsong said...

EEYER! You should give it a try, man. Who knows. You may like the experience better than the boring ol' way we're all used to. Let me know how it goes. =)

zecount said...

hahahaha ...as if ...u in ah ...cakap saja i more disgusting but realitinya tinki lagi nya handal

Kirsten said...

Muahahhahahahhahahhaa

I need not say more

Thanks for the entertainment =)

pamsong said...

ATTN: Zecount
– Who me!? Nah. I'm so so so understated. Never one to gross anyone out. Always talking bout sunshine, roses and puppies only. Where got disgusting? Sigh. Tinki mou gu ah!


ATTN: Kirsten
– Haha. Always a pleasure. Always.

*grin*

zecount said...

diam diam berubi onli .... berton-ton in her brain onli

pamsong said...

HAHA. Berton-ton. THAT bad ah? Sigh. I never knew you thought of me this way. Sigh. How to go on like this? Sigh.

Be still my beating heart. The pain will pass. Sigh.

zecount said...

eleh ...tak payah dramatik ... say until like that

pamsong said...

Must la drama a bit. You tarnishing my good name okay!

zecount said...

now u make me feel guilty for posting that comment pula .. that's the whole point isn't it ...u bullie meanie tinki

pamsong said...

Me, the bully? You, you mean! Tsk tsk. Memang patut feel guilty pun. Perhaps you should pay heed to your conscience. It may help.

p/s: Heart still hurts.

zecount said...

wah ..."heart still hurt" ..u ni add more oil to the fire leh

ok lah ok lah ..soli tinki ...wa minta manyak manyak ampun ... ada tersilap kata wa minta maaf manyak manyak

lu very pure one ... naughty onli but very very friendly one

heart got better or not ... takkan wan me to bandage gua

pamsong said...

Where got add oil? You yang sendiri start fire. Hah! Arsonist. But don't worry. Since you meminta ampun so many times, I won't report you to the relevant authorities.

p/s: Like I'd let you anywhere near my heart enough to bandage it. Once hurt, twice shy, remember?

zecount said...

i admit i start fire but u yang add oil leh
ya lah yalah ur heart precious ...mine one not *sniff snif*

pamsong said...

Eh eh eh! I never add oil! I just showed you the direction the wind was blowing the flames towards - ME.

*sniffle*

zecount said...

WAAAAAAAAA ... sorry tinki... *snnniiffff* *blow nose with hanky*

pamsong said...

I dun care. You owe me MAS peanuts.

...and combs.

...uh, and that close eye thingy when you wanna sleep in an airplane.

...oh, and those free decks of playing cards.

Right?

zecount said...

so tinki no angry anymore *sniff sniff*
i'll see what i can do ... oh and eh ... one more extra info i pakai burnei airlines leh... not MAS

pamsong said...

No... Not really. Just a little. Depends on what happens over the next few months.

*slow grin*

Eh, you use Brunei?! Why!? So tak ada loyalty to country wan. Ish. Disgraceful behaviour.

*blink blink*

Are their playing cards better?

*grin*

zecount said...

ahahah ..anyways i flew from Sabah lah ...so nearer to Australia ...hence cheaper heheheheh

pamsong said...

Aiyo. Cheaper but got free cards and stuff or not? Or else no ussseeeee!

zecount said...

i dunno oh ...never ask pun ...eh i not so cheapo lah

Post a Comment

I've had my say. Now, you get yours. =)