Jumped at the chance to people-watch this Valentine's and noticed some boo-boo's a number of couples committed. Laughed my head off and continued people-watching. Not a bad way to pass the time, actually. Haha. But friends, I don't just watch.
Don't worry. I'm a nice person. Really.
In fact, I'm so nice that I'll share some of my class-notes with you.
…Ditch the matching clothing. It's passé. The only stuff couples should ever match is anything people can't see. Underwear or something – anything but what the rest of us are able to see. Hmmm. But then again, matching underwear is just corny. Not to mention it's freakishly weird. Your call.
…Don't walk by like you think the world is looking at you. Anybody who's a part of a couple (writer excluded) is waaaay too absorbed with each other to even sneak a glance your way. Self-absorbed much? Sheesh. Otherwise, it's just downright mean to hope that a singleton would pass you a glance and salivate over your partner for their lack thereof. Find that heart, okay? I hope you've even got one.
…Don't be overdressed for the occasion or the venue. Spiky heels, evening gowns and bow-ties are overkills in mere shopping malls. Cocktail dresses are already a pretty far stretch but I'll close an eye. After all, it's not me who's looking out of place. It's you. Haha. But sure, there's always the benefit of the doubt. Maybe you had dinner someplace nice before hitting the mall. Maybe. Hmmm.
…Ladies, go easy on the make-up. You wouldn't want your men to have to part your fake eyelashes in order to look into your eyes, would you? Plus, I doubt you'd want your lipstick to hitchhike over to your men's pouters to help give them that added ounce of sex appeal, would you? Huh!? Huh?! Would you? FYI, CSI's forensic team calls this phenomenon 'transference'. Heh.
…One perfume type per couple or none at all – thank you very much. Some scents just don't go very well together, you know? They just don't. So stop giving us headaches and quit with the over spraying. Bomba Malaysia should be called in to hose you guys down if not for the small matter of our impending water shortage. It's a health hazard. Why? Cos you ain't killin' bugs with that hundred-dollar bottle of cologne, aftershave, perfume, or whatever the else it is that you're using. You're killin' the rest of us.
Oh well, I'm done for the night. Am beat. Should I remember anything else, I'll add to the list. Should I remember anything else but be too lazy or busy to post, I'll not. Haha. Subjectivity's a great friend to have.
I'm tired. It's bedtime for me. A long day, it's been.
I have to admit though, I throughly enjoyed myself.
I shall people-watch again. Oh yes, I will, I will.
Humanity is such a cruel race to have to face.